Talk l ike a leader download handout

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Talk l ike a leader download handout

  1. 1. Stewart Hirsch (o) 781-784-5280 s.hirsch@strategicrelationships.com www.strategicrelationships.com Caroline Turner (o) 303-320-1443 caroline@difference-works.com www.difference-works.com Women, Influence &Power in Law Conference Talk Like a Leader: Leveraging Your Masculine and Feminine Strengths for Influence and Power Presented on October 3, 2013
  2. 2. WIPL Conference 2013 Talk Like a Leader: Leverage Your Masculine and Feminine Strengths for Influence and Power Caroline Turner and Stewart Hirsch © 2013 Caroline Turner 1 October 3, 2013 Caroline Turner DifferenceWORKS, LLC Stewart Hirsch Strategic Relationships “Talk Like a Leader: Leveraging Your Masculine and Feminine Strengths for Influence & Power” Women in the Fortune 500 Source: Catalyst.org, Women in Business, July 2013 4.2% CEO’s 16.6% Board Seats 8.1% Top Earners 14.3% Executive Officers 51.5% Mgt. Prof. & Related 46.9% Total Employees Women in Law 15% Equity Partners 25% Non-Equity Partners 45.4% Associates 31.1% All lawyers Source: Catalyst March 2013 - U.S. (2011-12)
  3. 3. WIPL Conference 2013 Talk Like a Leader: Leverage Your Masculine and Feminine Strengths for Influence and Power Caroline Turner and Stewart Hirsch © 2013 Caroline Turner 2 October 3, 2013 A Continuum Bullies Bimbos A CONTINUUM PROTOTYPES Max = Masculine approaches Fran = Feminine approaches Meet Max and Fran How We Talk Max - Confidence • Uses declaratory statements • Appears more confident, decisive Fran - Humility • Uses disclaimers, hedges, tag questions, apology • Appears less confident
  4. 4. WIPL Conference 2013 Talk Like a Leader: Leverage Your Masculine and Feminine Strengths for Influence and Power Caroline Turner and Stewart Hirsch © 2013 Caroline Turner 3 October 3, 2013 • Self • Relationships • Organization Being Frax-wise Women and Double Binds • Confident or Self-aggrandizing • Assertive or Aggressive • Aggressive or a Bully • Dominant or Bossy • Competitive or Unladylike • Tough or a “B____h” How We Talk: Meeting Behavior Max - Confidence • Uses statements • Speaks at length • Interrupts to challenge Fran - Humility • Uses questions • Speaks briefly • Interrupts to support
  5. 5. WIPL Conference 2013 Talk Like a Leader: Leverage Your Masculine and Feminine Strengths for Influence and Power Caroline Turner and Stewart Hirsch © 2013 Caroline Turner 4 October 3, 2013 What Actions Will You Take? To be a Frax-wise communicator: • Broaden your range on this dimension • Become more effective in meetings • Manage the double bind • Appreciate other who “speak” differently • Practice shifting along the continuum (this and other dimensions) Stewart and Caroline Stewart Hirsch Principal, Strategic Relationships +1 781.784.5280 s.hirsch@strategicrelati onships.com Caroline Turner Principal, DifferenceWORKS, LLC. +1 303.320.1443 caroline@difference- works.com
  6. 6. How you TALK What is most natural and comfortable for you when speaking? CONFIDENCE HUMILITY M8 M7 M6 M5 M4 M3 M2 M1 0 F1 F2 F3 F4 F5 F6 F7 F8 How you handle CONFLICT How do you handle confrontation or conflict? AGGRESSION AVOIDANCE M8 M7 M6 M5 M4 M3 M2 M1 0 F1 F2 F3 F4 F5 F6 F7 F8 How you INFLUENCE How do you get others to do what you think is important? DOMINANCE PERSUASION M8 M7 M6 M5 M4 M3 M2 M1 0 F1 F2 F3 F4 F5 F6 F7 F8 How you MOTIVATE What energizes you and how do you motivate others? COMPETITION COLLABORATION M8 M7 M6 M5 M4 M3 M2 M1 0 F1 F2 F3 F4 F5 F6 F7 F8 How you SHIFT © 2013 DifferenceWorks, LLC. and The AthenA Group, LLC. All rights reserved. www.difference-works.com caroline@difference-works.com THE MASCULINE-FEMININE CONTINUUM AT WORK
  7. 7. How you make DECISIONS What aspect of a problem or project do you focus on first? GOAL PROCESS M8 M7 M6 M5 M4 M3 M2 M1 0 F1 F2 F3 F4 F5 F6 F7 F8 How you STRUCTURE things How do you set up organizations, teams and space? HIERARCHY NETWORK M8 M7 M6 M5 M4 M3 M2 M1 0 F1 F2 F3 F4 F5 F6 F7 F8 How you view RELATIONSHIPS What is the basis of your workplace relationships? ROLE CONNECTION M8 M7 M6 M5 M4 M3 M2 M1 0 F1 F2 F3 F4 F5 F6 F7 F8 How you use HUMOR How do you express your sense of humor? TEASING SELF-DEPRECATION M8 M7 M6 M5 M4 M3 M2 M1 0 F1 F2 F3 F4 F5 F6 F7 F8 THE MASCULINE-FEMININE CONTINUUM AT WORK How you SHIFT © 2013 DifferenceWorks, LLC. and The AthenA Group, LLC. All rights reserved. www.difference-works.com caroline@difference-works.com
  8. 8. Stewart Hirsch (o) 781-784-5280 s.hirsch@strategicrelationships.com www.strategicrelationships.com Caroline Turner (o) 303-320-1443 caroline@difference-works.com www.difference-works.com Talk Like a Leader: Leveraging Your Masculine and Feminine Strengths for Influence and Power TIPS Increase your power and influence in meetings:  Use declarative sentences vs. questions  Avoid hedges and disclaimers  Learn to interrupt (politely)  Practice holding the floor when interrupted  Slow down; don’t rush or speak too fast  Endorse your own ideas (and those of other women) When you are running the meeting:  When Max uses an idea earlier shared by Fran, give Fran credit  Understand differences between Fran and Max styles so you can get the best of both Practice being “Frax-wise” (Women who are “Frax-wise” get more promotions than women or men who aren’t):  Read the situation.  Use “Max” when it is important to sound confident.  Use “Fran” to make others comfortable. Manage the “double bind”:  Be Frax-wise. Shift from “Fran” to “Max” and back.  Educate men (without blame or judgment) about the double bind.
  9. 9. © 2013 DifferenceWORKS, LLC. and The AthenA Group, LLC. All rights reserved. Copied with permission from Caroline Turner, Difference Works: Improving Retention, Productivity and Profitability through Inclusion 2012, Austin, TX, Chapter 6, “How We Talk”, pp. 101-03. FEMININE BEHAVIORS—MASCULINE PERSPECTIVES: HOW WE TALK When Fran She sees it as Max may see it as He may (1 = he is the boss; 2 = he is a subordinate) Frax-wise (inclusive) response Uses a disclaimer (admits she is unsure; downplays her idea) Being honest, not acting “better than” Lacking confidence or ability, unreliable in a pinch 1. Not consider her for key assignments 2. Judge her as less competent Build her up, support her ideas publicly Uses tentative language (“hedges”) Avoiding being bossy or “one up” Lacking confidence or ability, unreliable under pressure 1. Not consider her for key assignments 2. Judge her as less competent Encourage her to be more direct Uses “tag questions” Inviting others’ agreement Lacking confidence or ability, unreliable in a pinch 1. Not consider her for key assignments 2. Judge her as less competent Appreciate her for seeking input and involvement Speaks briefly, takes less “air time” Being fair, sharing the time Not speaking up or not having or caring about her ideas 1. Not consider her for key assignments 2. Judge her as less competent Encourage her to expand on her ideas Waits her turn to speak in a meeting Being polite Not having, being confident about or caring about her ideas; being “green” 1. Not consider her for key assignments 2. Judge her as less competent Ask for her ideas Expects decisions to be made in the meeting (vs. outside the meeting) Efficient, inclusive Being naive or unpredictable, causing trouble in meetings Keep her out of sensitive meetings Set clear norms for where decisions will be made Uses nods and animated facial expressions Expressing her interest Odd; may read nods as agreement Think she agrees with him Appreciate her energy and attention, know that she is listening
  10. 10. © 2013 DifferenceWORKS, LLC. and The AthenA Group, LLC. All rights reserved. Copied with permission from Caroline Turner, Difference Works: Improving Retention, Productivity and Profitability through Inclusion 2012, Austin, TX, Chapter 6, “How We Talk”, pp. 101-03. MASCULINE BEHAVIORS—FEMININE PERSPECTIVES: HOW WE TALK When Max He sees it as Fran may see it as She may (1 = she is the boss; 2 = she is a subordinate) Frax-wise (inclusive) response Speaks with assurance on a new challenge Claiming a stretch opportunity Exaggerating his qualifications Question his true abilities Appreciate his willingness to take a risk Tells; speaks as if he knows Showing confidence Unable to listen and learn Test with questions Want him as a spokesperson Speaks at length in a meeting Showing commitment and excitement Dominating, hogging the time 1. Shut him up 2. Give up trying to participate in the discussion Interrupt and ask others for their opinions; coach him to be more aware of sharing “air time” Interrupts in conversations and meetings Giving his best; using the clash of ideas to get the best answer Argumentative, rude, not listening to others 1. Conclude he’s insubordinate 2. Wait her turn (which may not come) Want him to represent her position in a tough controversy, ask others to finish what they were saying Steals ideas offered by another Part of a lively game Unethical 1. Confront him 2. Withhold her ideas Appreciate when he advances the idea, acknowledge the person whose idea he is endorsing Sets up support for decisions outside the meeting Good politics; avoiding unnecessary conflict Underhanded, exclusionary 1. Cut him off from information or her ideas 2. Shut down Set clear norms for where decisions will be made, value his ability to gather support for his ideas Uses moderated facial and body language Relaxed, confident Cold, unfriendly, hard to read 1. Miss his message 2. Feel invalidated Let him present tough issues
  11. 11. Stewart Hirsch (o) 781-784-5280 s.hirsch@strategicrelationships.com www.strategicrelationships.com Caroline Turner (o) 303-320-1443 caroline@difference-works.com www.difference-works.com Talk Like a Leader: Leveraging Your Masculine and Feminine Strengths for Influence and Power Resources Difference Works: Improving Retention, Productivity and Profitability through Inclusion, by Caroline Turner, 2012 (see the Resource List, pp. 185-193) http://difference-works.com/book/ Why Your Business Needs Balance: Men and Women http://theorganizedexecutiveblog.com/2012/05/24/why-your-business-needs-balance-men- and-women/ A Balance of Both Masculine and Feminine Strengths: The Bottom Line Benefit http://www.forbes.com/sites/womensmedia/2012/05/07/a-balance-of-both-masculine-and- feminine-strengths-the-bottom-line-benefit/ Women’s Progress: Is the Glass Half Empty? What Will It Take to Fill It? http://www.forbes.com/sites/womensmedia/2012/07/12/womens-progress-is-the-glass-half- empty-what-will-it-take-to-fill-it/ Stanford Find the Secret Switch for Women’s Success http://www.forbes.com/sites/womensmedia/2012/09/11/stanford-finds-the-secret-switch-for- womens-success/ DW Blog April 2013 Enough about Leaning In! We Need to Become Bilingual! http://difference-works.com/enough-about-leaning-in-we-need-to-become-bilingual/ DW Blog July 2013: Being Bilingual: Speaking and Appreciating Masculine and Feminine “Language” http://difference-works.com/being-bilingual-speaking-and-appreciating- masculine-and-feminine-language/ DW Blog July 2013: Better Decisions: Balancing Masculine and Feminine Approaches http://difference-works.com/better-decisions-balancing-masculine-and-feminine- approaches/ DW Blog March 2013: Ambition: Sandberg Says Women Need More of It http://difference- works.com/ambition-sandberg-says-women-need-more-of-it/ Women’s Ideas: Do Men Intentionally Steal Them? http://www.forbes.com/sites/womensmedia/2012/12/03/womens-ideas-do-men-intentionally- steal-them/
  12. 12. Caroline Turner is an effective workshop facilitator, speaker and consultant. Through her company, DifferenceWORKS, LLC, she helps leaders achieve better business results by creating inclusive work environments. Caroline is the author of Difference Works: Improving Retention, Productivity and Profitability through Inclusion. Caroline is the former senior vice president, general counsel of Coors Brewing Company. She headed the company’s legal, public affairs and corporate secretarial functions. She was a partner in the law firm Holme Roberts & Owen, Denver, Colorado, and served as clerk to Judge McWilliams of the 10th Judicial Circuit of the U.S. Court of Appeals. Caroline serves and has served in leadership roles in several organizations and initiatives, including the Women’sVision Foundation, Warren Village, the Women’s Forum of Colorado, the University of Denver College of Law, The Mentoring Company, Mile Hi Church, Colorado Women’s Hall of Fame, and the Greater Denver Metro Chamber of Commerce. Caroline has received numerous recognitions, including Corporate Woman of the Year from the Women’sVision Foundation; Outstanding Alumni from the University of Denver College of Law; a Woman of Distinction from the Colorado Girl Scouts; and the John Meadows Spirit of Diversity Award from Coors. Stewart Hirsch is an executive and relationship development facilitator and coach working with General Counsel, Chief Compliance officers, law firm partners and others to trust their natural intuition, build trust in critical relationships, unlock confidence, communicate clearly, prioritize and focus. He also helps his clients prepare for difficult conversations, examine and augment strengths and address weaknesses, and coaches them on strategic and tactical planning and implementation. Stewart has presented for numerous organizations, including the International Women’s Insolvency & Restructuring Confederation, The American Intellectual Property Law Association, The New England Corporate Counsel Association, Legal Marketing Association, as well as numerous law firms and legal departments. He is a former in-house counsel with experience at The TJX Companies, Staples, Welch’s and D&B subsidiaries, and others. He acted as General Counsel of three companies on a contract basis.

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