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2:00pm	
  –	
  3:15pm	
  
There	
  is	
  the	
  drama	
  they	
  are	
  showing…	
  
…and	
  drama	
  beneath	
  the	
  surface!	
  
•  Vic7ms	
  are	
  powerless	
  and	
  hopeless	
  
•  They	
  deny	
  responsibility	
  
•  Pretend	
  incompetence	
  
...
•  Rescuers	
  constantly	
  apply	
  short-­‐term	
  repairs	
  to	
  vic7ms	
  
•  While	
  neglec7ng	
  their	
  own	
 ...
•  Persecutors	
  blame	
  the	
  vic7ms	
  
•  They	
  cri7cize	
  the	
  enabling	
  behavior	
  of	
  the	
  rescuer	
 ...
Learned	
  behavior	
  –	
  rela7onships!	
  
We	
  repeat	
  what	
  works!	
  
Don’tstumbleover
something…
BEHIND
YOU!
They	
  weren’t	
  born	
  –	
  angry	
  
We	
  repeat	
  out	
  of	
  habit!	
  
STAY	
  posi7ve	
  –	
  misery	
  loves	
  company!	
  
	
  	
  	
  	
  	
  	
  	
  	
  	
  	
  	
  	
  	
  	
  	
  	
  	
...
Gain	
  coopera7on	
  -­‐	
  focus	
  on	
  posi7ve	
  ac7ons	
  
Because	
  I	
  SAID	
  SO!	
  
•  How	
  can	
  you	
  ...
Resist	
  complaining	
  -­‐	
  	
  Focuses	
  on	
  Nega7ve/Problems	
  
Grow	
  up	
  –	
  life	
  isn’t	
  fair!	
  
• ...
Drama	
  is	
  based	
  on	
  the	
  need	
  to	
  be	
  right!	
  
I’m	
  right	
  -­‐	
  you’re	
  right	
  too!	
  	
  ...
You	
  s7ll	
  won’t	
  get	
  your	
  way!	
  
Avoid	
  	
  poin7ng	
  fingers!	
  	
  
	
  	
  	
  	
  	
  	
  Drama	
  i...
Powerless – people we don’t need to influence
•  No eye contact
•  Seat themselves
Powerful – people we want to influence
...
YOU	
  MADE	
  ME!	
  
Drama	
  is	
  based	
  on	
  	
  	
  	
  	
  what	
  works!	
  
	
  	
  	
  	
  	
  	
  	
  	
  	
...
YOU	
  MADE	
  ME!	
  
Drama	
  is	
  based	
  on	
  	
  	
  what	
  works!	
  
	
  	
  	
  	
  	
  	
  	
  	
  	
  	
  	
...
No one can make me!	
  
Turn	
  to	
  2	
  people	
  and	
  say	
  
“No	
  one	
  can	
  make	
  me”.	
  
No	
  one	
  can...
Life has it’s pit falls…
you need others to pull you out!
This is
the pits!
Drama	
  is	
  based	
  on	
  	
  	
  bad	
  c...
Be	
  grateful	
  for	
  your	
  life!	
  
Count	
  your	
  blessings!	
  
How	
  do	
  you	
  keep	
  yourself	
  
compassionate?	
  
	
  Toni	
  Blake	
  
Leadership	
  Coach	
  
One	
  day,	
  a	
  donkey	
  fell	
  down	
  in	
  a	
  hole.	
  	
  
The	
  farmer	
  didn’t	
  know	
  how	
  to	
  hel...
The	
  first	
  to	
  apologize	
  is	
  the	
  bravest.	
  
The	
  first	
  to	
  forgive	
  is	
  the	
  strongest.	
  
Th...
Be	
  grateful	
  for	
  your	
  life!	
  
Count	
  your	
  blessings!	
  
Head	
  for	
  the	
  Dollar	
  store	
  	
  
and	
  get	
  some	
  bubbles!	
  
What	
  lights	
  you	
  UP?	
  
Find	
  a	
  picture	
  in	
  your	
  phone	
  that	
  lights	
  you	
  up	
  
and	
  sho...
Happy is YOUR
JOB!
Choose a resource for LOL!
The	
  Invisible	
  Gi@	
  
Today	
  Jan	
  is	
  17	
  years	
  cancer	
  FREE!	
  
Stage	
  4	
  	
  breast	
  cancer	
 ...
The	
  grandson	
  asked,	
  which	
  one	
  will	
  win?	
  
Let’s Find AgreementConflict is a Bad Wolf!
	
  
•  Budgets	
  
•  Understaffing	
  
•  Pressure	
  of	
  responsibility	
  ...
Avoid word that create disagreement:
Always & Never – you always say that – it’s never true
Generalizations like No one & ...
Find a partner and
Decide on a topic in which you have a strong
opponent. Take turns listening and adding
statements of ag...
•  Listen – don’t interrupt (the next person to talk looses)
•  Ask YES & NO Questions – get all the details
•  Repeat bac...
Every	
  decision	
  you	
  make	
  creates	
  
the	
  image	
  of	
  you	
  that	
  you	
  live	
  by	
  
and	
  show	
  ...
Parent,	
  Beckie	
  Mellen	
  
Senior,	
  Chelsee	
  Stewart	
  
Stand	
  with	
  me	
  and	
  the	
  students	
  of	
  Vista	
  Ridge	
  High	
  School	
  for	
  our	
  Simul-­‐TWEET	
  ...
Las	
  Vegas	
  is	
  standing	
  with	
  you!	
  
Bal7more	
  is	
  standing	
  with	
  you!	
  
November 10, 2016
Will you make positive changes today?
Thank you for letting me
be a part of your success!
Toni
Cell: 970...
Breakout:	
  	
  
2pm	
  –	
  3:15pm	
  
2016 AHAIN The Drama Curtain Presentation
2016 AHAIN The Drama Curtain Presentation
2016 AHAIN The Drama Curtain Presentation
2016 AHAIN The Drama Curtain Presentation
2016 AHAIN The Drama Curtain Presentation
2016 AHAIN The Drama Curtain Presentation
2016 AHAIN The Drama Curtain Presentation
2016 AHAIN The Drama Curtain Presentation
2016 AHAIN The Drama Curtain Presentation
2016 AHAIN The Drama Curtain Presentation
2016 AHAIN The Drama Curtain Presentation
2016 AHAIN The Drama Curtain Presentation
2016 AHAIN The Drama Curtain Presentation
2016 AHAIN The Drama Curtain Presentation
2016 AHAIN The Drama Curtain Presentation
2016 AHAIN The Drama Curtain Presentation
2016 AHAIN The Drama Curtain Presentation
2016 AHAIN The Drama Curtain Presentation
2016 AHAIN The Drama Curtain Presentation
2016 AHAIN The Drama Curtain Presentation
2016 AHAIN The Drama Curtain Presentation
2016 AHAIN The Drama Curtain Presentation
2016 AHAIN The Drama Curtain Presentation
2016 AHAIN The Drama Curtain Presentation
2016 AHAIN The Drama Curtain Presentation
2016 AHAIN The Drama Curtain Presentation
2016 AHAIN The Drama Curtain Presentation
2016 AHAIN The Drama Curtain Presentation
2016 AHAIN The Drama Curtain Presentation
2016 AHAIN The Drama Curtain Presentation
2016 AHAIN The Drama Curtain Presentation
2016 AHAIN The Drama Curtain Presentation
2016 AHAIN The Drama Curtain Presentation
2016 AHAIN The Drama Curtain Presentation
2016 AHAIN The Drama Curtain Presentation
2016 AHAIN The Drama Curtain Presentation
2016 AHAIN The Drama Curtain Presentation
2016 AHAIN The Drama Curtain Presentation
2016 AHAIN The Drama Curtain Presentation
2016 AHAIN The Drama Curtain Presentation
2016 AHAIN The Drama Curtain Presentation
2016 AHAIN The Drama Curtain Presentation
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2016 AHAIN The Drama Curtain Presentation

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This special program was presented by Toni Blake at the 2016 AHAIN Annual Conference.

Published in: Education
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2016 AHAIN The Drama Curtain Presentation

  1. 1. 2:00pm  –  3:15pm  
  2. 2. There  is  the  drama  they  are  showing…   …and  drama  beneath  the  surface!  
  3. 3. •  Vic7ms  are  powerless  and  hopeless   •  They  deny  responsibility   •  Pretend  incompetence   The  Drama  Triangle  includes  -­‐    The  Vic7m  
  4. 4. •  Rescuers  constantly  apply  short-­‐term  repairs  to  vic7ms   •  While  neglec7ng  their  own  needs   •  They  are  7red  and  o@en  have  physical  complaints   •  They  usually  have  anger  underneath  and  use  guilt  to  get  their  way   Drama  Triangle  includes  -­‐    The  Rescuers  
  5. 5. •  Persecutors  blame  the  vic7ms   •  They  cri7cize  the  enabling  behavior  of  the  rescuer   •  They  are  cri7cal,  unpleasant  and  good  at  finding  fault   •  They  usually  feel  inadequate  underneath  and  control  with  threats  and  bullying   Drama  Triangle  includes  -­‐    The  Persecutor  
  6. 6. Learned  behavior  –  rela7onships!   We  repeat  what  works!   Don’tstumbleover something… BEHIND YOU!
  7. 7. They  weren’t  born  –  angry   We  repeat  out  of  habit!  
  8. 8. STAY  posi7ve  –  misery  loves  company!                                                Don’t  go  there!  
  9. 9. Gain  coopera7on  -­‐  focus  on  posi7ve  ac7ons   Because  I  SAID  SO!   •  How  can  you  show  flexibility?    Color  me  GREEN  and  ..  .    Call  me  Gumby  
  10. 10. Resist  complaining  -­‐    Focuses  on  Nega7ve/Problems   Grow  up  –  life  isn’t  fair!   •  Talking  about  what  is  not  working  is  a  waste  if  7me!   •  Iden7fy  what  needs  to  be  changed?  
  11. 11. Drama  is  based  on  the  need  to  be  right!   I’m  right  -­‐  you’re  right  too!     Resist  cri7cizing    –    focus  on  what  is  right               That  “look”  won’t  work  on  me!  
  12. 12. You  s7ll  won’t  get  your  way!   Avoid    poin7ng  fingers!                Drama  is  based  on  -­‐    feeling  powerless!                      Accommoda7ng  -­‐    flexibility  and  coopera7on                                                          Resist  -­‐      correc7ng  the  small  stuff!              
  13. 13. Powerless – people we don’t need to influence •  No eye contact •  Seat themselves Powerful – people we want to influence •  Rise when they enter •  Eye contact, smile and greet •  Direct to a chair, sit at the same time Shared influence builds cooperation or trust People won’t always remember what you did, they will remember how you made them feel. Don’t  struggle  with  power  –      Learn  how  to  give  it  away!      
  14. 14. YOU  MADE  ME!   Drama  is  based  on          what  works!                                                  Resist        rewarding  overreac7ons!                •  Acknowledge  the  tears       •  Show  regret  without  taking  blame   •  Provide  an  appropriate  place  vent  and  7ssue   •  Let  them  know  you  will  con7nue  the  discussion     •  Only  once  they  have  collected  themselves   •  “Are  you  crying?”   •  “I  am  so  sorry  this  situa7on  has  upset  you”   •  “Feel  free  to  use  our  restroom”   •  “I  will    be  available  for  you”   •  “Once  you  have  collected  yourself”  
  15. 15. YOU  MADE  ME!   Drama  is  based  on      what  works!                                                  Resist      rewarding  overreac7ons!              •  Acknowledge  the  emo7on       •  Show  regret  without  taking  blame   •  Provide  an  appropriate  place  vent   •  Let  them  know  you  will  con7nue  the  discussion     •  Only  once  they  have  collected  themselves   •  “This  has  obviously  upset  you”   •  “I  am  so  sorry  this  situa7on  has  upset  you” •  “Feel  free  to  use  our  restroom”   •  “I  will    be  available  for  you”   •  “Once  you  have  collected  yourself”  
  16. 16. No one can make me!   Turn  to  2  people  and  say   “No  one  can  make  me”.   No  one  can  make  your  mad.   No  one  can  make  you  sad.   No  one  can  make  you  happy.   No  one  can  make  you  successful.  
  17. 17. Life has it’s pit falls… you need others to pull you out! This is the pits! Drama  is  based  on      bad  circumstances!                                                  Show      compassion!                
  18. 18. Be  grateful  for  your  life!   Count  your  blessings!  
  19. 19. How  do  you  keep  yourself   compassionate?    Toni  Blake   Leadership  Coach  
  20. 20. One  day,  a  donkey  fell  down  in  a  hole.     The  farmer  didn’t  know  how  to  help  him  out,  so  he  decided  to  bury  him.   At  first  they  heard  cries  from  the  donkey  and  then  he  got  really  quiet.   When  they  looked  in  they  saw  that  each  Jme  the  dirt  fell  on  his  back,     he  shook  it  off  and  stomped  it  down  and  stepped  up  geLng  him  closer  to  geLng  out!  
  21. 21. The  first  to  apologize  is  the  bravest.   The  first  to  forgive  is  the  strongest.   The  first  to  forget  is  the  happiest.  
  22. 22. Be  grateful  for  your  life!   Count  your  blessings!  
  23. 23. Head  for  the  Dollar  store     and  get  some  bubbles!  
  24. 24. What  lights  you  UP?   Find  a  picture  in  your  phone  that  lights  you  up   and  show  someone  right  now!  
  25. 25. Happy is YOUR JOB!
  26. 26. Choose a resource for LOL!
  27. 27. The  Invisible  Gi@   Today  Jan  is  17  years  cancer  FREE!   Stage  4    breast  cancer  with  13    axillary  lymph  nodes  containing  cancer  
  28. 28. The  grandson  asked,  which  one  will  win?  
  29. 29. Let’s Find AgreementConflict is a Bad Wolf!   •  Budgets   •  Understaffing   •  Pressure  of  responsibility   •  Lack  of  CommunicaJon   •  Errors   •  Gossip   •  Missed  deadlines   •  Unhappy        
  30. 30. Avoid word that create disagreement: Always & Never – you always say that – it’s never true Generalizations like No one & Everyone – “no one does that” Exaggerations, “the whole day was wasted” Dramatizations: “it’s over, hopeless,” Find a partner and decide on a topic in which you have a strong opponent. Take turns listening and adding statements of disagreement.
  31. 31. Find a partner and Decide on a topic in which you have a strong opponent. Take turns listening and adding statements of agreement. Include words of Agreement: Yes That’s right I agree You have a point That is important Absolutely Positively You bet Uh huh Yep!
  32. 32. •  Listen – don’t interrupt (the next person to talk looses) •  Ask YES & NO Questions – get all the details •  Repeat back what you understand with a softer more calm tone •  Don’t take sides or pass judgment •  Invite a person to share more “tell me more” Find Agreement
  33. 33. Every  decision  you  make  creates   the  image  of  you  that  you  live  by   and  show  others.   Believe  in  the  BEST  version  of  YOU!  
  34. 34. Parent,  Beckie  Mellen   Senior,  Chelsee  Stewart  
  35. 35. Stand  with  me  and  the  students  of  Vista  Ridge  High  School  for  our  Simul-­‐TWEET  photo!!!!!   Set  an  alarm  for  4.8.16  2PM  MST  tweet  @VRStuco  #wervrkind  #free2bkind  
  36. 36. Las  Vegas  is  standing  with  you!   Bal7more  is  standing  with  you!  
  37. 37. November 10, 2016 Will you make positive changes today? Thank you for letting me be a part of your success! Toni Cell: 970-371-6203 Toni@TotallyToni.com
  38. 38. Breakout:     2pm  –  3:15pm  

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