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Sister -who_are_you_really

  1. 1. A look into who we are as individuals in Jesus and how the Word of God is meant to improve us in Christ. John 10:10 The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. 2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. By Sister Alissa Lynne Author of ‘The Truth of Alissa Lynne I’ & ‘The Truth of Alissa Lynne II’ Sister – Who Are You Really?
  2. 2. Sister – Who Are You Really Page 2 Copyright Title: Sister – Who Are You Really Author: Sister Alissa Lynne Published by: Alissa Lynne – Pittsburgh, PA All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without written permission from the author, except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review. Copyright © 2008 Sister Alissa Lynne - All rights reserved First Edition, 2008 Published in the United States of America “Sisters” graphic provided by GroovySmurf a/k/a Nita ( Disclaimer: The names in this book are fictitious names, changed to protect the innocent. I am not responsible for your actions after reading this book. If you do not wish to be bound to the above statements, return the book to me. God Bless
  3. 3. Copyright 2008 – All Rights Reserved – Sister Alissa Lynne Table of Contents Acknowledgements Page 4 Chapter 1 – Introduction Page 5 Chapter 2 – Content Sister Page 9 Chapter 3 – Attention Sister Page 12 Chapter 4 – Bitter Sister Page 15 Chapter 5 – Busy Sister Page 21 Chapter 6 – Busy Body Sister Page 24 Chapter 7 – Co-Dependency Sister Page 27 Chapter 8 – Demand/Do It Myself Sister Page 30 Chapter 9 – Don’t Do Anything Sister Page 33 Chapter 10 – Fantasyland Sister Page 35 Chapter 11 – Homebody Sister Page 38 Chapter 12 – Hunting Sister Page 42 Chapter 13 – Low Self - Worth Sister Page 47 Chapter 14 – Mother May I Sister Page 52 Chapter 15 – Mother Mode Sister Page 55 Chapter 16 – Plain Jane Sister Page 59 Chapter 17 – Sneaking Sister Page 62 Chapter 18 – Conclusion Page 68 Author’s Last Words Page 69 Interesting Links and WL4J Information Page 70 About the Author Page 74
  4. 4. Sister – Who Are You Really Page 4 Acknowledgements Praise the Lord for Jesus is so worthy of all our Praises! I am thanking God this day for His love, grace, and mercy that He has granted me despite all that I was, am and still yet to be. God is so awesome to all of us. I want to thank my sisters in Christ who took the time to help me with this project and providing feedback on the different sisters/women mentioned in this book. I am so blessed to be able to be in the company of such awesome women of God. I wanted to extend a special thank you to my sister in Christ and heart, Sister Michele Nesbitt, whom along with Minister Merv proofread the book for me prior to sending out to all to read. I thank God for my sister who keeps my mind where it needs to be when I start to talk silly and outside of the word of God! I wanted to thank the Lord for my son, my first born, my munchkin, and my joy. He has a heart of gold and a spirit of happiness in him that I pray stays forever. Jonathan, know that mommy loves you for who you are and we will always be together no matter where life takes either one of us. You are always and forever my son! I love you my son! I wanted to take the time to thank the Lord for my husband! I thank God for his support even when I did not think I wanted it or wanted him. I thank God for Minister Merv’s strength and spirit that he gives to me each and every day! The Lord has blessed me with a man who truly loves God first and knows how to do his part to have an Ephesians 5 marriage. Thank you baby for being the man that I need in my life and loving me as God has given you to love me, I am eternally thankful to the Lord for you. I love you and looking forward to many more years together. Praise the Lord for all that He is doing in my life and I am thankful to the Lord for the life that I have led. It did not seem that great at times, but because of it, I am can see the blessings on my life from the Lord! We are blessed; let us never forget to thank the Lord for all that He is doing in our lives! Thank you for taking the time to read this book too and may it bless your walk in Jesus! Have a blessed and a wonderful day in the Lord! Love your sister in Christ, Sister Alissa Lynne
  5. 5. Copyright 2008 – All Rights Reserved – Sister Alissa Lynne Chapter One - Introduction John 10:10 The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. 2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. Isaiah 64:8 But now, O LORD, thou art our father; we are the clay, and thou our potter; and we all are the work of thy hand. Praise the Lord! We are blessed to be here this day to have an opportunity to be in the land of the Living and to live for Jesus Christ Our Savior. We are blessed with new grace and mercy this day and every single day of our lives, not because of what we have done but because of His love for us! I am so excited to present to you this book, as it is truly a blessing to me to be able to dig deep into the word of God and other resources to encourage my sisters in Christ to improve their lives in Jesus. It is truly the Lord who is doing the molding, but we must be open to hear what Jesus is telling us to do. This book started as an online workshop, originally called, “Where is My Man – I have waited long enough – Haven’t I?”, that has been expanded into more than preparation for marriage to a man but into the aspect of becoming more Christ-like. Most of us hear the stereotypes of women and some of us even fall into those different categories from time to time. This book is to address some of those categories that we find in ourselves and help us see through the word of God that we are no longer those women in Christ. This book is not just geared towards single women, or even “broken” women, but it is geared to all women no matter what stage of life they find themselves in. The word of God says we are all one body in Christ, with many jobs and duties that are given unto us. None of us are the same in all aspects and have so many different things to offer the world in our walk with Jesus because of our uniqueness. Yet there is one thing that is universal if you walk this life long enough, that is you can change who you are and what you can become and this unique thing is the pain and hurt of life. Some of us are walking with such despair in our thoughts that we do not know how to hold on much longer, some of us are just making it through each day and while some of us are actually living the life God has called us to live in Him. We can live our lives abundantly and free from all things of this world. This book is to encourage each of us to look within who we are and come to see who we really are. As always, I am a writer who writes from the heart, past experiences and always the word of God as I feel He is leading me to do. With this said, sometimes the grammar is not all that it should be so please forgive me, to those who take grammar seriously know that I do not mean to offend your eyes with my lack of grammar skills. (Smile) The Lord is awesome and I pray that I am getting better at this with each book I write.
  6. 6. Sister – Who Are You Really Page 6 This book covers a variety of sisters that I have been at one point in my life, known someone like it, or come close to being her myself. As you are reading this book, there are a few factors that you need to remember as you go through this book. First, I am in no way an expert; I am just taking what the Lord has blessed me with and passing it along. It is up to you as your own woman to do soul searching within you to see if the sister is truly who you are, and if so what aspects you can take from what is written and apply it to your life. If the outcome is bad, I am not responsible, if the outcome is good, I am still not responsible. We have to come to realize that some choices we have made in our lives have caused us to be who we are this day. This book is to get your brain to dig below the surface and dig into your heart to see yourself for who you truly are so in turn you will be more open to hear what the Lord is saying to you. We have to remember that it is the Lord who we are to listen to, not our selves and not even Sister Alissa Lynne; it is truly the word of Jesus that will change our lives. This book is just here to help you see that Jesus is the way to change. More importantly, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. You can not read this or move forward in your life without the guidance of the Lord in all that you do. If you are not walking with the Lord and you are not living your life according to His words and will for your life, let me extend this book to you as a chance to change in Jesus. Sure becoming a better person in Jesus and life is great but you have to know Jesus for yourself and you have to come to see His calling on your life. You can not do this without a relationship with the Lord. So if you are not saved, know that Jesus is the way to go, open your heart to hear the Lord’s calling on your life and contact us at 1-877-205-4524 to talk about your salvation in Christ, it is essential to know the Lord as your personal savior. To those that are struggling with your walk, look to the Lord, pray, fast and seek the direction of the Lord for your life. You have to be in His will for your life, there is no other way to live happy in this life without Jesus. Our direction in life is depended on our choices and sometimes we make the wrong choices and it is always because we are not following the direction of the Lord for our lives. If you want to talk or pray with a sister in Christ, please call us at 1-877-205-4524, do not wait, give us a call today, for Jesus has done so much for you that you can not ignore His call on your life. Next, this is a process, as in all things, it is a process in Jesus. To come to the point of not only understanding but the actual changing within us is a process. We did not become this way over night and we are not going to change all things over night either. Even in our changing, there are trials and tribulations that we must go through to get where we need to be in Jesus. We have to keep our hearts open to the process itself. None of us are perfect and it is not always going to be a pleasant walk changing from our old ways to our new ways in Jesus but with the Lord in our lives, it will be so much better than it was before. Trust in the Lord and have faith in your walk and watch what the Lord does in your life for His glory which is always a blessing to whom you are as a person. The process is a lifelong, every changing process that can be challenging at times but in the end of it all, truly worth it when we see His face and see His love for us in His eyes. Praise the Lord for the molding and shaping He does in us. In addition, honesty starts at home with us. We can not start to tackle the things in our lives and not be honest with ourselves. Many times it is hard to remove that mask that we place on us as we face the world each day. Many of us get used to having the mask on that we do not know how to see who we are without it. We start to believe our own
  7. 7. Copyright 2008 – All Rights Reserved – Sister Alissa Lynne hype instead of seeing who we are deep down inside. We have to open our hearts to the truth and really commit to some serious soul searching within us. We can not turn over things to the Lord if we have no idea what we are turning over to Him. We must know ourselves for who we truly are so that we can let it go and know Jesus for ourselves. With all that said, in this book, we are going to go over eighteen different types of women, some of these sisters intertwine with each other and some stand all alone, each sister is unique in one manner from the others. You will see that each sister has a scripture related to her personality along with tips, words of encouragement, truly thoughts of truth to help direct us in the manner of seeking the Lord’s direction along with exercises to help us drill in the things learned in that chapter. As you go over each sister, open your heart to the Lord and truly hear what He is speaking to you about yourself in Him. The Sisters that we are going to go over are: Content Sister – This is the sister we all want to be, this sister is our goal as women in God. Attention Sister – This sister does things to get attention including making things up Bitter Sister – This sister is bitter and angry at the entire world Busy Sister – This sister is never home or alone Busybody Sister – Everyone’s business is in her mouth, while her own home is a mess Co-Dependency Sister – This sister thrives on the bad of others and has a need to help others to the point of her own destruction Demand/Do It Myself Sister – This sister is demanding – she puts up with NOTHING from no one, she does not accept help from anyone, she does it all for herself, major attitude sister Don’t Do Anything Sister – This sister does nothing at all, no job, no education, no nothing, but wants the world Fantasyland Sister – This sister is waiting for Mr. Perfect, there is no accepting anyone but Mr. Perfect Homebody Sister – This sister is always at home, she goes nowhere but church, work, and grocery store, then back home she goes. Hunting Sister – This sister is “hunting” down her husband or next man of the hour Low Self-Worth Sister – This sister does not think highly of herself as in not holding herself in high regard, she feels she is unworthy Mother May I Sister – This sister does not move without the advice of others
  8. 8. Sister – Who Are You Really Page 8 Mother Mode Sister – This sister places her children above everything in her life, everything revolves around her children, along with the sister who is an overbearing mother, she smoothers those that are in her life Plain Jane Sister – This sister is in need of fashion help Sneaking Sister – This sister is sneaking around with men that are not her husband Well with all that said, it is time to move forward in the book. This is just the beginning of the stories, may you continue to keep your heart open to what the Lord is speaking to you and hear nothing but Jesus talking to you in all that you do. Onward to Chapter 2 – the Content Sister – living this life is really possible in Jesus only.
  9. 9. Copyright 2008 – All Rights Reserved – Sister Alissa Lynne Chapter Two – Content Sister The Content Sister Scripture: Philippians 4:10-12 10But I rejoiced in the Lord greatly, that now at the last your care of me hath flourished again; wherein ye were also careful, but ye lacked opportunity. 11Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. 12I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. Let us discuss the ever so sought after and sometimes faked but not for long Content Sister. The Content Sister is just that Content. She is truly striving to live what the word says in Philippians 4:10-12. The Content Sister is where we all want to be in Jesus. We cannot be truly happy and content in our lives if Jesus is not the center of our lives. It is important to understand that Jesus is to be the center. Some of us are faking that we are this sister when inside we are screaming out like the other sisters in this book. The Lord will bring you to the point of understanding who you truly are so that you can be this sister. A Content Sister is truly living the word of God, and she is trusting in God to bring her to the point of understanding. She is not stressed about being where she is in her life, she does long/want for things, as she has her own heart’s desires, but it does not control any aspect of her days and nights. When she has a need to release anything she releases it all to the Lord. She goes to the Lord when the ‘moods’ hit her, which is any mood that could trigger her back to being any of the sisters in this book. She knows that she is precious and when she falters from the truth, she goes to Jesus as her source of comfort, strength, and guidance. She takes comfort in knowing that the Lord is truly walking with her daily and that she can just call on the Lord for direction in her life. She relies on the Lord regardless of what is going on in her life. She is striving to live according to the word of God. She reaches out to other sisters and lets them know that God is there for them too. If she is a single sister, she devotes all her time to the Lord doing the will of the Lord for others and her. She has Jesus as her husband and has come to terms with being single and actually enjoying her singleness. She is taking this time as a single sister to ensure that she is the woman of God that He wants her to be. She has changed her focus to be on the Lord and His will for her life. She has started to or has accepted the fact that she may have been called to be single and serve the Lord with all of her. She enjoys her life. She does not envy or make her married sister feel guilty for being married, although she has not ruled out marriage, she is just waiting on the Lord. The married Content sister places the Lord first before all things, and takes her direction from the Lord to continue to walk according to His word. She is an Ephesians 5 wife and a Proverbs 31 woman. She takes joy in her life to be both of those sisters. She does not relish in the world’s concept of a great mother, wife and sister in Christ, but takes to the word of God for all her direction in her life. The married Content sister stands tall in the Lord even when she is the only one in her family that is standing in the word of God. She does not belittle her husband because of
  10. 10. Sister – Who Are You Really Page 10 his unbelief but lifts him up in prayer to the Lord and stands before her husband as Jesus says she should. She knows that the believing wife can sanctify the unbelieving husband and knows in her very being that her actions can determine whether or not her husband will come to the Lord. 1 Corinthians 7:13-14 13And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. 14For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. If her husband is saved, she knows that he is the head of the house and submission is not a nasty word but a comforting action in her marriage to her husband. Colossians 3:18 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. The Content Sister is not just in the word, she lives the word. She seeks the Lord to kill her flesh every day. She surrounds herself with likeminded sisters in Christ. She does not limit herself to way the world sees her life but looks to the Lord with no limits or boundaries on Him in her life. She strives to draw closer to the Lord and to encourage all those that she meets. The Content Sister acknowledges the fact that it only takes one to make the difference in the lives of others. She does not wait on someone else to join her to do what is needed; she walks by faith and not by sight. She understands that the Lord is her strength and that she has authority in Jesus over the enemy. She has learned that she is to be separated from the world, but yet still able to do outreach to the world so that those she is reaching see the truth in the words that she speaks. She does not condemn or judge those that she meets and always thankful to the Lord for the blessings that He has bestowed upon her every day. The Content Sister does not forget where the Lord has brought her from but she does not relish in it either. She has learned to stand tall in the Lord and keep moving forward in Him regardless of what the picture looks like around her. She has learned to live Proverbs 3:5-7 5Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. 6In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. 7Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil. She knows that the Lord is her direction in all things and though she does not always understand it, she knows that she is to trust in it! The Content Sister has faults, room for improvement and she knows that it is in Jesus that these areas will change and become more like the woman of God that she is to be in Jesus. This is the Content Sister! Is this you? Are you this sister? If so, are you sure? Share with others your walk and let them know that God is keeping you! Is this where you want to be, well you are not alone! Tips to being The Content Sister: • Trust in the Lord for all things in your life. Too many times we say we trust the Lord but then question everything that the Lord places in front of us. We are to trust in Him, acknowledge Him and allow His will to be done in our lives. It is the Lord who molds us and changes us, but we have to trust Him in what He is doing in our lives. • Seek the Lord in all things in your life. We are to seek the Lord’s direction on every single aspect of our lives. We are quick to go with what we want to do and
  11. 11. Copyright 2008 – All Rights Reserved – Sister Alissa Lynne how we want to be but being in the Lord’s direction and will is better than ours and keeps us in joy, peace and happiness for all eternity. • Read the word of God daily. How can we know the Lord and His will for our lives if we do not read His word and understand what His direction is for His people? To be able to be content and happy in Jesus, you have to know what He has done for us and how He is to be always in our lives. • Pray to the Lord daily. Prayer is our way of releasing and talking with the Lord. The word of the Lord says to pray without ceasing (1 Thessalonians 5:17) We are to pray continuously because this keeps the enemy away from us for when we are in the spirit, we are not in our flesh which is where the mess begins. • Walk with the Lord daily. When we are walking with the Lord we are praying, fasting, talking, loving, trusting, have faith in the Lord and when the world is going nuts, we are blessed to be calm in Jesus. • Build a relationship with the Lord. Well if you do not know the Lord, how can you follow His will? We need to know that the Lord is the only way to live our lives and we can not get though this life without building a relationship with Him, just as we build relationships with our friends and family, we need a strong relationship with the Lord too. • Understand that this is a process and nothing worth having is easy. We are striving to hear “Well done” from the Lord and this is a daily fight within ourselves to kill the flesh and walk in the Spirit but it is worth the fight. Some times we will succeed in turning it over and sometimes we will fail. The awesome thing is that the Lord knows this too. We are to just keep trusting in the Lord and know that He is molding us into what He wants us to be. Sometimes that process is a process that hurts but the Lord blesses us to know that He is with us and even in the process – We are blessed! Letting the Lord make us over is a blessing as we will be more Christ like when He is done with us! Thinks to ponder: How much are you living the following verses? Proverbs 3:5-7; Matthew 6:32-34; 1 Corinthians 7:34 Exercises: Single Sisters: If you have been praying for God to send you a mate and He has not done so yet, stop praying for God to send you a mate, and start praying for God to make you the wife He would have you to be. This will allow your focus to be not on what you do not have, but who you are in Jesus and how to become a better woman in God. Courting Sisters: You have been blessed with your future mate, continue to pray to the Lord to show you how to prepare you prior to marriage for being married to the man He has selected for you. Married Sisters: You are married and regardless if this season in your marriage is a good one or a rough one, continue to seek the Lord in prayer to make you the wife that you need to be in Him for your husband. You should never cease to please the Lord in your walk or you husband in your marriage.
  12. 12. Sister – Who Are You Really Page 12 Chapter Three – Attention Sister The Attention Sister Scripture: Luke 14:11 (KJV) For whosoever exalteth himself shall be abased; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted. Luke 14:11 (NIV) For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted. The Attention Sister is not hard to recognize once you get to know her, but she is hard to recognize in yourself. Most times she is twins with the Co Dependency Sister, even though she does not want to admit to it. To some she is considered a “know it all”. She is sometimes considered by others a person that is always having something tragic going on with them or with someone that they know, always something tragic and in such a frequency that it is overly noticeable. She is either never happy in her conversations or she is overly happy, it alters based on the kind of attention that she receives. There is a term for this and it is helplessness. The reasoning behind this is you have learned to get people to care for you, to nurture you. This is truly something that has been with you for a long time as the need continues to grow inside for acceptance, approval and fitting into life. More sisters are seeing these behaviors in themselves but allowing the enemy to deceive her into thinking it is okay to be this way. Sometimes this is used in such negative ways such as we have seen on cases in court where the mother has killed her children in aspect of getting attention, or have faked terminal ill diseases to gain attention from others. In even some cases, this sister will make up things that have happened to them to fit the group that they are in; for example, lying about having cancer to be a part of cancer support groups, or claiming to be an abused spouse to gain attention from others. It not only breaks down the trust that others have for her, but also hurts those that she has lied too. Other aspects of this sister are manipulating people into things so that you can remain dependant on them and not be alone. Most times this sister uses the sympathy role to act out so that others will show support and compassion, but in reality it is so that others will do what she wants them to do that she does not want to do for herself. Most of her life she has played the victim, never seeming to over come anything that has happened in her life, but yet and still stating how she wants to “help others” over come what she has yet to overcome. Whenever anyone tries to give her the bright side of her life, or encourage her to stand on her own, she always has an excuse or disappears for a while in their life, only to come back explaining how she was going through so much that she did not want to be a bother to anyone. This is really a sister that has control issues as she has no control in her own life, so she makes things up to appear as if she can’t have control instead of standing on her own to make a difference in her life. My personal walk as this sister: I would love to sit here and tell you that I was not this sister ever in my life, but I would be lying if I said I was not. I was this sister for a time in my life until I opened my heart to
  13. 13. Copyright 2008 – All Rights Reserved – Sister Alissa Lynne hear what God had for me. The only difference with me is that I did not make things up, I just harped on those things that already happened to me. I truly am a survivor of all of things and used that to get attention or to get affection or just to be noticed. I was loved by my mother and around a lot of attention growing up, but the affects of the abuse sent me to places I never understood within myself. As I started to come out of my pain and hurt, I relished on being able to survive all of that and still be here, to the point of making it the center of my life, my survival. It was not until I came to know the Lord with my whole heart did I understand that I did not go through what I went through for my own glory but for the glory of the Lord. It is something how the Lord will bring you out of those kinds of situations, yet the enemy will try to blind you with the fact that you did it, not God. I can see this kind of sister a mile away in other sisters and pray for them as it is a self destruction trait that can kill us before we even get started. I have to say that I took this sister to the level of pride and lifting myself up before men instead of lifting the Lord up before men. I prayed for forgiveness and have come to forgive myself. I was very hard on myself and when the Lord gave me the vision for Women Living 4 Jesus, I ran from it for I did not feel myself worthy to be the founder of the group. I thank God for His love and compassion that He has for us for He sees more in me than I am able to see and I trust Him with my life. My sisters this is all a process and though this sister may be you, you are still a child of God and do not be hard on yourself. I know it might sound silly but knowing who you are is half the battle, the rest is giving it to Jesus and letting Him direct you into being who He wants you to be in Him. Tips to defeat the Attention Sister: (Tips from – Control/Helpless) • Pray and fast on the needs being the center of attention or to appear needy • Speak to a counselor or professional if you believe that you can not stop this behavior • Get more into the word of God and truly go before Him for help • Identify your problems • Face those problems • Realize that healing from your problems is a process • Inform a friend what you have been doing, explain what is going on and come open with the truth • Stop using your excuses for why you can’t do something Things to ponder: • If this sister is related to you or you are this sister, you are most likely also a Co Dependency sister, please read that chapter also. • Why allow yourself to look as if others have control over you instead of you making the effort and take responsibility for your own life • This is a learned trait and the only one that can change this is yourself • The Lord has made us in His image and He depends on no one and we should depend on Him. • Making stories up is nothing but a lie and it is not of God
  14. 14. Sister – Who Are You Really Page 14 • One day someone is going to find out the truth and friendships can be lost • This behavior is draining on your friends and support people in your life • It is really an addiction, just as drugs except it is an attention junkie • The world does not revolve around your life and situations Exercises: 1. A great exercise for this is to take the Self-Help Skills and Behaviors Inventory located at site under Tools for handling Control Issues – Overcoming Helplessness. This is a great self help tool that will open the door to doing some serious soul searching which is what is needed in this case. 2. Take the time to spend some time within yourself and begin to know who you are in the Lord. The focus has to come off of you and more onto the Lord in you! Trust Jesus.
  15. 15. Copyright 2008 – All Rights Reserved – Sister Alissa Lynne Chapter Four – Bitter Sister The Bitter Sister Scripture: Hebrews 12:14-16 (NIV) 14Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. 15See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. 16See that no one is sexually immoral, or is godless like Esau, who for a single meal sold his inheritance rights as the oldest son. Hebrews 12:14-16 (KJV) 14Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord: 15Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled; 16Lest there be any fornicator, or profane person, as Esau, who for one morsel of meat sold his birthright. As you read over this sister, let me say that this sister is not always one that we want to deal with or see in ourselves because of how harsh she can be. She is truly a sister who is hard to kill and die. It is only in Jesus can she die that death of no return! If you do see some of her in you or all of her in you, remember that this is a process and some things are just who we are and the Lord will mold us into whom He wants us to be. The Bitter Sister is very evident to those that she is close to and those that just meet her for one moment depending on her bitterness. This sister has been hurt by others in her life and has not learned to let it go before it destroys who she is. She is holding onto the hurts and pains in her life, striving to never allow anyone to hurt her again. This sister can also be relishing in her pain and hurt, because it is what is comfortable to her. It is what drives her day and nights; it is what makes her think she is unique. She has not yet learned that holding onto all that pain/hurt/mistrust is not allowing her to be free in the Lord with whom she is in Jesus, or she knows that it is holding her in bondage and does not know how to come out of it. This sister can be mean, direct, not putting up with anything anyone says or does, but she is truly a hard core sister who wants love but can not allow herself to have real love because of the fears and pain inside of her. As being a former bitter sister myself, who is still working on letting go of the past and looking forward, this is a long process for some and a short one for others. For me personally, it took over a year and still working on it daily. The bitterness that we hold onto can destroy us and our relationships that we have in our lives with our families, our friends, and our intended mates. The only thing that worked for me was to truly look to the Lord and see who I am in Him. We really need to look to the Lord, pray/fast that the Lord will show us how to release things unto Him so that we can live free in Him. For my own personal release, I found writing was a way to express how I was feeling and how to let things go inside of me. In my writing, I was able to release things that
  16. 16. Sister – Who Are You Really Page 16 were holding me back from allowing the Lord to fill me with His love and joy. I would spend hours on end writing things down that came to my mind and helped me to let some things in my past go. As a child of molestation, I was unaware of the fact that it was holding me back as much as it was. I was angry at the entire world and did not see it in that manner. I kept a diary since I was thirteen years old, but not until my adult years did I release that pain penned up in those dairies. The Lord lead me to writing one day to let things go and I have been writing strong about Him ever since. He has a way for all of us to release the anger that is inside of us, calling on Him and seeking His direction is the way. To know how to and what to do, prayer is an important aspect of it all. It will help you know how to start letting things go. There are many who do not even know where to begin when praying to the Lord, Our Father. It is as simple as talking to the Lord and expressing yourself just as you talk to your friends. Your prayer life is where you are honest and open to the Lord will direct your steps, by giving over your thoughts to the Lord, you will see that nothing will hold you bounded. The enemy wants us to think that if we keep things bottled up inside of us that we are better off this way. He wants us to think if we bury it all inside that it will disappear – this is a lie. We need to release it to the Lord. We need to get it out of us because when we do, there is more room for Him to come into our hearts and our lives. When we let go of some of that bitterness, here comes more love from the Lord. I know that sisters have said to me that they will be praying and their minds start to wonder away from their prayers. I used to have that same problem until I started praying aloud, I started conditioning my mind to know that when I am praying it is to shut down and let my heart speak to the Lord. I still most nights pray aloud because I want my focus to stay on Jesus, if the Holy Spirit wants me to speak something to the Lord only, then I start praying in tongues, which to me is the special language that only God understands. It calms my spirit and I know that God understands what I am saying, the Lord blessings my praying time as I am able to sleep soundly, peacefully and to arise with a new thought in life dwelling on Him, as I begin my day with prayer. When we are faced with all that bitterness and pain, going to the word of God is the next thing to do. We have came to His throne now we have to go to His word and be fed from the word of God so that you can continue to strive to live the life He has called you to live. It is in His word that you will find healing and peace within yourself. It is in building your relationship with the Lord that is going to bring you to the peace that you need. It is not until you get closer to the Lord are you able to release all that is within you. Praising the Lord is another aspect of letting things go. After you have prayed to the Lord to help you let it go, stand wherever you are and just praise Him. Block out everything and everyone, just talk to the Lord thanking Him for His love and understanding. Thank the Lord for bringing you through your life and always being there. If you find you can not get a praise thought, just sit still and look over your life and see how bless you truly are. Basically, we need to pray to God, read his word and praise Him, which is building our relationship with Him. My own personal walk as this sister: I wanted to share with you, my own personal walk as this sister. Growing up, I was pretty much laid back, whatever anyone asked me to do, I would do. I started having a “bossy” type personality when I was a young girl and I had my siblings around me. I was always told by them that I thought I was our mother. I was the big sister and I was large and in charge. My words were what I used to hurt
  17. 17. Copyright 2008 – All Rights Reserved – Sister Alissa Lynne people; I did not get into fights too much as a child or while growing into a teenager. I did not like confrontation but I would speak my mind when pushed to it. To those that I did not know, I was quiet and just did not say much, but once I got to know you, I was direct, straightforward and did not care if you did not like what I said. I would just give it to you as I saw it and if you did not like it, well you need to go figure it out alone. As I became an adult, it got worse. I had a lot of bitterness and pain harvesting inside of me, a playing field for the enemy to run my life and that is exactly what I let him do. I wanted to be loved, but did not want to love anyone for fear that they would hurt me. It in turn meant I would not let anyone love me because they had to get to know me. I was not having any of that. I did not ruin my marriages alone, but I did not help to stop the failure of them either. The Lord released unto me such a strong pain that I had to turn to Him, He allowed me to feel that pain full force. I was scared to care or start to see me for me. When I finally committed my ears and heart to hear the Lord calling my life, I became really content in my single life in Jesus. I was enjoying going to prayer meeting and church services. I was truly enjoying teaching the word of God to my son. I enjoyed my life. Well the Lord had other plans for me, the biggest struggle of my life was yet to come and I did not know how to deal with it at all. What was that struggle? My biggest struggle yet of my life was meeting Minister Merv and realizing that I was falling in love with him. What is so wrong with that? Well I had not yet dealt with the pain and hurt of my past, I was just coasting through my life, not really thinking about it. The more I opened my heart to Jesus the more comfortable I was in being single. In my case, that meant a life of solitude which I thought was the best thing ever. I loved being alone and it did not bother me too much that there was no one there to hold me. I figured I was a good Christian woman and I could do without that! Well God had other plans for me. Minister Merv came in and the reminders of all the pain that I had prior to his entrance into my life come flooding down on me. I was in such pain and such hurt, I did not even want to discuss it with a living soul. God knew this and sent Minister Merv to talk to me about it. I did not want to hear from him or anyone else about why I was so mean all the time. I did not want to know why I was and I did not want to deal with it. It hurt too much to face all that mess within me. It hurt too much to allow someone to get to know me. So what did I do…I ran!! I became the running girlfriend, every time things got good between Minister Merv and myself, I ran! I ran out the door and did not look back. I will never forget how I would yell at him and scream on him, all out of the pain in my heart and very soul. He would take it and love me back and each time he did, he did it with the love of Jesus. He taught me how to be loved and how to love. He said some things to me that just melts my heart now although then I thought he was nuts. I used to push him so hard and wonder why he would not walk away, after much fighting and yelling at him, I did the yelling and fighting, he most times just sat there in silence. I remember always asking him, why are you even still talking to me – his response was always – God said to love you and I am going to love you – get used to it. I do what Jesus tells me to do! Sometimes he would add ….woman! It took a long time before I could accept that answer because of the bitterness that I had within me.
  18. 18. Sister – Who Are You Really Page 18 I know that the plan from the Lord all along was to have me come out of that stage of my life with Minister Merv by my side because Our Father knows us and He knew that I needed Merv so that I would come out of that stage. He knew if I would have stayed single for the rest of my life, I would end up one day a bitter and unloved woman of God. He also knew that I was not going to go “looking” or opening myself up to be able to accept a man in my life because of my thinking at that time. God knows His children just as we know our children. In one aspect, He sent His love for me in Minister Merv. Now, we all do not have the same walk in life though we have the same ending goals for our lives, but let me encourage you my sisters to not wait until the Lord sends a man into your life to get your heart ready, open your mind and heart to hear what the Lord has to say for you. If you are already married, there could be issues within your marriage that you are causing and not even know that you are doing it. If you are in a courtship, you could be as I was or you could not have reached that step yet. Just keep seeking the Lord’s direction no matter what is going on so that you will do as He wants you to do. Letting go of the bitterness and pains of life are not easy but once we do it, it is a blessing. I am still struggling with letting things go now that Minister Merv and myself are married, but the Lord is working on me still this day and each day it is getting a little easier to let go of the pain that I still have and turn on the love for my family and to enjoy life. Tips to defeat the Bitter Sister: Let I go – know that what happened was in the past, you cannot change it but you can grow from it. To do this - know that whatever he/she/they/them/whomever did is holding you back. Every time you are sitting there angry at something someone did, think about whether or not it is worth the anger. For example, in the mornings I have to get on the parkway/expressway. It is always bunched up with cars, no one really following the road and doing what is right to get on. I make sure that I drive up and make room for others but sometimes others will cut me off. Well one guy started fussing at me and I felt that boiling up in me and at first, I was fussing right back, but then the Holy Spirit spoke to me about how that is becoming, so I started praying for the man. It is really a process. I have found some things get to me and some things do not, so we have to know ourselves Pay attention to what makes you angry, what sets your mouth to going, what makes you frustrated and focus on making yourself aware of this issues so that you can address them before the set you off. For example, I was so bad that every time my son peed on the floor instead of the toilet because of bad aim, I would just get so angry that I would go off. Now before I walk into the bathroom, I tell myself, you know he has peed on the floor – tell him to come clean it up as calmly as you can – breathe my sister breathe. I am not joking, I had to tell myself that so that I would not flip out over something so trivial. Do not accept the fact that you are built this way and people have to get used to you. You are making those around you just as miserable as you are and eventually they will not want to be bothered. Focus and pray – Focus and pray – Focus and pray Stay in the word of God and allow His words to penetrate your heart
  19. 19. Copyright 2008 – All Rights Reserved – Sister Alissa Lynne There are so many of us that are going through so much and wondering why we are still not yet free and find ourselves in bondage of our bodies, our minds, and even our spirits. We need to release and let the Lord move in our lives and know that you are not alone! Things to ponder: • The Lord says that we can live life abundantly, victorious and free in Him, being a bitter sister binds you to the things of your life that have hurt you and keeps you in bondage until you release it unto the Lord. • Do you find that you are having problems trusting men, believing people or even opening up to the simplest thing? Are you holding onto the past and not believing that there is a good guy out there because you have met so many bad ones? • How fair is it that you bring in so much bitter and pain into a relationship but if he was to do the same you would leave him without thinking twice? • If you are married, are you starting fights just for silly things, how about if you are single or courting, you could be doing the same with those that you love? • If you find yourself in a relationship, and after even the littlest offence, you kick him to the curb and look for the next guy? • If you are holding onto all this bitterness, all this pain, all this mistrust, all this hurt, all this malice, how can the Lord truly penetrate your heart to give you more love, joy, peace, understanding, patience and all the other fruits of the Spirit? • Are you walking around and some of the slightest stuff “sets you off” or angers you with no reason that makes sense to anyone but you? • Are people telling you that you are angry all the time; you may have some bitterness still in you. • How can you truly be free indeed when you are allowing those things to keep you bounded in the Lord? • What about your family, how can you expect them to love you and accept you for who you are when you are mean and evil all the time? • Are you consistently yelling, do you know that you will give that same spirit to your children so that if they do not break that habit, they will be yelling at their children and walking around in the same bitterness that you are because that is all they know? Our children are their environment! • Are you always waiting for the bad to happen because the good is just too good? • Jesus promised abundance in life, we can have it, do you believe it? Exercises: 1. To all sisters going through this stage – read of the tips to help change and start placing them into practice. If you find that you can not do those tips because they are not working for you. Seek the Lord in all that you do and allow Him to direct how you are to address your issues. 2. When we find that we are slipping out of where we should be – remind yourself that this is a process and the only way to succeed is to look to the Lord. We need to surround ourselves with things of God. I tell anyone who will ask me this is how I do it and it works for me; try to find something that works for you. Sure I slip and mess up but I know how to get back on track, most times sing a song or sing a praise. I tell you it is so awesome, so I just keep doing it until it becomes 2nd nature to sing a song or praise to God. I know if I keep that up – I stay in the spirit and not in the flesh. It keeps my mind steadfast on Him. We want to ignore
  20. 20. Sister – Who Are You Really Page 20 the enemy – we have to focus on Jesus – it is NOT easy by any means but it what we need to do so that we keep our mouths shut, to keep our tempers under control and beat the bitterness. I remember one time I fussed at Merv for being a man. He was trying to tell me what to do – I can’t stand that when I am not tired but I can pretty much ignore it then, but because I was so tired – I fell into that trap. I had to say sorry, if I would have sang my song “Jesus loves me this I know for the bible tells me so” I would have ignored the enemy and kept doing what I was doing without snapping Merv into silence. I could have sung him into silence which is what I normally do. It is all a process and a way of life – being molded in Jesus. If we stay in Him all the time, we will get better at walking like Him more often! Why do I say this, I say this because we have the victory. What the enemy counts on is the fact that you do not know that you have the victory and that you will not act on the fact that you have the victory in Jesus. He (satan) is counting on you falling down and not wanting to get up. He is counting on when he has you up late due to a family situation that you will not finish reading your word that night which can start a daily trend of you not reading your word every day. He gets your mind to thinking, I missed Tuesday night and the world did not cave in and tonight I am so tired, I will just read double tomorrow, but then tomorrow comes and he throws something else in your path. Now the Holy Spirit will tell you that you need to read, but it is our choice on what we do. We have to fight our flesh and ignore the enemy. If you have to stomp on him, then do so, but remember to turn your mind over to Jesus. The enemy will send people to hinder us, he will send situations to slow us down, and he will send obstacles that will try to make you fall down, oh yes, temptations that really knock you back. Remember that all the enemy means to hurt or harm you, the Lord will use to bless you. With each situation that comes and you over come that situation, you will find that you are moving forward in Jesus and receive more in Him because of it. Sometimes it is the baby steps that matter the most. We can not expect to RUN, when we can not even CRAWL first! Think of the process of a child learning to walk and compare it with our walk with the Lord. There is a process in all things, Praise God for that, so as we learn to scoot closer to Him, know that eventually you will be running to Jesus and never looking back! AMEN!
  21. 21. Copyright 2008 – All Rights Reserved – Sister Alissa Lynne Chapter Five – Busy Sister The Busy Sister Scripture: Psalm 27:13-14 13I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. 14Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD. Once again, this sister can be married or single, does not really matter as she fits the mold in so many ways. This sister whether she is married or single keeps busy so that she does not allow herself to be “idle”. She does not allow much time for her to slow down. She is running for herself and for others. She sometimes falls into bed exhausted because she passes out so that she does not have to think about things that are going on within her. Sometimes for the single sisters it is so she does not have to think about being in bed alone, and sometimes for the married women it is because she is not in bed alone. So what is the issue with being busy? I am doing things in the name of Jesus, I am taking care of my children, I am reaching out to others, what is wrong with that? Well…are you avoiding things in this manner? Are you facing things in your life? How are you doing so when you continually running, when do you take time out to face yourself and to do self-examination of yourself? What things are you running to do that keep you busy? This sister does not spend time at all thinking on things going on with her; she is not dealing with things in her life. There is a thin line with this, sometimes a sister in type of Christ thinks she is a busy sister but she is really not a busy sister, she is a different sister or she is a content sister who has not accepted a few points in her life and avoiding them for a minute. This is not to get confused with sisters who are going to school, working, and raising a family, this is not the sister that we are talking about. This sister is so busy, always on the go because she can not sit still. This is the kind of sister that does not even know the meaning of the word “relax”, because when she does relax, it makes her face things she does not want to face. Sometimes the sister will say that the enemy will bring things to her mind, when in essence it is the Lord bringing things to her to deal with. What is the downfall with a sister as such; this sister is not able to deal with the issues in her mind. She is shutting down before she has to deal with things in her past or just some areas in her life that need improvement. The damage is that a busy sister can eventually turn into any other sisters such as Bitter, Busy Body, Fantasyland Sister and this is not a good thing. This sister has to come to understand that “hiding” from oneself is not always the best thing especially when the Lord is trying to bring it to your mind to deal with. It is truly up to you to understand what He is calling you to do. It is your walk with the Lord that will improve when you allow yourself to sit and be still in the Lord. My personal walk as this sister:
  22. 22. Sister – Who Are You Really Page 22 I spent most of my life as this sister. I was so into not sitting still as I did not want to think about the things of my past life. The really funny thing is at the same time being the Busy Sister; I was the Homebody Sister, Co-Dependency Sister, and the Attention Sister. I would do whatever anyone needed done. My sister needed someone to watch her kids, no problem; my mom needed someone to take her somewhere, no problem. A friend needed this or that, no problem. It meant that I was not sitting around thinking about things that I just did not want to think about. It is something how our minds will work, we will suppress things for years but when the Lord feels it is time to deal with the situation, He will bring it to our minds and we will do whatever we can to fight it off. I was not saved when I was being this sister, and eventually to avoid the thinking as much as I can, I became more of the Homebody and Bitter Sister to avoid doing anything at all for anyone. It was a process for me to go through and it enabled me to learn to enjoy when I have moments of being busy but yet remembering always to spend time with myself and deal with the one person who needs Jesus the most in my life and that is me! My sisters, remember no matter what, this is a process and this is something that you have to do within yourself, you need to spend that time alone and allow the Lord to speak to you and bring you to where you need to be in Him. It is only in Jesus that you will have joy and peace in your life. Remember all things are possible in Jesus Christ – Philippians 4:13 Tips to defeat the Busy Sister: Some of us are so used to running around all the time, that they are a PDA person, or a person whose life runs by a calendar, so schedule some time for you to just allow yourself to think Focus, Focus, Focus - it is a blessing to do all that you do, you are organized, time to organize your mind. Cancel one thing that you were going to do at the drop of the hat, and lay in your bed and just veg-out – in your vegging – listen to your heart, mind, body and soul to see where you truly are. Spend time with the family doing nothing but vegging with them Spend quality time with hubby, doing whatever it is that he wants to do If you cancel something that you were going to do, are you a wreck because you “missed” something? Why not take a look at that aspect of your life? FOCUS! The key to it all is the focus of being mindful of what we are doing and why we are doing it. Allow yourself time to sit and just think – think and think some more. Allow yourself to do self examination and to really look at your strengthens and weaknesses Strengthen your prayer and bible reading life Slow down my sister, enjoying life is great but don’t lose contact with those around you. Learn how to tell people NO!
  23. 23. Copyright 2008 – All Rights Reserved – Sister Alissa Lynne Things to ponder: One thing that is serious to consider is that you can alienate yourself from others by never being available, especially for your family because you are doing so much for the church. Married sisters – remember this…Ephesians 5:22 and I Corinthians 7:34, as a married woman, your first priority is your home, husband and family after your relationship with God You can get into a habit of running so much, that when you are blessed to meet a man that you find you have no time for him as you have a full schedule In your alienation, you become bitter, fool yourself into waiting for Mr. Perfect not Mr. Right for me, or you make it so no one can even begin to get close to you. If you are married, are you causing more issues in your marriage because you are so busy and not available for the family Are you meeting the needs of your relationship with the Lord Are you meeting the needs of your family/spouse Exercises: 1. Really look inside of who you are, spend about 1 hour at least with no one talking to you, for a lot of us that is in our bedroom after the kids are in bed. Do not go right to sleep allow yourself to relax and talk to the Lord and hear what He is saying to you this day! The Lord always has a word for us – all we need to do is to be still to hear it. 2. Take an organizational tips class or look on line for organizational tips on how to be organized, sometimes our busyness is due to poor planning
  24. 24. Sister – Who Are You Really Page 24 Chapter Six – Busy Body Sister The Busy Body Sister Scripture: I Peter 4:15-16 15But let none of you suffer as a murderer, or as a thief, or as an evildoer, or as a busybody in other men's matters. 16Yet if any man suffer as a Christian, let him not be ashamed; but let him glorify God on this behalf. The Busy Body sister is very active in the church today along with the world. It is something when you think about it, as she is very cunning sometimes and other times very open with her busy self. There are many sisters who think what they are doing is not being a busy body but “helping” or encouraging others, when in essence, if they took the time to listen to what they are saying and reading more of the word of God to line up with it, they would notice that they are truly against the Lord. A busybody does not love those that she meets but in yet destroying those that she is “helping” Look at things and see how you are, do you line up with being a busybody? Are you giving your thoughts/opinions when they are not wanted? Many times we try to be helpful but are not truly helpful because we are not listening to the direction of the Lord in what we are saying. We need to pray and think about what we are saying and why we are saying it prior to doing what WE think will help. We need to take the time to make sure what we are saying not only lines up with the word of God, but the tone we use, the delivery method that we say it in and truly in the direction that we receive from the Holy Spirit. So many times we are so quick to not deal with things in the manner that the Lord allows us to do things and take it upon ourselves to give someone the word of God. This sister needs to take into consideration what she is doing to the person that she is helping, if you do not have words from God or direction from God to give to someone, it is best to keep your mouth shut because you can set them down the wrong path in their life. In doing so, you can lead the person to hell instead of heaven. Yes, you can lead them to hell by not being the Christian God has called you to be, you can lead them to hell because what you can say can set them to listening to the wrong doctrine. Now should they be studied and know the word of God for themselves, yes they should, but most times busy body sisters do not talk with those that are in the word of God because they are not easily tempted to listen to them. This sister’s own personal life most times is in shambles. She will prey on others weaknesses to feel better about her own situation. She does not confide in others about her situations as she tries to get others to confide in her. She often times does not discuss her family at all unless it is in a positive light unless she is also the “Attention” sister who thrives on being the center of all things. We have to really do some self evaluation to ensure that we are not falling into the trap of being a Busy Body sister. The word is clear on this issue for it is tearing down the body of Christ not uplifting the body of Christ. My personal walk as this sister: Praise the Lord, I was a busy body sister when I was not saved and in the beginning of my walk with the Lord. When I came to the Lord, I
  25. 25. Copyright 2008 – All Rights Reserved – Sister Alissa Lynne wanted everyone to know about the Lord so I got busy giving my advice to others on what was wrong with their life, and trying to get them to see the light as I did. I learned that you can not only offend but hurt people’s feelings by doing that and truly not winning them over to the Lord or encouraging them to stay in the Lord. It is truly what the Lord does not want us to do. In time the closer I got to the Lord, the less I did it and now, it is about spreading the love of the Lord, not my thought on what others should do but to spread the love of the Lord. Yet there are times even now, the Lord directs my words to give as a response to a sister’s statement which appears to dispense unwanted advice, but when the Lord directs what you say it maybe unwanted by them buy necessary for them to hear. Discernment and wisdom is truly necessary in our walk with the Lord when dealing with others. Tips to defeat the Busy Body Sister: • Be mindful of your surroundings and what is being spoken to you. Listen first to what a person is saying before you respond. Some times people are just seeking to be heard and not asking for advice • Listen to what the word of God is says, we are to love each other as ourselves, would you want someone to do to you what you are doing to them. • We all know a person who is a busy body, and they flock together. If you find yourself surrounded by busy bodies, could it be that you are one too? Things to ponder: • No one is perfect, so when hearing things of others, why not pray instead of prey. • When people approached Jesus with this kind of stuff, He gave the word and ministered to them, never jumping in with their mess. We need to do more of What Did Jesus Do instead of jumping in with others when they are talking about others. • If power of life and death is in the tongue, how many people did you kill today? • Do you realize that the same judgment that you use on someone else is going to be used on you? You have to answer for everything you do in the Lord – every single thing, so what is the real deal with yourself, where are you sitting in the Lord…more concentration on your walk and less on others walks will be a huge benefit to whether you hear “Well done” or “I knew you not” Exercises: 1. Search whom you are and allow the Lord to speak to you, allow the Lord to move in your heart so that you have compassion and love for those that are going through things 2. Pray for those that are coming to you to vent and learn to listen to them. Less is more so many more times than saying something at all to them. 3. If you are finding it hard to flee gossip, stop talking to those that are always talking about others
  26. 26. Sister – Who Are You Really Page 26 4. If you find that you have to be around them, change the subject to the love of the Lord. Speak about Jesus all the time to make the conversation about Him. 5. When you hear things…start praying for the person that is being talked about and the person who is doing the talking 6. Use your boldness in the Lord and gently in love correct the one who is speaking about another sister or brother in Christ in a negative way
  27. 27. Copyright 2008 – All Rights Reserved – Sister Alissa Lynne Chapter Seven – Co Dependency Sister The Co-Dependency Sister Scripture: Psalm 37:3- 5 3Trust in the LORD, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed. 4Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. 5Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass The Co Dependency sister most times goes hand and hand with the Attention sister, though she is also related to the Low Self Worth sister along with the Mother May I and Mother Mode sisters. This sister takes her level of caring to an extreme point of caring for people who depend on her, as it is usually a one sided relationship. These sisters tend to have friends, family, companions and even husbands who often exhibit neediness for support emotionally, physically, financially, or have addictions such as drugs and alcohol. Co-Dependency can be passed down from generation to generation; it is an emotional and behavior condition. In some circles, it is know as a relationship addiction because the relationships are one sided most times with destructive behaviors. It has been said by authorities that most women who are in some kind of abusive relationship is this sister. She will do what she can to control, make excuses for, fell sorry for the person who is in need because of her own desire to be needed and her fear of doing anything that would jeopardize the relationship. A sister who is a codependency sister will make excuses for the ones she loves to cover up or might light of their downfall. She will excuse away why her son is stealing to pay for drugs, she will make up stories as to why she has a black eye instead of admitting that her husband is beating on her. She will try to make things all right even though they are failing miserably. This sister is truly not alone, millions of people are in this situation on a daily basis and if you know someone who is this sister, reach out to her in love and give her as much support as you can but remember to use tough love too. She is most times soft spoken on the subjects at hand and really has a hard time admitting to the full picture of what is going on even when faced with the entire picture at hand. It takes the love of Jesus within you to be able to be what this sister needs to help her. She needs encouraged to face the truth with some tough love at times. She needs to be encouraged to call on God and listen to Him when He speaks to her. One aspect that we really want to touch is if this sister is in an abusive situation, she may not leave no matter what you tell her. You are to encourage her to see her worth in life and see how special she is by giving her the word of God. You want to be a friend that she will come to in her time of need yet you want to not become co dependant yourself. Keep in mind that there are many factors underlying these situations and it is necessary to keep an open mind and heart when dealing with this kind of sister. Since most times this sister can not see this in herself, this chapter was written as a help source for those that are related to, friends with, or even witnessing to sisters who are in this category. If you recognize yourself in this sister, please go to the Lord and talk with
  28. 28. Sister – Who Are You Really Page 28 Him and feel free to contact us at WL4J (Women Living 4 Jesus Ministries) 1-877-205- 4524 My personal walk as this sister: My personal walk as this sister was not a pretty picture but God brought me through it all. My mother was this kind of sister, she spent about 20 years in an abusive relationship that left her beaten down for the rest of her life. She was never truly free from the affects of that abusive relationship or the outcome of it either. I was a product of her not handling that situation in the manner that it should have been dealt with. My mother was very much aware of the abuse that was going on with me but denied it due to her own insecurities and life. I was abused sexually from the age of six to the age of sixteen by my step father. My life went on a downward spiral for a long time, BUT GOD! He saved me and changed me. But I had to go through some things in my life before that point. My mother passed on that spirit to me and I married a drug addict, alcoholic for my first husband. Everyone told me not to do it, but I had to do it, for I loved him. I wanted to save him and all he needed was love and all I needed was someone to love me. It was a mess from the door. After a few months of being beaten up and just taken advantage of in all manners, we finally separated after a fight that left my insides like mush. I ended up leaving him never to look back, as I saw my mother’s life ahead of me in that manner and did not want to go down that road that I had been down with her. I am to this day thankful to the Lord for steering me out of that relationship and bringing me to this point in my life. I allowed myself to be degraded to the point of being abused and put down on a daily basis, never telling a single person, just telling myself it was the drugs, until it was not just when he was not high but when he was high too. It was time to leave and after one drawn out fight and a look in the mirror, I was blessed to get out of that relationship. My second husband was not physically abusive but verbally and emotionally. Nothing I did was good enough most times, but he would toss out a bone that would get me hoping only to be down trodden yet again. I had got so used to the pain and hurt that I believed I could not live without him. I had allowed my mind to tell me to end it all. BUT GOD stopped me and I am here! Praise the Lord for His grace and mercy. Many of our sisters are not listening to the Lord and I encourage any sister who is an abusive relationship to take it to the Lord with their whole heart and find someone to talk to. Women Living 4 Jesus Ministries has a toll free number and if you call us, we will call you back. Please do not stay in that relationship, even if you are married to him. Let him get the help he needs without you being around or involved as you need to get the help you need to recover from it. (WL4J 1-877-205-4524) God has blessed me and He has bless you too. Tips to help identify a Co-Dependency Sister: (from the National Mental Health Association) • An exaggerated sense of responsibility for the actions of others • A tendency to confuse love and pity, with the tendency to “love” people they can pity and rescue
  29. 29. Copyright 2008 – All Rights Reserved – Sister Alissa Lynne • A tendency to do more than their share, all of the time • A tendency to become hurt when people don’t recognize their efforts • An unhealthy dependence on relationships. The co-dependent will do anything to hold onto a relationship; to avoid the feeling of abandonment • An extreme need for approval and recognition • A sense of guilt when asserting themselves • A compelling need to control others • Lack of trust in self and/or others • Fear of being abandoned or alone • Difficulty identifying feelings • Rigidity/difficulty adjusting to change • Problems with intimacy/boundaries • Chronic anger • Lying/dishonesty • Poor communication • Difficulty making decisions • Avoids arguments/disagreements • Worries about what others think • Lives with or subjected to different forms of abuse Exercises: No exercises provided in this chapter as this chapter is not for those that are faced with Co-Dependency. For more information and help try doing a search on line for Co- Dependency issues and learn as much as you can so that you will be able to be an effective help to those sisters in need.
  30. 30. Sister – Who Are You Really Page 30 Chapter Eight – Demand/Do It Myself Sister The Demand/Do It Myself Sister Scripture: Psalm 121:1-2 1I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. 2My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth. The Demanding/I’ll Do It Myself sister can kill relationships that we have in Christ and outside of Christ. This sister has a serious situation that needs to be dealt with. This sister walks around saying how she can do it, she needs no one at all to help her because she has everything under control, even when her life is spinning out of control. She could be walking around saying that no one does it right or that it is just easier to do it herself instead of letting others do it for her. She is that strong independent sister that needs no one to do a thing for her. She can be single, she can be married, she can be any woman at all, all backgrounds and life situations. She is can be a real close sister to the Bitter Sister in many situations. This sister is truly not trying to get help from anyone about anything. This sister can also be one who is all about herself and not about helping others, along with not allowing others to help her. What she does not realize is that she is being selfish in this stance. How is doing things yourself being selfish? You are not learning to trust others to be there for you…the ones that God is sending you to help you. Do you remember the story about a man who is in a sinking boat, and prayed to Jesus to come down and save Him? He prayed to the Lord to come and save Him because He needed Jesus to come right then, his prayer went forth. The man sat and waited. As he was waiting, three boats came past and told him to come aboard; he declined them and said he would be fine. In his mind, he saying I am waiting on Jesus to come. Well after the 3rd boat begged him to come aboard, and he declined, they left and 20 minutes later he drowned. When he met Jesus, he asked Jesus why did He allow him to drown, and Jesus told him that He sent 3 boats to save him with the last one begging him to get on, but yet he refused. The entire point is that sometimes the Lord sends people our way to help us and if we do not accept the help, we are denying the Lord the opportunity to bless us in the manner that He chooses to do so. We can not sit around asking God to bless us and then reject that blessing because we did not like the form that it came in. It is a slap to the grace of God to do so. My personal walk as this sister: Oh my, my personal walk with this sister is still a struggle to this day. The Board of Directors of WL4J will agree with me whole heartily on this topic. I can sympathize with any woman who has this kind of personality because even as I type this I still struggle with her. Praise the Lord, not as bad as I used to do, but yet and still I struggle with her. It is truly through the prayers of those close to me along with my own prayers that I have come this far. Let me explain…I was married twice to men who were not strong men so
  31. 31. Copyright 2008 – All Rights Reserved – Sister Alissa Lynne to speak, they did not stand up to the over bearing spirit in me. I wanted things my way and only my way. I did not accept any other manner of anything that they done. I wanted it my way or the highway. I believe this all steamed from not being in control of my life for so long that when I did take control, I took complete control. It was not a good thing at all. As I moved closer to the Lord, He started sending people in my life to tell me that I was doing that and showing me how it was destroying relationships that had at that time and past relationship. It was not a pretty picture, but self examination or soul searching most times is not. Even still I have issues with handing things over for WL4J along with giving things over to the hubby. The biggest struggle that I have is the financial piece, I am so used to doing it alone, but now need to turn it over to the Lord and my husband. It is not easy but when I find myself struggling with it, I start to pray to the Lord to help me not think of it as a negative thing but as a growing experience. As I want to grow in Jesus. This is still a process that is in the works and may the Lord continue to bless the growth in me to come completely out of it. Tips to defeat the Demanding Sister: • Pray and talk to Jesus before turning anyone down • Realize that you are NOT superwoman and by acting in this manner, everyone will always expect you to be this way • Pray some more because to change this kind of personality trait, it is going to take some serious prayer and fasting Things to ponder: • Are you tired at the end of your days because you have so much going on, have you ever thought that giving some of that stuff over to others to do would help you in that situation • Jesus will use whomever He wants to use, why not allow Him to help you in the manner that you need help • You could be entertaining an angel that is offering to help you and not only offending God, but refusing a blessing Exercises: 1. The first step is to understand that accepting help from others is accepting help from the Lord. 2. Listen to the Holy Spirit directing you, pray for discernment on this subject so that you can tell who is sent by God to help and who is sent by the enemy to destroy, which means to build your relationship with the Lord 3. When faced with challenges and things that need to be done, start out by reaching out to those that are closest to you, if they are used to you saying no, they will be overjoyed that you asked them for help
  32. 32. Sister – Who Are You Really Page 32 4. Remember sometimes the Lord sends angels in disguise to us to do things for us and to have us to do things, you maybe entertaining an angel and to deny them is like denying Jesus. Remember that no matter what – God is with you. This is a process and you can come through this in the manner that the Lord wants you to as long as you are seeking Him. It is okay to start off with small tasks and recognize that you are not superwoman. Some things are not going to be the way you want it done, breathe and move on. This is a control behavior and we must come to the understanding that Jesus is in control and follow His lead in all aspects of our lives. The more we submit to Him, the more He increases in our lives and we decrease. The key is more Jesus and less self.
  33. 33. Copyright 2008 – All Rights Reserved – Sister Alissa Lynne Chapter Nine – Don’t Do Anything Sister Don’t Do Anything Sister Scripture: Proverbs 21:24-26 24Proud and haughty scorner is his name, who dealeth in proud wrath. 25The desire of the slothful killeth him; for his hands refuse to labour. 26He coveteth greedily all the day long: but the righteous giveth and spareth not. The Don’t Do Anything is lazy, and slothful. This sister is a straightforward, cut and dry sister as this sister literally does nothing. She is either waiting on the Lord to send her a man who will do everything for her as she wants him to take care of her because she considers herself high maintenance and worth the cash, or she is married to a man who does everything for her and he wants her to go back to work, volunteer or just do something constructive. We are not talking about stay at home moms and their very purpose is to be that. We are not talking about women who are disabled and receiving financial help from the state or a sister who was blessed with money that enables her to not work. We are talking about women who refuse to take care of themselves, and there are the two types of sisters who fall under this category, one whom works and one who does not. This sister can be a sister who has gone as far as not even working, living off the system or past pension. This sister can say that she is disabled and not receiving an SSI check but she will not work. She feels that she is entitled to a good life and has nothing to offer a man at all except for sex. This sister can be a sister who works, but states when she is married, she is done, she is not working and if she continues to work, HE is paying for everything because her money is her money. This sister is considered also a “gold digger” and truly not living the Proverbs 31 Virtuous woman motto but rather the motto of another sort that is truly not of God. “Use what I have to get what I want” and this is not always a lasting relationship with a man whether married or single. This sister does not take pride in whom she is and in some cases has the opportunity to improve herself such as returning back to school but prefers not to miss her soap operas. Some of these sisters hide behind having children, yet and still does not do anything with her children either. She will do whatever she can to get out of work. Her financial status in life is not based on anything that she has done, she either has a husband who works or she is collecting a check. This does include the sisters who are blessed not having to work to take care of themselves but yet and still not giving back to the community or those around them. The Lord has a service for all of us to do and for those that are blessed to be in the financial status to no longer have to work, they should be doing a service for those around them in the name of Jesus for the word says we are to help each other.
  34. 34. Sister – Who Are You Really Page 34 These kinds of sisters are never one to help out in anything that is going on but are really close to the Busy Body sister who is either themselves or their best friends. These sisters are in serious need of our prayers. The Lord has called us out of laziness and we are to break that mold and get to work for Jesus. My personal walk as this sister: Praise the Lord – the Don’t Do Anything Sister. Let me say this, this sister I was/am not. I was not this sister to this degree but I was starting to have her mentality and thank you Jesus for a saved mother who did not allow me to go here in this manner, but I was headed here my sister. Some sisters are this sister and some sisters headed to be this sister, let us be in the word of God and praying for our sisters like this. Tips to defeat the Don’t Do Anything Sister: Change your focus from you to Jesus Focus on Jesus Focus on Jesus Focus on Jesus – Focus on Jesus If you are not working – get a job, find a job, watch someone’s children for pay, do something besides watching television all day and telling working sisters how bored you are Come to know the Lord with you whole heart and know that living life abundantly in Him is true but it is not all about the money either Stop telling your working friends how bored you are, if you are bored do something about it Things to ponder: A marriage is not one way – it takes two to work at it and build it and selfishness is NOT going to help any We are all made with the capabilities to go to work and do a job until the Lord sees fit for things to be different Notice that the last comment said “until the Lord” sees different It is not about you but Jesus Where is your walk with the Lord that you are full of so much self wanting and not enough giving There is more to life than the couch, shopping, and your friends Exercises: Soul Searching…look within yourself and see what God has for you in Him
  35. 35. Copyright 2008 – All Rights Reserved – Sister Alissa Lynne Chapter Ten – Fantasyland Sister Fantasyland Sister Scripture: Deuteronomy 13:2-4 2And the sign or the wonder come to pass, whereof he spake unto thee, saying, Let us go after other gods, which thou hast not known, and let us serve them; 3Thou shalt not hearken unto the words of that prophet, or that dreamer of dreams: for the LORD your God proveth you, to know whether ye love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul. 4Ye shall walk after the LORD your God, and fear him, and keep his commandments, and obey his voice, and ye shall serve him, and cleave unto him. This chapter is geared more towards are single sisters but yet our married sister may remember and learn a thing or two also. This sister is living in a dream that there is a perfect man for her and that all the men that she has met had too much wrong with him to be the one sent by God. This sister is so specific in her request for a man, though we are to be specific in our requests to the Lord, that she has an illusion of thinking that this man exists. She has placed more “I will not have” on the list than there are “I will accept”. This sister relaxes in the fact that it is NOT her, as there is nothing wrong with being specific and knowing what she wants in a man. No there is nothing wrong with being specific and knowing what you want in a man as long as your expectations are realistic in Jesus and grounded in the Lord and not your own thinking. If this sister is a married sister, she has this fantasy that her husband is to be one specific way, never stopping to think that it could be her that needs to be changed. She believes that she is the one that is doing all the right and if he would just get this one thing straight, their marriage would be fine. My personal walk as this sister: As a single sister, I had put so many limitations on the Lord when I was available to start seeing people again. Because of all the pain and hurt in my life, when I was not saved, I did not have a standard, but as I started to accept the love of the Lord, I started to raise the bar, but then started raising the bar just a little too high. I wanted to have a man who had it all meanwhile, I did not have it all. As I started listening to the Lord more, I heard His voice telling me to let go, so I did. I figured if I could not have a man with all that I had on that list, that I did not want a man at all. Well that was not what the Lord meant for me to do, and boy did I learn the hard way to listen to His direction in relationships. He sent Minister Merv who did not possess anything that I thought I wanted in a man, but yet he did as I did not see it right away because my list was not the list God had for me. As I came closer to the Lord, I saw that my list changed and Minister Merv fit that list. Praise the Lord! I did not make it easy on him during our courtship, but the Lord knew I would not do so and made sure that Minister Merv had the qualities that I needed from a man during that time. Now that we are married, the Lord has reminded me on several occasions that I still want to go by “my list” in our marriage instead of by God’s list. As time moves forward in our marriage, I am seeing the God’s list is the most important list and not my own list. By going by God’s list, I am able to love my husband in the manner that he needs along
  36. 36. Sister – Who Are You Really Page 36 with in the manner that I need. It is truly the love of the Lord that molds us which makes the difference in our lives. Tips to defeat the Fantasyland Sister: • Has it ever come across your mind that you cannot ask for what you are not. There is a story of a man who was waiting on a woman sent from God but for this writing, we are going to flip the switch to a woman waiting on a man sent from God. This sister prayed for God to bless her with a man that was kind, open minded, patience, loving, active, handsome and outgoing. As she prayed daily to God for this man to come, each day she added yet another trait that she thought she needed to have in a man. One day after many years of praying, she finally asked God why she was still single. The Lord answered her by saying to her; you want a man who is patience when you are not. You want a man who is kind when you are not. You want a man who is active when you are not, you want a man who loves when you do not and you want me to send him to you when a man like this is praying for a woman who has those same qualities. As soon as a man is available that is all that you want and requesting a woman who is unloving, uncaring, not patience, and unkind, you will receive your man. The point of this is we are busy trying to get what we want instead of being what we need to be in the first place. • Has it crossed your mind that you are putting unnecessary stipulations in place that are not needed. I remember asking sending out a request from sisters in Christ about what they wanted in a man and what they would not accept. I wanted to see what sisters were looking for in a man. I was even more interested in seeing what they would not accept. It is something how we are quick to cut things to the bone and wonder why we are still waiting. Now yes, we can be specific in our prayers to the Lord and He will give us our heart’s desires when we doing His will but yet my sisters I wonder on a regular basis if some of what we want is truly His will for us. Some sisters will not accept a man who is NOT a Pastor or Minister. Some sisters will not accept a man because he is too tall or too short. Some sisters will not accept a man because he is too big or too skinny. Some sisters have gone as far as not accepting a brother if he does not make so much money a year. Well there is one thing I have learned, if God blesses you with a man that comes in your life who is too short, too tall, too thin, too fat, too this or that and God blesses you with that man accept him because he is all that you need. Too many sisters are not open with their thoughts on what they should have in a man. This does not mean you have to run out and find the worse man ever and wait for God to bless you, it just means to remain open and not closing your mind to different aspects that maybe presented to you. Things to ponder: Listen to the Lord in all that you do, hear what He is directing you to do in your life
  37. 37. Copyright 2008 – All Rights Reserved – Sister Alissa Lynne Open-mindedness – keep your mind open and available to possibilities in the Lord. By keeping your mind open, you will not put limitations on the Lord in your life To change is also a thought process, some times reminding ourselves of who we are and where we came from is even more important than where we are in our lives to help us focus on where we are going Remember that you are not perfect and cannot expect to have a man who is perfect. This does not mean that he cannot excel at some areas better than you can. For example, you have poor money management skills and he does not, or even the fact that he is more patience than you are for some of his good qualities will bless you to increase in those areas too. What the issue comes in is when he can have no faults whatsoever. This is a conception that some sisters fall into. They find the negative in everything. Start looking at things in a positive manner, seeing a persons faults as an opportunity to help them or be a blessing to them and not as a hindrance to yourself Exercises: 1. This exercise can be done by single and married sister, for our married sisters, this exercise is a little longer for you are going to add a list of qualities in your husband and rate them as things you have a problem with, then you are going to pray to the Lord to show you how to deal with those areas that you have issues with in him. Pray that the Lord shows you what you can do to make a difference in the relationship in a positive manner. 2. This exercise is to make reality list. The reality list is a list of things qualities you like about yourself, qualities you dislike about yourself, qualities you will not accept in a spouse, qualities you want in a spouse, and things about him you could careless about. Now look over the list, what do you see? Is the list of what you could careless about bigger than the list of what you want in a spouse, even that is somewhat uneven and is it very honest? When you are looking at your lists, you should see some kind of a balance. If any list is bigger than the other, reevaluate and see why you are putting qualities where you are placing them. This is yet again more searching of oneself and really importantly listening to the Lord. Pray before doing this list, open your heart and mind to the truth and hear what the Lord is saying to you while you are doing this exercise. It is the Lord who will direct you in what needs to be changed, what needs to be altered from the list and how to grow more in Jesus. 3. As always being in Jesus and listening to His direction is where we want to be. We do not want what we want but what He wants for us. Most times what we think we want is not as good as we think it will be for when we get it, we no longer want it or it is not what we think it is. We sure do not want to make that mistake in marriage for a Christian marriage is until death due us part.
  38. 38. Sister – Who Are You Really Page 38 Chapter Eleven – Homebody Sister Homebody Sister Scripture: 1 John 1:6-7 6If we say that we have fellowship with him, and walk in darkness, we lie, and do not the truth: 7But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin. The Homebody sister is found in any sister, single or married, it does not matter, the trait is a trait that is hard to break but it will be very rewarding when it is broken. This sister goes to work, goes home, and goes to church. She has no social life outside of her home. She can have children or not have children. Even if she has children, she is still a homebody. Her children play outside but she rarely takes them anywhere outside of the home. She can have a husband or not have a husband, either way she is still a homebody. This sister if single believes that her future husband will approach her in church, work or even the grocery store. This sister feels that since women are not to “search” for her husband, she is better off just being at home. This sister is uncomfortable in crowds and being in unfamiliar places. If she is married, she could cause problems with her husband if he is not a homebody, she could be opening a door of infidelity by not supporting her spouse by attending functions with him. Some of these sisters do not do anything alone besides errands such as dinner, movies, nail salon or things of that sort. Some of these sisters will do some of these things but not often because comfort comes from the home. She will use the excuse of not having the time, being tired or not having the money to do anything on a regular basis. These sisters hide behind the word of God as a shield to the outside world, believing that saved sisters do not go to the movies, or do not go out to eat alone. Some believe that they cannot do anything out in the real world because of the dangers of the world. Some have found solace on the internet and some shun the internet as a major sin. The key to all of this for the homebody sister is to get out the house. If a sister starts out doing little things to get out the house, in time, she will no longer be a homebody, but do not do so much that you become a busy sister. Some sisters are really shy or unsure of themselves; you cannot make a difference in that area of your life if you do not get out the house and do something. There are tons of opportunities to break the mold, by doing things for you and getting out of the house. My personal walk as this sister: As much as I do not like to admit to it, I was this sister and sometimes still get in the mood and fall into being a homebody sister. When I was growing up, I spent all my time alone. Due to my upbringing, I kept away from other people, to keep them from finding out what was happening to me in my household. I did not want people to find out as I