1. PARENT WITH POSSIBILITY IN UNCERTAIN TIMES
Author
Q+A:
Tricia
Ferrara,
LOOK
BOTH
WAYS
In
Look
Both
Ways:
9
Evolutionary
Parenting
Principles,
licensed
professional
counselor
and
parenting
strategist
Tricia
Ferrara,
MA,
examines
the
deepening
responsibility
of
raising
children
in
a
world
marked
by
perpetual
crisis,
and
provides
parents
with
a
blueprint
for
connecting
to,
and
guiding,
children
in
an
impactful
way.
Over
the
next
several
months,
she
will
be
participating
in
book
signings
and
presentations
in
and
around
Philadelphia
with
the
intent
of
getting
“necessary”
information
into
parents’
hands
and
making
a
difference
in
kids’
lives
NOW.
Though
every
generation
has
its
struggles,
today’s
families
have
an
even
greater
financial
and
social
burden,
and
increased
performance
expectations
in
every
area
of
life.
Add
in
over-­‐
(and
overly
early)
exposure
to
sexual
content,
volatile
politics,
superstorms,
a
technology
surge,
and
random
acts
of
violence…
It’s
hard
for
anyone
to
sustain
a
sensation
of
being
grounded,
or
being
empowered.
With
a
norm
of
two-­‐income
families,
also
playing
a
role
in
the
time
we
get
with
our
kids,
addressing
issues,
large
or
small,
on
a
meaningful
level
is
harder
than
ever.
Whether
you’re
a
parent,
an
aunt
or
uncle,
grandparent,
teacher,
medical
practitioner
or
caregiver,
this
is
a
book
you’ll
want
to
tune
into.
What
prompted
you
to
write
this
book?
When
I
initially
started
my
practice,
it
was
clear
to
me
that
many
of
the
more
difficult
cases
coming
in
were
the
result
of
parents
not
really
understanding
childhood
development.
Their
responses
were
making
situations
worse,
and
I
realized
they
needed
help
minimizing
problems,
rather
than
what
I
saw
them
doing,
which
was
amplifying
them.
Parents
also
started
bringing
new
issues
in
that
even
professionals
were
just
beginning
to
wrap
their
heads
around—I
started
a
workshop
called
“Parents
in
the
Know,”
where
parents
could
come
in,
ask
questions
and
take
notes,
and
explore
new
ways
of
connecting
to
their
kids
through
the
good,
the
bad
and
the
ugly.
They
were
hungry
for
information,
and
I
was
eager
to
get
it
to
them.

2. What
are
the
most
important
messages
that
you
hope
readers
will
take
away?
1)
The
role
that
parents
play
in
a
child’s
life
is
critical.
Despite
competition
for
their
attention
and
influence,
parents
still
leave
the
most
lasting
impression.
Hold
onto
that
and
feel
empowered.
2)
Our
changing
environment
demands
that
children
be
equipped
differently
psychologically,
mentally
and
emotionally
than
they
have
been
in
the
past.
3)
Children
need
to
have
a
good
script
when
the
chips
are
down,
more
valuable
than
knowing
what
to
do
when
things
are
good.
4)
More
than
stopping
bad
behavior,
cultivate
what
you
want
to
see
in
your
children
when
they
launch
into
the
world.
Have
you
spoken
to
your
own
parents
about
how
parenting
has
changed
over
the
years?
I
have,
but
in
stilted
way.
It’s
hard
for
them
to
comprehend
that
today’s
kids
have
power.
Times
were
different;
there
was
very
little
competition
for
kids’
attention.
Adults
didn’t
really
even
talk
to
kids;
certainly
not
exploring
what
they
thought.
And,
there
were
no
marketing
campaigns
aimed
at
children
making
them
feel
like
they
“rock.”
What
do
you
think
kids
are
looking
for
in
terms
of
guidance
and
support?
This
varies
by
to
age,
but
generally,
it’s
listening.
Not
judging,
but
guiding.
By
doing
this,
parents
can
help
children
uncover
and
articulate
internal
emotions.
This
is
essential,
because
many
kids
stay
quiet
about
things
that
are
bothering
them
and
act
out
instead.
Helping,
without
pushing
them
to
put
words
to
what
they’re
feeling,
is
a
life-­‐long
investment.
Whether
you’re
4
or
40,
if
you
can
control
your
internal
experience,
you
can
better
control
you
external
experience.
What
are
the
biggest
issues
parents
present
to
you
at
your
practice?
Probably
the
biggest
challenge
is
that
children
do
not
respond
to
them
the
way
they
responded
to
their
parents.
This
can
leave
them
feeling
fearful,
and
like
their
family
or
children
are
out
of
control.
The
good
news
is
that
these
contemporary
parenting
challenges—teaching
kids
to
reflect,
helping
them
cultivate
resilience,
and
inspiring
critical
thinking—will
prepare
kids
for
the
world
that
awaits
them.
We
are
being
called
on
to
parent
with
language
and
concerns
that
past
generations
never
heard
of
or
imagined...but
it
can
be
done.
How
do
you
think
TV,
24/7
news
exposure,
mobile
technology,
economics,
etc.,
are
impacting
children's
behavior?
Outside
factors
have
and
will
continue
to
influence
children’s
behavior;
in
the
same
way
they
influence
adults’.
The
difference
is
that
adults
have
more
life
experience
to
better
make
sense
of
these
and
adapt.
Kids
are
still
trying
to
figure
things
out,
especially
what
will
gain
them
acceptance
and
what
is
acceptable—two
very
different
things.
If
the
adults
in
charge
do
not
deliberately
counter
random,
exploitive
messaging,
kids
will
pick
up
what
they’re
being
exposed
to,
as
behavioral
cues.
As
for
mobile
technology,
it’s
difficult
to
say
what
the
verdict
will
be
on
our
kids;
the
generation
who
will
most

3. impacted
is
just
coming
of
age
now—
kids
who
were
given
devices
as
pre-­‐adolescents.
The
most
significant
thing
I
am
seeing
with
kids
and
mobile
technology
is
that
it
behaves
like
a
drug
dealer,
doling
out
little
hits
of
reward
that
interfere
with
what
would
otherwise
be
a
brilliant
mind’s
ability
to
reflect,
and
to
concentrate
and
critically
think
about
what
is
going
on
around
them.
Whether
these
competencies
are
recoverable
is
hard
to
say.
How
did
you
use
the
information
and
stories,
gleaned
while
working
with
parents
in
your
practice,
to
build
out
the
9
principles?
Oddly
enough
it
was
simple:
Almost
without
exception
every
adult
case
I
encountered
had
a
story
that
contained
an
event
or
belief
that
transformed
into
a
growth
obstacle,
and
that
essentially
ran
the
show
for
decades.
The
outcome:
adults
relying
on
childhood
coping
mechanisms
to
navigate
their
evolving
life
situations.
Helping
adults
and
children
gain
a
clearer
understanding
of
how
a
life
can
go
off
track,
or
how
a
person
becomes
limited
in
terms
of
their
overall
potential,
is
how
the
core
elements
came
about.
My
conversations
with
parents
made
it
clear,
which
elements
needed
to
be
crystallized
in
order
to
learn
something
new
and
grow.
How
does
modern
pacing
impact
families,
and
by
proxy,
children
and
teens?
Pace
is
everything.
In
the
book
I
highlight
pace
as
a
core
consideration
when
working
with
kids.
Real
learning
takes
time;
ignoring
the
pace
at
which
we
live
our
lives
has
a
profound
impact
on
outcomes
for
our
children.
Additionally,
speed
creates
a
feeling
of
being
“stressed”
and
out
of
control.
Being
in
control
of
the
pace
of
your
life
is
a
fundamental
requirement
to
wellbeing.
Kids
who
never
experience
the
sense
of
“being
in
charge”
of
their
schedule
are
at
very
high
risk
for
all
kinds
of
maladies.
Increased
stress
also
has
a
direct,
measurable
correlation
to
a
rise
in
problems.
What
do
you
think
parents
could
do
better
in
relation
to
their
children?
To
borrow
a
phrase,
I’d
say,
“lean
in”
to
their
future.
Be
aware
of
the
enormous
power
we
have
on
how
our
children’s
lives
unfold.
Think
beyond
your
own
childhood
experience
and
relate
to
theirs.
It’s
also
crucial
to
get
beyond
the
metric
that
says,
“I
turned
out
OK,”
just
because
you
have
a
job
and
avoided
jail,
teenage
pregnancy
or
any
other
“standard”
derailing
life
happening.
With
all
our
children
are
exposed
to
these
days,
they
must
get
in
tune
with
who
they
want
to
be
later
in
life,
and
align
their
behavior
with
their
goals.
Relationships
will
require
more
than
just
a
wedding
ring,
mental
health
will
matter,
and
getting
a
job
will
morph
into
creating
a
skill
set
with
value.
This
is
why
core
principles
that
contribute
to
growth,
and
that
teach
kids
to
anticipate
a
rollercoaster
ride,
will
be
life-­‐saving
and
life-­‐giving.