Why understand TA? People are OK as long as each person has validity, importance and equality of respect. Everyone (with only few exceptions) has full adult capability to think. People decide their story and destiny. The aims of TA is problem solving as opposed to avoidance or passivity and learning to make the right choices. The ultimate objective of TA is „You are OK, I am OK‟. Mastering TA empowers you with Tactful Awareness!
TA Is a model for explaining why and how: People think like they do People act like they do People interact and communicate with others like they do TA published works can be found in the following books: Games People Play (Dr. Eric Berne) I’m OK - - You’re OK (Dr. Tom Harris) Born to Win (Dr. Dorothy Jongeward)
Most Successful People . . . Are psychologists first, being students of „people‟, sensitive to feelings and emotions, not anxious to rush into engagements until they know the kind of person they are dealing with. Understand people: Because they are different. What appeals to one person may not work with another. They must buy into you before what you propose. Are excellent communicators Emphasis is on the „body language‟ and not the literature!!
TA Has 4 life positions: I‟m OK; you‟re OK I‟m not OK; you‟re OK I‟m OK; you‟re not OK I‟m not OK; you‟re not OK Individuals need to feel adequate (satisfied)
TA Is based on: Ego Drive Distinct Ego states 1) Adult 2) Parent 3) Child
Adult Ego State Relating as equals Reasons dominating Emotions Decisions made on Logic Computations Probabilities etc.,.
Parent Ego State Telling others „WHAT‟ or „HOW‟ to do. Caring Shouldering Responsibility Working to Succeed Anger Fault Finding Etc are all found within the Parent Ego state.
Parent Ego State Nurturing Parent Sympathetic, caring views. Eg: Let me show you ………………… Critical Parent Fault finding, judgmental, conflicting views. Eg: Questioning, Comparing, Know it all, Do as I say approaches.
Ego Portraits People have favorite, preferred ego state, depicted by larger circle in a diagram Parent Adult Child P P P A A A C C C
Human Interaction Analysis A transaction = any interaction or communication between 2 people People send and receive messages out of and into their different ego states How people say something (what others hear?) just as important as what is said Types of communication, interactions 1) Complementary 2) Crossed 3) Ulterior
What Does That Mean? This morning, Ram said to Sita, “Why don‟t I take you to dinner tonight?” To explain what Ram meant, likely depended on how he asked the question.
Intonations: It‟s the Way You Say It!Placement of the emphasis What it meansWhy don‟t I take you to dinner tonight? I was going to take someone else.Why don‟t I take you to dinner tonight? Instead of the guy you were going with.Why don’t I take you to dinner tonight? I‟m trying to find a reason why I shouldn‟t take you.Why don‟t I take you to dinner tonight? Do you have a problem with me?Why don‟t I take you to dinner tonight? Instead of going on your own.Why don‟t I take you to dinner tonight? Instead of lunch tomorrow.Why don‟t I take you to dinner tonight? Not tomorrow night.
Types of transaction Complementary Crossed
Complementary „Transactions‟ Interactions, responses, actions regarded as appropriate and expected from another person. Parallel communication arrows, communication continues. Example 1: # How much time do you have? # I‟ve got 10 mins. P P A A C C
Complementary „Transactions‟Example 2: Single response # You‟re late again! P P # I‟m sorry. It won‟t happen again. A A C C
Crossed „Transactions‟ cont‟d Interactions, responses, actions NOT regarded as appropriate or expected from another person. Crossed communication arrows, communication breakdown.Example 3: # You‟re late again! # Yeah. I know. I had a flat tyre. P P A A C C
Crossed „Transactions‟Example 4: # What time is it now? # There‟s a clock on the wall, why don‟t you figure it out yourself? P P A A C C
Implications of TA Develop strategies based on Ego situations Try for the „Best‟ communication exchange Responding in „complementary‟ manner Most effective decisions are always in adult to adult transaction Strokes or positive interactions are extremely important Greet with a smile (first interaction) Touch (handshake, pat on back) Give compliments whenever possible! Listen more than talk!
Become a „Response Able‟ Person Recognize you cannot control others behavior. But you can affect their behavior by the way you respond to them Remember you control your own behavior and thoughts. 1) Keep things in perspective Don‟t sweat small stuff Give it test of time Ask if it‟s happened before Distinguish what can be changed from what can‟t Focus on haves vs. have nots (only 10% of people in the world know what want) 2) Have realistic expectations Life is not fair or perfect Bad (good) things happen, usually don‟t last forever Things don‟t always go according to plan People don‟t always act as you‟d like (remember ego state explanations)
TA on Mind & Emotions Happiness, Optimism , State of Sadness Pessimism Mind Internal Energy Excitement, Emotions Pleasure, Anxiety External Grief Energy
TA Provides for Inter-dependence C Fear P Inter- dependence People A A Respect Work Quality streamlined Process Product
TA Helps to Build Emotional Intelligence 95% of normal humans have scores of 70 - Work Life 135 IQ Balance Response EQ Ability 2 Knowledge QI
Use TA to Deal with Difficult Customers Keep „adult‟ ego state in control of yourself. Don‟t get defensive, argumentative, emotional. Don‟t take it personal. (Most problems comes from this!) Move cautiously, stay cool, remember complementary transactions and strokes. Do not need to take continued abuse. (TA does not mean take abuse!!!!) If handled well (e.g. did not embarrass customer, allow them to take something out on you), can turn out to be positive later.
TA Sales Quotes: When a relationship is right, details are negotiable When tension is high, details become obstacles.
TA Sales Rules: Rule #1: The customer is never wrong. Rule #2: If the customer is wrong, read rule #1.