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(WITHOUT EMULATING THE WORST DUDE BEHAVIOR)
GET BULLISH: HOW TO
COMMUNICATE, NEGOTIATE, AND
TAKE NO BULL IN YOUR CAREER
JENNIFER DZIURA
GETBULLISH.COM
@GETBULLISH
WELCOME!
I’M JEN DZIURA
TOOLS FOR:
CONFIDENCE
STRUCTURAL DISCRIMINATION IS
NOT SOME INTERNAL PROBLEM
YOU NEED TO FIX WITHIN
YOURSELF. $%&# THAT NOISE.
Screw advice that blames women for not
being confident enough.
Screw advice that blames women for not
being confident enough.
Where do privileged white men get their
confidence? Not from mantras and vision
boards – they get it from a power structure
that artificially inflates their importance at
every turn.
“Power poses”? If it works for you. But don’t
kill yourself trying to act like an MMA fighter.
“Power poses”? If it works for you. But don’t
kill yourself trying to act like an MMA fighter.
Instead, let’s point out overconfidence. (Try
“hubris.”)
“Power poses”? If it works for you. But don’t
kill yourself trying to act like an MMA fighter.
Instead, let’s point out overconfidence. (Try
“hubris.”)
The truth of the matter is that pretty much anywhere in the world men
tend to think that they that are much smarter than women. Yet
arrogance and overconfidence are inversely related to leadership talent.
- Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic, Harvard Business Review
Language matters:
Language matters:
“direct” vs. “missing some important nuance”
Language matters:
“direct” vs. “missing some important nuance”
“a natural leader” vs. “charging ahead without a
logical and data-driven comparison of the
alternatives”
Language matters:
“Too quiet?” Are the quiet people really the
ones ruining the discussion by interrupting
before anyone can express a fully-formed
idea?
Change the dialogue:
“Bill, I hear you loud and clear!”
Change the dialogue:
“Bill, I hear you loud and clear!”
“Allison, you’ve been quiet so far, but you’re
always insightful about these things. What’s your
take?”
Change the dialogue:
“Bill, I hear you loud and clear!”
“Allison, you’ve been quiet so far, but you’re always
insightful about these things. What’s your take?”
“One of my favorite things about working for Tamika is that
she avoids the overconfidence a lot of managers give in to –
it’s refreshing to work for someone so rational.”
TOOLS FOR:
OBTAINING POWER,
MAINTAINING
GRAVITAS
Make money for the company.
Make money for the company.
- Pick directly revenue-generating roles.
Make money for the company.
- Pick directly revenue-generating roles.
- Quantify your value. Gain access to the
numbers.
Don’t be dependent on your job.
Don’t be dependent on your job.
Easier said than done, but dependence sets
you up for exploitation – same as in any
relationship.
Don’t be dependent on your job.
Easier said than done, but dependence sets you
up for exploitation – same as in any relationship.
-savings, multiple income streams
-huge and strong network
-renown in your field
It’s like a doomsday machine – it doesn’t work
unless other people know about it.
It’s like a doomsday machine – it doesn’t work
unless other people know about it.
-Let it be known you could go anywhere, while
still being committed to the team and your
coworkers
It’s like a doomsday machine – it doesn’t work
unless other people know about it.
-Let it be known you could go anywhere, while
still being committed to the team and your
coworkers
-You are a professional with a practice; you
choose to practice with a company, so long as
it is mutually beneficial
It’s like a doomsday machine – it doesn’t work
unless other people know about it.
-Let it be known you could go anywhere, while
still being committed to the team and your
coworkers
-You are a professional with a practice; you
choose to practice with a company, so long as it is
mutually beneficial
-You can be gracious, genial, and committed –
and still ready to quit or jump ship, as needed
Entrepreneurship is part of the modern career
life cycle.
Entrepreneurship is part of the modern career
life cycle.
Are you really going to work for 40-50 years …
for someone else?
Entrepreneurship is part of the modern career
life cycle.
Are you really going to work for 40-50 years …
for someone else?
Entrepreneurship is a skill like any other.
Learn, practice. Imagine you know you’re
going to Japan some day… you learn Japanese.
TOOLS FOR:
SHUTTING DOWN
SEXIST COMMENTS
Pretend you don’t get it – and make him
explain. Take out a pencil, like he’s actually
going to say something important and
evidence-based. Wait.
Go there first –
Go there first – men love it when you call
them “emotional.”
Go there first – men love it when you call
them “emotional.”
Anger is an emotion.
Go there first – men love it when you call
them “emotional.”
Anger is an emotion.
Arrogance? Emotion!
Go there first – men love it when you call
them “emotional.”
Anger is an emotion.
Arrogance? Emotion!
Irrational need for control and superiority?
EMOTIONS.
Call it out directly – but from a place of being
on the same team
Call it out directly – but from a place of being
on the same team
“I’m glad you didn’t say that in front of the
team! Kind of a morale-killer. Maybe instead
we should say something like...”
Language matters – maybe don’t say “sexist”
Language matters – maybe don’t say “sexist”
(You’re right, but people get defensive.)
Language matters – maybe don’t say “sexist”
(You’re right, but people get defensive.)
Instead:
“unprofessional,”
Language matters – maybe don’t say “sexist”
(You’re right, but people get defensive.)
Instead:
“unprofessional,”
“insulting”
Language matters – maybe don’t say “sexist”
(You’re right, but people get defensive.)
Instead:
“unprofessional,”
“insulting”
“cruel”
Language matters – maybe don’t say “sexist”
(You’re right, but people get defensive.)
Instead:
“unprofessional,”
“insulting”
“cruel”
“morale-killing”
TOOLS FOR:
CHANGING THE SYSTEM
LITTLE BY LITTLE
Support parents, including male parents.
Support parents, including male parents.
82% of women will become mothers, and
younger women with no plans to do so are
still discriminated against in hiring because
of their “potential” for having children.
Support parents, including male parents.
82% of women will become mothers, and
younger women with no plans to do so are
still discriminated against in hiring because
of their “potential” for having children.
Use gender-neutral parenting language. Try
to mention/praise male and female parents
in exactly the same way – see how
countercultural it is!
Coworkers with partners at home (or not at
home) –
Coworkers with partners at home (or not at
home) –
“Oh, so you have a partner who does most
of your domestic work for you?”
Say it like this is a crazy idea from a foreign
culture. Make him explain it.
Coworkers with partners at home (or not at
home) –
“Oh, so you have a partner who does most
of your domestic work for you?”
Say it like this is a crazy idea from a foreign
culture. Make him explain it.
Say “partner,” at least in a younger crowd.
Don’t normalize worker/”wife.” Talk about
male and female partners the same way.
Get involved in hiring in whatever way you
can.
Get involved in hiring in whatever way you
can.
-Blind resume review
Get involved in hiring in whatever way you
can.
-Blind resume review
-Even sitting in on interviews where you
have no decisionmaking power – you’ll at
least get asked for an opinion
Get involved in hiring in whatever way you
can.
-Blind resume review
-Even sitting in on interviews where you
have no decisionmaking power – you’ll at
least get asked for an opinion
-Reach earlier down the pipeline so you can
make genuine personal recommendations
Provide positive reports of other women’s
work (to managers, to the team at large) at
random intervals, with no agenda.
Provide positive reports of other women’s
work (to managers, to the team at large) at
random intervals, with no agenda.
This doesn’t just build up the careers of
those women – continual conditioning (that
women do things) is needed to combat a
lifetime of misogynistic brainwashing.
Provide positive reports of other women’s
work (to managers, to the team at large) at
random intervals, with no agenda.
This doesn’t just build up the careers of
those women – continual conditioning (that
women do things) is needed to combat a
lifetime of misogynistic brainwashing.
Constantly give women credit. You have to
say it many times before it will be heard.
-Favors by women are not noticed or paid
back
-Favors by women are not noticed or paid
back
-Women’s contributions are chalked up to
“helping” (the “glue” that holds the team
together!)
-Favors by women are not noticed or paid
back
-Women’s contributions are chalked up to
“helping” (the “glue” that holds the team
together!)
-Combat that with words like “driving the
project,” “strong leadership,” “vision,”
“stamina”
Obtain power. Given a choice, take the path
that leads to more power.
Obtain power. Given a choice, take the path
that leads to more power.
Moral arguments need enforcement.
Obtain power. Given a choice, take the path
that leads to more power.
Moral arguments need enforcement.
Don’t be unethical, but you don’t have to be
“nice.” It’s better to be good than nice.
Q&A
Get Bullish: How To Communicate, Negotiate, and Take No Bull in Your Career
FREE E-BOOK
JOIN THE LIST AT GETBULLISH.COM
OCTOBER 10 IN NYC
$50 0FF WITH CODE FEMINISTUNICORN
WWW.BULLISHCONFERENCE.COM
THANK
YOU!
JENNIFER DZIURA
GETBULLISH.COM
@GETBULLISH

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Get Bullish: How To Communicate, Negotiate, and Take No Bull in Your Career

  • 1. (WITHOUT EMULATING THE WORST DUDE BEHAVIOR) GET BULLISH: HOW TO COMMUNICATE, NEGOTIATE, AND TAKE NO BULL IN YOUR CAREER JENNIFER DZIURA GETBULLISH.COM @GETBULLISH
  • 4. STRUCTURAL DISCRIMINATION IS NOT SOME INTERNAL PROBLEM YOU NEED TO FIX WITHIN YOURSELF. $%&# THAT NOISE.
  • 5. Screw advice that blames women for not being confident enough.
  • 6. Screw advice that blames women for not being confident enough. Where do privileged white men get their confidence? Not from mantras and vision boards – they get it from a power structure that artificially inflates their importance at every turn.
  • 7. “Power poses”? If it works for you. But don’t kill yourself trying to act like an MMA fighter.
  • 8. “Power poses”? If it works for you. But don’t kill yourself trying to act like an MMA fighter. Instead, let’s point out overconfidence. (Try “hubris.”)
  • 9. “Power poses”? If it works for you. But don’t kill yourself trying to act like an MMA fighter. Instead, let’s point out overconfidence. (Try “hubris.”) The truth of the matter is that pretty much anywhere in the world men tend to think that they that are much smarter than women. Yet arrogance and overconfidence are inversely related to leadership talent. - Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic, Harvard Business Review
  • 11. Language matters: “direct” vs. “missing some important nuance”
  • 12. Language matters: “direct” vs. “missing some important nuance” “a natural leader” vs. “charging ahead without a logical and data-driven comparison of the alternatives”
  • 13. Language matters: “Too quiet?” Are the quiet people really the ones ruining the discussion by interrupting before anyone can express a fully-formed idea?
  • 14. Change the dialogue: “Bill, I hear you loud and clear!”
  • 15. Change the dialogue: “Bill, I hear you loud and clear!” “Allison, you’ve been quiet so far, but you’re always insightful about these things. What’s your take?”
  • 16. Change the dialogue: “Bill, I hear you loud and clear!” “Allison, you’ve been quiet so far, but you’re always insightful about these things. What’s your take?” “One of my favorite things about working for Tamika is that she avoids the overconfidence a lot of managers give in to – it’s refreshing to work for someone so rational.”
  • 18. Make money for the company.
  • 19. Make money for the company. - Pick directly revenue-generating roles.
  • 20. Make money for the company. - Pick directly revenue-generating roles. - Quantify your value. Gain access to the numbers.
  • 21. Don’t be dependent on your job.
  • 22. Don’t be dependent on your job. Easier said than done, but dependence sets you up for exploitation – same as in any relationship.
  • 23. Don’t be dependent on your job. Easier said than done, but dependence sets you up for exploitation – same as in any relationship. -savings, multiple income streams -huge and strong network -renown in your field
  • 24. It’s like a doomsday machine – it doesn’t work unless other people know about it.
  • 25. It’s like a doomsday machine – it doesn’t work unless other people know about it. -Let it be known you could go anywhere, while still being committed to the team and your coworkers
  • 26. It’s like a doomsday machine – it doesn’t work unless other people know about it. -Let it be known you could go anywhere, while still being committed to the team and your coworkers -You are a professional with a practice; you choose to practice with a company, so long as it is mutually beneficial
  • 27. It’s like a doomsday machine – it doesn’t work unless other people know about it. -Let it be known you could go anywhere, while still being committed to the team and your coworkers -You are a professional with a practice; you choose to practice with a company, so long as it is mutually beneficial -You can be gracious, genial, and committed – and still ready to quit or jump ship, as needed
  • 28. Entrepreneurship is part of the modern career life cycle.
  • 29. Entrepreneurship is part of the modern career life cycle. Are you really going to work for 40-50 years … for someone else?
  • 30. Entrepreneurship is part of the modern career life cycle. Are you really going to work for 40-50 years … for someone else? Entrepreneurship is a skill like any other. Learn, practice. Imagine you know you’re going to Japan some day… you learn Japanese.
  • 32. Pretend you don’t get it – and make him explain. Take out a pencil, like he’s actually going to say something important and evidence-based. Wait.
  • 34. Go there first – men love it when you call them “emotional.”
  • 35. Go there first – men love it when you call them “emotional.” Anger is an emotion.
  • 36. Go there first – men love it when you call them “emotional.” Anger is an emotion. Arrogance? Emotion!
  • 37. Go there first – men love it when you call them “emotional.” Anger is an emotion. Arrogance? Emotion! Irrational need for control and superiority? EMOTIONS.
  • 38. Call it out directly – but from a place of being on the same team
  • 39. Call it out directly – but from a place of being on the same team “I’m glad you didn’t say that in front of the team! Kind of a morale-killer. Maybe instead we should say something like...”
  • 40. Language matters – maybe don’t say “sexist”
  • 41. Language matters – maybe don’t say “sexist” (You’re right, but people get defensive.)
  • 42. Language matters – maybe don’t say “sexist” (You’re right, but people get defensive.) Instead: “unprofessional,”
  • 43. Language matters – maybe don’t say “sexist” (You’re right, but people get defensive.) Instead: “unprofessional,” “insulting”
  • 44. Language matters – maybe don’t say “sexist” (You’re right, but people get defensive.) Instead: “unprofessional,” “insulting” “cruel”
  • 45. Language matters – maybe don’t say “sexist” (You’re right, but people get defensive.) Instead: “unprofessional,” “insulting” “cruel” “morale-killing”
  • 46. TOOLS FOR: CHANGING THE SYSTEM LITTLE BY LITTLE
  • 47. Support parents, including male parents.
  • 48. Support parents, including male parents. 82% of women will become mothers, and younger women with no plans to do so are still discriminated against in hiring because of their “potential” for having children.
  • 49. Support parents, including male parents. 82% of women will become mothers, and younger women with no plans to do so are still discriminated against in hiring because of their “potential” for having children. Use gender-neutral parenting language. Try to mention/praise male and female parents in exactly the same way – see how countercultural it is!
  • 50. Coworkers with partners at home (or not at home) –
  • 51. Coworkers with partners at home (or not at home) – “Oh, so you have a partner who does most of your domestic work for you?” Say it like this is a crazy idea from a foreign culture. Make him explain it.
  • 52. Coworkers with partners at home (or not at home) – “Oh, so you have a partner who does most of your domestic work for you?” Say it like this is a crazy idea from a foreign culture. Make him explain it. Say “partner,” at least in a younger crowd. Don’t normalize worker/”wife.” Talk about male and female partners the same way.
  • 53. Get involved in hiring in whatever way you can.
  • 54. Get involved in hiring in whatever way you can. -Blind resume review
  • 55. Get involved in hiring in whatever way you can. -Blind resume review -Even sitting in on interviews where you have no decisionmaking power – you’ll at least get asked for an opinion
  • 56. Get involved in hiring in whatever way you can. -Blind resume review -Even sitting in on interviews where you have no decisionmaking power – you’ll at least get asked for an opinion -Reach earlier down the pipeline so you can make genuine personal recommendations
  • 57. Provide positive reports of other women’s work (to managers, to the team at large) at random intervals, with no agenda.
  • 58. Provide positive reports of other women’s work (to managers, to the team at large) at random intervals, with no agenda. This doesn’t just build up the careers of those women – continual conditioning (that women do things) is needed to combat a lifetime of misogynistic brainwashing.
  • 59. Provide positive reports of other women’s work (to managers, to the team at large) at random intervals, with no agenda. This doesn’t just build up the careers of those women – continual conditioning (that women do things) is needed to combat a lifetime of misogynistic brainwashing. Constantly give women credit. You have to say it many times before it will be heard.
  • 60. -Favors by women are not noticed or paid back
  • 61. -Favors by women are not noticed or paid back -Women’s contributions are chalked up to “helping” (the “glue” that holds the team together!)
  • 62. -Favors by women are not noticed or paid back -Women’s contributions are chalked up to “helping” (the “glue” that holds the team together!) -Combat that with words like “driving the project,” “strong leadership,” “vision,” “stamina”
  • 63. Obtain power. Given a choice, take the path that leads to more power.
  • 64. Obtain power. Given a choice, take the path that leads to more power. Moral arguments need enforcement.
  • 65. Obtain power. Given a choice, take the path that leads to more power. Moral arguments need enforcement. Don’t be unethical, but you don’t have to be “nice.” It’s better to be good than nice.
  • 66. Q&A
  • 68. FREE E-BOOK JOIN THE LIST AT GETBULLISH.COM
  • 69. OCTOBER 10 IN NYC $50 0FF WITH CODE FEMINISTUNICORN WWW.BULLISHCONFERENCE.COM