Things I Hate. A Primer.
A presentation from Sean Carton
March 12th 2010
I'm an ad guy. I've spent years (work history) on the agency side in several areas
including media, account service and new business. Now much of my time is spent
publishing Adrants, an online publication covering the marketing and advertising
industry. Along with founding and publishing Adrants, I co-founded the online
marketing site MarketingVOX. I also publish the ad:tech weblog, launched the
Adrants Creative Archive and founded AdGabber, a social networking site for the
is for “ad guy”
Look at me! I’m still doing TV spots. I
hate the Internet! I really fucking wish I’d
retired before all this techno-mo-loligy
Dr. David Jubb is a breatharian who lives in New York. He runs Jubb's Longevity
and has written many books. He promotes lifefood, which is distinct from raw or
living foods in that it still has it's lifeforce intact, ability to reproduce, and can be
found growing somewhere in the wild. He is a physiologist, blood formation
specialist, shaman, and founder of colliodal biology which is the understanding of
life below the level of the cell. I have learned much from him, he has been a major
inspiration as he has a lot of insight into breatharianism.
is for “breatharian”
“Look at me! I’m a spoiled 50 year old
man-child who’s never worked a day in
my life! I sneak Whoppers when nobody’s
"As Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of
America, where– where do they go? It's Alaska. It's just right over the border." --
Sarah Palin, explaining why Alaska's proximity to Russia gives her foreign policy
experience, interview with CBS's Katie Couric, Sept. 24, 2008
is for “conservatives”
Is this what we’ve come to?
Yet one truth has gone unstated: Supply meets demand. The term douche—or
douchebag, if you prefer—is necessary to describe an ever-increasing number of
persons appearing on network television and even more so on cable, where a
majority of reality shows reward douchebaggy deeds. The hair gel on primped
douchebag heads greases the wheels of the machine.
is for “douchebag”
“Yo! Lookit me! YO! I said ‘look.at.me.’
Muthafucker, I said look at me, you
bitchass piece of... Oh yeah. I do have a
Emo (pronounced /ˈiːmoʊ/) is a style of rock music typically characterized by
melodic musicianship and expressive, often confessional lyrics. It originated in
the mid-1980s hardcore punk movement of Washington, D.C., where it was
known as "emotional hardcore" or "emocore" and pioneered by bands such as
Rites of Spring and Embrace.
is for “emo”
“I am not a Goth! I’m not! You’re stupid!
Everyone knows the difference between
Emo and Goth! I hate you, Mom! I’m just
going to cut myself until you understand.
Rites of Spring? Is that some sort of
Freegans are people who employ alternative strategies for living based on
limited participation in the conventional economy and minimal consumption of
resources. Freegans embrace community, generosity, social concern, freedom,
cooperation, and sharing in opposition to a society based on materialism, moral
apathy, competition, conformity, and greed.
is for “Freegans”
“Are you gonna eat that?”
The old saying is wrong-winners do quit, and quitters do win.
Every new project (or job, or hobby, or company) starts out exciting and fun. Then it gets
harder and less fun, until it hits a low point-really hard, and not much fun at all.
And then you ﬁnd yourself asking if the goal is even worth the hassle. Maybe you're in a
Dip-a temporary setback that will get better if you keep pushing. But maybe it's really a
Cul-de-Sac, which will never get better, no matter how hard you try.
According to bestselling author Seth Godin, what really sets superstars apart from everyone
else is the ability to escape dead ends quickly, while staying focused and motivated when it
is for “Godin”
Formula for success: State the obvious
about a business/marketing problem
remember phrase that explains everything
www.hentairules.net ("Hentai Rules, Free Zip English/translated and Original Adult Mangas, Pictures,
Doujin, and Movies !") has one IP number , which is the same as for hentairules.net, via cname , but
the reverse is cluster007.ovh.net. wezzu.com, mijim.com, wikiji.net, iso376.com, itroika.com and at
least 100 other hosts point to the same IP. hentairules.net is a domain controlled by two nameservers at
ovh.net. They are on the same IP network. Incoming mail for hentairules.net is handled by two
mailservers having a total of eleven IP numbers. All of them are on the same IP network.
www.hentairules.net is ranked #11049 world wide as hentairules.net and is hosted on a server in
United Kingdom. Child safety of this site is very poor. Trustworthiness, vendor reliability and
privacy is excellent. (more on reputation).It is not listed in any blacklists.It has 1511 organic
keywords. It might contain adult material! It has 158 inlinks.
is for “hentai”
Because real adult women are scary...
...or at least scarier than this.
They want to deliver vast amounts of information over the Internet. And again,
the Internet is not something that you just dump something on. It's not a big
truck. It's a series of tubes. And if you don't understand, those tubes can be
ﬁlled and if they are ﬁlled, when you put your message in, it gets in line and it's
going to be delayed by anyone that puts into that tube enormous amounts of
material, enormous amounts of material.
is for “internet”
From Vannevar Bush and the great
information revolution to /b/tards and
Ain’t progress grand?
The term jock is a classic North American stereotype of a male athlete. The
etymology of the term jock is believed to be derived from the word jockstrap,
which is an athletic support garment worn by men who engage in physical
sports. The word jockstrap results from the original meaning of jock, which was
a slang term for the penis around the 1700's.
is for “jocks”
Proof that Darwin wasn’t always right.
a simple day has begun in the princedome, well it would be simple if the queen of all cosmos had a
baby on the way. all the cousins where exitced that is execpt the prince, who was on a rolling spree
when he heard the news "oh man" he said to himself "if mom has a new child, they'll let it go
rolling while i have to clean dipaers" the prince headed home and asked is dad, the king of all
cosmos if he was going to make him clean dipears "what made you think that?" he said "we
wouldn't want to have our famous son cleaning poopies when our queens baby has arrvied" but the
prince was still worried, and was still worried when the queen left for the hospital, long after the
exitement left the princedome the prince had a horilble nightmare about a thing that looked just
like him the only question the prince had was this: that is that thing?
is for “katamari damacy”
It’s a freakin’ video game, you idiots. A
video game where you roll around a giant
ball picking up stuff like a lint brush. It’s
not some way of life. You’re so going to
regret this later.
Besides, you’re not even Japanese.
Midwesterners I know would not, even if three sheets to the wind and
overwhelmed by hormones, use a handicapped stall to have sex in, just as we
would never have sex in a car parked in a handicapped spot. It's a basic taboo.
The adultery we cannot approve of, the drunkenness is immature, sex with a
stranger is deﬁnitely sketchy, but the handicapped stall is beyond the pale. As
your mother would say, "How could you do it? What were you thinking?"
is for “Garrison Keillor”
Who the fuck thinks this guy is funny?
Who thinks he’s profound? Why do you
laugh when he speaks? Why do you take
his “wisdom” to heart? Why does he have
to be on NPR 15 times each weekend?
What unholy alliance or demonic pact
was signed to keep him working?
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH
The Libertarian way is a logically consistent approach to politics based on the
moral principle of self-ownership. Each individual has the right to control his or
her own body, action, speech, and property. Government's only role is to help
individuals defend themselves from force and fraud.
is for “libertarians”
It sounds like a good idea...until they
start talking about guns, immigration,
laissez-faire capitalism, anti-
environmentalism, isolationism, etc.
Here’s my question: when you are
crippled with Carpal Tunnel syndrome
from working 12 hours a day for your
capitalist boss, who’s gonna pay for your
Perhaps the most common complaint of the online gamer is that the game is
"boring", or that there is "too much repetitive work" at "low levels". This is a
clear indication that gameplay within a hierarchical system is stiﬂing the
entertainment potential. However, many players will also state that they "keep
playing to be with their friends", showing that the community ties and
friendships are a dominating inﬂuence, even in the face of less-than-exciting
is for “MMORPGs”
Play all day. It doesn’t matter. It’s still a
game and you’re still going to be a dork.
"I believe those who wield the baton of the secular progressive agenda bear
signiﬁcant responsibility for the escalation of school shootings. Even
conservatives who refuse to speak when evil ﬂourishes must acknowledge some
is for “Norris”
What the fuck is wrong with you people
and the whole “Chuck Norris” meme?
Most of you probably had no idea who he
was before your friends started sending
you “funny” Chuck Norris quotes on
Let me break it to you: he’s a rabid
conservative and kind of an idiot. Oh
yeah: he used to do karate movies.
Planning an OSCAR party is a snap—your TV will be your centerpiece, so you
just need to add some lights, camera and action to bring the show to life.
Start the party as soon as your guests arrive by placing a red carpet right inside
your door. As you open the door, give your guests the paparazzi treatment by
yelling their name and snapping lots of photos of them as they enter.
is for “Oscars”
Yes, it’s vitally important that you spend
your hard-earned money celebrating the
“achievements” of a bunch of people who
play dress-up and make-believe for a
And no, you’ll never meet one of them.
And if you did, they’d think you’re
“The best argument against democracy is a ﬁve minute conversation with the
is for “people”
Why is everyone so irritating? Why are
they so stupid? I’d love to be more
charitable, but when I listen to
“undecided voters” or “homeowners,” I
want to hop the next bus to Canada.
QUIZNOS SUB MISSION
To be the leader in quick service restaurants by serving the best sandwiches and
"products in and around sandwiches" in the marketplace... one successful
restaurant and one "wowed" customer at a time.
is for “Quiznos”
“Toasty.” It sounds like a great idea. So
does drinking 15 shots of tequilla and
chasing it down with a greasy sub while
riding in the back of a stranger’s van
going 90 down the LA Freeway.
Not that something like that ever
happened to me...
“Let us all hope that the dark clouds of racial prejudice will soon pass away, and
that in some not too distant tomorrow the radiant stars of love and brotherhood
will shine over our great nation with all their scintillating beauty.”
is for “racism”
I don’t care what color you are: it’s
idiotic to hate someone because their
skin happens to produce a different
shade of dihydroxyindole carbolic acid-
based pigment then some other person.
Quick: name a smart racist.
See, I told you.
...the story of Xenu (sometimes Xemu), introduced as the tyrant ruler of the "Galactic
Confederacy." According to this story, 75 million years ago Xenu brought billions of people to
Earth in spacecraft resembling Douglas DC-8 airliners, stacked them around volcanoes and
detonated hydrogen bombs in the volcanoes. The thetans then clustered together, stuck to the
bodies of the living, and continue to do this today. Scientologists at advanced levels place
considerable emphasis on isolating body thetans and neutralizing their ill effects.
is for “scientology”
Any “religion” in which the holiest-of-
holy truths read like a really, really bad
pulp sci-ﬁ novel from the 50’s probably
has something wrong it.
Well, that and the fact that they’ve
converted a lot of celebrities. That should
be enough to scare any sane person away.
The Boston Tea Party supports reducing the size, scope and power of
government at all levels and on all issues, and opposes increasing the size, scope
and power of government at any level, for any purpose.
is for “Tea Party”
We hate the government...unless it’s
giving us jobs, building our roads,
running our national parks, ﬁghting our
wars, sending us our disability checks,
keeping brown people out of the country,
or assuring that some other country can’t
sell the stuff that we used to make
cheaper than we can.
While colloquially referred to as the roe (eggs), uni is actually the animal's
gonads (which produce the milt or roe). Uni ranges in color from rich gold to
light yellow, and has a creamy consistency that some love and is off-putting to
is for “Uni”
Take a mackerel. Stick it inside a tub of
Dijonaise for a month in the hot sun.
Scoop it out, wrap it in rice and seaweed.
That’s uni. Satan’s Snot.
I hope you enjoy disappointment.
Edward Cullen, Twilight, Chapter 3, p.65
is for “vampires”
Vampires don’t “sparkle.” They kill...for
blood. They live in cofﬁns, they stink, and
they run away from garlic and crosses.
The rule the night. They’re scary. But no
I’m just going to say it: Edward Cullen is
just a pussy. You can’t be a pussy and a
vampire. Anyway, Stephanie Meyer
writes like she’s scribbling on the back of
"There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in
Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me —
you can't get fooled again." —Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002
is for “W”
This guy fucked things up for all of us for
a long, long time. Fuck you, George Bush.
You’re probably the one person I really
hate in this world.
"If you want to experience all of the successes and pleasure in life, you have to
be willing to accept all the pain and failure that comes with it." - A famous quote
by Mat Hoffman, BMX rider.
is for “xtreme”
OMG. I hate the whole “extreme” thing
so much that I can barely type this.
Get a life. Or not. The rest of us don’t
care. Just go away.
came here for brunch and I paid $6 for 2 COLD pancakes. My b/f got the tofu
scrambles w/ a bunch of other garbage like fried plantains that were sort of
rubbery like they had just been heated up from the day before....kinda like the
way my pancakes were except they didnt even bother to heat them up. When we
tried to order coffee the woman behind the counter looked at us, went "hmmm i
gotta make it" and then says "I hope its not doing its 'thing' today" Then when
we paid for our bill and pulled out the visa card she says "oh the credit card
machines doin its thing today"
is for “yabba pot”
No. That’s not really food.
Our fundamental assertion is that there is an irreconcilable tension
between global capitalism and the theoretical school of posthumanism.
This is an essay full of zombies—the historical, folkloric zombie of Haitian
origin, which reveals much about the subject position and its relationship to
a Master/Slave dialectic; the living-dead zombie of contemporary ﬁlm, who
seems increasingly to be lurching off the screen and into our real world (as
a metaphor, this zombie reveals much about the way we code inferior sub-
jects as unworthy of life); and ﬁnally, we are putting forth a zombie that does
not yet exist: a thought-experiment that exposes the limits of posthuman
theory and shows that we can get posthuman only at the death of the sub-
is for “zombies”
Let me clue you in to something: the
whole “zombie” thing is supposed to be
It’s not anymore. You can tart it up in as
much po-mo theory as you want, but it’s
still just hipsters playing dress-up.