1.During a visit to a mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director how they decided whether or not apatient should be institutionalized."Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub; then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucketto the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.""Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because its biggerthan the spoon or the teacup.”"No," said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. So do you want a bed by the wallor near the window?"2.The teacher asked: Why are you late for school?Johnny: Because of the Sign.Teacher: What Sign?Johnny: The sign that says "School ahead. Go slow"3. The turtlesOnce there were three turtles. One day they decided to go on a picnic.When they got there, they realized they had forgotten the soda. So the youngest turtle said hewould go home and get it if they wouldnt eat the sandwiches until he got back.A week went by, then a month, finally a year, when the two turtles said, "oh, come on, lets justeat the sandwiches."Suddenly the little turtle popped up from behind a rock and said, "If you do, I wont go!"4. The nature of things…Life on a bald guys head…"They say that if you cross this desert, youll find another world just like ours!".5. Jesus and the Robber
One night a robber broke into a home and heard a voice say, "Jesus is watching you!" while herummagged through the desk.He replied, "Who said that?!"Once again he heard the same thing, "Jesus is watching you!"The robber looked around the room only to see a parrot. He asked the parrot what its name was. Theparrot replied, "Cornelius."The robber said, "What kind of a name is that?! Who names a parrot that?!"The parrot said, "The same person who named that rottweiler behind you Jesus!"