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Drama triangle and authentic self

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Personal power is the unique power that manifests as a person becomes more authentic himself or herself.

Personal power:
is not a force
it is not a positional power

It is the power that results from the authentic and genuine presencing of the emerging self in the moment.

Published in: Self Improvement
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Drama triangle and authentic self

  1. 1. ● Full participation is required ● Speak from personal experience, only ● No advice giving ● Track your feelings ○ Fear 😨 ○ Hurt 😢 ○ Anger 😠 ○ Sadness 😞 ○ Joy 😃 Before we begin ...
  2. 2. Power: dictionary definition “the ability to do something or act in a particular way, especially as a faculty or quality” “ the capacity or ability to direct or influence the behavior of others or the course of events”
  3. 3. Personal Power: Wright definition “Personal power is the unique power that manifests as a person becomes more authentic himself or herself”
  4. 4. Personal Power: Wright definition Personal power: ❖ is not a force ❖ it is not a positional power It is the power that results from the authentic and genuine presencing of the emerging self in the moment.
  5. 5. Three blocks to Personal Power Stinking Thinking Blame Shame Justification
  6. 6. (Karpman)Drama Triangle A Block to Personal power
  7. 7. Drama Triangle: Roles A Block to Personal power PersecutorRescuer Victim
  8. 8. Drama Triangle: Where can I find it ? A Block to Personal power PersecutorRescuer Victim relationships marriage movies school family work
  9. 9. Drama Triangle: in social interactions A Block to Personal power VictimPersecutor Rescuer
  10. 10. Drama Triangle: Belief System watch your character for it becomes your destiny. —Ralph Waldo Emerson Watch your thoughts for they become words, watch your words for they become actions, watch your actions, for they become habits, watch your habits for they become your character,
  11. 11. Drama Triangle: Victim beliefs PersecutorRescuer Victim ❖ “I am helpless” ❖ “Circumstances have power over me” ❖ Blames others ❖ Absolves self, of responsibility ❖ Didn’t see it coming.
  12. 12. Drama Triangle: Rescuer beliefs Persecutor Victim Rescuer ❖ I am a fixer, savior ❖ Avoids own work & pain ❖ Desires to feel good & appreciated ❖ Feels little self-worth ❖ My needs are not important! ❖ You poor victims! Let me help you to feel good about myself
  13. 13. Drama Triangle: Persecutor beliefs Rescuer Victim Persecutor ❖ Feels justified, in blaming and shaming others ❖ Holds others, entirely responsible for every situation ❖ Numb their own pain, by hiding behind a facade of pride and uncaring detachment ❖ Views world as a harsh and unforgiving place ❖ I am always right ❖ Like to bully others ❖ Sees things as Black or White
  14. 14. Drama Triangle: Cost PersecutorRescuer Victim ❖ Stays dependent on others ❖ Avoids learning to take responsibility ❖ Constant complaining and whining ❖ Keeps victims stuck, prevents their growth ❖ Ignores own work ❖ Seeking victims to rescue ❖ Feels taken advantage of and bitter as a result ❖ Feels lonely, looks for connection ❖ Inability to change ❖ Dissatisfied with others ❖ Unhappy for not seen clearly
  15. 15. Assignment : Drama Alert! ❖ Turn on the drama tracker for a Drama Alert ! ❖ Identify and write down roles you and others play in relationships ❖ Actively track the role you are playing when interacting with others: ➢ Victim ➢ Persecutor ➢ Rescuer ❖ Consciously identify and record your feelings each hour: ➢ Fear ➢ Hurt ➢ Anger ➢ Sadness ➢ Joy
  16. 16. Stinking Thinking
  17. 17. Core Mistaken Beliefs: about MySelf I’m ❖ not enough ❖ too much ❖ no good ❖ not good enough ❖ insignificant ❖ not OK as I am ❖ not lovable ❖ not worthy ❖ not OK ❖ alone and on my own ❖ a burden ❖ I have to earn love ❖ There’s something wrong with me ❖ My feelings are bad ❖ My needs are bad ❖ I don’t matter Personal POWER Zappers
  18. 18. Core Mistaken Beliefs: about World There aren’t enough: ❖ resources ❖ time ❖ money ❖ The world is a hostile and dangerous place ❖ The world is out to get me ❖ People want the worst for me ❖ There isn’t enough love to go around
  19. 19. Blame, Shame, Justification
  20. 20. Power blocker: BSJ Blame Shame Justification … when employees responded with blame, shame, or justification, it was 94% certain that there would be no change in the situation and that the problem would reoccur. If we translate this to our own lives, every time you are a victim, rescuer, or persecutor, or justify your behavior, you have a 94% chance of staying stuck. You are powerless to change–and have barely 6% chance of changing. studies of business mistakes and successes W. Edward Deming, Marshall Thurber
  21. 21. Engagement Continuum Out-of-it Asleep Spaced- out Kind of - Sort of. Autopilot Not tied to Yearnings Engaged Deep Engagement Transformational Engagement DISENGAGED MIS-ENGAGED ENGAGING TRANSACTIONAL TRANSFORMATIONAL Consciousness Tied to Yearning & Emotions
  22. 22. Engagement Continuum(contd.) Avoiding Walking Away Stonewallin g Silent treatment, being quiet, smug, icy, superior Secrets Zoned Out DISENGAGED Avoid conflicts Being careful, making nice Don’t rock the boat Walking on eggshells Soft Addictions KIND OF SORT OF Blame, Shame, Justification Drama triangle Non-personal conversations: politics, sports, weather, opinions, judgements Talking about logistics Repetitive, Nonproductive fights PSEUDO ENGAGED Criticism: Attacking, Counter attacking, Character assassination Contempt hostile words, tone of voice, gestures, eye rolling, sneers Insulting Name-calling, sarcasm, hostile Humor, mockery Defensiveness ACTIVE DESTRUCTIVE MIS-ENGAGED PASSIVE DESTRUCTIVE DESTRUCTIVE Active, Intimate meaningful interactions, accessible, connected, open, vulnerable, showing affections In touch with yearning, heartfelt, emotions joy Responsible, responsive, humor Genuine, truthful, real, affirming ENGAGED Touching yearnings of both feeling “felt”, knowing and be known, intimate connection Deeply heartfelt Full emotional involvement Both partners benefit Discovery of self and partner Risking more fully DEEP ENGAGEMENT Higher Purpose Yearnings of both are met Going into the woods: Discovering and transformational encounters Full Out Expression Relationship Benefits the larger world beyond the two of you TRANSFORMATIVE ENGAEMENT INTIMATE ENGAGEMENT NEUTRAL/DESTRUCTIVE CONSTRUCTIVE/CREATIVE Consciousness Tied to Yearning & Emotions
  23. 23. Fixed vs Growth mindset Carol Dweck, Professor of Psychology at Stanford Leads to a desire to look smart and therefore a tendency to ... Leads to a desire to learn and therefore a tendency to ... … avoids challenges … embraces challenges … gives up easily … persists in the face of setback … sees effort as fruitless or worse … sees effort as the path to mastery Fixed Mind-set Intelligence is static Growth Mind-set Intelligence can be developed
  24. 24. Fixed vs Growth mindset (continued) ...ignores useful negative feedback ...feels threatened by the success of others As a result, they may plateau early and achieve less than their full potential. All this confirms a deterministic view of the world … learn from criticism … find lessons and inspiration in the success of other As a result, they reach ever-higher levels of achievement All this gives them a greater sense of free will
  25. 25. Neural Pathways Constellation of Neurons in Brain “Neurons that fire together wire together”
  26. 26. What’s next ? Learn about: ★ Types of personal power ★ Be aware of the blocks to personal power ○ Drama Triangle ○ Stinking thinking ○ Blame, Shame, Justification ★ Individual coaching sessions
  27. 27. References: Wright Living: http://wrightliving.com Wright Graduate University: http://wrightgrad.edu Three Faces of Victims: http://www.lynneforrest.com/articles/2008/06/the-faces-of-victim/ The Triangle Game: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ear2psj1WNo Karpman Drama Triangle: http://www.karpmandramatriangle.com/ Disney’s Hercules Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol Dweck: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGvR_0mNpWM TED Talk: http://www.ted.com/talks/carol_dweck_the_power_of_believing_that_you_can_improve Matrix movie Twent-FIve Beliefs of Victims. http://2gethelp.org/docs/doc/EQ-DocDowning-victim-beliefs.pdf @xerionsoft xerionsoft@gmail.com

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