Simon rickett dating coach explains how to find the perfect partner
Copyright – Simon Rickett Dating Coach – Madison Avenue. Toledo, OHPublished By Simon Rickett – Dating Coach
Copyright – Simon Rickett Dating Coach – Madison Avenue. Toledo, OH 2ContentsIntroduction....................................................................................................................................4Chapter 1........................................................................................................................................6Why is Dating so Complicated?.................................................................................................6Bad Dating Environments......................................................................................................7Subconscious Resistance ...................................................................................................10Poor Communication ...........................................................................................................12Chapter 2......................................................................................................................................13Introducing…You!.....................................................................................................................13Step 1: Forgive Yourself and the Past ................................................................................14Step 2: Change Your Attitude..............................................................................................18Step 3: Determine What You Want.....................................................................................22Chapter 3......................................................................................................................................28Devise a Dating Strategy .........................................................................................................28Step 4: Change Your Surroundings ....................................................................................29Step 5: Evaluate Your Dating Resume ...............................................................................32Step 6: Do the Opposite of Your Instincts ..........................................................................36Chapter 4......................................................................................................................................39Reinvent Yourself for the Dating World ..................................................................................39Step 7: Prepare Yourself for What You Want.....................................................................39Step 8: Master the Art of Conversation..............................................................................44
Copyright – Simon Rickett Dating Coach – Madison Avenue. Toledo, OH 3Step 9: Master the Art of Seduction ...................................................................................50Step 10: Define Love and Then Act!...................................................................................52Conclusion....................................................................................................................................54
Copyright – Simon Rickett Dating Coach – Madison Avenue. Toledo, OH 4IntroductionSimon Rickett is a dating coach that has helped hundreds of individuals improve theirconfidence and find love. Simon Rickett has provided this detailed E-Book to help those thatare looking for love to find themselves and find their perfect partner…..As Elvis Presley might have once crooned, “Are youlonesome tonight?” Yes, loneliness—that invisible ailmentthat sucks the joy out of every day and every night—is a verysure sign that something in your love life is very wrong.Looks can oftentimes be deceiving. What we may see as ahappy single person or a happy couple with marriage ontheir minds can actually be something very different behindclosed doors. What many of these people have in common is that they feel anoverwhelming sense of loneliness.Romantic loneliness can affect anyone and everyone, and can even appear in seeminglyhappy relationships. Isn’t that an odd thought? A person who is dating someone, or evenmany people at once, and yet who still feels lonely. Yes, loneliness is merely an indicatorthat something is wrong in a person’s dating life.The sad thing is that many lovers and would-be lovers drift through life, lonely as can be, andalways hoping—perhaps even praying—that their romantic life will get better. What theydon’t realize is that they—themselves—have the power to change their unsatisfying love life.That’s what we’re going to talk about in this book.We are of the philosophy that life is a series of choices, and that if you are already feelingthe pangs of loneliness, you are headed down a path of dating disaster. We also believethat you have the power to change the direction you are going.This book, How to Change Your Love Life in 10 Easy Steps, is going to help you learn how tochange your life (no matter how difficult your life may seem) and instead create arelationship that you can be completely happy with.
Copyright – Simon Rickett Dating Coach – Madison Avenue. Toledo, OH 5It’s time to stop making excuses. It’s time to stop settling on a so-so relationship. It’s timeto make a change—and in just ten easy steps, we’re going to show you how!
Copyright – Simon Rickett Dating Coach – Madison Avenue. Toledo, OH 6Chapter 1Why is Dating so Complicated?Simon Rickett explains that Dating is socomplicated that that there have beencountless British and American sitcomsdedicated to the complexity of the datinglifestyle. From Seinfeld to Friends to evennewer shows like How I Met Your Mother andThe Big Bang Theory, we hear all sorts oftheories, conflicts, red herrings and wackyplot twists from week to week.How do you approach a beautiful woman and not come across as weird and needy? Or, howcan you make a guy friend of yours think of you as something more? Well here’s a newthought: all of the unspoken rules you hear about…from the right time to break up, to theright way to approach an attractive new person in a “cool” and unaffected way…all of theseinstances of over-analyzing your love life are counterproductive to actually finding—or evencreating—the love life you really want.Overanalyzing may make for great comedy on television, but can actually be a majorobstacle for you and your dating life. Think back to before the Seinfeld era of television for amoment. Think back to Archie and Edith Bunker. Think back to Cliff and Claire Huxtable. Orif your memory is really sharp, think back to the Tates and the Campbells of Soap. What doall these shows have in common?These people didn’t waste time talking about sex or dating. In fact, they got married young.Or in the case of Soap, all the characters speed-dated their way through courtship andenjoyed multiple affairs for years on end. Here’s the point: in the 1970s and early 1980s,single people had a much more pragmatic approach to dating, and of course, some of thatwas residual leftover from the 1960s free love era. However, even if you go back to the
Copyright – Simon Rickett Dating Coach – Madison Avenue. Toledo, OH 71950s and 1940s, the “Best Generation”, you can still see a world of difference betweenthe strong and determined lovers of yesterday and the whiney, neurotic sad sacks of today.Blame it on the very funny Woody Allen, and his many TV successors, who showed millions ofyoung single people that love, was in fact, a very complicated, seldom rewarding experience.However, if you’re ready to get in touch with reality, know this: love is not complicated andgetting a date (yes, even finding a wonderful partner) is a relatively easy task. What we haveto work on is un-learning all of those destructive dating instincts that you might be strugglingwith. The "anti-wisdom" of the 1990s and 2000s is probably working against you.After all, 50% of all marriages end in divorce, and even more live-in relationships end inheartbreak. Meanwhile single people yearn for company, and even more single people longfor someone they can never have. That’s the baggage we need to get rid of if we ever hopeto find happiness in the real world.So read this book with an open mind, and get ready to study love and lust in the real world.This is not a book of romance. This is a book that’s going to show you what so many peopleare doing wrong, and how to make things right for your long-term happiness.And if you don’t make a positive change in your love life as soon as possible, you could endup like Lamont Sanford on Sanford and Son. And if you’ve never seen that show before, justtrust us, you’d be shuddering right about now.So let’s get to the “complication” quickly, so that we can devote the rest of the book to 10easy ways to find dating success. Most problematic relationships, whether betweendysfunctional couples or perpetually lonely singles, can be categorized into three mainissues: bad environment, subconscious resistance and poor communication. Let’s discussone at a time.Bad Dating EnvironmentsSimon Rickett explains here is one of the most common scenarios in bad dating, and it’salso the “Yeah, but my problem is different…” category. The truth is, everyone’s life is
Copyright – Simon Rickett Dating Coach – Madison Avenue. Toledo, OH 8complicated, as we are three-dimensional human beings living in a not so black and whiteworld.You are complicated. However, your dating life doesn’t have to be. Consider 10 types of“difficult to date (or live with) people.” How would you begin to describe their dating life andtheir future outlook on love and marriage?1. A 40-year-old virgin who lives with his insane mother.2. A chronic liar and corrupt police officer.3. A charming drug addict.4. A musical prodigy that travels all around the world.5. A teen suffering from depression.6. A small town woman who just divorced her husband and made a lot of enemies.7. A middle-aged woman living in a haunted house.8. An angry, foul-mouthed biker chick that hates the world.9. An animal hoarding “cat lady” who never leaves the house.10.A prostitute in a big city.All right, so now you’re thinking, “Wow! All of these people have it so hard! What strange lifestories they probably have to tell.” And yes, you would be correct in assuming that they allfeel lonely very often, and may even believe that they are impossible to love.However, what they all really have in common is that they are in a bad environment.Worse yet, they long to find a romantic partner to support them through this badenvironment, not actually realizing that the bad environment is what is interfering with theirhappiness. The most productive way to bring on change is to leave the destructiveenvironment behind.
Copyright – Simon Rickett Dating Coach – Madison Avenue. Toledo, OH 9You can probably think of a few people you know (perhaps even yourself!) that has a similar“issue” in your life that makes dating very difficult. And yes, sometimes these issues are amajor “downer” when it comes to finding a date.Any sort of addiction, a life of crime, an uncomfortable living arrangement, or being in anawkward social situation (especially among friends and family) can challenge a relationshipbefore it even has the chance to blossom.Now we’re not going to pass judgment on what situations really count as a “badenvironment”. In fact, it’s sad to think how many people timidly hide at home rather thanrisk dating embarrassment because of a perceived problem, like:• Children from another marriage• A shocking secret from one’s past• A disability• An overweight figure• Social stature or money• A lack of book smarts• A lack of confidence and charmAnd this the list goes on. Simon Rickett explains the truth is, there is no right and wronganswer when it comes to calling someone’s life “date-hopeless”. True, we can state theobvious and say that a man or woman battling massive drug addiction is probably not in thebest “place” right now for finding a date.However, who is to judge or assign value to a person’s lifestyle? What we can say is this. Ifyou are lonely and feel as if your love life is destined to be sad and miserable, then youprobably do have a bad dating environment—and it needs to change.
Copyright – Simon Rickett Dating Coach – Madison Avenue. Toledo, OH 10It doesn’t really matter how you rationalize the problem away. Any recurring issue thatcauses you trepidation, grief and loneliness is clearly not working. You must acknowledgethis and realize that it’s time to do something different.If you feel that your living situation, your outlook on life, or your offensive behaviors may bechasing away potential mates, then the answer is right in front of you. Leave the bad-datingenvironment behind, once and for all.Subconscious ResistanceSometimes relationships are not that easy to figure out. Sometimes it’s not about having adisastrous home life or having a weird personal issue that freaks your dates out before youeven sit down at the dinner table. Sometimes, the war going on is completely internal.Subconscious resistance refers to a rather strange, and yet documented phenomenon,when people resist—as in, take definitive action or inaction—to ruin any chances they have ofgetting what they actually want. There are actually two types of subconscious resistance toconsider: let’s call them subconscious resistance 1 and subconscious resistance 2.• Subconscious resistance 1 is merely the wrestling you have with your own body,which has been trained to do the same thing for years on end. The body naturallyresists anything new, and especially anything that requires effort. You must trainyour body to accept new directives and new schedules and eventually yoursubconscious learns it. It’s the basic difference between a lazy person trying hard tokeep up an exercise routine…• And a lazy person who intentionally gets run over by a car just to get out of going tothe gym! Yes, there are plenty of people in the dating world who will do strange andalmost self-mutilating things. Like cheat on their partner in what seems like aperfectly good relationship. Or who will behave badly just to scare off a potentiallygood match. These sorts of people make your head hurt…but in most cases, they aremerely doing all of these crazy things to avoid making the change they know theyshould make.
Copyright – Simon Rickett Dating Coach – Madison Avenue. Toledo, OH 11In both cases, the main objective of subconscious resistance is to stay the same. In otherwords, even after you determine that you want to stop being the same and start changingyour direction in life, you may still meet up with some resistance somewhere in your mind.Sometimes it can be subtle, like listening to a friend who reminds you that you “can dobetter”, or perhaps even something simple like, not pursuing someone you are attracted tobecause of low self-esteem issues.Subconscious resistance can very easily lead to blatantly self-destructive behavior. And thethoughts start so subtly, as in:• Am I really happy with the person I’m with? (With someone you know that you love)• I don’t deserve that person…he/she is out of my league!• I was thinking about going to that party…but I guess I won’t. It won’t make adifference anyway.Sometimes thoughts go from negative to blatantly irrational!• I think I should punch my boyfriend/girlfriend in the face!• My ex would love me again if that stupid dog were eliminated!• I must have a baby to save my marriage!• I think I should show up at my boyfriend’s job and get him fired!• My girlfriend doesn’t have to know about my fling!Simon Rickett believes, we could go on for hours discussing irrational thoughts unhappypeople have throughout the day. Point being, bad environment coupled with a subconsciousresistance means that you have the perfect recipe for dating a psychopath.We’ll get into indentifying and stopping this resistance a bit later on. For now, let’s move onto another common area of relationship failure.
Copyright – Simon Rickett Dating Coach – Madison Avenue. Toledo, OH 12Poor CommunicationYes, most troubled relationships or perpetually single bachelors/bachelorettes can begrouped into (A) bad environment, (B) subconscious resistance or (C) poor communication.It is very likely you are of the (C) group, especially if you try to avoid drama.There is nothing actually wrong with the poor communicators category except that they haveforgotten, or perhaps never really learned how to behave on a date or in a casual, flirtyconversation with another person. The good news is that these guys and girls are typicallyvery nice, harmless and attractive lovers…they just need a few pointers on how to become,shall we say, a little more competitive in dating.Now we’re not actually going to spend pages and pages talking about “signals” or dissectingthe minutia of dating etiquette. Chances are, you know your etiquette (i.e. no screaming,burping or throwing things at the dinner table).However, a refresher course on how to flirt and how to communicate with the opposite sexmight prove to be invaluable. Success in dating is just a matter of gaining experience,learning what your partner likes, and then giving it to them with style. So let’s break downeach strategic point into ten easy steps as we begin the next few chapters.Simon Rickett belives these next ten easy steps tp follow are vitally important in finding love.
Copyright – Simon Rickett Dating Coach – Madison Avenue. Toledo, OH 13Chapter 2Introducing…You!Before we proceed to lessons in communication, we shouldfirst take some time to discuss the areas of bad datingenvironment and subconscious resistance. Although poorcommunication may be a major cause of dating problems,there are actually many people out there who have more orless mastered the art of dating and flirting, and yet still findthemselves in unhealthy relationships, or perhaps findthemselves repeatedly suffering heartbreak.This chapter is all about you, because it is very important to fix yourself before youunleash yourself on the dating world. Why? Because if you don’t know what you want thenyou will never be able to find happiness in the arms of another person. For that matter, youmight just make your partner’s life a living hell, if you insist upon jerking him or her around ina volatile, on and off again relationship.If only there were a law requiring all new potential singles to pass a minimum intelligenceand ethics quiz! If only we could help our children “grow up” before tossing them out into aruthlessly complicated dating world, there would probably be far less instances of crime,suicide, depression…or at the very least heartache and loneliness.So please, as a favor to yourself and your future partner(s), make sure you can pass a socialintelligence and social ethics test before you seek out a perfect lover or marriage mate. Forinstance, ask yourself these questions believes Simon Rickett:1. Why do I want to meet someone?2. What are my goals, both short-term and long-term?3. What is missing in my life right now?4. What do I have to contribute to a relationship?
Copyright – Simon Rickett Dating Coach – Madison Avenue. Toledo, OH 145. Is cheating wrong? If yes, why?6. What qualities am I looking for?7. What have I learned about relationships from my parents, family, friends and exes?8. When is the right time to break up with someone?9. What makes a relationship last?10. How am I supposed to behave around my partner?These are some common sense questions that may not be so easy to answer on a firstglance. The reason why we mention these questions is simply because it’s important thatwe all realize that marriage, or a committed relationship, or a sexual relationship, is not a"fix" to one’s problems. This is actually a very common misconception, especially amongpeople who insist on staying in a bad-dating environment. They think that the answer totheir happiness is finding a mate—and quite frankly, sharing their misery with a family.The answer is certainly not in changing his/her lifestyle!This brings us to step numero uno…Step 1: Forgive Yourself and the PastOur quirky comments are only meant to entertain, and certainly not to make light of serioustraumatic problems. The fact is, almost everyone who has deep relationship issues has hada traumatic upbringing.Some of the most likely reasons for difficult dating behavior include:• Sexual or physical abuse• Physical trauma• Mental or emotional abuse by one or both parents
Copyright – Simon Rickett Dating Coach – Madison Avenue. Toledo, OH 15• Religious or familial guilt about sexuality• Distant or absent parental relationships• Over-parenting or “spoiling” of children• Loveless parenting or a lack of deep love in parentingAnd so on. There’s no question that bad relationship patterns stem from negative pastexperiences. This is why it is imperative to forgive yourself for the past or you wantfind happiness believes Simon Rickett.While we are all quick to say that we are at peace with what happened way back when, it isoften a white lie we tell ourselves to avoid conflict. The fact is, relationship trauma—letalone past childhood trauma—is difficult to simply get over. Whenever someone breaks yourheart, treats you poorly, or shakes up your confidence, it is never easy to get over.Try to think of failed relationships like “scars” all over the body. Scars are not always easy toget rid of (indeed there are lifelong scars you might see on a person), but you can alwaysattempt to cover them up and perhaps even heal the skin.Now ask yourself, is the next logical step to accentuate those scars by slashing your face topieces and cutting yourself more where it hurts? Of course not! Yet, this is precisely whatpeople do emotionally.The refuse to let go of the past, and instead treat their battle scars like a beauty mark. Theywant others to feel the same pain. They want others, their own dates in fact, to ooh and aahat the darkness they have seen.Ask yourself a second time: do you really want to hang out with an attractive persondiscussing your ugly, nesting, gaping scars? That doesn’t sound fun at all, does it?
Copyright – Simon Rickett Dating Coach – Madison Avenue. Toledo, OH 16And that is precisely what many singles do when they refuse to let go of their “baggage.”You’ve heard all the conversations before…• My ex was so horrible…he did this to me and that to me…• I don’t know if I can ever trust anyone again!• She tore my heart out and handed it to me!• All women are out to get me like she did!• All men are pigs, I tell ya!• And so…And occasionally talking about your ex is not a bad thing—provided you are asked, andprovided you don’t obsess over him/her like a celebrity stalker. However, once you starttalking to your date about your ex—trying to make him or her feel the pain you aresabotaging the relationship.Here’s the ultimate truth: your next boyfriend or girlfriend won’t fall in love with your injury.He or she won’t fall in love with you because of pity over your psycho ex. This wonderfulperson will fall in love with you because of the strength they see in you.You must forgive the past and be willing to move forward. It’s not always so easy to removea past wound but with perseverance (and by applying some of these tips) you can do it.Tips for Forgiving and Forgetting What Happened• Write one last letter to your ex and get it all out• Throw the letter away• Accept the fact that regardless of what you did or did not do, the relationship was notgoing to have a happy ending
Copyright – Simon Rickett Dating Coach – Madison Avenue. Toledo, OH 17• Count up all the negative qualities of your ex and all the bad memories and weighthem against the good times…you will probably find a major imbalance!• Remove all pictures, letters and memorabilia associated with your ex• Get active in other pursuits besides dating or thinking about the past• Instead of thinking of “missed opportunities” start thinking about what you want todo starting now!• Stop all contact immediately. Do not post revenge posts on Facebook, do not writehim/her and make every attempt to avoid this person (even if it means relocating toanother office!)• Call your friends for a support group• Start a new hobby, and or exercise to relieve tension• Rearrange your furniture around for a nice “picker upper”• Do something (preferably non-sexual) that makes you feel good; treat yourself to afull or “mini” vacation and focus on the good things in life for a change!• Start thinking of other hot singles you know that you’d like to date (But don’t actyet…we’re getting to that soon enough!)If you continue to apply these tips and stop trying to overanalyze the past, you will very soonrealize that one bad relationship is not the end of the world. In fact, you may start to feel(gasp!) relieved that you’re no longer with him/her.What if you have never actually had a girlfriend or boyfriend but still feel connected to thepast and lost in the present? The same principles apply. It’s all a matter of accepting whathappened, garnering what positives you can from the experience and putting it out of yourmind. Rickett explains once you do this then everything will start to be much better.This is the only way you will ever recover…all the “closure” in the world is not going to help inthe end.
Copyright – Simon Rickett Dating Coach – Madison Avenue. Toledo, OH 18Step 2: Change Your AttitudeAfter leaving your past behind you, the next step tofocus on is changing the person you are. Is thisreally necessary? Absolutely! During all thatgrieving time you had to experience, you probablythought plenty of negative things about yourself,the way you acted, the way things could have beenand so on.While you probably were too hard on yourself, the pursuit of self-improvement is never a badthing. Ending a bad relationship, or at least leaving behind an old way of doing things, is agreat opportunity to “re-launch” yourself.So take this opportunity to create and finely tune the new you.Here are some ideas on how to develop a new identity and a new outlook.• Take this time to reevaluate yourself—not your ex—but yourself. You may even trytaking your ex’s criticisms, in an effort to understand the some of the personalchallenges you seem to have in relationships.• Try to find patterns in all of your old relationships and see if you can pinpoint anyflaws about yourself, or perhaps even what negative traits you are attracted to. Forexample, if all of your exes were abusive, or were promiscuous while with you, youmay very well be chasing after the wrong type of lover.• Ask advice from friends and family about self-improvement. Their words are notalways easy to hear but can be helpful.• Please don’t call your ex and ask for a list of all your flaws! (We’re pretty sure youcan remember your arguments just fine)
Copyright – Simon Rickett Dating Coach – Madison Avenue. Toledo, OH 19• Pinpoint positive qualities observed from your parents, family members and friendsthat are admirable.Next, it’s time to create the blueprint of the future you. Here are some exercises to try:Step 1: Create a list of positive characteristics that you like about yourself and want tokeep.Step 2: Create a list of negative characteristics you’ve noticed and others have pointed out.These are the qualities you’re going to try really hard to eliminate.Step 3: Create a list of positive qualities exhibited by others that you would like to adopt.Here is a sample sheet.Positive Characteristics:I like:• My sense of humor (“What my ex always said she liked about me.”)• My honesty (“What friends and neighbors say.”)• My easygoing attitude (“What I like…it keeps me sane and relaxed about life.“)• My commitment to family (“In my heart, it’s what I want…a real family!”)I don’t like:• My temper (“What my exes always complained about.”)• My suspicion of others (I don’t like how I feel when I give my mate the third-degree.)
Copyright – Simon Rickett Dating Coach – Madison Avenue. Toledo, OH 20• Empty sexual relationships. (What I really want to avoid in the future)As for The good qualities I see in others…I want to be:• “Forgiving like my grandfather.”• “Smart, like my aunt.”• “More giving and caring like my mother.”• “Independent and confidant like my father.”In addition to recreating your new personality, you also want to adjust your attitude.Remember what we said about subconscious resistance? In the coming months, yoursubconscious may very well be battling you over this new “personality makeover.” You mayfind yourself suddenly lacking motivation, or perhaps even desiring to do something stupidand self-destructive, don’t do it explains Simon RickettRemember what we discussed. Your subconscious is resisting change—the change that youyourself want! In order to battle the mounting opposition that could be happening in yourmind, train yourself to think strategically—always finding a balance between idealistic andpessimistic.Below, you will find some examples of idealistic, optimistic, realistic and pessimisticthinking. If you are still clinging to the past, then your natural inclination will be to thinkpessimistically, or perhaps even idealistically, if you haven’t quite reached that “lowest ebb”of romantic heartache. The best place to be on the “scale” of self-reflection is eitheroptimistic (putting a positive spin on every thought) or realistic, which is always pragmaticand not overly dramatic. On the other hand, avoid idealistic thinking or pessimistic thinking,as they are unhealthy extremes that can very well trap you in the same lonely place.Idealistic“I will never meetanyone so perfect forthe rest of my life!”Optimistic“I really enjoyed therelationship. It didn’twork out, but I learned aRealistic“We were notcompatible. It’s time tomove on.”Pessimistic“This was my one truechance at happinessand I blew it.”
Copyright – Simon Rickett Dating Coach – Madison Avenue. Toledo, OH 21“This new person in mylife is so amazing! He(she) is way out myleague!“My lover is okay…I justfeel as if he (she) is not“the one” I picturedmyself with.”lot and loved a lot.”“I really like this newdate and am confidentit’s going to work thistime!”“My relationship is goinggreat! I love spendingtime with my partner!“I like my new date andhope to see more of him(her) in the future.”“I am enjoying thisrelationship and amseeing where it goes.”“He (she) doesn’t likeme. It’s just pity. I’m aloser.”“I don’t really deservethis person. I’m nothappy and he (she)doesn’t seem happy.”Do you notice the scale of emotions we see in way of thinking? Pessimistic thinking blindsyou to the joy in relationships, while idealistic thinking dooms any relationship for being lessthan perfect.Changing your attitude is not actually about “becoming a new person”…it’s about retrainingyour mind to be rational and not seek out emotional extremes.At the end of your blueprint will be a new mission statement that reads something like this:“I am a handsome/beautiful person who takes the serious things in lifeseriously, and everything else with a chuckle. I value my family and friendsand want to find someone who also appreciates the love of family. In thepast, I was too clingy and too impulsive in my relationships. In the future, Iwant to be collected, supportive, and always willing to talk problems out.”Obviously, this statement is not meant for sharing with a date, but going over it in your head(the mission you have created for yourself, based on all the qualities you want) is a healthystart to finishing up the “new you.”
Copyright – Simon Rickett Dating Coach – Madison Avenue. Toledo, OH 22Step 3: Determine What You Want or How Will You Know ExplainsSimon RickettOnce you determine who you are and what you want to be, it’s time to focus your attentionon your would-be partner—your future mate! All this time, you’ve been avoiding the topic ofyour ex and we thank you for staying strong. Now let’s cautiously talk about your ex again.(If you don’t have an ex then you can think back to some of the crushes you used to havewho spurned your advances)Start to think about the relationship(s) you had…• What were some of the mistakes your ex made?• What were some of the good qualities about your ex?• What about your ex did you really like and what about him/her didn’t you like?• What qualities did all of your exes have?• What similarities were there in the way all of these relationships ended?You see what you’re doing here? Instead of focusing on the emotional aspects of therelationship (as in, “I made so many mistakes! I was stupid, etc.) you’re getting to the root ofthe problem. You’re analyzing the ex’s behavior and trying to discern a truth about yourself.The truth is, no one just falls in love for no reason. There were strong traits you observed inyour former lovers (or crushes). You were attracted to these qualities and you most likelywill still be attracted to the same qualities in other people.What makes you attracted to certain qualities and others not so much? You mayimmediately feel a strong attraction to someone because he or she:1. Reminds you of your parent(s). (Weird but common)2. Has the same positive qualities you see in friends, family or exes.3. Has the same interests, skills, hobbies or career as you do.
Copyright – Simon Rickett Dating Coach – Madison Avenue. Toledo, OH 234. Has a certain “chemistry” that you find very sexy.5. Has an intelligence and outlook similar to your own.6. Is on the same “level” of attractiveness as you see yourself.7. Is a smooth talker, meaning he/she flirts easily and is charismatic.8. Displays emotions openly, and shares his/her life easily.9. Is an “enigma” you find fascinating.10.Has an attractive figure or is the same “type” of lover you generally find attractiveAnd this list goes on. Do you notice what we’re doing here? We’re asking you to figure outwhat you want in a relationship. Radical, isn’t it? Rather than telling you to keep “waitingfor Mister or Misses Right”, or assuring you that you can have anybody you want, we’restating a very simple fact.You must know what you want—precisely—before you can ever hope to get it. It sounds sosimple, and yet it’s safe to say that half the single population (if not more) really have noidea what they want.They may drift from empty relationship to empty relationship to an even more destituterelationship, never quite finding what they really yearn for. Or, they may be feeling so lonelythey will settle for “anyone” of “any type.” Yeah, that’s a great strategy sure to blossom intoa happy marriage!The “chameleon” of the dating species, the one capable of adapting to any lover of any typejust so he/she can say “I am in a relationship.” How does this scenario usually end? Again,with heartbreak. In this case, it doesn’t result from mistakes each partner makes, but froma flawed matchup from the very beginning.You can’t force a relationship to work. The only way to avoid heartache (the short-termheartache from immediate rejection, or the long-term heartache from a broken marriage) isto determine exactly what you want in a mate and then pursue exactly that.
Copyright – Simon Rickett Dating Coach – Madison Avenue. Toledo, OH 24So consider:• What does an objective study about your ex reveal about the qualities you want in arelationship?• What have you learned from parents, family and friends regarding positiverelationship qualities?• What patterns have you observed in all relationships, among all exes?Be sure to evaluate your exes objectively, making sure you’re not confusing “first love” or“rebound sex” with a truly productive relationship that taught you something about yourself.In the end, you should be grateful to your psycho, heartless shrew of an ex for teaching yousomething important—what you want the future of your life to be like.So after this careful analysis, you could say something like:“I want to find someone like “Aimee” (or like “Chris”), my ex, but only because I admire thequalities he/she had, like:• Intelligence• Sense of humor• Compassion• Love of family• A poetic, emotional side• An attractive figureBut I will definitely look for a partner, that unlike my ex, is not a liar, a prude, cold-hearted…”go ahead and insert all the derogatory descriptions now!Determining the Type of Relationship You WantAgain, you are battling subconscious resistance, and that is the main reason why you wantto have this little introspective pep talk. Subconscious resistance may cause you to pursuethe same type of painful relationship as you sought out last time, whether due to fear ofgetting what you want, or just being accustomed to misery.
Copyright – Simon Rickett Dating Coach – Madison Avenue. Toledo, OH 25However, at this stage, it is important that you figure outwhat type of relationship you want, in addition to whatqualities you are looking forward to enjoying.For example, you could start any one of these uniquerelationships:Platonic Friends: A buddy that wants to be friendsbefore lovers…and may never want to try romance at all.Friends, Maybe More: A buddy that wants to date butdoesn’t want any pressure for commitment.A Marriage Mate: Celibate until the wedding, or atleast until you’re exclusive.Friends with Benefits: A friend that’s not really interested in dating exclusively, but willalways be there for you when you both want easy sex.Casual Fling: No strings attached sex…in fact, they don’t even like you that much!Romantic Affair: This relationship is odd, because it’s sort of casual in nature, butinvolves a lot of romance, drama and heartache. It’s usually a self-destructive relationshipcarried on by cheating partners.Virtual Affair: All the excitement of a friends with benefits, but without the in-person risks.Anything Goes Fling: A sort-of friend who mainly just wants to use you for sexualgratification.What do you really want in a relationship? If you have been lonely for quite a while, then youmay be at that point where you’re ready to try anything—not realizing this could bedisastrous. What usually happens when a person looking for romance and commitmentends up with a one-night fling?Heartache. Settling for a relationship you did not want, just to be in a relationship is a bigmistake. While it does feel good to be sensual and with someone rather than nobody;
Copyright – Simon Rickett Dating Coach – Madison Avenue. Toledo, OH 26misunderstandings, presumptions and wishing can often lead you to a darker place than youwere before. You could easily end up with someone who disrespects you, cheats on you, oreven smacks you around for no good reason. Sadly, the whole thing is your fault becauseyou entered into a relationship blindly, not having a clue as to what you were looking for inthe first place. What are we looking for it reliant on you says Simon Rickett, only you candecide.There’s nothing wrong with having a few flings in life before you settle down, but as withanything pleasurable, free sex is always conditional. An ethical approach to sex consists offollowing some basic guidelines of social etiquette:• Do not lie about anything.• Do not allow your partner to make assumptions about your future just to get into bed.• Do not sexually harass your date (Although a woman throwing a glass of wine on asexist pig’s face is always fun to watch from the next table over!)• Do not hop into bed thinking that this is going to land you a mate.• Do not be so eager for sex that you ruin the rest of the date.• In general, don’t rush sex…too much pressure is a turn off. Take things at a naturalpace.• Always practice safe sex. Never take anyone’s word for it. (Unless you want to endup with an STD, or even worse, a baby)• Be careful about "bumping uglies" with strangers. It’s best to let someone knowwhere you are going in private.• After sex, don’t kick your lover out of the bed and out of the house. At least, askhim/her to leave nicely!Finally, remember this: sexual relations (and even deep conversation for that matter) cancreate a powerful and vulnerable frame of mind for each partner. This is precisely whyyoung children are advised not to engage in intercourse too soon, because their minds are
Copyright – Simon Rickett Dating Coach – Madison Avenue. Toledo, OH 27not fully developed and cannot handle the emotional, social and logical consequences ofthis action.We’ve given you three great tips thus far on how to end your dating rut and start seeingsome results—whether for a series of flings or for a long-term relationship. However, we stillhave yet to talk about how to go about presenting yourself to the dating world. There areplenty of fish in the sea…but how can you go out and find them? (And the ones you reallywant, for that matter?) We’re going to discuss this in the next chapters.
Copyright – Simon Rickett Dating Coach – Madison Avenue. Toledo, OH 28Chapter 3Devise a Dating Strategy Believes Simon RickettThus far, we’ve been talking quite a bit aboutthe internal process. This chapter is devoted toassembling your new personality and attitude,and becoming pro-active about your datingwants.Proactive…what does that word even mean?Simply put, you must take action if you hope tocreate a positive change in your life. You must let go of any notions of “destiny” or waitingfor the right one to show up at the perfect time. This postponement, this “wait and see whathappens” approach is destructive and it will—guaranteed—lead to many years of loneliness.What causes this dangerous attitude to develop? Perhaps reading too many romancenovels, watching too many romance movies, or talking to too many people that promote themyth of the one and only “soul mate.” While we wouldn’t deny that you CAN find a soulmate, the belief that only one exists for you, and is waiting for just the right moment to comeand save you from a life of sadness, is a lie!A Personal Story of FaithI recall having a conversation with a friend a few years ago, during which she assured methat God has “the right one” waiting for her when she reached a marriageable age. It struckme as a curious thought, and so I had to ask her, “But isn’t what makes life so wonderful isthat God gives us a choice?” (She never got back to me on that one…)The point is, rather than seeing our dating life as a “chore” or as a cause of anxiety, begrateful that we all do have a choice. Rather than being “sentenced” to one ideal mate forthe rest of our lives (or worse yet, given away as child bride because you were “bought”!) wehave the ability to meet people, to take chances and to make our own decisions.
Copyright – Simon Rickett Dating Coach – Madison Avenue. Toledo, OH 29However, if you want to experience the benefits of this relationship freedom, then you mustbe willing to be proactive and make things happen on your own. It doesn’t make any senseto open your mind to new relationships but never take action!As in:• Talking to new people• Going new places• Taking chances and asking new people outOf course, human psychology tends to be fragile and in many cases, (and usually because ofa bad dating environment that a person has created) taking a chance is just too much of arisk.Rather than fight you on why you need to get over your fears and “just do it”, we’re going tomake it easy. Why enter into a situation that makes you anxious? Instead, try changingyour surroundings.Step 4: Change Your SurroundingsYes, the same bad dating environment that is bringing you down to the dumps, (whether it’san unhealthy lifestyle, living with crazy people, being stuck in a small town, being broke allthe time, etc.) must be changed. If you cannot adjust to the environment and do the thingsyou want to do, you must escape the environment. This is simply a matter of biology. If youcannot thrive, change the setting, and do it fast.Many people, who at one time were socially awkward and dateless, have found ways toincrease their romantic success by making a slight change to their environment. Forexample, doing any of the following could help.• Moving out on your own• Moving to a new city (or even a new state)
Copyright – Simon Rickett Dating Coach – Madison Avenue. Toledo, OH 30• Moving to a new church• Moving to a new neighborhood• Changing hang out spots (bars, restaurants, gaming clubs, etc.)• Visiting a new dating website• Visiting new stores• Joining meet up groups• Making new platonic friends (who may have single friends!)• Taking an exotic vacation and meeting some of the locals• Do volunteer work• Chatting with new online friends though social networkingWhy is that good things happen whenever we change our environment? Is it merely theadrenaline we feel of doing something new, or perhaps the curiosity of strangers? Is it thefact that people are seldom appreciated in the same town they grew up in? Who knows!What we do know is that if your current environment is getting you nowhere, you have twochoices.Either change your ways or remove yourself from the environment. It’s as simple as that,because when you force a lifestyle change you will immediately create new andunpredictable reactions from those around you.Is it any wonder that many lovers or exes never really care about you until you leave? (Thencomes the dramatic encounter, where they beg you to stay and love them…think Ross andRachel on Friends!)Funny how that works, isn’t it? Changing your environment is powerful and the sooner yourealize this, the sooner you will start to see changes in your dating life.
Copyright – Simon Rickett Dating Coach – Madison Avenue. Toledo, OH 31Tips on How to Meet New PeopleWhat do you do after the change in sceneryoccurs and you find yourself interacting withnew people? Before concentrating on how toland a date or find a marriage mate fast, whynot just focus on how to go about introducingyourself to new people? Meeting new peopleis not nearly as difficult as it sounds.For the most part, everyone you meet is goingto be friendly, if somewhat reserved. (Very fewwill pick a fight with you, but hey, strangerthings have happened!) Just remember some basic social etiquette:Be Friendly!: Smile, and with sincere happiness (nothing too fake) introduce yourself tonew faces. Speak in a moderately loud voice but with a natural tone.Listen to What People Say: Don’t merely wait to talk but listen and respond to whatpeople tell you.Ask Questions: This shows you’re listening!Summarize the Story of Your Life: It is okay to talk about where you come from andthe story so far, but please, keep it succinct! Reveal more detail only if you are asked for it.Most people want the “abridged” version, so to speak.Go with People!: Wherever you are invited, go! It’s not only polite to accept the invitation,but it also introduces you to some friends and establishes your presence in the community.Resist being a hermit, because the longer you wait to socialize, it will become more difficult.Be Careful with Comedy: Just one more bit of advice. Before you break out the comedyshtick, make sure your new audience will understand what you are talking about. Jokingaround, only to totally bomb in front of all your new friends (or offend somebody), willprobably not help your reputation.
Copyright – Simon Rickett Dating Coach – Madison Avenue. Toledo, OH 32Step 5: Evaluate Your Dating Resume by Simon RickettAll right, so we think you got the gist of the “interaction” thing. Now, we’re not saying datingconversation is as easy as regular, getting-to-know you chitchat. We’ll talk a little moreabout communication in dating in the next chapter. However, for the rest of this chapter,we’re going to talk about planning an “offensive” strategy in dating, if we can borrow a termfrom the sports world.While you don’t want to “offend” people, a little “offensive” strategy would work well for you,since the alternative is to remain distant, closed, and behind locked doors! So how doesone begin to plan a dating offensive, or “proactive” strategy?Rather than overcomplicate this section, we’re going to make it extra simple and teach you afew goal-setting exercises. Let’s consider this in 5 easy mini-steps.Step 1: Determine what the final result, your happiness, will look like.(Chances are, it ends with you married with children, or perhaps single but with multiplelovers)Step 2: Visualize what this will be like; what you will say and do, and how every sensationwill feel. Visualize it—dream it so that it’s real to you!Step 3: Break down your ultimate goal into shorter, steps, as if climbing to the top of apyramid. Perhaps you could break it down in this way:• Get out to a social gathering every week.• Talk to at least five attractive people every week, without exception.• Make a conversation last at least five minutes.• Ask for a phone number or arrange to meet again when you make it to five minutes.• And so on!Step 4: Make sure that the individual goals you create are specific (literal actions to beperformed by you and you alone), measurable (so that you can record your progress),
Copyright – Simon Rickett Dating Coach – Madison Avenue. Toledo, OH 33attainable (realistic, and not too speculative), relevant (don’t beat around the bush…everyindividual step should be advancing you towards the end goal) and time-based (within a day,a week or a month).Step 5: Record and analyze your results. If you did not have a good month, then go overeach attempt and figure out where you went wrong. Take a mental note and decide whatyou will do differently next time.Internet Dating to the Rescue!Getting out and meeting people is one of the toughestchallenges for introverted singles. While anintroverted personality has many advantages in otheraspects of life, when it comes to dating, it can be a bitof disadvantage. This is because the only logical wayto find new prospects is to go out and socialize. Inthe past, the only way for an introverted person to goout and meet new prospects was to force him orherself to go to social functions, bars, meet up groupsand the like.However, with the advent of online technology, the anonymous, 24-7 dating experiencecame to us. Now, it doesn’t really matter who you are, or how much you enjoy social get-togethers. You can meet someone online and arrange to meet later on, if you really likeeach other.This option works not only because of the “defense” of a computer environment (no need fora confrontation just click and block!) but also because online dating is time flexible, safe,and lets conversational topics flow much easier.
Copyright – Simon Rickett Dating Coach – Madison Avenue. Toledo, OH 34Look at Your Dating ResumeMr. (Miss) Single & LookingAnywhere, USAObjective: Stable Adult RelationshipHIGHLIGHTS OF QUALIFICATIONS• Funny, creative and very attentive to a person’s needs• Excellent conversational skills• Skilled at analyzing signals and responding with appropriate stimuli• Works well with teams• Excellent bedroom manner• I can make a great home-cooked meal!EDUCATION• Learned what love and marriage is from my mother and father• Learned to be honest and straightforward from my best friend• Learned not to lie or deceive from my stupid exEMPLOYMENT HISTORY• 2004-present Long-Term RelationshipWorked with immature lover trying to improve him.• 2004-2005 Bar HopperEnjoyed plenty of loveless relationships and “found” myself• 2006-2008 Committed Partner
Copyright – Simon Rickett Dating Coach – Madison Avenue. Toledo, OH 35Tried a May/December relationship, suffered terrible heartache• 2009-Present Friends with BenefitsTrying a live in arrangement with my long-time friend and loverFunny, right? Wouldn’t it be horrible if we had to circulate our dating resumes around beforeanyone would “hire” us for a date? It seems kind of ironic that job searching and hiring issuch a complicated task…and yet most people will date, live together or marry with hardly arecommendation or a reference!So for the next exercise, we invite you to create your own resume. Try and write down yourown dating history, in abbreviated resume format, as if you were presenting it to a new date.(Umm, please don’t actually give it to them…that’s weird)How would you whitewash any shortcomings of your own? How would you describe yourpast relationships in terms of what they taught you? What do your relationship patternsshow about you and the relationship you have been trying to create for years on end?Experience is KeyThe key to winning in dating is to focus on what you’re good at—or in other words, what youhave the most experience in accomplishing. This is why it is crucial to gain experience intalking to new singles, if you tend to be shy. You will only reach new “heights” after you stepsolidly onto new ground.It’s the basic analogy of climbing a mountain or a pyramid. You start at the bottom, workyour way up, gaining solid footing, and then finally reach for the top. You must becomfortable where you are, and then aim to go even higher.This will mean getting used to conversing with attractive singles. Before you can even thinkabout creating a sexual relationship with a friend, you must become comfortable with one onone talking, with flirting and with accompanying your friend to quiet places.
Copyright – Simon Rickett Dating Coach – Madison Avenue. Toledo, OH 36So when you look over your dating resume, and try to figure out your new dating strategy,ask yourself what has already worked in the past?Is there a certain type of man/woman that is drawn to you? Do some career types or otherdemographics of dating seem easier to get along with than others?It’s downright scientific—instead of going after someone you have no clue how to talk to, or acertain type you have no experience in dealing with, try focusing on personality types youalready know you can get along with.Now mind you, this is not you say that you have no business approaching someone from a“different world” than you…we’re just saying that going the “familiar route” will get resultsfaster. Sometimes if you really want to find a “unique” person, someone that you are goingto just love to pieces, you have to wait a little longer.We’ll get into compatibility in the next and final chapter. For now, let’s talk about one finaldating strategy you can use.Step 6: Do the Opposite of Your InstinctsHere’s an interesting thought. Everything you are right now is the result of a series ofactions or inactions you were directly responsible for. Everything you are is the product ofyour environment and your own intuition.So again we ask you, are you happy with where you are in life? We have already explainedthat it’s imperative to change your settings if you are not happy with what you are or whatyou have.Now we’re going to give you a new directive after changing your settings: do the opposite ofwhat comes natural. This may seem like a radical philosophy. However, if every decisionyou have made to this point has resulted in your unhappiness, then maybe this points to ahighly flawed system of dating logic.
Copyright – Simon Rickett Dating Coach – Madison Avenue. Toledo, OH 37Please don’t get carried away! There’s no need to and tell off your co-workers, your friendsand go rollerblading instead of taking the bus. Most of the decisions you make in life arevalid decisions. However, it’s your dating thought processes that might need someadjustment.Let’s take some of your “instincts” in dating and then give you an “opposite” reaction to try.For example:InstinctI am afraid to approach new people.I like to hint around at a date.I am intimidated by beautiful “10s.”I always hide what I really am.I don’t want to embarrass myself.I always try to be polite on a date.I am afraid of initiating sex.I tend to be shy and unassuming.OppositeI want to approach new people.I want to ask a person out point blank.I only want to date a very attractive 10!I’m going to be 100% honest and upfront.I have no shame when it comes to dating.I want to be just myself, no restraints.I am not intimidated by sex.I want to be more confident.Now if you’re only thinking this philosophy works with shy or introverted people, thenconsider these “opposite reactions” for extroverts and smooth talkers.InstinctI tell people what they want to hear.Sex is the ultimate goal.I’d rather be with a total loser than alone.I am not physically attracted to [type].OppositeI am going to be completely honest.I am going to wait, to see where this goes.Maybe being alone will be good for me.I should try dating different “types.”
Copyright – Simon Rickett Dating Coach – Madison Avenue. Toledo, OH 38You see what’s happening here? You are merely challenging your current mind set, tellingyour subconscious that you want to try a new perspective with new rules. No, it doesn’talways work out…but you may be surprised at what results if you take a few chances and dothe “opposite” of what instinct tells you.How Do I Deal with Rejection? Probably like the most of us not verysays Simon RickettThis is all well and good but what if you have a crippling fear of a person you really likerejecting you? Rejection is never easy. In fact, it’s downright cold at times. However, youmust take risks in life if you’re ever going to reap great rewards. Persistence is paramountin dating, and that’s whether you’re male or female, and whether you’re super educated orjust a barely in high school.If you take “no” for an answer so easily, you are bound to be disappointed with the results.However, if you are persistent—always mindful that people can change their minds—then youcan actually use a person’s initial rejection to your advantage.Try thinking of rejection not as an “end” but as an inevitable “challenge” that you must planfor. Rise to the challenge and try a different approach. In other words, accept the fact thatyou’re going to be rejected and then build an entire strategy based on the other person’srejection. It shows this person that you’re persistent, you’re smart, and you are hopelessly“into him/her.”In our final chapter, we’re going to discuss how to reinvent yourself, how to deal withobstacles, and how to re-enter the dating jungle out there with a mind to win.
Copyright – Simon Rickett Dating Coach – Madison Avenue. Toledo, OH 39Chapter 4Reinvent Yourself for the Dating WorldIn the last chapter, we talked all about dating strategy. Ofcourse, you could strategize forever and never actually make amove. Success in dating is 30% strategy, 70% doing! Whileno one is claiming it’s easy to find a partner, it’s not likewinning the lottery. A lot of people out there, probably muchless smarter and cuter than you, are finding dates, enjoyinglots of sex, and getting married.Chances are, they are successful because they are giving100% effort, if not much attention to strategizing. However,you are going to be twice as successful because you are goingto be proactive, while also applying all of the dating principleswe’re covering here. So get ready to re-invent yourself! Apply what you learned and getready for a major re-launch!Step 7: Prepare Yourself for What You WantThe next step concerns preparing yourself for what is coming next. We’ve already talkedabout planning realistic goals for yourself; now, let’s broach the subject of preparing yourselffor what lies ahead.You might be surprised at how many people, even lonely single people, are not actuallyprepared for an adult relationship. They may love the idea of one, but they can’t quite gettheir head around how much their life would change. Yes, the threat to the existingenvironment is often times the number one motivation killer.Fight through that! Prepare for what you want and what is inevitably going to happen. Wealready discussed the options of pursuing a fling, a real relationship or a friendship
Copyright – Simon Rickett Dating Coach – Madison Avenue. Toledo, OH 40arrangement. This is something that you have to determine for yourself, and you mustanticipate what occurs next, so that you won’t be left feeling traumatized, disappointed,heartbroken or confused.When it comes to sex, a certain level of preparation is required even beyond readyingyourself mentally. For example, safe sex is paramount today, as it is the only means ofprotection against STDs besides getting tested or abstinence. Contrary to what many stillbelieve today, STDs can still be passed through non-intercourse transmission like oral sex,anal sex or even handling genitals.Furthermore, condoms are not always effective in preventing unwanted pregnancy, and youmight be surprised how rarely single men ask their partner about birth control. (Theyassume it’s something!) So while the movies always make spontaneous sex seemappealing, in real life it’s best to talk some things over and set some ground rules downprogressing towards a sexual relationship.As IfHowever, this section is not about living with your decision after the fact. Rather, we arestating that success is dependent upon you living as if it is already happening.This is one of the most important points in confidence training. Rather than pretend to besomeone you’re not, or reluctantly follow someone’s advice, it is far more important tobelieve everything you are doing, and to live your life as if you have already accomplishedyour goal.So think about what your life would be like if you were in a wonderful relationship. Whatwould you act like? What kind of person would you be—and would you be different than youare right now? (Oh yes…things would be different!) Think about how you would treat yoursignificant other, how you would treat others, and what conversations you might talk about.One common “seduction” trick is the boyfriending technique. In this technique, a mantouches a woman’s shoulder or hand, or another non-threatening part of the body, so as to
Copyright – Simon Rickett Dating Coach – Madison Avenue. Toledo, OH 41initiate intimacy with her. As if to say, this is how he would treat her as the boyfriend; hewould be affectionate, gentle and would touch often. This trick doesn’t always work but itdoes help to illustrate that the “living as if” philosophy is sound.Basically, you can give your date a preview of what a relationship would be like with you.Concentrate on giving him/her a realistic preview, rather than acting like Mister or MissPerfect all the time.Preparing Your First ImpressionBefore we move on to the art of conversation,let’s talk about appearances. What? Doappearances really matter in this day and age?What about Belle and the Beast? What aboutKatherine Heigl and Seth Rogan in the filmKnocked Up? Haven’t we learned by now thatit’s the “inside” that counts.Well, sure…but honestly, do you really thinkappearances don’t matter at all? Well, let’s put it this way. Have you ever been attracted toa hobo or a cutie covered in sewage? Of course not! We all have some minimum standardsto consider when it comes to dress and grooming. We make every effort to look our bestwhen meeting someone for the first time or even when uploading pictures on a datingwebsite or social media site. Simon Rickett says this is key.You must prepare for the first date and make sure that the first impression he/she has ofyou is a good one. Here are 10 quick appearance lessons to take seriously.Lesson 1: Don’t let him/her see you “unprepared”. Most women know this by heart, butsometimes guys underestimate the importance of their fashion sense, their grooming habitsand other essentials. Don’t show up in bum clothes, or bizarre outfits that defy rationalexplanation. (Unless you’re a rock star or performance artist and that’s your “thing”) Alwaysbe dressed to kill. Always. (After you get married, maybe you can let this one slide)
Copyright – Simon Rickett Dating Coach – Madison Avenue. Toledo, OH 42Lesson 2: Smile. Be happy. Your best face forward will define the energy of therelationship.Lesson 3: Dress appropriately for the occasion. Over-dressing and under-dressing are bothmistakes, so make sure you research the event you’re going to and come dressedappropriately, whether formally or casually. You can definitely be dressed casually butdressed in a very attractive manner.Lesson 4: Dress in a way that will flatter your body, not draw attention to your flaws. If youhave a protrusion of love handles, obviously, you would not want to wear something tight.The best way to know this for sure is to ask a friend and or acquaintance that will be brutallyhonest about what fashion “flatters” you.Lesson 5: Be careful about sending signals with your dress. We’re not going to say that it’swrong to dress slutty, or wrong to dress Goth. We’re not even going to say it’s wrong todress in a wife-beater t-shirt and jeans with poofed up 1980s hair. However, we will remindyou of this: you will be defined, characterized and associated with your appearance. Yourdate knows very little about you except what he or she sees. Therefore, if you wear an outfitthat screams “(whatever)!” then that’s exactly how they’re going to see you. And it will bevery difficult to change their mind after you leave them with this huge impression. So if youwant to play it safe, dress attractively but conservatively. If you’re okay with people labelingyou by appearance, then by all means, dress to make a statement.Lesson 6: Pay attention to little details. This means make sure you clean up all those hardto reach places like fingernails, stray facial hairs, teeth and so on. Shower before you go outand be careful not to overdue the cologne/perfume/makeup.Lesson 7: Be direct. This not only means immediately going up to someone you findattractive, (rather than kind of sort of thinking about it) but also means that you will have aplan in mind as to where you want to go and when you want to do it. Indecisiveness on adate is a turn off. While this is usually a guys only rule, there is nothing wrong with a womandirectly asking a man out, or at least inviting him to make a move with conversation. Comeon…it’s the year 2012!
Copyright – Simon Rickett Dating Coach – Madison Avenue. Toledo, OH 43Lesson 8: Maintain eye contact. This is essential because wavering eye contact can giveoff the impression that you’re afraid, bored, or not interested in the date. Maintain naturaleye contact when someone is talking. It is okay to look away occasionally, and better thatyou not stare intensely; but really, the date is all about eye contact and feeling a “spark” ofattraction.Lesson 9: Keep a strong and upright posture. Shoulders back, chest out, stomach in andalways standing at attention. Slumping makes you look sad!What About Face and Body Shape?We wouldn’t be entirely honest if we didn’t at least allude to body shape and facial shape asdeciding factors in a relationship. No, it’s not a perfect world out there, and you may verywell be rejected solely because of your genetic makeup. A person may very well think of youas:• Too fat• Too skinny• Too short• Too tall• An ethnicity or race he/she is not attracted to• A fashion nightmare• A person with an ugly face or a misshapen face• Too young• Too old• Having too many physical blemishes• Too eccentric
Copyright – Simon Rickett Dating Coach – Madison Avenue. Toledo, OH 44• Too boring• Being too “small” when it comes to sex• Physically unattractive for whatever reasonAnd the list goes on. We’re not going to devote much time to “body shape”, becausetruthfully, as much as society insists upon saying that super-thin is perfect, there are plentyof fish out there who won’t care about physical or facial shape, or who may find your uniquebody and face very attractive.So you have two options at this point, either (A) cry yourself to sleep because someone outthere doesn’t find you attractive; (B) have sex with the person who rejected you just so youcan dump him/her later; (C) laugh about it and move on with your life. We stronglyrecommend (C) because it’s the fastest way to finding happiness and the love life you want.Instead of focusing on achieving a perfect body, focus instead on making a good firstimpression overall, paying close attention to hygiene, your fashion and your demeanor.Step 8: Master the Art of Conversation – Rickett explainsBelieve us, showing up and making a good or at least a not-so-bad impression is the easypart. Even sex is only moderately challenging—especially after a few drinks and a nightcapin someone’s house. What is difficult is the art of conversation.The hard part will be in creating a flow of dialog that smoothly takes you from point A(friendly introduction) to point Z (culminating in sex or marriage). Clearly, a lot has tohappen between these points! So the best way to analyze the art of conversation is to divideyour options into three main approaches.Approach #1: The Smooth Rehearsal Date
Copyright – Simon Rickett Dating Coach – Madison Avenue. Toledo, OH 45These types of dates are not always the most fun, but they do get the job done. In fact, thisis how old-fashioned romantics tend to do it. The conversation is friendly, the subjects arecarefully chosen and the dialog is charming. Understand however, that in this type ofrelationship, a preconception of your date (and vice versa) is very important to the successof the relationship. It’s as if you’re saying, “Oh, I like him because he’s a doctor!” or, “I likeher because she’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”In this scenario, you are not really trying to converse and learn…you are merely goingthrough the formality of dating and hoping to advance the courtship. You’re basically tryingnot to screw things up! Assuming you’re both happy with what you have, take thesestrategies:(A) Do not talk about anything potentially offensive or off-putting.(B) Do not say anything rude or talk about sex.(C) Let the other person speak and listen intently.(D) Do not mock or minimize the accomplishments of the other person.(E) Behave like a lady and like a gentleman, respectively, following basic etiquette.(i.e. the man should open doors, pull out chairs, pay the tab, etc.)(F) Arrange for a second date.(G) If you believe the attraction is mutual, you can go for a respectable kiss goodnight.Approach #2: Letting it All Hang OutWhy be so formal when you can let it all hang out? Not literally, of course, but as far aspersonalities go, there is no sense in hiding anything. These couples don’t go for traditionalromance; they want love on their own terms. So they talk about what they are passionateabout. They’re not afraid to argue (politely of course), because they want to see what theirpartner is really like behind the perfect “façade” being projected. The objective here is to
Copyright – Simon Rickett Dating Coach – Madison Avenue. Toledo, OH 46show the other person who you really are, and then hopefully, build an even greaterattraction in less time. These relationships do tend to advance faster, though whether theylast, is anyone’s guess.In this scenario, walk the fine line of being polite and respectful but while always staying trueto your own ideals. It’s best to avoid controversial subject matter until the relationshipblossoms; however, if religion, politics or “dark humor” is just part of the real you, thenthere’s no sense in raising false hopes, right? Here is your game plan:(A) Don’t interrupt the other person or belittle his/her opinions.(B) Find common ground immediately so as to avoid awkward tension.(C) Talk about the things that really matter in your life.(D) Talk about “real” goals, not what you think your partner wants to hear.(E) Talk about sex at a natural pace, neither afraid nor over-eager for it.(F) Don’t be afraid to speak your mind. Your partner will sense if you’re holding back.(G) Talk about male and female roles, cautiously learning how your partner feels aboutold-fashioned rules of conduct.(H) Arrange for a second date.(I) Although sex is not really prohibited in this case, your goal should be to postpone sexfor at least a little while. Otherwise, it very quickly changes the dynamic of therelationship…and may even turn a partner off!Approach #3: Score!!!This is the approach you often read about in the “player’s handbook”. This refers to a styleof conversation that is mainly orchestrated to arouse the sexual urges of your date. Whetherit’s for a one-night stand or a lifetime of happiness is up to you. Very often this approach
Copyright – Simon Rickett Dating Coach – Madison Avenue. Toledo, OH 47works, but it’s not always productive when it comes time to deeply connect and find a “soulmate.”The reason why is because, rather than talking about what’s real to you, you spend moretime listening, manipulating and seducing your date, hoping to bring on the bedroom assoon as possible. (Or at least create the desire for sex and then denying it, which will keep apartner interested for months on end) You mainly say things he or she wants to hear, orthings that provoke the other person, creating a flirtatious “attraction.”In this case, the strategy is:(A) Be very confident.(B) Flirt heavily and carry on a “friendly” conflict, constantly challenging your date.(C) Show your sense of humor.(D) Imply your achievements without bragging.(E) Keep your date talking as long as possible so that he/she likes you more.(F) Listen and take mental notes for seduction later on.(G) Use your date’s own vocabulary and experiences to your advantage, turning arelationship with you into his/her ideal.(H) Be mysterious.(I) Show that you’re very interested in sex with him/her without actually propositioning.(It’s better if you orchestrate it to happen “naturally”)(J) Be careful not degenerate into rudeness, bragging, lying or egotism.You can learn a little more about “seduction” in the next section. The truth is, most peopledon’t go for any one approach, but like to incorporate all three approaches into one greatpitch. This is an effective strategy. Be yourself but be polite. And don’t be afraid of thesexual or romantic relationship you want!
Copyright – Simon Rickett Dating Coach – Madison Avenue. Toledo, OH 48What Do We Talk About?What do people talk about? In general, they usually discuss other people (lowest level ofintelligence), things (moderate intelligence) and ideas (intellectual prowess). You willprobably find that your date is somewhere in the middle of the scale, occasionally talkingabout all three things.You might even think back to some of the classic conversations you’ve had with exes orfriends. What did you talk about and what “approach” strategy was it?• Making fun of other people (other singles, celebrities, random passersby)• Talking about your or your date’s job• Talking about your or your date’s dream career• Talking about past relationships (It’s best to hold off on this one for as long aspossible!)• Books, movies, music, art• Politics, religion or news• Local events• Unique experiences you have both had• Travel• Hobbies• Asking specific or hypothetical questions• Talking about family• Talking about funny stories, funny perspectives or sharing jokes• Personal tastes
Copyright – Simon Rickett Dating Coach – Madison Avenue. Toledo, OH 49• Eating, drinking, clothing• Your education• Ranting about evil people you know (At least make this funny!)• Creative and subtle ways to say “I love you” or “have sex with me”CompatibilityUltimately, good conversation is hard tofake. True, you can probably talkyourself into bed with a fairly attractiveperson. However, if you have no truechemistry together, the relationship willeventually fizzle out. And the lowestthing you can do is ask for sex or“casually mention” sex when theconversation is already going badly.Sex is the reward of a successful conversation that has truly gone from A to Z. If you’restuck at point D and are daring to mention sex or even (gasp) love and marriage, then youhave officially thrown yourself out of the game.Remember that people don’t want perfection. So don’t assume that your perfect date “act”is working just because your date is still there. Try to notice his or her signals. Is this personlooking intently at you or involved in the conversation? Or does their facial expression seembored and unimpressed? Are this person’s eyes wandering constantly or is he or shealready pointing feet at the door?If you notice signals that scream, “I’m not enjoying myself!” then the initial attraction hasalready diminished. It’s time to change the approach you’re taking.
Copyright – Simon Rickett Dating Coach – Madison Avenue. Toledo, OH 50Don’t beat yourself up over one bad date. The truth is you are not compatible witheveryone. While you are certainly not confined to one perfectly compatible person, youcannot assume that you will get along swimmingly with every last person on the planet.Some of these people won’t be able to stand you, much less love you. Accept this as a factof life and move on. Compatibility is what decides the longevity and success of arelationship.What determines compatibility? So many things…most of which are out of your control.We’re talking genetics, upbringing, lifestyle, social status, career choice, physicalappearance, hobbies, your taste in clothing, and so on. Sure, you can change yourappearance.Can you really stop being the way you are, or seeing things from your unique perspective?Of course not. Don’t try to fight compatibility. Find someone that you can personally relateto—someone with whom you could talk for hours—and enjoy the chemistry.Step 9: Master the Art of SeductionWhat about seduction in dating? Is seduction merely the act of talking about sex andwearing a sexy outfit? Hardly! A great deal of sex and flirting is subtle, so much so that youmight blink and miss it. Seduction is a negotiation process, and very often involvespenetrating the subconscious. What a smart strategy, because your subconscious is alwaysa threat to getting the things you want.When men are on the “prowl” they often focus on being confident (perhaps a little cocky)and romantically aggressive (meaning they are forward and fearless when it comes to askinga woman out). They might also appear to have a chip on their shoulder, as if to say, theydon’t “need” a woman to be happy, and cannot be controlled by society. This “rebel” actdoes go a long way in impressing a woman…but then again, not every woman.This is why men may resort to some rather advance psychological techniques including:
Copyright – Simon Rickett Dating Coach – Madison Avenue. Toledo, OH 51• Hypnosis (basically, describing how a woman is feeling in cloaked conversation)• Mirroring (behaving in a similar manner as if to say “I feel like you.”)• Pushing and pulling a woman away to keep her guessing• Causing gut-level attraction through conflictAnd of course, if none of those work, he can always resort to old standby manipulativebehavior like crying, dating someone else to make a woman jealous, or buying her lavishgifts.This is not to suggest that the man is the predominantly seductive species. A woman can bejust as seductive, though she will often play the game a bit more restrained. Most womendo not directly ask men out but will find an excuse to be near them or talk to them, hoping aman initiates a conversation.Sometimes women will ask for favors or try to be put into an unusual circumstance with aman as a means of positive or even exciting association. She can also use suggestive bodylanguage to “signal” a man over to her or—everyone’s favorite—the oh–so-subtle touch tothe shoulder.One of the “big plays” women make to keep men interested in them is by putting on an actof defiance. With her actions, words and body language, she says “I am a challenge. Ittakes a very special man to win my heart.” She may even resist a man’s aggressive datingbehavior in an effort to see “what else he’s got.” It’s a great strategy and it does work oftentimes, because it incites a man’s natural feelings of competition towards other men.There is also a new breed of alpha females out there who take a man’s approach to dating,and not only goes for the direct approach, but may even manipulate her way into a man’sheart and or bedroom. Hey, all is fair in love and war! (Of course, the person who said thatprobably wasn’t on the receiving end of a breakup…)The act of seduction is a natural consequence of extended conversation. So we can safelysay, if you have difficulty understanding how to behave on a date (and mastering neuro-
Copyright – Simon Rickett Dating Coach – Madison Avenue. Toledo, OH 52linguistic hypno-speak) then don’t fret about it. Speed-dating and traditional dating lead tothe same thing, just according to different schedules.You may even discover that a speed dating philosophy distracts you from key issues, like:• Do I really like this person?• Do I want to spend the rest of my life with him or her?• Do I trust this person?• Is this person, in fact, too easy and not enough of a challenge?• Am I really compatible with him or her or is it just attraction and lust?• Is this person the real thing or just another relationship that will probably fail?Step 10: Define Love and Then Act!This brings us nicely into our final discussion—how does one define love? Perhaps you havebeen searching for real love your entire life. Perhaps you have been disappointed,victimized by “imposter love” and traumatized to the point that you can hardly trust anyonenew in your life.Love is not something that can be easily defined, because it is a highly individualized quality.What love is to one person is not necessarily what love is to another lover living halfwayacross the world. Love can be subtle—an act as small as bringing home a bouquet of roses—or something very dramatic, like proposing marriage in front of a crowd full of people. It’snot really the expressions themselves that characterize love—it’s the ability a partner has tolearn you, and then provide these reassurances of love, just the way you like them.Love is about self-sacrifice, it’s about giving to someone else. It has been called patient,humble and long-enduring. Indeed, lust comes and goes and can be easily transferred fromone person to the next. Love is something deeper than that—a completion of you as a
Copyright – Simon Rickett Dating Coach – Madison Avenue. Toledo, OH 53human being. Love is learning and knowing, it is a grand moment of self-discovery that youwill remember for the rest of your life.As soon as you realize what you have, and what you could lose in a moment’s time, you willbe swept away with emotion and will be ready to commit to a brand new life. Love will makeyou do things you’ve never dreamt of doing. And all you will think at the end of the day isthat you never want this feeling to end!
Copyright – Simon Rickett Dating Coach – Madison Avenue. Toledo, OH 54ConclusionWe hope you have enjoyed reading “How to Change Your Love Life in 10 Easy Steps: A Guideon Dating 10s, Breaking Bad Habits & Falling in Love the Right Way.” Thank you for takingthis journey with us.We are confident that anyone can find success in dating, regardless of life obstacles andpast history. Sometimes all it takes is a simple 10-step plan to get your life back on track!We hope that you can find someone special in your life, move on from the painful past, andplan a rewarding future with your partner.Thank you so much for reading and until next time, remember…“Love much. Earth has enough of bitter in it.”- Ella Wheeler Wilcox.For further assistance with your Dating you can contact Simn Rickett at dating-coach-for-you.com or call Simon Rickett on OH 43604-5678