How to do well in performance reviews<br />ByThe Great Nobby<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
TheWrongWayPart 1<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
Welcome, Sarah. It’s time foryourannual performance review.<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
This year you haven’tmissed a single day and you have worked, onaverage, fiftyhours a week.<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
What’s more, you have exceededyour targets by 19%!<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
You openedtwo new lines of businessforthecompany!<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
And you voluntarilyacted as mentor to several junior staff.<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
However…<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
You do have a tendency to voiceyouropinion.<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
And bybeing so good at yourjob, you do make a lot of theotherstaff and management look bad.<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
And I have heard, and this is just a rumour, that you have a vagina.<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
And itseems that you gotpregnantbysome guy called… “Hubby”.<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
So, I am awarding you a “MeetsExpectations”.<br />WELL DONE!<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
TheWrongWayPart 2<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
Welcome, Mark. It’s time foryourannual performance review.<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
This year you haven’tmissed a single day and you have worked, onaverage, forty-eighthours a week.<br />© The Great Nobby 2...
What’s more, you have exceededyour targets by 23%!<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
And you closeddealswiththree new customersonyourowninitiative!<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
And I’veheard you have a big, hairypair of testicles.<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
However…<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
Bybeing so good at yourjob, you do make a lot of theotherstaff and management look bad.<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
And you never gooutdrinkingwiththeotherguysafter work.<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
And I have heard, and this is just a rumour, that yourfavouritemovie is “TheDevilWears Prada”.<br />© The Great Nobby 2011...
So, I am awarding you a “MeetsExpectations”.<br />WELL DONE!<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
TheRightWay<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
Welcome, Dick. It’s time foryourannual performance review.<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
Oh, dear…<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
Itseems you have been late for work 39 times thisyear.<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
And you have missed a total of twenty-onedays.<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
And you were 11% below target.<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
However…<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
You’vegottesticles!<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
You never sayanything that mightmakemanagement look like a bunch of idiots.<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
You’vegot a great golf handicap!<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
And you’realwaysthere to set up thedrinksafter work.<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
So, I am awarding you an“ExceedsExpectations”.<br />WELL DONE!<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
Weneed more peoplelike you in thiscompany, Dick!<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
WWW.TGNOBBY.COM<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
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How to Do Well in Performance Reviews

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How to Do Well in Performance Reviews

  1. 1. How to do well in performance reviews<br />ByThe Great Nobby<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
  2. 2. TheWrongWayPart 1<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
  3. 3. Welcome, Sarah. It’s time foryourannual performance review.<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
  4. 4. This year you haven’tmissed a single day and you have worked, onaverage, fiftyhours a week.<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
  5. 5. What’s more, you have exceededyour targets by 19%!<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
  6. 6. You openedtwo new lines of businessforthecompany!<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
  7. 7. And you voluntarilyacted as mentor to several junior staff.<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
  8. 8. However…<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
  9. 9. You do have a tendency to voiceyouropinion.<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
  10. 10. And bybeing so good at yourjob, you do make a lot of theotherstaff and management look bad.<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
  11. 11. And I have heard, and this is just a rumour, that you have a vagina.<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
  12. 12. And itseems that you gotpregnantbysome guy called… “Hubby”.<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
  13. 13. So, I am awarding you a “MeetsExpectations”.<br />WELL DONE!<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
  14. 14. TheWrongWayPart 2<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
  15. 15. Welcome, Mark. It’s time foryourannual performance review.<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
  16. 16. This year you haven’tmissed a single day and you have worked, onaverage, forty-eighthours a week.<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
  17. 17. What’s more, you have exceededyour targets by 23%!<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
  18. 18. And you closeddealswiththree new customersonyourowninitiative!<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
  19. 19. And I’veheard you have a big, hairypair of testicles.<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
  20. 20. However…<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
  21. 21. Bybeing so good at yourjob, you do make a lot of theotherstaff and management look bad.<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
  22. 22. And you never gooutdrinkingwiththeotherguysafter work.<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
  23. 23. And I have heard, and this is just a rumour, that yourfavouritemovie is “TheDevilWears Prada”.<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
  24. 24. So, I am awarding you a “MeetsExpectations”.<br />WELL DONE!<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
  25. 25. TheRightWay<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
  26. 26. Welcome, Dick. It’s time foryourannual performance review.<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
  27. 27. Oh, dear…<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
  28. 28. Itseems you have been late for work 39 times thisyear.<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
  29. 29. And you have missed a total of twenty-onedays.<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
  30. 30. And you were 11% below target.<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
  31. 31. However…<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
  32. 32. You’vegottesticles!<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
  33. 33. You never sayanything that mightmakemanagement look like a bunch of idiots.<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
  34. 34. You’vegot a great golf handicap!<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
  35. 35. And you’realwaysthere to set up thedrinksafter work.<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
  36. 36. So, I am awarding you an“ExceedsExpectations”.<br />WELL DONE!<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
  37. 37. Weneed more peoplelike you in thiscompany, Dick!<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />
  38. 38. WWW.TGNOBBY.COM<br />© The Great Nobby 2011<br />

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