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Owning Your Experience - Conversation Guide

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The handout for my talk Owning Your Experience.

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Owning Your Experience - Conversation Guide

  1. 1. OWNING YOUR EXPERIENCE – THE CONVERSATIONAL GUIDE Art Doler - @arthurdoler EXPERIENTIAL LANGUAGE Experiential language:  Focuses on what’s happeningto an individual  Describes and delineates  Based on personal truth of the individual  Emotional  Can encourage self-directed action and self-responsibility DEALING WITH CRITICAL MOMENTS  Get the facts.ASK. o Don’t assumesomeone is safe. o Don’t assumesomeone is not safe.  If you have a clear,unambiguous statement of intent to causeharmto self or others, CALL FOR HELP. RULE 0 The end goal is notto solve or fix anything. SCRIPTS ASKING SCRIPT “I could really usesome support. Can you please[helpful action here]?” OR “I don’t know if you knew this, but I deal with (or am havingproblems with) [a specific kind of experience]. You’ve been helpful to me in the past;would itbe okay in the future if ask you to [actionablething] when [event happens]?” OFFERING SCRIPT “I noticed that [behavioral observation here]. Can we talk about it?” THEN “Do you think you could use[action here]? Can I help providethat?”
  2. 2. EXPLANATION SCRIPT “When [event happens],I [sometimes, often, always] feel like[insertfeelings here].To [deal,cope] with that, I [insert behavior here].” CHECK-IN SCRIPT “Hey, how areyou doing?”
  3. 3. INTERACTION TYPES TYPE IA – JORDAN ASKS TAYLOR FOR FUTURE SUPPORT Example: Ideally, Jordan:  Is clear and directin both what they’re asking Taylor to do, and when they’re askingTaylor to do it Ideally, Taylor:  Doesn’t problem-solve  Doesn’t promiseanythingthey’re uncomfortable doing
  4. 4. TYPE IIB- JORDAN IS IN CRISIS AND ASKS TAYLOR FOR SUPPORT Example: Ideally, Jordan:  Will ask for whatever they need right now, as specifically as possible  Will explain thatthey need to leave if they feel like they need to exit the situation Ideally, Taylor:  Remains calm  Doesn’t take Jordan’s leavingas an insult
  5. 5. TYPE IIA - JORDAN OFFERS FUTURE SUPPORT TO TAYLOR Example: Ideally, Jordan:  Accepts a “No” answer gracefully (and doesn’t take itpersonally)  Keeps their judgements and opinion out of it Ideally, Taylor:  Will only talk abouttheir mental state if they want to  Will provideclear guidancefor what Jordan can do
  6. 6. TYPE IIB- TAYLOR IS IN CRISIS AND JORDAN OFFERS SUPPORT Example: Ideally, Jordan:  Will keep their judgements and opinion out of it  Will followthe safety guidelines,unless they’ve prearranged a support responsewith Taylor Ideally, Taylor:  Will behonest about what they need, even if it’s nothing  Won’t assumethey’re being a waste of Jordan’s time
  7. 7. TYPE III -TAYLOR EXPLAINING TO JORDAN WHAT THEY FEEL Example: Ideally, Jordan:  Will listen respectfully  Won’t problem-solve Ideally, Taylor:  Will avoid blamingor ranting  Won’t apologizefor their feelings
  8. 8. TYPE IV - TAYLOR CHECKING IN WITH JORDAN Example: Ideally, Jordan:  Will answer as with much depth as they feel comfortable – includingnotat all Ideally, Taylor:  Will legitimately careabouthow Jordan is doing  Will consider settingup a check-in scheduleor recurringappointment with Jordan
  9. 9. TYPE V - JORDAN AND TAYLOR TALKING LIKE NORMAL HUMANS Example: Talk with people likethey area fellowbeing who has varied attributes and interests!

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