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Braving to Self-Trust
Marjan Venema,@cabriodriver, marjan@softwareonastring.com
Marjan Venema, @cabriodriver, marjan@softwareonastring.com
Marjan Venema, @cabriodriver, marjan@softwareonastring.com
Marjan Venema, @cabriodriver, marjan@softwareonastring.com
Marjan Venema, @cabriodriver, marjan@softwareonastring.com
Brené Brown
Vulnerability is the birthplace of
innovation, creativity and change.
Marjan Venema, @cabriodriver, marjan@softwareonastring.com
Boundaries
Marjan Venema, @cabriodriver, marjan@softwareonastring.com
Did I respect my boundaries? Was I clear about what’s okay and what’s not okay?
Reliability
Marjan Venema, @cabriodriver, marjan@softwareonastring.com
Was I reliable? Can I count on myself to do what I committed to doing?
Accountability
Marjan Venema, @cabriodriver, marjan@softwareonastring.com
Did I hold myself accountable?
Did I blame others?
Did I hold others accountable with
honesty and respect?
Vault
Marjan Venema, @cabriodriver, marjan@softwareonastring.com
Did I respect the vault and share appropriately?
Integrity
Marjan Venema, @cabriodriver, marjan@softwareonastring.com
Did I act from my integrity?
Did I choose courage over comfort?
Did I choose what’s right over
what’s fun, fast, and easy?
Did I practice my values?
Non-judgment
Marjan Venema, @cabriodriver, marjan@softwareonastring.com
Did I ask for what I needed? Was I nonjudgmental about needing help?
Generosity
Marjan Venema, @cabriodriver, marjan@softwareonastring.com
Was I generous toward myself?
• Anatomy of Trust (free class)
http://www.courageworks.com/shop/classes/
the-anatomy-of-trust-working-leading
(not in list of classes!)
Marjan Venema, @cabriodriver, marjan@softwareonastring.com

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Braving to Self-Trust

Editor's Notes

  1. Braving to Self-Trust slide --------------------------- I am Marjan Venema I talk about trust and vulnerability because in agile teams we are expected to be comfortable with showing our vulnerabilities and trusting we'll be safe in doing so. My past makes that a daily struggle. This talk is about self-trust. Can you trust yourself to take care of yourself? I am pretty self-confident when it comes to my abilities, but I am, or was, lousy at self-trust. I could not count on myself to take care of myself until I found "The Gifts of Imperfection" and took part in the "Living Brave Semester". Both by Brené Brown, whose "The Power of Vulnerability" TEDx Houston talk went viral. Mountain road slide ------------------- You probably have trusted friends you don't want to be the one driving on this road. I bet you also know people you'd feel perfectly safe with here, but wouldn't want to work with. That is because trust is not only about physical safety. Trust issues slide ------------------ Most often trust is about emotional safety. About feeling safe enough to show your vulnerabilities. Sofietje showing her belly slide -------------------------------- Vulnerability is scary and most avoid it like the plague. We don't go around showing our bellies to just anybody. We only show our vulnerabilities to those with whom we feel safe. Safe enough to trust them not to wound us. Birthplace slide ---------------- In agile teams we are asked to show our vulnerabilities on a daily basis. We are expected to open up, to be transparant, to allow inspection, to adapt, to be flexible, creative and productive. Trust grows and erodes all the time. With every action and decision you take. With every action and decision you observe. Braveheart slide ---------------- What kind of action grow and erode trust, can be remembered by the Anatomy of Trust acronym, BRAVING: - Boundaries - Reliability - Accountability - Vault - Integrity - Non-judgment - Generosity I have been using it to grow my self-trust. Boundaries ---------- Stopping a rant toward me by sending a mail saying that I though tone and content were disproportionate. Reliability ----------- Shortening weekend to do list. Now at three items a day which will make my day a succes, regardless of what else I do or do not do. Accountability -------------- Impostor - hard - using the wish to learn every day to stay curious and be okay with mistakes. Vault ----- Pretty good with this. Now also using it to stop people from sharing with me what's not theirs to share. Integrity --------- Challenge by Rick to both propose a Lightning Talk for GOTO Amsterdam 2016. We both got accepted. "Oh shit, now I've got to do it". The "Are you still up for it?" mail offered a way out. Not in line with my values, so answered "Yes". Non-judgment ------------ Turning "Oh you twit, just stop it, you'll never get there" into "You haven't failed, you have found a thousand ways that don't work for you. Just like Edison." Generosity ---------- Allowing myself to cuddle and sit with Sofie (my sweet Labrador) for at least half an hour, after a terrible experience at work after failing to stick to my guns in setting a boundary. Anatomy of Trust class link slide --------------------------------- Link to the CourageWorks’ "The Anatomy of Trust" class (no longer listed in the shop).