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  1. 1. Helping More than meets the eye
  2. 2. What is “help”? The process that underlies cooperation, collaboration, and altruistic behavior
  3. 3. Comments from Schein .. What’s Your Experience?  Help is an important but complicated human process that often does not succeed  Good teamwork = Successful reciprocal help  Helping is intrinsic to all forms of organization and work  A key feature is that a request for help cannot be ignored without violating the norms of polite behavior
  4. 4. Words associated with helping  Assisting  Aiding  Advising  Care-giving  Catalyzing  Coaching  Consulting  Counseling  Doing for  Doing for  Enabling  Explaining  Facilitating  Giving  Guiding  Handing  Improving  Mentoring  Ministering  Offering  Prescribing  Recommending  Showing  Steering  Supplying  Supporting  Teaching  Telling
  5. 5. What do effective, trained and licensed helpers do that makes them more or less successful? (formal helping situations)
  6. 6. What can the trained helper learn from a closer examination of the dynamics of informal and semi-formal help?
  7. 7. The concept of “face” Growing up is a process of knowing when to be frank, when to be diplomatic, and when to pretend that you did not see or hear something that might be difficult to respond to Sincerity, congruence, and trustworthiness reflect the degree of consistency across roles, and how much our public “face” matches our inner values
  8. 8. Human Exchange as Drama We learn to play a variety of “roles” in life The “helping role” is defined by perceptions of the receiver
  9. 9. Rules of Reciprocity and Equity In deeper relationships, we are willing to make ourselves more vulnerable; When a conversation has not been equitable, we often feel offended
  10. 10. Cultural assumptions assert that all relationships depend upon mutual cooperation
  11. 11. Human dramas must functional “equitably” in terms of the status that each person has according to culturally sanctioned social roles
  12. 12. If people claim more status than they are due, we say that they are “putting on airs” or “presuming too much”
  13. 13. Humiliation results when others indicate that we have less value in a situation than we claim for ourselves – and usually evokes a strong emotional response from the other person
  14. 14. Face Work in Helping Relationships When we approach a helpee with a problem, we risk destroying “face” Thus, many helpees are reluctant to reveal their true problems They will “test” our trustworthiness Only after much listening and being supportive can be expect to surface the real problem
  15. 15. The Dilemma of Creating a Workable Helping Relationship
  16. 16. Both helper and helpee must learn whether there is trust in the relationship The helpee is initially more vulnerable Both parties must learn about each other while creating a safe environment for the helpee
  17. 17. The helper must resist the initial impulse to move into the power vacuum that helpees create by admitting a problem Instead, helpers need to focus on equilibrating the status relationship between themselves and the helpee The relationship works best when both parties feel that are helping each other, even as they focus on the helpee’s issues
  18. 18. Accessing Your Ignorance It is crucial for helpers to engage in the process of inquiry in such a way that the helpee does not lose face The relationship begins to be productive when both parties begin to feel comfortable with each other’s status and roles
  19. 19. To access your ignorance of the situation, the helper must always begin in a listening stance What is the situation? Can you tell me what’s going on? What is happening? Describe the situation Tell me more… Go on.
  20. 20. An Exercise in Giving and Receiving Help