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THE SINGLE MOST-
IMPORTANT SKILL EVERY
AGILIST NEEDS
Agile and Beyond 2016
Susan K DiFabio
skdifabio@gmail.com
@skdifabio
Have you ever been…
 a change agent?
 asked to coach a team?
 new to a group?
 recipient of feedback?
 in conflict?
...
Congratulations!
You’ve had
an opportunity
to use
active listening
© 2015 Susan DiFabio skdifabio@gmail.com 3
An
opportunity
that is often
missed!
© 2015 Susan DiFabio skdifabio@gmail.com 4
WHAT IS ACTIVE
LISTENING?
© 2015 Susan DiFabio skdifabio@gmail.com 5
Hidden
Intake
Meaning
Significance
Response
Intake
Meaning
Significance
Response
© 2015 Susan DiFabio skdifabio@gmail.com ...
Behavior that fosters…
Accurate, thorough message receipt
Confirmed, shared understanding
Continued communication
© 2015 S...
Behavior that conveys your…
Authenticity
Acceptance
Appreciation
© 2015 Susan DiFabio skdifabio@gmail.com 8
REFLECTIVE LISTENING
© 2015 Susan DiFabio skdifabio@gmail.com 9
Same words
Same meaning
Inference
© 2015 Susan DiFabio skdifabio@gmail.com 10
© 2015 Susan DiFabio skdifabio@gmail.com 11
This infrastructure scares me to death
So… the
infrastructure
scares you to
de...
Tentative, Clarifying, Confirming
Would this be
an
example?...
Let me
recap…
Did I get that
right?
It sounds like
your thi...
“You should/shouldn’t…”
“I know exactly how you feel…”
“Ain’t it awful…”
Your similar story
© 2015 Susan DiFabio skdifabio...
Get comfortable with silence…
© 2015 Susan DiFabio skdifabio@gmail.com 14
PRACTICE
© 2015 Susan DiFabio skdifabio@gmail.com 15
Same Words,
Same Meaning,
Or Inference?
© 2015 Susan DiFabio skdifabio@gmail.com 17
Mark doesn’t have a clue about
technol...
EXPLORATORY
LISTENING
© 2015 Susan DiFabio skdifabio@gmail.com 19
Context
History
Motivation
Intent
Aspirations
Emergent ideas
© 2015 Susan DiFabio skdifabio@gmail.com 20
Questions
• Clarifying
• Open/Closed
• Curious/Leading
• Inquiry/Inquisition
• Powerful
© 2015 Susan DiFabio skdifabio@gma...
Curious, Clarifying, Non-Judgemental
Can you give
me an
example?
And then
what
happened?
What else?
Tell me more
about…
I’...
“Why?”
Sarcasm
Blame
© 2015 Susan DiFabio skdifabio@gmail.com 23
You don’t need to agree, you do
need to understand
© 2015 Susan DiFabio skdifabio@gmail.com 24
PRACTICE
© 2015 Susan DiFabio skdifabio@gmail.com 25
Let’s Practice
• Triads – talker, listener, observer
• Talker, start the conversation
– Issue, frustration, dilemma,…
• Ob...
Debrief
• How did you feel?
• What did you notice?
• What surprised you?
• What patterns emerged?
• What would you like to...
FORMING NEW HABITS
© 2015 Susan DiFabio skdifabio@gmail.com 28
It’s Difficult
© 2015 Susan DiFabio skdifabio@gmail.com 29
• Reptile brain
• Corporate Culture
– Efficiency
– Prove-your-w...
Intentional Practice
Coaching dojo
Team mantra
© 2015 Susan DiFabio skdifabio@gmail.com 30
Re-Frame
Judgment  Curiosity
Advocacy  Common ground
Win-Lose  Yes, And
Solutions now  Solve the right problem
© 2015 ...
BENEFITS
© 2015 Susan DiFabio skdifabio@gmail.com 32
Active Listening
Trust
New insights
Collaboration
“Yes, and” results
It’s good for business!
© 2015 Susan DiFabio skdifabi...
http://skdifabio.com
SKDiFabio@gmail.com
@SKDiFabio
www.linkedin.com/in/SusanDiFabio
Thank You
Susan DiFabio
34© 2015 Susa...
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Single Most Important Skill Every Agilist Needs - AAB 2016

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The skill is.... Active Listening. Understand what it is and how to practice it.

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Single Most Important Skill Every Agilist Needs - AAB 2016

  1. 1. THE SINGLE MOST- IMPORTANT SKILL EVERY AGILIST NEEDS Agile and Beyond 2016 Susan K DiFabio skdifabio@gmail.com @skdifabio
  2. 2. Have you ever been…  a change agent?  asked to coach a team?  new to a group?  recipient of feedback?  in conflict?  asked to create a solution? © 2015 Susan DiFabio skdifabio@gmail.com 2
  3. 3. Congratulations! You’ve had an opportunity to use active listening © 2015 Susan DiFabio skdifabio@gmail.com 3
  4. 4. An opportunity that is often missed! © 2015 Susan DiFabio skdifabio@gmail.com 4
  5. 5. WHAT IS ACTIVE LISTENING? © 2015 Susan DiFabio skdifabio@gmail.com 5
  6. 6. Hidden Intake Meaning Significance Response Intake Meaning Significance Response © 2015 Susan DiFabio skdifabio@gmail.com 6 Satir Interaction Model
  7. 7. Behavior that fosters… Accurate, thorough message receipt Confirmed, shared understanding Continued communication © 2015 Susan DiFabio skdifabio@gmail.com 7
  8. 8. Behavior that conveys your… Authenticity Acceptance Appreciation © 2015 Susan DiFabio skdifabio@gmail.com 8
  9. 9. REFLECTIVE LISTENING © 2015 Susan DiFabio skdifabio@gmail.com 9
  10. 10. Same words Same meaning Inference © 2015 Susan DiFabio skdifabio@gmail.com 10
  11. 11. © 2015 Susan DiFabio skdifabio@gmail.com 11 This infrastructure scares me to death So… the infrastructure scares you to death… Hmm… the infrastructure frightens you… So… you feel like this infrastructure is a house of cards
  12. 12. Tentative, Clarifying, Confirming Would this be an example?... Let me recap… Did I get that right? It sounds like your thinking was… Thank-you for… What I think I heard was … © 2015 Susan DiFabio skdifabio@gmail.com 12
  13. 13. “You should/shouldn’t…” “I know exactly how you feel…” “Ain’t it awful…” Your similar story © 2015 Susan DiFabio skdifabio@gmail.com 13
  14. 14. Get comfortable with silence… © 2015 Susan DiFabio skdifabio@gmail.com 14
  15. 15. PRACTICE © 2015 Susan DiFabio skdifabio@gmail.com 15
  16. 16. Same Words, Same Meaning, Or Inference? © 2015 Susan DiFabio skdifabio@gmail.com 17 Mark doesn’t have a clue about technology; he is totally unqualified for the PO role Hmm… Mark is clueless about technology… I see… you think Mark is unqualified as the PO… Ahh… Mark’s lack of skill makes it impossible for him to be effective in the PO role… So.. You’re stuck working with an ineffective PO; You must be really frustrated…. I know what you mean; my PO doesn’t have a clue either. Maybe you could find him a different job. So… being technical is a pre-requisite for the PO role?
  17. 17. EXPLORATORY LISTENING © 2015 Susan DiFabio skdifabio@gmail.com 19
  18. 18. Context History Motivation Intent Aspirations Emergent ideas © 2015 Susan DiFabio skdifabio@gmail.com 20
  19. 19. Questions • Clarifying • Open/Closed • Curious/Leading • Inquiry/Inquisition • Powerful © 2015 Susan DiFabio skdifabio@gmail.com 21
  20. 20. Curious, Clarifying, Non-Judgemental Can you give me an example? And then what happened? What else? Tell me more about… I’m curious… <non judgmental question> © 2015 Susan DiFabio skdifabio@gmail.com 22 Thank you
  21. 21. “Why?” Sarcasm Blame © 2015 Susan DiFabio skdifabio@gmail.com 23
  22. 22. You don’t need to agree, you do need to understand © 2015 Susan DiFabio skdifabio@gmail.com 24
  23. 23. PRACTICE © 2015 Susan DiFabio skdifabio@gmail.com 25
  24. 24. Let’s Practice • Triads – talker, listener, observer • Talker, start the conversation – Issue, frustration, dilemma,… • Observe listener’s – Reflective responses – Exploratory responses • Debrief © 2015 Susan DiFabio skdifabio@gmail.com 26
  25. 25. Debrief • How did you feel? • What did you notice? • What surprised you? • What patterns emerged? • What would you like to try? © 2015 Susan DiFabio skdifabio@gmail.com 27
  26. 26. FORMING NEW HABITS © 2015 Susan DiFabio skdifabio@gmail.com 28
  27. 27. It’s Difficult © 2015 Susan DiFabio skdifabio@gmail.com 29 • Reptile brain • Corporate Culture – Efficiency – Prove-your-worth – Hierarchy
  28. 28. Intentional Practice Coaching dojo Team mantra © 2015 Susan DiFabio skdifabio@gmail.com 30
  29. 29. Re-Frame Judgment  Curiosity Advocacy  Common ground Win-Lose  Yes, And Solutions now  Solve the right problem © 2015 Susan DiFabio skdifabio@gmail.com 31
  30. 30. BENEFITS © 2015 Susan DiFabio skdifabio@gmail.com 32
  31. 31. Active Listening Trust New insights Collaboration “Yes, and” results It’s good for business! © 2015 Susan DiFabio skdifabio@gmail.com 33
  32. 32. http://skdifabio.com SKDiFabio@gmail.com @SKDiFabio www.linkedin.com/in/SusanDiFabio Thank You Susan DiFabio 34© 2015 Susan DiFabio skdifabio@gmail.com

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