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Leaving school coping with change
- 1. ! ! Page 1 ‘Endings ... beginnings’ !A presentation for school-leavers By Libby Webber Dip. H.E, Counselling, B.A Hons. MBACP ! www.southseacounselling.co.uk
- 2. “Everything has to come to an end sometime” (L. Frank Baum) ! ¥ Change is an inevitable part of life - it is inescapable ¥ It involves losses and gains ¥ Changes can come in many forms; some are choices we make on our own, some are forced upon us ¥ Change is a process of transition rather than a sudden switch from one state of being to another ¥ Change and transition affects different people in different ways - emotionally, mentally and physically ¥ Transitions have stages which you might - or might not - pass through; each stage typically has different emotions and thoughts associated with it ¥ Finding out how you tend to respond when things are changing can help you cope better with change in the future ¥ Whilst change can be difficult to deal with, it is also true that ‘as one door closes, another opens’. Be aware of new opportunities as well as those lost. ! L.Frank Baum was an American author who wrote the ‘Wizard of Oz’ books. His life story illustrates the truth of the saying ‘As one door closes, another opens’. ! Baum was an unsuccessful playwright before turning his hand to running a store, which went bankrupt because he tended to give goods out on credit. Undeterred, he began editing a local newspaper which also went bankrupt. ! Always on the look out for new opportunities, Baum then began writing short stories, and later, the book that would make him famous: ‘The Wizard of Oz’. You can find out more about L. Frank Baum’s story in this Wikipedia article. ! ! Page 2
- 3. ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Transitions that you may already have experienced in your life or be about to experience: ! ¥ moving from junior to senior school ¥ going from being ‘single’ to being ‘in a relationship’ ¥ moving to a new home ¥ ending (or starting) a friendship ¥ going through puberty ¥ starting college or university ! What changed for you when you went through each of these transitions? What did you lose and what did you gain? ! ! Page 3 Endings New beginnings Transition Time
- 4. Some of the thoughts and feelings associated with leaving school (and other Endings): ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Page 4 Leaving school Some common thoughts & feelings sadness anxiety excitement isolation anticipation loss anger relief grief liberation denial wariness enthusiasm challenge regret achievement failure
- 5. ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! William Bridges was an American author and organisational consultant who came up with a model for looking at and understanding the process of transition from ending to new beginning. Although originally developed to explain the process of organisational change, Bridges’ model is also useful for understanding personal change because it gives us an idea of the sorts of feelings we might experience at different stages of the process. ! You can find out more about Bridges’ model in this article on the Mind Tools website. Page 5 Transition model of change: William Bridges
- 6. ‘It is always important to know when something has reached its end. Closing circles, shutting doors, finishing chapters, it doesn't matter what we call it; what matters is to leave in the past those moments in life that are over’, (Paulo Coelho) ! ! ! ! So if endings, transitions and change are inevitable, how do we ensure that we have ‘good endings’? ! ¥ figure out who or what you’re saying goodbye to ¥ acknowledge the good and the bad things about what’s ending ¥ be honest with yourself about what you’re feeling - our feelings and thoughts are important because they shape how we respond to things ¥ weigh up your losses and gains ¥ make peace with whatever and whoever you need to reconcile with before you move on ¥ tie up whatever loose ends you can - otherwise they are liable to hang around and spoil the new beginning ¥ decide what you’ve learned from the past and what you’d rather leave behind ¥ look to see what doors are opening for you just as much as you notice the doors that are closing behind you ! Other resources Elisabeth Kubler-Ross: The Grief Cycle.- another way of looking at how we deal emotionally and psychologically with change and loss. Page 6