Unfortunately, in most cases, during the punishment the child feels completely rejected, criticized for his individual actions, he feels his failure as a whole. Parents often use such epithets: &quot;You are a bully,&quot; &quot;You are worthless,&quot; &quot;Why am I only give birth to you?&quot;
There is more constructive and effective option of criticism when only a few faults of the child are criticized while telling what emotional impact it causes you by his behavior: &quot;Today you made me very hurt that hurt my grandmother,&quot; &quot;I am upset with your behavior at school, and I was very ashamed to hear about you and your behavior.&quot; It is much easier to start a conversation using such phrases and to determine the causes of child behavior. Most importantly - they do not sound insulting.
By virtue of his social status, the child is dependent on the adults and is the best target for the manifestation of the low-lying human qualities. We agree with this interpretation, and, therefore, spanking and other corporal punishment is child abuse.
The child has two points of support - family and school. If the family does not give love and support, he expects it from teachers. However, teachers often ill-treat children, ignore them, crush the authority via shouting and punishment for infractions. The child is left alone, the child may become a drug addict, a vagrant, a drunk. Hence, troubled teens and a huge number of street children run away from home. Punishment should be individual, the child must understand it, not to bear physical suffering, may be waived if the child is aware of his guilt. Sometimes the effect is not punishment but its imposition. Shall be punished by a personality, and deed. The punishment should have its own limits, i.e. a child must know about it, agree with it, if he does not comply with the rules, then punishment is waiting for him. It is very important to be objective because sometimes parents punish the child without reason.
Physical punishment does not bring up the child the way you want. Slapping, spanking is a very convenient way of influence on the child. Spanked child leads to quick and effective stop to unwanted behavior of the child. Parents have illusion that after spanking the child understand why you need to do so. They have achieved the desired result of violence, the child is closed, offended, but that does not mean that in future he will not repeat the undesirable effects.
Experience of spanking strongly depends on the life environment of the child: if the relations are simple, if all children are flogged in other families on schedule, spanking is perceived as an ordinary sentence. If noone is physically punished, and a child is punished but still - the most terrible thing - his friends jave found out about it and it can be teased, the child may feel trauma. In families with simple relationships threat of flogging is perceived as in an advanced family a threat to leave without a TV is perceived. Difficult questions are not solved quickly. They need patience and healthy environment. If parents are living well, if a child is surrounded by love and, rigorously intelligent, even difficult children improve in several years.
This method of education must be applied taking into account the child's age and personality traits. Overly sensitive, easily vulnerable child may be frightened that his parents no longer love him. If a child believes in it, the punishment should be considered harmful, inappropriate for him. At an early age children are very sensitive to the emotional state of adults. This can be used as a punishment but the level of concern and anxiety of the child should not be exceeded. Often the use of such forms of punishment can have an adverse effect on his mental development. Absolutely impermissible punishment is parental leaving of the house or the threat that the mother can go away and leave the baby alone. This can cause the development of resistant anxiety, impaired contact with others.
Parents for the child are the most important and authoritative figures because imitation of their behavior is recorded for a long time. The child, adopting comfort pattern of behavior, will use it to educate his children as an adult. Thus, the harm caused by physical punishment is obvious. Therefore, if you choose this form of punishment it try to take a sober look at the situation from the outside before you apply: think about some undesirable consequences that may result and the effect on shaping the nature of your child's present and future.
When Does Discipline Cross the Line and Become Physical Abuse Elaborated by Teresa Wills Argosy University
Essentials of Education Punishment and reward, as the main child-rearing practices, pursue the ultimate goal of the benefit of the child. Both methods should be dictated by parental love and care. However, not all parents think about what expressions of love they can give a child, what he needs. They are guided by their ideas. Every parent wants welfare and happiness to the child but not everyone knows how to do it, and most often he acts the way it was done by his own parents, or - in spite of them - just the opposite (Lenton 1990). Child abuse is intentional action of parents, educators and others that are detrimental to physical or mental health of the child (Day et al., 1998).
Attitude to a Child Attitude to children and to people in general can be of two types: conditional and unconditional. At birth of the beloved baby mother feels unconditional love: that he is, that he was born. This is a normal feeling of joy. Conditional relation is necessary for the person for life in society. It begins when he turns from a baby in a child: people begin to show the first the requirements and educational measures to him. He is not only admired for that he is but he is evaluated by his actions (Paolucci & Claulio 2004). Any education is possible only against the background of an unqualified adoption of the child. This means that even punishing a child, he is not deprived of parental love and support. He must be confident that he is understood and forgiven, and his actions are considered separately from his personality.
Child Abuse There are several types of child abuse: - physical abuse (infliction of physical harm, corporal punishment, as well as the involvement of children in the use of alcohol, drugs); - sexual violence (use of a child to satisfy the sexual needs of adults who engage in child prostitution, including using pornographic literature, photographs, films, etc. for profit); - psychological (emotional) violence (lack of love and attention to the child, the humiliation of his dignity, brutality (verbal abuse, threats, etc.); - neglect of basic needs of the child (lack of conditions for normal life of a child, the care of his health and development) (Brook-Gunn 1997).
Physical Punishment and Physical Abuse In addition to causing pain physical punishment degrades the child, bullies him (especially penalty committed by a parent not in affect but a well-planned one and if the child had been warned in advance), shows him that by force you can control and suppress his will and desire. Many people believe spanking and cuffs to be something innocuous (Roscoe 1987). According to statistics, about 80% of children suffer from abuse from their parents and about 95% of their own mothers. Ill-treatment is not only physical punishment, this is a moral and spiritual indifference and humiliation. Physical punishment - strapping and even slap - often leads to a deviation in the child's behavior. He is locked in himself, begins to do poorly in school, and he develops phobia. All this can lead to neurosis or even attempt of suicide.
Discipline and Corporal Punishment Physical punishment must be necessarily for faults that threaten a child's life. After all, it just seems that children are small and do not understand. In fact, children understand everything and often seek to do the opposite. In this case it is required to show a child who is boss. Frequent use of physical punishment as a means of educating is explained by the quick and easy opportunity to achieve the desired effect. However, this effectiveness is imaginary (Walsh 2002). It is necessary to punish children, but wisely; any physical punishment is wrong. Parents need to talk, explain so that eventually the child gets internal moral motivation to do so because it is "bad" but not because he can be flogged for it if they knew (Brenner & Fox 1998).
Flogging as Punishment Spanking is the physical punishment of children, usually with a belt with the aim to make a child very sick so that he does not do something for which flogged. Currently, flogging relates to methods of improper upbringing. In Western countries, parents can be deprived of parental rights and end up in prison for spanking (Saadeh et al., 2002). The effectiveness of spanking is controversial. It seems that during flogging children are more afraid of not pain but the feeling of helplessness and humiliation. They are often pride of themselves on their ability to withstand the whipping (Whitney et al., 2006).
Deprivation of Love A very common form of punishment of children in the family is to deprive a child of parental love. This form works very well, thus, it should be used cautiously. It can be both useful and lead to serious problems for children and adults. The essence of punishment is in the fact that parents change their habitual style of relations with children. The child still continues to receive the necessary parental care but loses attention and expressions of parental love. This penalty can give effective results only if the child and the parents are really in a relationship based on trust, love and mutual respect. Otherwise, this form of punishment will not be effective because the child will have nothing to lose.
Punishment and Imitation It often happens that children who experience negative emotions in the process of physical punishment, transfer these emotions to the parents. The child resists everything that comes from them trying to join them in constant conflict. Everything that parents do is perceived with hostility (Giovannoni et al., 1979). The negative pattern of behavior often becomes the object of their imitation only to express their opposition and protests to parents. As a result, the child may have disturbed behaviors: aggressiveness in communicating, openly rude behavior (Straus 1999). Children who are frequently subjected to physical punishment try to imitate their parents and use this model in the game scenes: punish their favorite dolls, put them into a corner, spank and abuse teddy bears, dogs, rabbits or aggressive behavior is manifested in real communication of a child with the other children.
References Brenner, V., & Fox, R. A. (1998). Parental Discipline and Behavior Problems in Young Children. Journal of Genetic Psychology, 159(2), 251-256. Retrieved May 14, 2011, from http://www.questia.com/PM.qst?a=o&d=76925302 Brook-Gunn, J. (1997). Correlates and Consequences of Harsh Discipline of Young Children. Archives of Pediatrics & Adolescent Medicine, 151.8, 777-86. Retrieved May 14, 2011 from http://search.proquest.com/docview/198521192?accountid=34899 Day, R.D., Peterson, G.W., & McCracken, C. (1998). Predicting Spanking of Younger and Older Children by Mothers & Fathers. Journal of Marriage & Family, 60.1, 79-94. Retrieved May 14, 2011 from http://search.proquest.com/docview/619286050?accountid=34899
References Giovannoni, J.M., Becerra, R.M., & Giovannoni, J.M. (1979). Defining Child Abuse. New York: The Free Press, 302. Retrieved May, 2011 from http://search.proquest.com/docview/55738362?accountid=34899 Lenton, R. L. (1990). Techniques of Child Discipline and Abuse by Parents. Canadian Review of Sociology and Anthropology, 27(2), 157-185. Retrieved May 14, 2011, from http://www.questia.com/PM.qst?a=o&d=95709059 Paolucci, E.O. & Claulio, V. (2004). A Meta-Analysis of Published Research on the Affective, Congnitive, and Behavioral Effects of Corporal Punishment. The Journal of Psychology, 138.3, 197-221. Retrieved May 14, 2011 from http://search.proquest.com/docview/213831079?accountid=34899
References Roscoe, B. (1987). Defining Child Abuse: Younger Adolescents’ Ratings of Parental Behaviors. Education 107.3, 287-295. Retrieved May 14, 2011 from http://search.proquest.com/docview/617435970?accountid=34899 Saadeh, W., Rizzo, C.P., & Roberts, D.G. (2002). Spanking. Clinical Pediatrics 41.2, 87-88. Retrieved May 14, 2011 from http://search.proquest.com/docview/619731109?accountid=34899 Straus, M.A. (1999). Is it Time to Ban Corporal Punishment of Children. Canadian Medical Association Journal, 161.7, 821-822. Retrieved May 14, 2011 from http://search.proquest.com/docview/204789701?accountid=34899
References Walsh, W. (2002). Spanker and Non Spanker: Where they get Information on Spanking. Family Relations 51.1, 81-88. Retrieved May 14, 2011 from http://search.proquest.com/docview/213934618?accountid=34899 Whitney, S.D., Tajima, E.A., Herrenkoll, T.I., & Huang B. (2006). Defining Child Abuse: Exploring Variations in Ratings of Discipline Severity among Child Welfare Practitioners. Child & Adolescent Social Work Journal, 23.3, 316-342, Retrieved May 14, 2011 from http://search.proguest.com/docview/218376397?accountid=34899