OWNING YOUR EXPERIENCE –
THE CONVERSATIONAL GUIDE
Art Doler - @arthurdoler
Focuses on what’s happeningto an individual
Describes and delineates
Based on personal truth of the individual
Can encourage self-directed action and self-responsibility
DEALING WITH CRITICAL MOMENTS
Get the facts.ASK.
o Don’t assumesomeone is safe.
o Don’t assumesomeone is not safe.
If you have a clear,unambiguous statement of intent to causeharmto self or others, CALL FOR HELP.
The end goal is notto solve or fix anything.
“I could really usesome support. Can you please[helpful action here]?”
“I don’t know if you knew this, but I deal with (or am havingproblems with) [a specific kind of experience]. You’ve
been helpful to me in the past;would itbe okay in the future if ask you to [actionablething] when [event happens]?”
“I noticed that [behavioral observation here].
Can we talk about it?”
“Do you think you could use[action here]? Can I help providethat?”
“When [event happens],I [sometimes, often, always] feel like[insertfeelings here].To [deal,cope] with that, I [insert
“Hey, how areyou doing?”
TYPE IA – JORDAN ASKS TAYLOR FOR FUTURE SUPPORT
Is clear and directin both what they’re asking Taylor to do, and when they’re askingTaylor to do it
Doesn’t promiseanythingthey’re uncomfortable doing
TYPE IIB- JORDAN IS IN CRISIS AND ASKS TAYLOR FOR SUPPORT
Will ask for whatever they need right now, as specifically as possible
Will explain thatthey need to leave if they feel like they need to exit the situation
Doesn’t take Jordan’s leavingas an insult
TYPE IIA - JORDAN OFFERS FUTURE SUPPORT TO TAYLOR
Accepts a “No” answer gracefully (and doesn’t take itpersonally)
Keeps their judgements and opinion out of it
Will only talk abouttheir mental state if they want to
Will provideclear guidancefor what Jordan can do
TYPE IIB- TAYLOR IS IN CRISIS AND JORDAN OFFERS SUPPORT
Will keep their judgements and opinion out of it
Will followthe safety guidelines,unless they’ve prearranged a support responsewith Taylor
Will behonest about what they need, even if it’s nothing
Won’t assumethey’re being a waste of Jordan’s time
TYPE III -TAYLOR EXPLAINING TO JORDAN WHAT THEY FEEL
Will listen respectfully
Will avoid blamingor ranting
Won’t apologizefor their feelings
TYPE IV - TAYLOR CHECKING IN WITH JORDAN
Will answer as with much depth as they feel comfortable – includingnotat all
Will legitimately careabouthow Jordan is doing
Will consider settingup a check-in scheduleor recurringappointment with Jordan
TYPE V - JORDAN AND TAYLOR TALKING LIKE NORMAL HUMANS
Talk with people likethey area fellowbeing who has varied attributes and interests!