Communication Stress


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A lot of people experience stress while communicating.
What is this Communication Stress? Why and from where does this stress comes from and How do you manage Communication Stress.

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Communication Stress

  1. 1. Communication Stress Designed and Presented by
  2. 2. But First, <ul><li>What is Communication? </li></ul>
  3. 3. What is Communication Stress?
  4. 4. How is your Communication in the following situations? <ul><li>Do you buy things you don’t really want because it is hard for you to say “NO” ? </li></ul><ul><li>Do you use sarcasm if it helps me make a point? </li></ul><ul><li>If others interrupt me when I am talking, I suffer in silence. </li></ul><ul><li>Do you have difficulty starting a conversation with a stranger? </li></ul><ul><li>Do you find it difficult to criticize a friend? </li></ul><ul><li>Do you find it difficult to compliment a friend? </li></ul><ul><li>Do you feel self-conscious when somebody compliments you? </li></ul><ul><li>Do you find it difficult to ask the Q breaker to join the Q? </li></ul><ul><li>Do you get “I should have said that…” kind of thoughts after meetings? </li></ul><ul><li>Do you have trouble asking favours of a friend? </li></ul><ul><li>Do you have difficulty saying “NO” to a friend even when he is making an unreasonable request? </li></ul><ul><li>Do you have trouble expressing your tender feelings? </li></ul><ul><li>Do you feel uncomfortable when you are being given a negative feedback at work? </li></ul><ul><li>Do you rationalize or defend yourself when somebody criticizes you? </li></ul><ul><li>Do you put on a show to get attention? </li></ul><ul><li>Do you usually begin your conversation apologetically by saying things like, “I don’t want to bother you..” or “Am I taking up your time..”? </li></ul><ul><li>Do you mind giving opinions when asked? </li></ul>
  5. 5. Check your Style? <ul><li>You hope that you will get what you want. </li></ul><ul><li>You sit on your feelings and rely on others to guess what you want. </li></ul><ul><li>You give up your rights. </li></ul><ul><li>You feel helpless, anxious, disappointed with yourself, trying to please others. </li></ul><ul><li>You feel manipulated and pushed around. </li></ul><ul><li>You do not express your needs. </li></ul><ul><li>e.g. ‘Ok, “You” have the chocolate cake’. </li></ul>
  6. 6. Check your Style? <ul><li>You try to get what you want. </li></ul><ul><li>You often give rise to bad feelings in others and get it in any way that works. </li></ul><ul><li>You think that only you have rights. </li></ul><ul><li>You feel angry, frustrated, self-righteous, dominating, forcing others to loose. </li></ul><ul><li>Imposing your will or needs on others. </li></ul><ul><li>e.g. ‘Give “me” that chocolate cake’. </li></ul>
  7. 7. Check your Style? <ul><li>You ASK for what you want </li></ul><ul><li>You COMMUNICATE openly, directly, honestly, appropriately without feeling guilty or emotional. </li></ul><ul><li>You stand for your rights without violating the rights of others. </li></ul><ul><li>You give space to the other person. </li></ul><ul><li>Expressing your needs openly without imposing on the other </li></ul><ul><li>e.g. ‘I like chocolate cake, do you? Should we divide it up?’ </li></ul>
  8. 8. The Communication Styles are <ul><li>Passive or Submissive Communication </li></ul><ul><li>Aggressive Communication </li></ul><ul><li>Assertive Communication </li></ul>
  9. 9. Assertiveness is “ NOT” … <ul><li>A guaranteed way to WIN every argument </li></ul><ul><li>A guaranteed way to get what you want </li></ul><ul><li>A way to get others to feel like you feel or think what you think </li></ul>
  10. 10. What is Assertiveness? <ul><li>“Your ability to act in harmony with your Self-Esteem without hurting others.” </li></ul><ul><li>It is a behaviour which helps us to communicate clearly and confidently </li></ul><ul><li>our NEEDS, WANTS and FEELINGS </li></ul><ul><li>to other people without abusing in any way their human rights. </li></ul>
  11. 11. Why Assertiveness is not easy? <ul><li>No assertiveness training </li></ul><ul><li>No opportunity to voice my opinion </li></ul><ul><li>Gender difference </li></ul><ul><li>Irrational Belief </li></ul><ul><li>Timid Souls </li></ul>
  12. 12. Why do we experience Communication Stress? <ul><li>Many of us come from homes that taught us (among other things): </li></ul><ul><ul><li>“Don’t speak unless you’re spoken to.” </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>“If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>“He who has the power wins – and you don’t have the power.” </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Values </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Culture </li></ul></ul>
  13. 13. The other common reasons are.. <ul><li>Fear of upsetting others </li></ul><ul><li>Fear of rejection / ridicule </li></ul><ul><li>Feeling responsible for the other person </li></ul><ul><li>Circle of musts (ought to, must, have to) </li></ul><ul><li>Low Self Image </li></ul>
  14. 14. Good News! <ul><li>You learned to be Passive or Aggressive and Now you can Learn to be Assertive. </li></ul><ul><li>You can choose how you’d like to respond in every situation. </li></ul>Getting Ready To be Assertive
  15. 15. Right or wrong? <ul><li>Many people confuse being assertive with winning more arguments but assertiveness is only a process to let others respectfully know how you think and feel </li></ul>Getting Ready To be Assertive
  16. 16. The Truth about Feelings..! <ul><li>Feelings are neither Right nor Wrong </li></ul><ul><ul><li>“Don’t feel bad” </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>“He is Angry” </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>“She is feeling Sad” </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>“He is feeling compassionate” </li></ul></ul>Getting Ready To be Assertive
  17. 17. What does it take to be assertive? <ul><li>There are several things you can learn to do to make your communication more assertive, open, and direct. </li></ul>
  18. 18. Using “I” Statements #1 <ul><li>Use “I” statements : </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Being assertive means taking responsibility for your own feelings </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>“I feel sad”, “I feel angry”, “I feel happy” </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Do not say, “You make me feel…” </li></ul><ul><ul><li>This gives others control over your feelings and blames others for what’s going on inside you </li></ul></ul>
  19. 19. Using “I” Statements #2 <ul><li>You are responsible for your own feelings </li></ul><ul><ul><li>No one can “make” you feel </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>You have learned to feel certain ways about certain situations </li></ul></ul><ul><li>You can choose how you would like to feel </li></ul><ul><li>Practicing Proactiveness </li></ul>
  20. 20. Using “I” Statements #3 <ul><li>Beyond using “I” statements for feelings, also use them for thoughts and opinions </li></ul><ul><ul><li>“ I think…” </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>“ In my opinion...” </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>“ I would like…” </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>“ I want…” </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>“ I need…” </li></ul></ul>
  21. 21. Using “I” Statements #4 <ul><li>Starting a statement with “You” often means you are blaming someone else </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Blame often leads to arguing about who’s feeling or thought are right </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Your feelings are neither right nor wrong </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Other’s feeling are neither right nor wrong </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Using “I” statements removes right and wrong from the conversation. </li></ul>
  22. 22. Using Specific Behaviors #1 <ul><li>Focus on specific behavior, not generalities </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Specific = “I felt angry because when you called me a twit because I do not like being insulted.” </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>General = “You make me mad because you are a rotten person.” </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Specific = “I am very angry because I missed my deadline, because you did not submit the report on time.” </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>General = “You are never organised” or “You are never punctual” </li></ul></ul>
  23. 23. Using Specific Behaviors #2 <ul><li>Describe what you would like to be different </li></ul><ul><ul><li>“I felt angry when you called me a twit because I felt insulted. I would like for you not to call me names.” </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>“I feel unimportant to you when you start every conversation we have with, ‘How are your grades?’ I would like to talk about other things about my life with you.” </li></ul></ul>
  24. 24. Using Specific Behaviors #3 <ul><li>Focusing on specifics helps everyone understand what needs to be worked on. </li></ul><ul><ul><li>If you label someone, the label doesn’t tell the other person what exactly needs to change </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>If you describe specific behavior, the other person can know what you are reacting to and what could be changed. </li></ul></ul>
  25. 25. Using Specific Behaviors #4 <ul><li>So, to recap: </li></ul><ul><ul><li>1. Start with an I statement – </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>“I feel…”, “I think…”, “I want/need…” </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>2. Talk about specific behavior </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>3. Ask politely for specific behavior changes you might want </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>4. Allow the other person to respond based on their own needs, feelings, and thought. </li></ul></ul>
  26. 26. COMMUNICATION PYRAMID Active Listening Assertiveness Skills Collaborative Conflict Management Aggressive don’t Listen Passive they Listen & don’t do anything about it. “ LISTENING ” is the 1 st step in Assertiveness
  27. 27. TO BE ASSERTIVE ….. <ul><li>Know What You Want to Say </li></ul><ul><li>Say it </li></ul><ul><li>Be Specific </li></ul><ul><li>Say it as Soon as Possible </li></ul><ul><li>Avoid giggling or Whining </li></ul><ul><li>Be Relaxed & Confident </li></ul>Getting Ready To be Assertive
  28. 28. Assertiveness: A Skill to Master <ul><li>Problems are dealt with before feelings ride too high </li></ul><ul><li>mutual esteem and respect go up </li></ul><ul><li>misunderstandings decrease </li></ul><ul><li>the air is cleared and its good for the blood pressure too. </li></ul>
  29. 29. For Training Workshop on “ Effective Communication Skills” Contact: Shabbar Suterwala Email: [email_address] Or Call: +91-989 222 5864 Designed & Created by