Chapter 7 beginning, maintaining and ending relationship


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Chapter 7 beginning, maintaining and ending relationship

  1. 1. Course: Interpersonal Communication (COM 101) Instructor: Marilou M. Dela Sierra Group 6: Aun Sokagnata Svay Vanthan Saya Linda Chaya Parady Academic Year: 2012 - 2013
  3. 3. Content  Objectives and learning outcomes  Definition  The Role of Culture in Relationships  Relational Development a) Beginning a relationship b) Maintaining a relationship c) Ending a relationship  Alternate Ways of Examining Relational Stages  Communication and Relational Stages  Conclusion
  4. 4. Objective and Learning Outcomes To show that beginning, maintaining and ending relationships vary greatly from one another Define and illustrate the roles of task- orientation, friendship-orientation, and intimate- orientation in relationships Explain how culture influences nearly every aspect of relational development Explain and illustrate why people are attracted to each other Clarify how to initiate, maintain and end relational communication and relationship Explain the concept of right-brain/left-brain thinking Analyze the stages and reasons for ending relationship
  5. 5. What is relationship? Relationship is a bond, connection, interaction or engagement between two people who have an emotional link. Friendship-based Relationship Task-based Intimacy-based
  6. 6. The Role of Culture in Relationships Relational development is greatly influenced by the participants‟ cultures  Culture influences nearly every aspect of relational development e.g.:
  7. 7. Relationship Development: Beginning, Maintaining, and Ending Relationship have a sequential pattern: An entry phase (beginning): biographical information and general attitudes are exchanged. A personal phase (maintenance): information about central attitudes and values is exchanged. An exit phase (end): questions concerning the future of the relationship are raised and resolved.
  8. 8. a) Beginning a Relationship Meeting strangers often brings out our insecurities and our self-perceived flaws. When two persons meet for the first time, their levels of uncertainty about each other and themselves are fairly high.
  9. 9. Beginning a Relationship (con‟t) The powerful barriers to establishing connections exist: Fear of saying the wrong words Fear of abandonment Fear of reprisal attack Fear of loss of control Fear of loss of individual Fear of creating a power imbalance
  10. 10. Beginning a Relationship (con‟t) A relationship begins when you are attracted to someone and initiate an interaction, or are assigned or selected to enter into a working relationship with another person Interaction is usually initiated when you are motivated to take some action, such as starting a conversation, e-mailing or sending a letter to the person, responding to a personal ad, or allowing someone to arrange for you to meet someone.
  11. 11. Beginning a Relationship (con‟t) Everyone carries a metal list of desirable characteristics that make others attractive to them. Any person‟s list, including physical beauty, financial status, educational level, health habits, religion, etc., is the yardstick for measurement of who they might be interested in and reflects his/her culture.
  12. 12. Beginning a Relationship (con‟t) The so-called seven bases of attraction are attractiveness, proximity, familiarity, person al rewards, complementarity, similarity, person al motives, self-esteem enhancement, and attempting to overcome family-of-origin problems.
  13. 13. Beginning a Relationship (con‟t) Attractiveness: is your impression of someone as appealing. Proximity: is how near you are geographically to someone. Familiarity: a knowledge and understanding of someone. Self-Esteem
  14. 14. Beginning a Relationship (con‟t) Meeting a potential relational partners 1) Cyberdating 2) Personal Ads 3) Fee-based introduction services 4) Matchmaking 5) Relational Coaching
  15. 15. Beginning a Relationship (con‟t) Initiating relational communication Step 1: Look for approachability cues. Step 2: Initiate a conversation. Step 3: Find topic to talk about. Step 4: Talk about a variety of topics. Step 5: Share plan for future interaction.
  16. 16. Beginning a Relationship (con‟t) The characteristics that be important in creating a positive first impression are cooperativeness, caring , and being memorable.
  17. 17. b). Maintaining Relationship When you decide to continue a relationship, the initial phase of relationship development is complete. Pursuing relationship requires the examination of your goals and quick assessment of probability of attaining them
  18. 18. Some keys elements to bare in mind Relationships are two-sided  Relationships have goals  Relationships have structure  Relationships have rules  Relationships are always in process  Relationships require attention
  19. 19. Achieving Your Objectives Information is the basis for effective relational decision-making. Self-disclosure: the process of revealing a depth and breadth of yourself so that you can begin, maintain and develop a relationship It creates a pool of knowledge and possibility of joint view, goals and decisions
  20. 20. Self-disclosure varies by type of relationship and cultural background of the participants Nevertheless, before disclosing personal information, you need to ask:  Is the disclosure relevant to the relationship?  How likely is the other person to treat the disclosure with respect?  How constructive is the disclosure likely to be for the relationship?  Can you communicate your disclosure clearly and understandably?
  21. 21.  Though self-disclosure is beneficial, it is also risky.  The biggest fear of self-disclosure is REJECTION
  22. 22. Compliance gaining: an active process to direct and influence your communication partner‟s behavior. Communication in a relationship is more satisfying if compliance-gaining strategies are positive Greater satisfaction, greater willingness to comply
  23. 23. Right-Brain/Left-Brain Thinking in Relationships When people are „in sync‟, communication is effortless However, one factor than makes for ease or difficulty in relational communication is Brain Dominance Known that “People possess dominant characteristics associated with either right or left brain activity. These form certain patterns in their way of communicating, problem-solving and making love.
  24. 24.  Most people can use both halves of brain. It is oversimplification to classify RB or LB.  But, in reality when right-brained dominant person + left-brained dominant person, problem can result.  Why is it so???
  25. 25. Left-brainers (LBs) use a language of facts – speak with precision, are rational, use impersonal language and present facts Right-brainers (RBs) use a language of feelings – more ambiguous, use emotional language, explain with examples and emphasize attachment
  26. 26. - People in a relationship are often unaware of concept of brain differences and wonder why there is conflict - Unless effort is place into making changes, conflicts will continue. - Any solutions???  First step, recognize if your relational partner uses similar or different side of the brain  Rather than trying to change your partner, accept who he/she is  Reach conclusion in constructive manner  Unnecessary being a winner in decision-making – Relationship is more important
  27. 27. LBs & RBs (+) :  Share both facts and opinion  Differences provide opportunity to good communication (knowledge and skills required) (-) :  LB‟s inflexibility can be perceived as intentionally thoughtless by other person  RB‟s tendency may resort to intuition and feeling to reach conclusions *** Bottom Line: when each side understand their differences, crisis state will be less likely to occur
  28. 28. c). Ending Relationship The ending of relationship is part of the life cycle. If you have invested considerable time, emotion, and energy in developing and maintaining the relationship, you may feel shocked and betrayed when it ends, even if you are the person who initiated the break-up.
  29. 29. Ending Relationship How do break-ups happen? Both people decide to end the relationship. One person desire to end the relationship while the other does not. Some people allow the other to “discover” the relationship is over by finding out about infidelity. Relationship just fades away as the two people do other things and see each other less.
  30. 30. Ending Relationship The reasons of ending relationship Goals may be fulfilled and no new goals established Goals may not be accomplished and there may be little chance of achieving them. The partner may continue to feel lonely despite their relationship. The patterns of interaction may be too fixed, too inflexible, or too boring. The initial attractiveness may fade and nothing new may replace it. New relationship may appear more attractive.
  31. 31. Ending Relationship A direct relational dissolution strategy - the method you confronting the other person with your desire. An indirect relational dissolution strategy – the way you arrange to see other person less and less. Self-oriented strategy – includes - fait accompli - cost escalation - withdrawal - attributional conflict Other-oriented strategy – includes - state-of-the-relationship talk - pseudo-de-escalation - negotiated farewell - fading away
  32. 32. Ending Relationship Most frequently used disengagement Unilateral desire to exit (one person wants out). Coupled with an indirect strategy (the person decreases contact, claims a desire to reduce contact when no contact is really the goal, or makes contact very costly for the other person). No attempts at repair (the pair say good-bye with no expectation for future contact).
  33. 33. Alternate Ways of Examining Relational Stages
  34. 34. Alternate Ways of Examining Relational Stages Knapp Relationship Escalation Model  The initiation stage: exchanged basic information. The experimenting stage: asking questions of each other to gain more information. The intensifying stage: starting self-disclosure. The integrating stage: duo-based terms. The bonding stage: a formal or legal announcement of the relationship.
  35. 35. Alternate Ways of Examining Relational Stages Knapp Relationship Termination Model The circumscribing stage: the diminishment and quality of intercouple communication. The stagnating stage: starting to avoid discussing the relationship. The avoiding stage: the partners‟ physically separating. The terminating stage: divorce or legal separation.
  36. 36. Communication and Relational Stages Accepting the responsibility of entering into a relationship mean accepting the responsibility for influencing and being influenced by another person. Every relationship opens the possibilities for changes that may last a life time.
  37. 37. Conclusion  Culture can greatly influence relational development  Stages of relational development Beginning Maintaining Ending  Alternate ways of examining relational stages  Communication and relational stages
  38. 38. Thank You for Your Attention