What’s Going On? — Part 11


Competition Culture

    suemaree.com
     © 2010 Sue-maree McEnearney
Even when it’s not our intention, we’re buying into
the competition culture every time we take
hierarchy positions in rela...
When we
displace rights and responsibilities by:
  •   forcing our responsibilities on others
  •   taking others’ respons...
Use   cope strategies to
  • power play, and                       We end up   punishing
  • compliance caper.
           ...
• dominating                                    • submitting
  to force what we want for personal benefit:     to relinqui...
Sometimes, we’re just trying to   protect ourselves.
harsh,
When our protections are

     others get hurt.
flimsy,
When our protections are

        we get hurt.
It’s easy to see how we end up with

 conflict and alienation.
When what we really want is

understanding and connection.
With so much at stake, why do people choose to get what
they want by dominating with power plays? And
why do they give up ...
Why people   dominate with Power Plays:
(a) They know exactly what they’re doing and they get
    off on the power trip
(b...
Why people   submit with Compliance Capers:
(a) They know exactly what they’re doing and they’re
    scared of the consequ...
These situations can create pain and heartache for       They influence the work we do, the people we associate
ourselves,...
When we recognize domination and submission in our
behaviour, it’s normal to resolve to stop it.

If we swing from one pos...
• If we replace dominating with submitting, we end up
 feeling angry and resentful because we’re “acting
 like an doormat”...
So what do we do?

How do we make our way in a
  competitive environment
    without competing?
Next:
What’s going on?
                   Cooperation Culture
What’s going on?
                                             •   View More Book Previews
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What's Going On? Part 11 Competition Culture

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How to be assertive without being aggressive. Respond to bullying without being a bully. Stand up for yourself with "class" rather than "bite."
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What's Going On? Part 11 Competition Culture

  1. 1. What’s Going On? — Part 11 Competition Culture suemaree.com © 2010 Sue-maree McEnearney
  2. 2. Even when it’s not our intention, we’re buying into the competition culture every time we take hierarchy positions in relation to others.
  3. 3. When we displace rights and responsibilities by: • forcing our responsibilities on others • taking others’ responsibilities from others • abdicating our responsibilities to others • accepting others’ responsibilities from others.
  4. 4. Use cope strategies to • power play, and We end up punishing • compliance caper. • others and/or And when it all gets too much, to • ourselves. • escape.
  5. 5. • dominating • submitting to force what we want for personal benefit: to relinquish what we want for others benefit: Force Relinquish “I want what I want, and “It doesn’t matter what I want, I don’t care what you want!” I’ll do what you want!”
  6. 6. Sometimes, we’re just trying to protect ourselves.
  7. 7. harsh, When our protections are others get hurt.
  8. 8. flimsy, When our protections are we get hurt.
  9. 9. It’s easy to see how we end up with conflict and alienation.
  10. 10. When what we really want is understanding and connection.
  11. 11. With so much at stake, why do people choose to get what they want by dominating with power plays? And why do they give up what they want by submitting with compliance capers?
  12. 12. Why people dominate with Power Plays: (a) They know exactly what they’re doing and they get off on the power trip (b) They know they’re doing it and they think it makes them “smart” and confident (c) They know they’re doing it and they want to stop but they don’t know what to do instead (d) They make efforts to stop but in the heat of the moment they fall back on old habits (e) They have no idea they’re doing it and when they find out they’re shocked.
  13. 13. Why people submit with Compliance Capers: (a) They know exactly what they’re doing and they’re scared of the consequences if they don’t (b) They know they’re doing it and they think it makes them “nice” and a good person (c) They know they’re doing it and they want to stop but they don’t know what to do instead (d) They make efforts to stop but in the heat of the moment they fall back on old habits (e) They have no idea they’re doing it and when they find out they’re shocked.
  14. 14. These situations can create pain and heartache for They influence the work we do, the people we associate ourselves, and others, often for many years, and if we with, our health and happiness, and the quality of our don’t do something about it, our whole life. relationships — especially with our partners and children.
  15. 15. When we recognize domination and submission in our behaviour, it’s normal to resolve to stop it. If we swing from one position to the other, we simply swap one set of issues for another — which only serves to get us out of the frying pan and into the fire.
  16. 16. • If we replace dominating with submitting, we end up feeling angry and resentful because we’re “acting like an doormat” — letting people walk all over us, and take advantage of us, and we end up doing things we don’t want to do. • If we replace submitting with dominating, we end up feeling guilty because we’re “acting like an ass” — walking all over other people, and taking advantage, by manipulating or forcing them to do what we want. help!
  17. 17. So what do we do? How do we make our way in a competitive environment without competing?
  18. 18. Next: What’s going on? Cooperation Culture
  19. 19. What’s going on? • View More Book Previews • Free Online Resources Communication: • Buy The Book What Hurts & What Works • Live Presentations & Training suemaree.com suemaree.com Sue-maree McEnearney © 2010 Sue-maree McEnearney

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