Emotionally Intelligent Mentoring   Using EI Concepts to Enhance   Your Mentoring Program                    Presented by:...
What We’ll Cover Today Review of Emotional Intelligence    What it is    Why it matters EQ Skills EQ Skills for Mento...
What are Emotions?Emotions are the pre-dispositions           to action.                     --Julio Olalla               ...
What are Emotions?   Produced by thoughts   Experience physically
Neuroscience 101 – The Brain                                              Thalamus  Neocortex                             ...
The Pre-Historic BrainFLIGHT!!         FIGHT!!           OR
The Amygdala Hijack   Strong emotional reaction   Sudden onset   Later feeling of regret
“Take a Breath”          Notice your instant reaction (What           are you feeling? How is your body           reactin...
“Take a Breath” Activities           Count to three           “Whoa! What’s happening to            me?”           Name...
What is EQ?     The ability to     sense, understand and use     emotions to more     effectively manage     ourselves and...
EQ, IQ and Personality        IQ                 EQ             Personality
Why EQ Matters High EQ Skills:    80% of high performers    More important to job performance     than any other skill ...
We are being judgedby a new yardstick;not just how smart we are, or by ourtraining and expertise, but also howwell we hand...
EQ-i Skills        Intra-Personal              Adaptability      Emotional Self-             Problem Solving       Aw...
We are what we repeatedly do.Excellence is not an act, but a habit.                   --Aristotle
Using EQ Assessments inMentoring Programs          Before Mentoring begins            Assess Mentors EQ            Asse...
Useful EQ-i Skills For Mentors     Intra-Personal              Adaptability        Emotional Self-             Problem...
Useful EQ-i Skills For Mentees     Intra-Personal              Adaptability        Emotional Self-             Problem...
Before Matching   What are the mentor’s strengths    and weaknesses?   What are the Mentee’s strengths    and weaknesses...
Before Matching   Consider combinations of EQ skills    , e.g.,     Mentee is high in Assertiveness      and low in Empa...
Mentoring Development Plan      Pick ONE or TWO EQ skills to       work on      Agree to new practices and actions      ...
Self Regard          Definition: The ability to           respect and accept ourselves           warts and all          ...
Self Regard           To build: An on-going process            of self-exploration that focuses            on grounding n...
The ABCDEs of EQ     A             B               C             D                 E                                      ...
Emotional SelfAwareness   Definition: The ability to    understand what we are    feeling and why   Importance: It provi...
Emotional SelfAwareness   To build: Ask ourselves questions    about our current emotional state    and our triggers   B...
It Just Bubbles Up1. Describe a recent situation in which you   were triggered by another person and   acted “badly”2. Nam...
It Just Bubbles Up4.   Describe how you responded to those     thoughts and emotions     (withdrew, became verbally     ab...
InterpersonalRelationships   Definition: The ability to develop    mutually satisfying relationships by    surrendering s...
InterpersonalRelationships   To build: Improve your    listening, find areas of    common interest, read non-    verbal c...
Happiness         Definition: The ability to feel          satisfied with one’s life, to          enjoy oneself and other...
Happiness         To build: Pay attention to          when you need to be right and          to your “wanting;” choose   ...
No creature can fly with just one wing. Gifted leadership occurs where heartand head – feeling and thought – meet. These a...
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Emotionally Inelligent Mentoring

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Emotionally Intelligent Mentoring: Using EI Concepts to Enhance Your Mentoring Program by Don Peterson, Strategic Partners, Inc.

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Emotionally Inelligent Mentoring

  1. 1. Emotionally Intelligent Mentoring Using EI Concepts to Enhance Your Mentoring Program Presented by: Don Peterson Strategic Partners, Inc.
  2. 2. What We’ll Cover Today Review of Emotional Intelligence  What it is  Why it matters EQ Skills EQ Skills for Mentoring For Mentors For Mentees
  3. 3. What are Emotions?Emotions are the pre-dispositions to action. --Julio Olalla Actions I Can Take Emotions Actions I Can’t Take
  4. 4. What are Emotions? Produced by thoughts Experience physically
  5. 5. Neuroscience 101 – The Brain Thalamus Neocortex (traffic controller)(we think rationally over here) Amygdala(we feel emotions and remember here) Spinal Chord (some sensation enters brain here)
  6. 6. The Pre-Historic BrainFLIGHT!! FIGHT!! OR
  7. 7. The Amygdala Hijack Strong emotional reaction Sudden onset Later feeling of regret
  8. 8. “Take a Breath”  Notice your instant reaction (What are you feeling? How is your body reacting? What are you telling yourself?)  Breathe!  Intentionally go to your “thinking” brain  Express your emotions in a constructive manner
  9. 9. “Take a Breath” Activities  Count to three  “Whoa! What’s happening to me?”  Name the emotion and where it came from  Name three things you like about the person with whom you are talking/fighting
  10. 10. What is EQ? The ability to sense, understand and use emotions to more effectively manage ourselves and influence positive outcomes in our relationships with others
  11. 11. EQ, IQ and Personality IQ EQ Personality
  12. 12. Why EQ Matters High EQ Skills:  80% of high performers  More important to job performance than any other skill  More influence on job performance than IQ and experience combined  20% more productive  60% of workplace success
  13. 13. We are being judgedby a new yardstick;not just how smart we are, or by ourtraining and expertise, but also howwell we handle ourselves and eachother. -- Dan Goleman Working with Emotional Intelligence
  14. 14. EQ-i Skills   Intra-Personal  Adaptability  Emotional Self-  Problem Solving Awareness  Flexibility  Assertiveness  Reality Testing  Self-Regard  Stress Management  Self-Actualization  Stress Tolerance  Independence  Impulse Control  Inter-Personal  General Mood  Interpersonal  Optimism Relationship  Happiness  Empathy  Social Responsibility
  15. 15. We are what we repeatedly do.Excellence is not an act, but a habit. --Aristotle
  16. 16. Using EQ Assessments inMentoring Programs  Before Mentoring begins  Assess Mentors EQ  Assess Mentees EQ  Before matching takes place  Review strengths and weaknesses of Mentors/Mentees  Review combinations of skills before matching  Use Mentee EQ assessment as part of development plan
  17. 17. Useful EQ-i Skills For Mentors  Intra-Personal  Adaptability  Emotional Self-  Problem Solving Awareness  Flexibility  Assertiveness  Reality Testing  Self-Regard  Stress Management  Self-Actualization  Stress Tolerance  Independence  Impulse Control  Inter-Personal  General Mood  Interpersonal  Optimism Relationship  Happiness  Empathy  Social Responsibility
  18. 18. Useful EQ-i Skills For Mentees  Intra-Personal  Adaptability  Emotional Self-  Problem Solving Awareness  Flexibility  Assertiveness  Reality Testing  Self-Regard  Stress Management  Self-Actualization  Stress Tolerance  Independence  Impulse Control  Inter-Personal  General Mood  Interpersonal  Optimism Relationship  Happiness  Empathy  Social Responsibility
  19. 19. Before Matching What are the mentor’s strengths and weaknesses? What are the Mentee’s strengths and weaknesses? What EQ skills is the Mentee looking to develop? What EQ skills does the Mentor demonstrate?
  20. 20. Before Matching Consider combinations of EQ skills , e.g.,  Mentee is high in Assertiveness and low in Empathy  Mentee could be aggressive  Is Mentor prepared to deal with a Mentee who might be aggressive?
  21. 21. Mentoring Development Plan  Pick ONE or TWO EQ skills to work on  Agree to new practices and actions to develop skills
  22. 22. Self Regard  Definition: The ability to respect and accept ourselves warts and all  Importance: One of the most powerful predictors of competent behavior
  23. 23. Self Regard  To build: An on-going process of self-exploration that focuses on grounding negative self- assessments  Benefits: An expanding knowledge of identity that is richer, more flexible, more confident and more secure
  24. 24. The ABCDEs of EQ A B C D E Debate,Activating Conse- Dispute, Event Beliefs quences Discard Effects2. What 3. What self- 1. What are 4. What is 5. How hastriggered the talk is going the un- the evidence doing #4upsetting on? pleasant to dispute shifted yoursituation? feelings and the self-talk? feelings and behaviors? behaviors? What new actions are available to you?
  25. 25. Emotional SelfAwareness Definition: The ability to understand what we are feeling and why Importance: It provides the springboard for the positive development of the other EQ skills
  26. 26. Emotional SelfAwareness To build: Ask ourselves questions about our current emotional state and our triggers Benefits: Eliminates or mitigates the emotions that are getting in our way, causing our own suffering and the suffering of others
  27. 27. It Just Bubbles Up1. Describe a recent situation in which you were triggered by another person and acted “badly”2. Name the emotions you experienced3. Describe the thoughts you had about yourself, the other person and the situation
  28. 28. It Just Bubbles Up4. Describe how you responded to those thoughts and emotions (withdrew, became verbally abusive, pretended agreement, etc.)5. Describe the physical sensations as you experienced the thoughts and emotions6. What do you want to do differently when faced with a similar situation in the future.
  29. 29. InterpersonalRelationships Definition: The ability to develop mutually satisfying relationships by surrendering some self-interest for the good of the relationship Importance: As naturally social beings, critical to success and survival
  30. 30. InterpersonalRelationships To build: Improve your listening, find areas of common interest, read non- verbal clues Benefits: Stress reduction, increased productivity and creativity, greater enjoyment of life
  31. 31. Happiness  Definition: The ability to feel satisfied with one’s life, to enjoy oneself and others, and to have fun  Importance: Affects the development and exercise of all your skills
  32. 32. Happiness  To build: Pay attention to when you need to be right and to your “wanting;” choose happiness instead  Benefits: The relaxation of our self-importance; more pleasure and less pain
  33. 33. No creature can fly with just one wing. Gifted leadership occurs where heartand head – feeling and thought – meet. These are the two wings that allow a leader to soar. -- From “Primal Leadership”

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