Dealing With PreDivorce Emotions

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How to deal with the pre-divorce emotions that arise when you're considering divorce.

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Dealing With PreDivorce Emotions

  1. 1. Dealing With Pre-Divorce Emotions:<br />Have Your Uncertainty But Keep Your Resolve<br />By: Kassandra Vaughn, the Pre-Divorce Strategist<br />Email: kvaughn@predivorcestrategy.com<br />Get more pre-divorce tips at www.predivorcestrategy.com<br />
  2. 2. What is the pre-divorce process?<br />The pre-divorce process is the 6-36 month period (it can be longer or shorter in some cases) where a spouse makes the stay-or-go decision in the marriage<br />The pre-divorce process begins at a very rocky point in the marriage and ends with a final decision: divorce or not divorce <br />Get more pre-divorce tips at www.predivorcestrategy.com<br />
  3. 3. Pre-Divorce Emotions<br />The pre-divorce process often feels like a rollercoaster ride of emotions<br />There’s uncertainty, fear, resentment, anger, and shame involved in the process<br />People often feel scared to leave and scared to stay, afraid to leave what’s comfortable but afraid that, if they stay, the misery of the marriage will infect their entire lives forever <br />Get more pre-divorce tips at www.predivorcestrategy.com<br />
  4. 4. Other Pre-Divorce Emotions Include: <br />Regret<br />Ambivalence<br />Frustration<br />Relief<br />Guilt<br />Distrust<br />Disappointment<br />Betrayal<br />Contempt<br />Optimism<br />Irritation<br />Envy<br />Sympathy<br />Stress<br />Courage<br />Obligation<br />Get more pre-divorce tips at www.predivorcestrategy.com<br />
  5. 5. Pre-Divorce Emotions Change<br />The pre-divorce emotions will change frequently, depending on the situation, the circumstances, and the exchanges you have with your spouse<br />You may go to a couple’s therapy session and, afterwards, feel really hopeful about the relationship<br />A few days may pass and you find a text message on your spouse’s phone that makes you feel totally betrayed<br />Get more pre-divorce tips at www.predivorcestrategy.com<br />
  6. 6. The key point is this:<br />Never make a final pre-divorce decision based on a temporary emotion<br />Your emotions are going to change<br />At the very same time, it’s important to be okay with the uncertainty of how you feel but stay committed to making your own choice about how you will proceed with this marriage <br />Get more pre-divorce tips at www.predivorcestrategy.com<br />
  7. 7. Have Your Uncertainty but Keep Your Resolve <br />The pre-divorce process is all about uncertainty<br />If you knew whether or not a divorce was the right choice, you wouldn’t be in the pre-divorce process; you’d be in divorce court or happily married<br />The reality is this: Your uncertainty is normal but the fact that you’re uncertain is all the evidence you need to know that you’ve got to get focused on getting your life to a place where, if you had to, you could financially, physically, emotionally and psychologically provide for yourself<br />If you can’t say, with 100% certainty, at this point in time, that you can do this, you need to keep your resolve and focus on getting to that place of personal power <br />Get more pre-divorce tips at www.predivorcestrategy.com<br />
  8. 8. Allow the Emotions But Focus on The Task At Hand <br />Allow yourself to feel what you feel<br />Don’t judge yourself or criticize yourself for not being sure of what to do next<br />Get focused on the things you can work on and that includes getting your physical, financial, and psychological house in order <br />Get more pre-divorce tips at www.predivorcestrategy.com<br />
  9. 9. Areas to Work On in the Pre-Divorce Process <br />Physical<br />Financial<br />Get a health checkup<br />If you’re concerned about possibly being without health insurance coverage should a divorce happen, get all of your dental work, surgery, and other costly medical expenditures taken care of now<br />Join a gym and start exercising to relieve stress<br />Start eating right; you may feel like emotional eating but emotional eating will not elongate your life (do what you have to do so you can do what you WANT to do) <br />Pull your credit reports and see what debt you owe (it hurts to do this for most of us; just close your eyes and do it- not knowing is scarier than knowing)<br />Open your own separate checking and savings account and teach yourself how to budget and save money<br />Find out how much you owe on homes and cars and what they’re worth if you were to sell them; you need to look at what assets and liabilities you have now <br />Get more pre-divorce tips at www.predivorcestrategy.com<br />
  10. 10. Areas to Work on (Cont’d)<br />PSYCHOLOGICAL<br />EDUCATIONAL <br />Life is a spiral; the lessons we don’t get the first time around come back to us in the form of different experiences, different people, different circumstances<br />Pick up the book “You Can Heal Your Life” by Louise L. Hay and start doing the work of figuring out how to love yourself and care for yourself<br />Only then will you ensure that this situation will not happen again <br />Where are your skills?<br />Do you have a career right now?<br />Can you, on your salary alone, provide for yourself?<br />If you can’t, now is the time to look at going back to school<br />In most rocky marriages, you don’t feel like being around the other person too much of the time; use that to your advantage and spend time furthering your education, update your training, and build your income <br />Get more pre-divorce tips at www.predivorcestrategy.com<br />
  11. 11. Why a Pre-Divorce Plan is So Critical<br />Most of the time, the pre-divorce process is an isolating period of time<br />You feel like no one understands what you’re going through<br />Most of the time, you don’t confide in others because you’re not sure what you want to do and you don’t want anyone telling you “I told you so.”<br />It’s in this process that you need a plan, a blueprint, strategies for success and when you have a pre-divorce strategy, even when your emotions are getting the best of you, you have something you can look to that will keep you on track <br />Get more pre-divorce tips at www.predivorcestrategy.com<br />
  12. 12. Do You Need a Pre-Divorce Plan?<br />Learn how to create the ultimate pre-divorce success blueprint!<br />Visit Pre-Divorce Strategy Made Simple at www.predivorcestrategy.com<br />You’ll find free tips, tools and articles to help you navigate the pre-divorce process <br />Get more pre-divorce tips at www.predivorcestrategy.com<br />
  13. 13. Contact Information<br />Web: www.predivorcestrategy.com<br />Email: kvaughn@predivorcestrategy.com<br />Phone: (818) 279-2698<br />Facebook: http://tinyurl.com/predivorcestrategy<br />Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/predivorceplans<br />PreDivorce Radio Show: www.blogtalkradio.com/predivorcestrategy<br />Get more pre-divorce tips at www.predivorcestrategy.com<br />

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