117 Ten Commandments forMAKING YOURSELF MISERABLE AS AN INDIVIDUAL OR COUPLE SCOTT MILLER One Strive to be happy rather than do good. Two Always insist on thoroughly understanding the “root of the problem” before making any attempts to solve a problem. Three View others problems or shortcomings as enduring, characterological, or genetic rather than situational and transitive in origin. Four Value TRUTH over understanding. Five At times of seeming contentedness, ask yourself, “What am I missing?” Six Always remember that there is someone or some couple out there who is happier, thinner, smarter, more talented, richer, more powerful, having more sex, and better looking than you. Seven Begin any discussion about improving yourself, life, or relationship, “if only...” Eight Never miss an opportunity to relate a sad or shocking story about a family member, friend or acquaintance to another family member, friend, or acquaintance. Nine Muse frequently about “what might have been...” Ten Repeat to yourself, “It is always darkest just before it goes completely black.” If that doesnt work, then try saying, “Every cloud has a silver lining.” wwww.TenCommandmentsForCouples.com
118 SCOTT MILLER, PHD International Center for Clinical Excellence P.O. Box 180147 Chicago, Illinois Phone: 773-404-5130 URL: www.scottdmiller.com www.centerforclinicalexcellence.com REFERENCES 1. Staying on Top and Keeping the Sand out of Your Pants 2. The Miracle Method: A Revolutionary New Ap- proach to Alcohol Problems SCOTT D. MILLER, PH.D. is the founder of the Interna- tional Center for Clinical Excellence, an international consortium of clinicians, researchers, and educators dedicated to promoting excellence in behavioral health services. Dr. Miller conducts workshops and training in the United States and abroad, helping hundreds of agencies and organizations, both public and private, to achieve superior results. He is one of a handful of “invited faculty” whose work, thinking, and research is featured at the prestigious “Evolution of Psychotherapy Conference.” His humorous and engaging presentation style and command of the re- search literature consistently inspires practitioners, administrators, and policy makers to make effective changes in service delivery. Scott is the author of numerous articles and books, including Escape from Babel: Toward a Unifying Lan- guage for Psychotherapy Practice (with Barry Duncan and Mark Hubble [Norton, 1997]), The Heart and Soul of Change: What Works in Therapy (with Mark Hubble and Barry Duncan [APA Press, 1999]), The Heroic Client: A Revolutionary Way to Improve Effec- tiveness through Client-Directed, Outcome-Informed Therapy (with Barry Duncan [Jossey-Bass, 2000], and Jacqueline Sparks [Revised, 2004]), Staying on Top and Keeping the Sand Out of your Pants: The Surfers Guide to the Good Life (with Mark Hubble and Seth Houdeshell [HCI Books, 2003]) and the forthcoming Achieving Clinical Excellence in Behavioral Health: Empirical Lessons from the Fields Most Effective Practitioners (with Mark Hubble and William An- drews).