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The Emperor’s New Clothes


       @DigitalBarn
       February 2012
The Vocal Minority
What’s the Plan, Stan?
The Tonight Show: Top 10

•   Responsive Design is Irresponsible
•   Why Free is too Expensive
•   Browse Crappy
•   Why you have to be High to use HTML5?
•   Justified: Why you’re the client from Hell
•   Basic != Standard
•   Good developers don’t make good Jedi Knights
•   Exit stage left: How we failed the world with CSS3
•   Upgrades of Mass Destruction
•   Lies, damned lies, and Open Source Statistics
Lets get ready to Rumble…


Which depending on your age means…
(if you’re over 30)
(If you’re under 30)
But !

• If you search for “PJ and Duncan” on Google images
• On the 4th row you see this…
It’s KIMB !!!
HTML5 for XP .com

• Rounded corners, gradients and drop shadows without
  graphics
• Rich graphs and visualisations using Canvas and SVG.
• Games that don't ask you to install plugins.
• 3D graphics and support for any font
• Drag and drop and touch support for tablets.
Premise

• Responsive Design is the ability to apply different CSS
  styles based on media queries

• e.g.
Why this appears awesome:

• Mobiles
  – Responsive Design allows designers and front-end
    developers to react to mobile devices.
Call a spade, a spade

• When we say “responsive”, what we mean is, “Mobile”.

• Or specifically, “same content, different design”.

• It works on the premise that the ONLY difference
  between a desktop and a mobile browser is screen size.

• Non-Desktop users:
   – rarely use a Human-Computer-Interaction device
   – are almost always looking for different information
   – are rarely on broadband
Proof of Paradox

• It’s not about Screen Size, it’s about Context.

• We had Screen Size specific 10 years ago, so it’s
  definitely about Context and not Screen Size.

• Except, the only way to test for Context is to test for
  Screen Size.

• So in order for it to not be about screen size, it needs to
  be measures and identified by screen size.
Who you gonna call?




• These companies, say that their users don’t like to be
  treated differently unless it’s in their best interests.

• Not with a visual, but a data & architectural change.
So…

• in order to change the visual elements under the
  premise of it being about Context and not Screen
  Sizes, we have to map Screen Sizes to our predefined
  Context, and then use Screen Sizes to decide what to
  display – which was exactly what we said it wasn’t
  doing.

• It’s also exactly what our users don’t want.
Irony in Images

• Responsive Design was invented for designers/front-
  end coders to not be reliant on developers for multiple
  versions of websites.

• One of the major downfalls of RWD is Images.

• Inline images work best for responsive design, using
  the code:
   – img.className { max-width: 100%; }
• By this method, the same image is on all site versions.

• Do you load an image that’s high quality, and destroys
  your bandwidth on a mobile?
• Or do you load a low quality one that looks poor on a
  desktop?
• Or do you attempt to load multiple images and
  display/hide the correct one as needed?

• None of these work well. So you have to use a technical
  solution to request the right type of image.
Conclusion

• Responsive Design = “same data, different display”.

• But it can’t take into consideration:
   –   Bandwidth
   –   Platform
   –   Device
   –   Purpose
   –   Context

• It wants to, but all it knows is Screen Size.
• Those require decision making processes, something
  that CSS simply isn’t built for.
• It has to be about Information Architecture.

• It can’t be done by CSS alone.

• CSS wasn’t intended nor built for that purpose

• We need to stop shoe-horning shit into the CSS specs

• We’ll end up at a place where each browser supports
  only the code they want to and in the way they want to
• RWD is not a bad idea.

• Technical restraint and common sense are once again
  being thrown out the window in the name of cool-
  looking-shit on the internet. (Hello 1999?)

• RWD is irresponsible, because designers & front-end
  coders have the ability to fake something regardless of
  the Business Case or Return on Investment.

• Rest assured, 2-5Mb “mobile optimised” homepages
  await us.
Agile? More like Fragile

• Work started in ernest in 2004

• First Draft published in 2008

• 4 years later, still no definitive spec
HTML5, it’s not ready.
Justified

•   CLIENT: “I don’t like the type.”

•   ME: “What don’t you like.”

•   CLIENT: “I don’t like how it goes all to one side.”

•   ME: “You mean ranged left.”

•   CLIENT: “Yes, yes, arranged left.”

•   ME: “How do you want it?”

•   CLIENT: “To be the same on both sides.”

•   ME: “Justified?”

•   CLIENT: “I don’t have to justify anything! I own the fucking company.”
• Jargon free isn’t enough

• We still treat people as if they have what WE consider
  to be a base level of knowledge.
Premise

• What makes a good developer?

• What makes a good Jedi Knight?
In the real world…

• What makes a good Project Manager?

• What makes a good Tester?
Premise

• I can’t see the word “free” in “Open Source”

• There’s a growing sense of entitlement that software
  should have no cost.

• Worse, we now expect people to give support and
  updates for free… forever!

• We’ve stopped looking at the business cases around
  the software we’re hoping to use.
• We favour the cheap option over expensive software
  that aligns better with our needs.

• “premium” and “freemium” plug-ins are decried
  unless their cost is so small and their features so great
  that the Return on Investment is insanely large.

• That’s not a business model that can continue to
  perpetuate itself in the long run.
How often have you thought this?



 • I can’t believe that plug-in costs money!!

 • I could do that myself 2-3 hours!

 • I mean, look at the other free versions, they haven’t
   been kept up to date, but appear to do the same thing.



              It’s a rip-off !
Listen to Bowie

• How much do you charge an hour?

• How long do you think it would take you to
  plan, code, test and deploy your version?

• Divide the cost of your purchase by how long you think
  it would take you to develop. Which is more?
• Open Source is not yet taken seriously as a viable
  business model, and we need to make a mental shift.

• We need to accept that “Open Source Software” does
  not contain the word “free”, and that my time, your
  time, and other people’s time is worth more than
  “nothing”.

• Don’t value free over not free: it’s an oxymoron!
Every week on Star Trek

• Kirk:     Mr. Scott, How long until X?

• Scotty:   3 weeks captain.

• Kirk:     I need it in 4 minutes

• Scotty:   I just cannae do it captain

• Kirk:     I need it Mr.Scott

• Scott:    Oh you need it? let me just flick this switch
Perception

• We have many generation of managers who have been
  brought up to believe that:

• Management is always right
• Authority trumps Expertise
• Any issues can be overcome in Any time period
Remember

•   Kirk went on away missions
•   Kirk talked to all departments
•   Kirk talked to Starfleet Command
•   Kirk talked to people on the view screen
•   Kirk was from Ohio, he just worked in Outer Space

• Scotty stayed in Engineering
Emperors new clothes - digitalbarn2012
Emperors new clothes - digitalbarn2012
Emperors new clothes - digitalbarn2012
Emperors new clothes - digitalbarn2012
Emperors new clothes - digitalbarn2012
Emperors new clothes - digitalbarn2012
Emperors new clothes - digitalbarn2012
Emperors new clothes - digitalbarn2012
Emperors new clothes - digitalbarn2012
Emperors new clothes - digitalbarn2012
Emperors new clothes - digitalbarn2012
Emperors new clothes - digitalbarn2012
Emperors new clothes - digitalbarn2012
Emperors new clothes - digitalbarn2012
Emperors new clothes - digitalbarn2012
Emperors new clothes - digitalbarn2012
Emperors new clothes - digitalbarn2012
Emperors new clothes - digitalbarn2012
Emperors new clothes - digitalbarn2012
Emperors new clothes - digitalbarn2012
Emperors new clothes - digitalbarn2012
Emperors new clothes - digitalbarn2012

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Emperors new clothes - digitalbarn2012

  • 1.
  • 2. The Emperor’s New Clothes @DigitalBarn February 2012
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  • 34. The Tonight Show: Top 10 • Responsive Design is Irresponsible • Why Free is too Expensive • Browse Crappy • Why you have to be High to use HTML5? • Justified: Why you’re the client from Hell • Basic != Standard • Good developers don’t make good Jedi Knights • Exit stage left: How we failed the world with CSS3 • Upgrades of Mass Destruction • Lies, damned lies, and Open Source Statistics
  • 35.
  • 36. Lets get ready to Rumble… Which depending on your age means…
  • 39. But ! • If you search for “PJ and Duncan” on Google images • On the 4th row you see this…
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  • 50. HTML5 for XP .com • Rounded corners, gradients and drop shadows without graphics • Rich graphs and visualisations using Canvas and SVG. • Games that don't ask you to install plugins. • 3D graphics and support for any font • Drag and drop and touch support for tablets.
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  • 70. Premise • Responsive Design is the ability to apply different CSS styles based on media queries • e.g.
  • 71. Why this appears awesome: • Mobiles – Responsive Design allows designers and front-end developers to react to mobile devices.
  • 72.
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  • 77. Call a spade, a spade • When we say “responsive”, what we mean is, “Mobile”. • Or specifically, “same content, different design”. • It works on the premise that the ONLY difference between a desktop and a mobile browser is screen size. • Non-Desktop users: – rarely use a Human-Computer-Interaction device – are almost always looking for different information – are rarely on broadband
  • 78. Proof of Paradox • It’s not about Screen Size, it’s about Context. • We had Screen Size specific 10 years ago, so it’s definitely about Context and not Screen Size. • Except, the only way to test for Context is to test for Screen Size. • So in order for it to not be about screen size, it needs to be measures and identified by screen size.
  • 79.
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  • 81.
  • 82. Who you gonna call? • These companies, say that their users don’t like to be treated differently unless it’s in their best interests. • Not with a visual, but a data & architectural change.
  • 83. So… • in order to change the visual elements under the premise of it being about Context and not Screen Sizes, we have to map Screen Sizes to our predefined Context, and then use Screen Sizes to decide what to display – which was exactly what we said it wasn’t doing. • It’s also exactly what our users don’t want.
  • 84. Irony in Images • Responsive Design was invented for designers/front- end coders to not be reliant on developers for multiple versions of websites. • One of the major downfalls of RWD is Images. • Inline images work best for responsive design, using the code: – img.className { max-width: 100%; }
  • 85. • By this method, the same image is on all site versions. • Do you load an image that’s high quality, and destroys your bandwidth on a mobile? • Or do you load a low quality one that looks poor on a desktop? • Or do you attempt to load multiple images and display/hide the correct one as needed? • None of these work well. So you have to use a technical solution to request the right type of image.
  • 86.
  • 87. Conclusion • Responsive Design = “same data, different display”. • But it can’t take into consideration: – Bandwidth – Platform – Device – Purpose – Context • It wants to, but all it knows is Screen Size. • Those require decision making processes, something that CSS simply isn’t built for.
  • 88. • It has to be about Information Architecture. • It can’t be done by CSS alone. • CSS wasn’t intended nor built for that purpose • We need to stop shoe-horning shit into the CSS specs • We’ll end up at a place where each browser supports only the code they want to and in the way they want to
  • 89.
  • 90. • RWD is not a bad idea. • Technical restraint and common sense are once again being thrown out the window in the name of cool- looking-shit on the internet. (Hello 1999?) • RWD is irresponsible, because designers & front-end coders have the ability to fake something regardless of the Business Case or Return on Investment. • Rest assured, 2-5Mb “mobile optimised” homepages await us.
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  • 100. Agile? More like Fragile • Work started in ernest in 2004 • First Draft published in 2008 • 4 years later, still no definitive spec
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  • 122. HTML5, it’s not ready.
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  • 125. Justified • CLIENT: “I don’t like the type.” • ME: “What don’t you like.” • CLIENT: “I don’t like how it goes all to one side.” • ME: “You mean ranged left.” • CLIENT: “Yes, yes, arranged left.” • ME: “How do you want it?” • CLIENT: “To be the same on both sides.” • ME: “Justified?” • CLIENT: “I don’t have to justify anything! I own the fucking company.”
  • 126.
  • 127. • Jargon free isn’t enough • We still treat people as if they have what WE consider to be a base level of knowledge.
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  • 145. Premise • What makes a good developer? • What makes a good Jedi Knight?
  • 146. In the real world… • What makes a good Project Manager? • What makes a good Tester?
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  • 163. Premise • I can’t see the word “free” in “Open Source” • There’s a growing sense of entitlement that software should have no cost. • Worse, we now expect people to give support and updates for free… forever! • We’ve stopped looking at the business cases around the software we’re hoping to use.
  • 164. • We favour the cheap option over expensive software that aligns better with our needs. • “premium” and “freemium” plug-ins are decried unless their cost is so small and their features so great that the Return on Investment is insanely large. • That’s not a business model that can continue to perpetuate itself in the long run.
  • 165. How often have you thought this? • I can’t believe that plug-in costs money!! • I could do that myself 2-3 hours! • I mean, look at the other free versions, they haven’t been kept up to date, but appear to do the same thing. It’s a rip-off !
  • 166.
  • 167. Listen to Bowie • How much do you charge an hour? • How long do you think it would take you to plan, code, test and deploy your version? • Divide the cost of your purchase by how long you think it would take you to develop. Which is more?
  • 168. • Open Source is not yet taken seriously as a viable business model, and we need to make a mental shift. • We need to accept that “Open Source Software” does not contain the word “free”, and that my time, your time, and other people’s time is worth more than “nothing”. • Don’t value free over not free: it’s an oxymoron!
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  • 186. Every week on Star Trek • Kirk: Mr. Scott, How long until X? • Scotty: 3 weeks captain. • Kirk: I need it in 4 minutes • Scotty: I just cannae do it captain • Kirk: I need it Mr.Scott • Scott: Oh you need it? let me just flick this switch
  • 187.
  • 188. Perception • We have many generation of managers who have been brought up to believe that: • Management is always right • Authority trumps Expertise • Any issues can be overcome in Any time period
  • 189.
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  • 192.
  • 193. Remember • Kirk went on away missions • Kirk talked to all departments • Kirk talked to Starfleet Command • Kirk talked to people on the view screen • Kirk was from Ohio, he just worked in Outer Space • Scotty stayed in Engineering

Editor's Notes

  1. Pure Web Brilliant
  2. I started off as a wee bairn watching a lot of wrestling and specifically loving the promos
  3. People that stand up to do talks are generally small brained.
  4. Speaking is like Cosplay
  5. Some do it well
  6. Some don’t
  7. Some just confuse the shit out of you
  8. It’s important to remember that as much as we speakers think we’re Stan Lee, we’re actually the fat guy in the 70s Wolverine costume.
  9. Speaking of fat men in wolverine costumes: FANBOYS
  10. I will say something here that you won’t like
  11. If you hear something you didn’t expect
  12. Don’t get Mad
  13. Don’t get personal
  14. Don’t go on twitter
  15. No, really, DO NOT GO ON TWITTER
  16. Instead ask a question
  17. I’m not a difficult person to talk to, and I wont try and sell you Sun Life personal insurance for taking care of your loved once once you’ve passed.
  18. There’s also no free pen
  19. So just one hint, if you’re coming back from America to give a presentation in Barsley, and you want to remove some of the American specific stuff; and you’re googling new images… DO NOT GOOGLE for Disney Princesses while on a train during Half term…
  20. Carrot and Stick
  21. Bubble BobbleI love bubble bobble, it was a defining moment in my growth when as a horny teenage I learned to jump from one bubble I’d blown to another bubble I’d blown.
  22. This should be a picture of a stick
  23. Upgrade now.Zombies, Viruses, and Zombies, and Osamab Bin Laden.
  24. In what fucking universe is this a good idea?
  25. Seriously, who the hell do you think you are
  26. You Don’t know your users
  27. People are not going to do what you tell them
  28. Change is very hit and miss
  29. Change doesn’t happen quickly.
  30. Just because you think something is a perfect fit, doesn’t mean everyone will
  31. If you want to create real change…
  32. Then you have to give something useful to them
  33. Something that they intrinsically want
  34. And not some shit that you think is cool
  35. If you’re building websites for just the latest browsers, you’re just playing with yourself.
  36. If it was about Screen Size then it wouldn’t be anything that we didn’t get rid of 10 years ago (hello, DreamWeaver’sDocument.reloadclusterfuck).
  37. Rejoice, the CSS2 spec DID include context variables:media: handheld, screen, tv, print But after years of research, these were dropped by some small companies that according to our web design community know nothing about what Mobile Users want…
  38. Add Logos
  39. OGG, MP4, VP8, and…
  40. Old testament = W3C
  41. New Testament = What working group
  42. After a few years of “friendly” disagreement
  43. One side won.
  44. 2 becomes 1
  45. A bit of a Prick who has a God Complex.
  46. Ian Hixie
  47. TIME
  48. Changed on a whim to DATA
  49. So what we had was a tag of data
  50. Called data.
  51. Until we have a method to actually write the spec and ditch the flame wars
  52. HTML5 will be nothing but Vaporware
  53. Can we please stop the buzzwords!
  54. I know we want to believe that our client is this guy, yeah he’s old but he’s hip enough to have a website
  55. But there’s a really good chance its actually THIS guys.
  56. Just because you use a word one way, doesn’t mean that everyone sees it the same way
  57. Look I love Zeldman as much as everyone else, I mean not as much as .Net mag who ask for his opinion every day; but can we please just treat people like normal people.
  58. Woahwoahwoah, good shooting Tex.I know its easy to shoot down clients for not being as tech aware as us, but like Venkman is telling Ray and Egon…
  59. Don’t be a dick, it’ll kill you
  60. Quick Dick tes
  61. Who here has ever described themselves as a Ninja, a Jedi?
  62. If someone is charitable enough to give their software away for free then thats wonderful, but Business cases built on oxymorons have a tendancy to fail in the most moronic ways.
  63. bbPress
  64. And don’t let Spock anywhere near the client.He doesn’t know what he’s doing
  65. And has a tendency to be up his own arse.
  66. You need the right Balance to succeed
  67. Much like the original Karate Kid, things really only get interesting towards the end.
  68. I’m sure there’s a few things in here that you didn’t like
  69. And there’s more than you than me…
  70. What I REALLY want you to take away from all of this is:So before you go running in to your next project.
  71. Is doing the good thing…
  72. The same as doing the right thing !
  73. Rarely
  74. Elton John and Kiki Dee, don’t go breaking my heart.