Things I Hate. A Primer.
A presentation from Sean Carton

March 12th 2010
I'm an ad guy. I've spent years (work history) on the agency side in several areas
         including media, account servi...
Dr. David Jubb is a breatharian who lives in New York. He runs Jubb's Longevity
      and has written many books. He promo...
"As Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of
      America, where– where do they go? It's...
Yet one truth has gone unstated: Supply meets demand. The term douche—or
        douchebag, if you prefer—is necessary to ...
Emo (pronounced /ˈiːmoʊ/) is a style of rock music typically characterized by
        melodic musicianship and expressive,...
Freegans are people who employ alternative strategies for living based on
       limited participation in the conventional...
The old saying is wrong-winners do quit, and quitters do win.
   Every new project (or job, or hobby, or company) starts o...
www.hentairules.net ("Hentai Rules, Free Zip English/translated and Original Adult Mangas, Pictures,
Doujin, and Movies !"...
They want to deliver vast amounts of information over the Internet. And again,
       the Internet is not something that y...
The term jock is a classic North American stereotype of a male athlete. The
       etymology of the term jock is believed ...
a simple day has begun in the princedome, well it would be simple if the queen of all cosmos had a
baby on the way. all th...
Midwesterners I know would not, even if three sheets to the wind and
       overwhelmed by hormones, use a handicapped sta...
The Libertarian way is a logically consistent approach to politics based on the
        moral principle of self-ownership....
Perhaps the most common complaint of the online gamer is that the game is
         "boring", or that there is "too much re...
"I believe those who wield the baton of the secular progressive agenda bear
        significant responsibility for the esca...
Planning an OSCAR party is a snap—your TV will be your centerpiece, so you
        just need to add some lights, camera an...
“The best argument against democracy is a five minute conversation with the
       average voter.”

       Winston Churchil...
QUIZNOS SUB MISSION

        To be the leader in quick service restaurants by serving the best sandwiches and
        "pro...
“Let us all hope that the dark clouds of racial prejudice will soon pass away, and
        that in some not too distant to...
...the story of Xenu (sometimes Xemu), introduced as the tyrant ruler of the "Galactic
Confederacy." According to this sto...
The Boston Tea Party supports reducing the size, scope and power of
        government at all levels and on all issues, an...
While colloquially referred to as the roe (eggs), uni is actually the animal's
        gonads (which produce the milt or r...
I hope you enjoy disappointment.
                          Edward Cullen, Twilight, Chapter 3, p.65




“V”
is for “vampir...
"There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in
         Tennessee — that says, fool me once, sham...
"If you want to experience all of the successes and pleasure in life, you have to
        be willing to accept all the pai...
came here for brunch and I paid $6 for 2 COLD pancakes. My b/f got the tofu
        scrambles w/ a bunch of other garbage ...
Our fundamental assertion is that there is an irreconcilable tension
             between global capitalism and the theore...
Upcoming SlideShare
Loading in …5
×

Things I Hate: A Primer

613 views

Published on

Stuff I hate. Make sure to view full-screen.

0 Comments
1 Like
Statistics
Notes
  • Be the first to comment

No Downloads
Views
Total views
613
On SlideShare
0
From Embeds
0
Number of Embeds
27
Actions
Shares
0
Downloads
5
Comments
0
Likes
1
Embeds 0
No embeds

No notes for slide




























  • Things I Hate: A Primer

    1. 1. Things I Hate. A Primer. A presentation from Sean Carton March 12th 2010
    2. 2. I'm an ad guy. I've spent years (work history) on the agency side in several areas including media, account service and new business. Now much of my time is spent publishing Adrants, an online publication covering the marketing and advertising industry. Along with founding and publishing Adrants, I co-founded the online marketing site MarketingVOX. I also publish the ad:tech weblog, launched the Adrants Creative Archive and founded AdGabber, a social networking site for the advertising industry. “A” is for “ad guy” Look at me! I’m still doing TV spots. I hate the Internet! I really fucking wish I’d retired before all this techno-mo-loligy came around.
    3. 3. Dr. David Jubb is a breatharian who lives in New York. He runs Jubb's Longevity and has written many books. He promotes lifefood, which is distinct from raw or living foods in that it still has it's lifeforce intact, ability to reproduce, and can be found growing somewhere in the wild. He is a physiologist, blood formation specialist, shaman, and founder of colliodal biology which is the understanding of life below the level of the cell. I have learned much from him, he has been a major inspiration as he has a lot of insight into breatharianism. “B” is for “breatharian” “Look at me! I’m a spoiled 50 year old man-child who’s never worked a day in my life! I sneak Whoppers when nobody’s looking!”
    4. 4. "As Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where– where do they go? It's Alaska. It's just right over the border." -- Sarah Palin, explaining why Alaska's proximity to Russia gives her foreign policy experience, interview with CBS's Katie Couric, Sept. 24, 2008 “C” is for “conservatives” Is this what we’ve come to?
    5. 5. Yet one truth has gone unstated: Supply meets demand. The term douche—or douchebag, if you prefer—is necessary to describe an ever-increasing number of persons appearing on network television and even more so on cable, where a majority of reality shows reward douchebaggy deeds. The hair gel on primped douchebag heads greases the wheels of the machine. “D” is for “douchebag” “Yo! Lookit me! YO! I said ‘look.at.me.’ Muthafucker, I said look at me, you bitchass piece of... Oh yeah. I do have a small penis.”
    6. 6. Emo (pronounced /ˈiːmoʊ/) is a style of rock music typically characterized by melodic musicianship and expressive, often confessional lyrics. It originated in the mid-1980s hardcore punk movement of Washington, D.C., where it was known as "emotional hardcore" or "emocore" and pioneered by bands such as Rites of Spring and Embrace. “E” is for “emo” “I am not a Goth! I’m not! You’re stupid! Everyone knows the difference between Emo and Goth! I hate you, Mom! I’m just going to cut myself until you understand. Rites of Spring? Is that some sort of douche?”
    7. 7. Freegans are people who employ alternative strategies for living based on limited participation in the conventional economy and minimal consumption of resources. Freegans embrace community, generosity, social concern, freedom, cooperation, and sharing in opposition to a society based on materialism, moral apathy, competition, conformity, and greed. “F” is for “Freegans” “Are you gonna eat that?”
    8. 8. The old saying is wrong-winners do quit, and quitters do win. Every new project (or job, or hobby, or company) starts out exciting and fun. Then it gets harder and less fun, until it hits a low point-really hard, and not much fun at all. And then you find yourself asking if the goal is even worth the hassle. Maybe you're in a Dip-a temporary setback that will get better if you keep pushing. But maybe it's really a Cul-de-Sac, which will never get better, no matter how hard you try. According to bestselling author Seth Godin, what really sets superstars apart from everyone else is the ability to escape dead ends quickly, while staying focused and motivated when it really counts. “G” is for “Godin” Formula for success: State the obvious about a business/marketing problem +topical jargon+easy-for-CEOs-to- remember phrase that explains everything +non-stop self-promotion.
    9. 9. www.hentairules.net ("Hentai Rules, Free Zip English/translated and Original Adult Mangas, Pictures, Doujin, and Movies !") has one IP number , which is the same as for hentairules.net, via cname , but the reverse is cluster007.ovh.net. wezzu.com, mijim.com, wikiji.net, iso376.com, itroika.com and at least 100 other hosts point to the same IP. hentairules.net is a domain controlled by two nameservers at ovh.net. They are on the same IP network. Incoming mail for hentairules.net is handled by two mailservers having a total of eleven IP numbers. All of them are on the same IP network. www.hentairules.net is ranked #11049 world wide as hentairules.net and is hosted on a server in United Kingdom. Child safety of this site is very poor. Trustworthiness, vendor reliability and privacy is excellent. (more on reputation).It is not listed in any blacklists.It has 1511 organic keywords. It might contain adult material! It has 158 inlinks. “H” is for “hentai” Because real adult women are scary... ...or at least scarier than this.
    10. 10. They want to deliver vast amounts of information over the Internet. And again, the Internet is not something that you just dump something on. It's not a big truck. It's a series of tubes. And if you don't understand, those tubes can be filled and if they are filled, when you put your message in, it gets in line and it's going to be delayed by anyone that puts into that tube enormous amounts of material, enormous amounts of material. “I” is for “internet” From Vannevar Bush and the great information revolution to /b/tards and PedoBear®. Ain’t progress grand?
    11. 11. The term jock is a classic North American stereotype of a male athlete. The etymology of the term jock is believed to be derived from the word jockstrap,[1] which is an athletic support garment worn by men who engage in physical sports. The word jockstrap results from the original meaning of jock, which was a slang term for the penis around the 1700's. “J” is for “jocks” Proof that Darwin wasn’t always right.
    12. 12. a simple day has begun in the princedome, well it would be simple if the queen of all cosmos had a baby on the way. all the cousins where exitced that is execpt the prince, who was on a rolling spree when he heard the news "oh man" he said to himself "if mom has a new child, they'll let it go rolling while i have to clean dipaers" the prince headed home and asked is dad, the king of all cosmos if he was going to make him clean dipears "what made you think that?" he said "we wouldn't want to have our famous son cleaning poopies when our queens baby has arrvied" but the prince was still worried, and was still worried when the queen left for the hospital, long after the exitement left the princedome the prince had a horilble nightmare about a thing that looked just like him the only question the prince had was this: that is that thing? “K” is for “katamari damacy” It’s a freakin’ video game, you idiots. A video game where you roll around a giant ball picking up stuff like a lint brush. It’s not some way of life. You’re so going to regret this later. Besides, you’re not even Japanese.
    13. 13. Midwesterners I know would not, even if three sheets to the wind and overwhelmed by hormones, use a handicapped stall to have sex in, just as we would never have sex in a car parked in a handicapped spot. It's a basic taboo. The adultery we cannot approve of, the drunkenness is immature, sex with a stranger is definitely sketchy, but the handicapped stall is beyond the pale. As your mother would say, "How could you do it? What were you thinking?" “K” is for “Garrison Keillor” Who the fuck thinks this guy is funny? Who thinks he’s profound? Why do you laugh when he speaks? Why do you take his “wisdom” to heart? Why does he have to be on NPR 15 times each weekend? What unholy alliance or demonic pact was signed to keep him working? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!?!?!
    14. 14. The Libertarian way is a logically consistent approach to politics based on the moral principle of self-ownership. Each individual has the right to control his or her own body, action, speech, and property. Government's only role is to help individuals defend themselves from force and fraud. “L” is for “libertarians” It sounds like a good idea...until they start talking about guns, immigration, laissez-faire capitalism, anti- environmentalism, isolationism, etc. Here’s my question: when you are crippled with Carpal Tunnel syndrome from working 12 hours a day for your capitalist boss, who’s gonna pay for your doctor visits?
    15. 15. Perhaps the most common complaint of the online gamer is that the game is "boring", or that there is "too much repetitive work" at "low levels". This is a clear indication that gameplay within a hierarchical system is stifling the entertainment potential. However, many players will also state that they "keep playing to be with their friends", showing that the community ties and friendships are a dominating influence, even in the face of less-than-exciting gameplay. “M” is for “MMORPGs” Play all day. It doesn’t matter. It’s still a game and you’re still going to be a dork.
    16. 16. "I believe those who wield the baton of the secular progressive agenda bear significant responsibility for the escalation of school shootings. Even conservatives who refuse to speak when evil flourishes must acknowledge some culpability.” “N” is for “Norris” What the fuck is wrong with you people and the whole “Chuck Norris” meme? Most of you probably had no idea who he was before your friends started sending you “funny” Chuck Norris quotes on Facebook. Let me break it to you: he’s a rabid conservative and kind of an idiot. Oh yeah: he used to do karate movies.
    17. 17. Planning an OSCAR party is a snap—your TV will be your centerpiece, so you just need to add some lights, camera and action to bring the show to life. Start the party as soon as your guests arrive by placing a red carpet right inside your door. As you open the door, give your guests the paparazzi treatment by yelling their name and snapping lots of photos of them as they enter. “O” is for “Oscars” Yes, it’s vitally important that you spend your hard-earned money celebrating the “achievements” of a bunch of people who play dress-up and make-believe for a living. And no, you’ll never meet one of them. And if you did, they’d think you’re stupid.
    18. 18. “The best argument against democracy is a five minute conversation with the average voter.” Winston Churchill “P” is for “people” Why is everyone so irritating? Why are they so stupid? I’d love to be more charitable, but when I listen to “undecided voters” or “homeowners,” I want to hop the next bus to Canada.
    19. 19. QUIZNOS SUB MISSION To be the leader in quick service restaurants by serving the best sandwiches and "products in and around sandwiches" in the marketplace... one successful restaurant and one "wowed" customer at a time. “Q” is for “Quiznos” “Toasty.” It sounds like a great idea. So does drinking 15 shots of tequilla and chasing it down with a greasy sub while riding in the back of a stranger’s van going 90 down the LA Freeway. Not that something like that ever happened to me...
    20. 20. “Let us all hope that the dark clouds of racial prejudice will soon pass away, and that in some not too distant tomorrow the radiant stars of love and brotherhood will shine over our great nation with all their scintillating beauty.” “R” is for “racism” I don’t care what color you are: it’s idiotic to hate someone because their skin happens to produce a different shade of dihydroxyindole carbolic acid- based pigment then some other person. Quick: name a smart racist. See, I told you.
    21. 21. ...the story of Xenu (sometimes Xemu), introduced as the tyrant ruler of the "Galactic Confederacy." According to this story, 75 million years ago Xenu brought billions of people to Earth in spacecraft resembling Douglas DC-8 airliners, stacked them around volcanoes and detonated hydrogen bombs in the volcanoes. The thetans then clustered together, stuck to the bodies of the living, and continue to do this today. Scientologists at advanced levels place considerable emphasis on isolating body thetans and neutralizing their ill effects. “S” is for “scientology” Any “religion” in which the holiest-of- holy truths read like a really, really bad pulp sci-fi novel from the 50’s probably has something wrong it. Well, that and the fact that they’ve converted a lot of celebrities. That should be enough to scare any sane person away.
    22. 22. The Boston Tea Party supports reducing the size, scope and power of government at all levels and on all issues, and opposes increasing the size, scope and power of government at any level, for any purpose. “T” is for “Tea Party” We hate the government...unless it’s giving us jobs, building our roads, running our national parks, fighting our wars, sending us our disability checks, keeping brown people out of the country, or assuring that some other country can’t sell the stuff that we used to make cheaper than we can.
    23. 23. While colloquially referred to as the roe (eggs), uni is actually the animal's gonads (which produce the milt or roe). Uni ranges in color from rich gold to light yellow, and has a creamy consistency that some love and is off-putting to others. “U” is for “Uni” Take a mackerel. Stick it inside a tub of Dijonaise for a month in the hot sun. Scoop it out, wrap it in rice and seaweed. That’s uni. Satan’s Snot.
    24. 24. I hope you enjoy disappointment. Edward Cullen, Twilight, Chapter 3, p.65 “V” is for “vampires” Vampires don’t “sparkle.” They kill...for blood. They live in coffins, they stink, and they run away from garlic and crosses. The rule the night. They’re scary. But no longer. I’m just going to say it: Edward Cullen is just a pussy. You can’t be a pussy and a vampire. Anyway, Stephanie Meyer writes like she’s scribbling on the back of her notebook.
    25. 25. "There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again." —Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002 “W” is for “W” This guy fucked things up for all of us for a long, long time. Fuck you, George Bush. You’re probably the one person I really hate in this world.
    26. 26. "If you want to experience all of the successes and pleasure in life, you have to be willing to accept all the pain and failure that comes with it." - A famous quote by Mat Hoffman, BMX rider. “X” is for “xtreme” YEEEAAAAHHHHH! EXXXTREEEEEMMMEEEEE! OMG. I hate the whole “extreme” thing so much that I can barely type this. Get a life. Or not. The rest of us don’t care. Just go away.
    27. 27. came here for brunch and I paid $6 for 2 COLD pancakes. My b/f got the tofu scrambles w/ a bunch of other garbage like fried plantains that were sort of rubbery like they had just been heated up from the day before....kinda like the way my pancakes were except they didnt even bother to heat them up. When we tried to order coffee the woman behind the counter looked at us, went "hmmm i gotta make it" and then says "I hope its not doing its 'thing' today"  Then when we paid for our bill and pulled out the visa card she says "oh the credit card machines doin its thing today"   “Y” is for “yabba pot” No. That’s not really food.
    28. 28. Our fundamental assertion is that there is an irreconcilable tension between global capitalism and the theoretical school of posthumanism. This is an essay full of zombies—the historical, folkloric zombie of Haitian origin, which reveals much about the subject position and its relationship to a Master/Slave dialectic; the living-dead zombie of contemporary film, who seems increasingly to be lurching off the screen and into our real world (as a metaphor, this zombie reveals much about the way we code inferior sub- jects as unworthy of life); and finally, we are putting forth a zombie that does not yet exist: a thought-experiment that exposes the limits of posthuman theory and shows that we can get posthuman only at the death of the sub- ject. “Z” is for “zombies” Let me clue you in to something: the whole “zombie” thing is supposed to be ironic, OK? It’s not anymore. You can tart it up in as much po-mo theory as you want, but it’s still just hipsters playing dress-up.

    ×