What Is Love


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What Is Love

  1. 1. Love and Romantic Relationships
  2. 2. What Is Love? What Is Love?
  3. 3. Three Component of Love <ul><li>Intimacy </li></ul><ul><li>Passion </li></ul><ul><li>Commitment </li></ul>
  4. 4. Intimacy Feeling of closeness Connectedness Bondedness
  5. 5. Intimacy <ul><li>Wanting happiness for other person </li></ul><ul><li>Give and receive emotional support </li></ul>
  6. 6. Passion <ul><li>Feeling that gives rise to romance </li></ul><ul><li>Physical attraction </li></ul><ul><li>Sexual Feeling </li></ul><ul><li>Not in all relationships Found in lovers </li></ul>
  7. 7. Commitment <ul><li>Decision to love a person (short term) </li></ul><ul><li>Commitment to the person, maintaining the relationship (long term) </li></ul>
  8. 9. Passionate Love <ul><li>A state of intense longing for the union with another </li></ul>
  9. 10. Passionate Love <ul><li>Sexual arousal </li></ul><ul><li>Pounding heart </li></ul><ul><li>Sweaty palms </li></ul><ul><li>Strong sexual desire </li></ul>
  10. 11. Lust what We Know About Human Sexual Desire <ul><li>Regan & Berscheid (1999) </li></ul><ul><li>Asked College students </li></ul><ul><li>Who do they love </li></ul><ul><li>Who are they in love with </li></ul><ul><li>Who are they sexually attracted to </li></ul>
  11. 12. Love list had a 2% overlap with sexual attracted list In love list had a 85% overlap with sexually attracive list
  12. 14. Would you marry a Person you were not in love with ? <ul><li>Regan & Berschid asked if you would marry some one who had all the qualities you desired but were not in love with </li></ul><ul><li>14% of men said yes </li></ul><ul><li>20% of women said yes </li></ul>
  13. 15. Companionate Love <ul><li>The affection and tenderness we feel for those with who our lives are intertwined with . </li></ul>
  14. 16. Would include : <ul><li>Mutual trust </li></ul><ul><li>Caring </li></ul><ul><li>Friendship </li></ul><ul><li>Respect </li></ul>
  15. 17. Lasting Love <ul><li>Sprecher and Regan gave couples scales to measure their companionate love and passionate love. </li></ul><ul><li>They found passionate love initially rose but after it peaked it declined as time went on. </li></ul><ul><li>Companionate love did not decline </li></ul>
  16. 18. How do I love thee <ul><li>Styles of love </li></ul><ul><li>Love at first sight </li></ul><ul><li>Slow to warm up </li></ul>
  17. 19. Three Styles of Love <ul><li>Eros </li></ul><ul><li>Storge </li></ul><ul><li>Ludus </li></ul>
  18. 20. Eros : The god of love <ul><li>Erotic style of love </li></ul><ul><li>Powerful physical attraction </li></ul><ul><li>Tall, dark, and handsome </li></ul><ul><li>Strong at first then lessens over time </li></ul>
  19. 21. Eros style of love <ul><li>My lover and I have the right physical chemistry </li></ul><ul><li>Our love making is intense and satisfying </li></ul><ul><li>We were made for each other </li></ul>
  20. 22. Storge : love of sibling/ playmate <ul><li>Love style develops when people have the same interests </li></ul><ul><li>Love develops over time </li></ul><ul><li>Starts out as friends and build to love </li></ul>
  21. 23. Storge Style <ul><li>The best kind of love grows out of a long friendship </li></ul><ul><li>Love is really a deep friendship not a mystical emotion </li></ul><ul><li>Genuine love requires caring </li></ul>
  22. 24. Ludus : The game <ul><li>Players </li></ul><ul><li>Bounce from lover to lover </li></ul><ul><li>Number of relationships </li></ul><ul><li>Experience less satisfaction then other styles </li></ul>
  23. 25. Ludus Style <ul><li>I enjoy playing the game of love with different people </li></ul><ul><li>I try to keep my lover a little uncertain of my commitment to him or her </li></ul><ul><li>I sometimes have to keep my lovers from finding out about one another </li></ul>
  24. 26. Secondary Stages Of Love <ul><li>Mania </li></ul><ul><li>Pragma </li></ul><ul><li>Agape </li></ul>
  25. 27. Mania <ul><li>The combination of eros and ludus </li></ul><ul><li>Known as troubled love </li></ul><ul><li>Jealousy & dependence </li></ul><ul><li>Need reassurance in love </li></ul><ul><li>Love the idea of being in love </li></ul>
  26. 28. Mania <ul><li>When my lover does not pay enough attention to me I feel sick </li></ul><ul><li>When I am in love I have trouble concentrating </li></ul><ul><li>Sometimes I get so excited about being in love I can’t sleep. </li></ul>
  27. 29. Pragma <ul><li>Combination of ludus and storge </li></ul><ul><li>Greek for pragmatic </li></ul><ul><li>Compatibility is the goal </li></ul><ul><li>The greater the compatibility the greater the love </li></ul>
  28. 30. Pragma <ul><li>One consideration in choosing a partner is how they will reflect on my career </li></ul><ul><li>I plan my life carefully when choosing a lover </li></ul><ul><li>How compatible is his/her background with mine for future children </li></ul>
  29. 31. Agape <ul><li>Blend of eros and storge </li></ul><ul><li>Altruistic love </li></ul><ul><li>Give love with nothing in return </li></ul><ul><li>Purest form of love </li></ul>
  30. 32. Agape <ul><li>I would rather see something bad happen to me then to have my lover unhappy </li></ul><ul><li>I am willing to sacrifice my own wishes to let my partner achieve his/hers </li></ul><ul><li>I would endure all things for the sake of my partner </li></ul>
  31. 33. Gender differences In love styles <ul><li>Men seem to see love in terms of eros or ludus </li></ul><ul><li>Women have a more pragmatic out look on love </li></ul><ul><li>Why? </li></ul>
  32. 34. Goal of Romantic Relationships <ul><li>Sexual satisfaction </li></ul><ul><li>Establish family bonds </li></ul><ul><li>Gain resources and status </li></ul><ul><li>Same as friendship </li></ul><ul><li>reassurance and information </li></ul>
  33. 35. Why is Sex Important <ul><li>Sex differentiates passionate romantic love from other forms of love </li></ul><ul><li>Provides mutual pleasure and enjoyment </li></ul><ul><li>Is looked at differently by men and women </li></ul>
  34. 36. Sexual Satisfaction Sexual Desire <ul><li>Men view on sex is different then women </li></ul><ul><li>Think about it more </li></ul><ul><li>More visually stimulated </li></ul><ul><li>Prefer more frequent sex </li></ul><ul><li>Masturbate earlier and more frequently </li></ul>
  35. 37. Sexual Relationship <ul><li>Women see commitment as a context for sex </li></ul><ul><li>More interested in intimacy </li></ul><ul><li>Less interested in casual sex </li></ul><ul><li>Sexual fantasies involve partner </li></ul>
  36. 38. Hormones <ul><li>Hormones that play a key role in sex </li></ul><ul><ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Oxytocin </li></ul></ul></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Testostrone </li></ul></ul></ul></ul></ul>
  37. 39. Oxytocin <ul><li>Hormone that acts as a neurotransmitter in the brain </li></ul><ul><li>Released more in women </li></ul><ul><ul><ul><ul><ul><li>After labor </li></ul></ul></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><ul><ul><li>After stimulation of the nipples </li></ul></ul></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><ul><ul><li>After orgasm </li></ul></ul></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Can be released in both sexes after orgasm </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Leads to more attachment and longer relationships </li></ul></ul></ul>
  38. 40. Testosterone <ul><li>Produced more by males </li></ul><ul><li>Correlation between sexual desire and testosterone production/levels </li></ul><ul><li>Males with malfunctioning testes will have less sexual fantasies </li></ul><ul><li>Women injected with testosterone will have and increase in sexual fantasies </li></ul>
  39. 41. Socio-sexual Orientation <ul><li>The tendency to prefer unrestricted sex or restricted sex </li></ul><ul><li>Restricted sex- only in the context of loving, long term, committed relationship </li></ul><ul><li>Unrestricted – without love </li></ul>
  40. 42. Socio-sexual Orientations Scale <ul><li>Simpson & Gangestand developed a scale to measure socio-sexual orientation </li></ul><ul><li>How often do you fantasize about having sex with someone other then your partner? </li></ul><ul><li>Sex is ok without love </li></ul><ul><li>I need a close attachment with some one before I can have sex with them. </li></ul>
  41. 43. Unrestricted/Restricted <ul><li>Unrestricted orientation </li></ul><ul><ul><li>More partners in the past </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Have sex earlier in relationship </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Intend to have more partners in the future </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Have more then one partner at the same time </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>More likely to have one night stands </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Feel less commitment to current partner </li></ul></ul>
  42. 44. <ul><li>Males tend to be more unrestricted and females more restricted. </li></ul><ul><li>The traits an unrestricted person look for are socially visible, attractive. </li></ul><ul><li>The traits a restricted person looks for are good parenting skills, responsibility, faithfulness </li></ul><ul><li>Both types want sex just as much! </li></ul>
  43. 45. <ul><li>Testosterone injected into men with defective testes </li></ul><ul><li>Testosterone levels measured in women after reporting number of sexual fantasies </li></ul><ul><li>Testosterone levels affect both sexual dysfunction in men and women </li></ul>
  44. 46. <ul><li>Triangular theory of love </li></ul><ul><li>Types of love </li></ul><ul><li>Styles of love </li></ul><ul><li>Gender differences </li></ul>
  45. 47. Human Sexuality : How men and women differ <ul><li>Peplau </li></ul><ul><li>Looks at gender differences in: </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Desire </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Relationships </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Aggression </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Plasticity </li></ul></ul>
  46. 48. Sexual Desire <ul><li>Sexual desire – the subjective experience of being interested in sexual objects or activates or wishing to engage in sexual activities. </li></ul>
  47. 49. Sexual Desire in Men <ul><li>More interested in sex </li></ul><ul><li>Rate their own sex drive higher then females </li></ul><ul><li>Think about sex more often </li></ul><ul><li>Want sex more them women </li></ul><ul><li>Visit prostitutes more often </li></ul><ul><li>More visually stimulated </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Spend more money on x rated videos and magazines </li></ul></ul>
  48. 50. Sexual Frequency in Couples <ul><li>Heterosexual–compromise between the desire of male and female partners </li></ul><ul><li>Homosexual–lesbian couples have sex less often than gay men or heterosexual couples </li></ul><ul><li>Women more likely to refrain from sex due to religious reasons. </li></ul>
  49. 51. Sexual Relationships <ul><li>Women’s sexuality tends to be strongly linked to close relationships. </li></ul><ul><li>Women have more romantic view of sexual relationships </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Intimacy is the important goal. </li></ul></ul>
  50. 52. Sexual Relationships in Homosexuals <ul><li>Lesbians–more likely to form relationships from preexisting friendships, sexual fantasies are more personal and romantic </li></ul><ul><li>Gay men–more likely to have sex with partners outside their relationship, have sexual fantasies much like heterosexual males. </li></ul>
  51. 53. Sexual Aggression <ul><li>Sexual concept includes romantic, passionate </li></ul><ul><li>Men sexual self–concept also includes aggression </li></ul><ul><li>Extent to which they see them selves as </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Aggressive </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Powerful </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Experienced </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Dominant </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Individualistic </li></ul></ul>
  52. 54. <ul><li>Men are more assertive than women </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Initiate touching </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Sexual intimacy </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Sexual fantasies–men are more likely to imagine doing something sexual, take more active role </li></ul>
  53. 55. Rape <ul><li>Woman use many different ways to get a man to have sex with her but typically not force or violence </li></ul><ul><li>Physically coercion is more typical of male behavior </li></ul><ul><li>Stranger & date rape </li></ul><ul><li>Also seen in heterosexual relationships </li></ul>
  54. 56. Sexual Plasticity <ul><li>Women’s sexual beliefs and behaviors are more easily shaped by cultural social and situational factors. </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Changes in sexuality </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Changes in behavior due to socialization </li></ul></ul>
  55. 57. Changes in Sexuality <ul><li>Most likely to see variability in sexual frequency in women </li></ul><ul><li>Women are more likely to change their sexual orientation </li></ul><ul><li>25% of 18 -25 year old women who identified as bisexual or lesbian changed their identity five years later. </li></ul>
  56. 58. Changes Due to Socialization <ul><li>Women more likely to change behaviors due to situational influences </li></ul><ul><li>Education: going to college more liberal attitudes </li></ul><ul><li>Relocation: move to new culture less sexual </li></ul>
  57. 59. Gender difference In Sex <ul><li>Students at Arizona State University were asked what was the lowest level of intelligence that you would accept in: </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Single date </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Sexual partner </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Date steady </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Marry </li></ul></ul>
  58. 60. DATE SEX STEADY MARRIAGE Women Men Intelligence And the differences are even more pronounced for one-night stands
  59. 61. Experiment by Clark and Hatfield <ul><li>College students were approached by member of opposite sex and asked one of three questions </li></ul><ul><li>I have seen you around campus and think you are very attractive, will you: </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Go out on a date with me tonight </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Come to my apartment </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Go to bed with me </li></ul></ul><ul><li>What do you think they Found? </li></ul>
  60. 62. Go out Go to apartment Go to bed Women Men % Saying “Yes” 0 20 40 60 80 100 (Clark & Hatfield, 1989)‏
  61. 63. Why the Differences <ul><li>Sexual encounters with strangers do not fulfill women's goals for sexual relationship. Need for love and intimacy in order to have good sex. </li></ul><ul><li>Not just fear of pregnancy </li></ul><ul><li>Birth control </li></ul><ul><li>In lesbians where no fear of pregnancy, </li></ul><ul><li>lesbians prefer and lead less active sex lives then heterosexual women </li></ul>
  62. 64. Evolutionary Theory <ul><li>Differences in cost </li></ul><ul><li>Given that pregnancy results, what is the minimum investment of copulation for: </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Minimum female investment </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>9 months of pregnancy, 30 lbs of nutrients, 3-4 years of nursing </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Minimum male investment </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>5 minutes of copulation 1 sperm, one ten trillionth of an ounce </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><li>Females make more judicious mate choices </li></ul><ul><li>Males less discriminate about who they mate with </li></ul>
  63. 65. Attraction <ul><li>What makes someone attractive? </li></ul>
  64. 66. Who is More Attractive?
  65. 67. Attractiveness <ul><li>Tall/ short </li></ul><ul><li>Thin/ fat </li></ul><ul><li>Hairy/ smooth </li></ul><ul><li>Eye color </li></ul><ul><li>Hair color </li></ul>
  66. 68. Universal Attractiveness <ul><li>Hygiene and cleanliness </li></ul><ul><li>Waist to hip ratio </li></ul><ul><li>Symmetrical face </li></ul><ul><li>Faces that exaggerate gender characteristics </li></ul>
  67. 69. Weight to Hip Ratio (WHR)‏ <ul><li>Calculated by dividing waist measurement by hip measurement </li></ul><ul><li>Women with a 0.7 WHR are often rated as more attractive by men regardless of culture, race, religion or ethnicity. </li></ul><ul><li>Examples: Twiggy, Kate Moss, Salma Hayek & Marilyn Monroe </li></ul>
  68. 71. Preference in Men <ul><li>Asked to rank the attractiveness of 12 line drawings of average height females figures </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Different levels of WHR (.7, .8, .9) </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Three levels of body weight (underweight- 90lbs, normal weight- 120 lbs, and overweight- 150 lbs). </li></ul></ul>
  69. 73. <ul><li>A WHR of 0.7 for women and 0.9 for men have been shown to correlate strongly with general health and fertility </li></ul><ul><li>Women within the 0.7 range </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Optimal levels of estrogen </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Less susceptible to major diseases such as diabetes, cardiovascular disorders and ovarian cancers. </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Men with WHR around 0.9 </li></ul><ul><ul><li>More healthy and fertile </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Less prostate and testicular cancer </li></ul></ul>
  70. 74. Symmetry <ul><li>Symmetry of features seen as more attractive </li></ul><ul><li>Symmetry–marker for good health </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Greater asymmetry was related to more self-reported depression, neuroses, infertility, more physical health problems </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Associated with greater masculinity and dominance </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>More symmetrical men have shorter courtships before intercourse, they invest the least money and time in them and they cheat on their mates much more often </li></ul></ul>
  71. 75. Faces that Exaggerate Gender Characteristics <ul><li>Faces that exaggerate gender characteristics seen more attractive then average faces </li></ul><ul><li>Males </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Big jaw, chin and large brow reflect androgen </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Females </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Smaller chin, nose, fuller lips reflect estrogen </li></ul></ul>
  72. 76. Beauty <ul><li>Who is it more important to? </li></ul>
  73. 77. <ul><li>More important to men then to women. </li></ul><ul><li>Attractive women can raise a mans social status but does not work the other way around. </li></ul><ul><li>Women more concerned with a mans social status. </li></ul>
  74. 79. <ul><li>Townsend and Levy (1990). Looked at the effects of status (measured by clothing), and attractiveness on female willingness to engage in a romantic relationship. </li></ul><ul><li>Male targets were pre-rated for physical attractiveness </li></ul><ul><ul><li>2 categories: handsome and homely </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Wore one of three costumes: </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Blazer, shirt designer tie, Rolex—described as being doctors (high status)‏ </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Plain white shirt—described as being teachers (medium status)‏ </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Uniform of a Burger King employee—described as being trainee (low status)‏ </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><li>Women were more willing to engage in relationships with high status/homely males than with medium or low status handsome males </li></ul>
  75. 80. Halo Effect <ul><li>Cognitive bias in which the assessment of an individual quality serves to influence and bias the judgment of other qualities </li></ul><ul><li>Attractive people are seen as having a more desirable personality and more skills than someone of average appearance </li></ul>
  76. 81. Benefits of Attractiveness <ul><li>Attractive individuals more socially competent, have higher self esteem, are less shy and have better social skills </li></ul><ul><li>Limitations to Attractiveness </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Super attractive make others feel inferior, not as influential as less attractive </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Super attractiveness may cause resentment </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Seen as intellectually inferior </li></ul></ul>
  77. 82. Goal of Romantic Relationships <ul><li>Sexual satisfaction </li></ul><ul><li>Establish family bonds </li></ul><ul><li>Gain resources and status </li></ul><ul><li>Same as friendship—reassurance and information </li></ul>
  78. 83. Establishing Bonds <ul><li>Passion fades, so why do we stay on long term relationships? </li></ul><ul><li>Feeling of intimacy grows as passion fades </li></ul>
  79. 84. <ul><li>Long term commitment in lovers is different than in friends </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Friends can go on long trip and we easily adjust to their absence </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Separation from lovers is extremely emotional </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Losing spouse to divorce or death causes more emotional distress then any other life event </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Having a marriage partner protects against major illness like cancer </li></ul>
  80. 85. Why Do We Form Attachments <ul><li>People need to belong </li></ul><ul><li>Separation of lovers is similar to that shown by infants separated from their mothers </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Protest </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Crying active searching </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Despair </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Obvious sadness </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Emotional Detachment </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Coldness when reunited </li></ul></ul></ul>
  81. 86. Attachment Styles <ul><li>Some easily form relationships </li></ul><ul><li>Some demand to much </li></ul><ul><li>Others avoid commitment by having casual affairs </li></ul>
  82. 87. 3 Types Of Attachment Style <ul><li>Secure attachment </li></ul><ul><li>Anxious/ ambivalent attachment </li></ul><ul><li>Avoidant attachment style </li></ul>
  83. 88. Secure Attachment Style <ul><li>Easily expressed affection towards their mother, did not worry about being abandoned </li></ul><ul><li>Mothers acted consistently warm and responsive </li></ul>
  84. 89. Anxious/Ambivalent <ul><li>Visibly upset at any separation from their mother, preoccupied with possible abandonment </li></ul><ul><li>Mothers acted inconsistently </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Sometimes ignoring children and some times intruding on activities </li></ul></ul>
  85. 90. Avoidant Attachment <ul><li>Disregarding their mother </li></ul><ul><li>Refusing attention when their mother returned </li></ul>
  86. 91. <ul><li>Often translates into Adult Relationships </li></ul>
  87. 92. <ul><li>I find it easy to get close to others and feel comfortable having them depend on me. I don’t worry about being abandoned </li></ul>
  88. 93. <ul><li>Secure Attachment </li></ul>
  89. 94. <ul><li>I am someone uncomfortable being close to others. I have had a hard time trusting. My Partner wants me to be more intimate then I feel comfortable with. </li></ul>
  90. 95. <ul><li>Avoidant Style </li></ul>
  91. 96. <ul><li>I am reluctant to get close as I would like. I worry about my partner not really loving me and leaving me. I want to merge completely with another person and that pushes people away. </li></ul>
  92. 97. <ul><li>Anxious/ Ambivalent Style </li></ul>
  93. 98. Threats and Attachment <ul><li>Mothers provide a safe haven </li></ul><ul><li>Situations in life can cause: </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Fear </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Anxiety </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Insecurity </li></ul></ul>
  94. 99. Harlow Monkey Study <ul><li>Infant rhesus monkeys separated from mothers </li></ul><ul><li>Given mom substitutes </li></ul><ul><li>Monkeys frightened </li></ul><ul><li>Ran to mother for comfort </li></ul><ul><li>After comforted went back to explore </li></ul>
  95. 101. <ul><li>Infants develop a schema about feeling and beliefs </li></ul><ul><li>Secure attached–people can be trusted, they can be a safe haven </li></ul><ul><li>Insecure attachment–close relationships provide acceptance but sometimes rejection, people are caring one minute and uncaring the next </li></ul>
  96. 102. Adult Attachment <ul><li>Hazan and Shaver </li></ul><ul><li>Adult theory of attachment </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Secure </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Anxious/ Ambivalent </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Avoidant </li></ul></ul>
  97. 103. Play/work <ul><li>In children: play </li></ul><ul><li>Secure: explore, new toys </li></ul><ul><li>Anxious/ Ambivalent : too worried about caregiver </li></ul><ul><li>Avoidant: use play to avoid caregiver </li></ul>
  98. 104. Play/work <ul><li>In adults: work </li></ul><ul><li>Secure: enjoy work, no fear of failure </li></ul><ul><li>Anxious/Ambivalent use as a way to again acceptance </li></ul><ul><li>Avoidant: use as a way to avoid social interaction, less satisfied with work </li></ul>
  99. 105. Do Attachment Styles Change? <ul><li>Remain constant over time </li></ul><ul><li>Attachment styles of 12 month old still the same at 6 years old </li></ul><ul><li>Major disruptions can cause change </li></ul><ul><li>SES/divorce </li></ul><ul><li>Change in adults </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Anxious/Ambivalent – Avoidant </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Anxious/Ambivalent – Secure </li></ul></ul>
  100. 106. Goals of Romantic Relationships <ul><li>Sexual satisfaction </li></ul><ul><li>Establish family bonds </li></ul><ul><li>Gain and maintain resources </li></ul>
  101. 107. <ul><li>Women tend to prefer older men </li></ul><ul><li>Men tend to prefer younger women </li></ul><ul><li>What are they looking to gain? </li></ul>
  102. 108. <ul><li>Older men can potentially provide financial resources </li></ul><ul><li>Younger women can potentially provide more offspring </li></ul>
  103. 109. Differences in personal ads <ul><li>Men tend to advertise financial resources/ women request them </li></ul><ul><li>Mature stockbroker looking to invest his time and bank account in young attractive women </li></ul><ul><li>Young attractive college student looking for older man to spend time and money on her </li></ul>
  104. 110. When Women Gain Resources and Status <ul><li>Women who have high status/resources </li></ul><ul><ul><li>more assertive </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>look more for personality/attractiveness </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Personal ads: </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Independent professional woman looking for a fun and attractive man to travel around the world with </li></ul></ul>
  105. 111. <ul><li>Norm Li asked people to design a mate under two conditions: </li></ul><ul><ul><li>High budget: mate dollars </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Low budget: mate dollars </li></ul></ul><ul><li>High budget – low sex differences </li></ul><ul><li>Low budget – men and women made very different choices </li></ul>
  106. 112. Marital Patterns and Resources <ul><li>Marital patterns include </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Monogamy </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Polyandry </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Polygamy </li></ul></ul>
  107. 113. <ul><li>Monogamy—one woman and one man </li></ul><ul><li>Polygamy—one man with more than one wife </li></ul><ul><li>Polyandry—one woman with more than one husband, usually brothers </li></ul><ul><li>Why brothers? </li></ul>
  108. 114. <ul><li>Harsh conditions make it hard for single man and woman. </li></ul><ul><li>Pool resources </li></ul><ul><li>When couple has more girls then the marriage patterns become polygamist </li></ul>
  109. 115. <ul><li>Polygamy has to do with resources </li></ul><ul><li>The more resources, the more wives </li></ul><ul><li>A poor man might be able to spend more time with only wife </li></ul><ul><li>Rich man can provide more resources </li></ul>
  110. 116. When Love Goes Bad
  111. 117. <ul><li>Lose of a partner causes severe emotional distress </li></ul><ul><li>What if that person was never your partner? </li></ul><ul><li>What if you just won’t let go of a relationship? </li></ul>
  112. 118. <ul><li>Erotomania is a disorder where a person is fixated and delusional in the belief that they are passionately loved by another person </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Usually a spiritual union rather then sexual desire </li></ul></ul>
  113. 119. <ul><li>Mostly seen in women </li></ul><ul><li>246 cases 70% women </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Single </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Mid 30’s </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Older high status males </li></ul></ul><ul><li>In men: </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Late 20’s </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Younger attractive women </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Harass till law intervenes </li></ul></ul>
  114. 120. <ul><li>Erotomania most commonly seen in former lovers or marriage partners </li></ul><ul><li>Incessant attempts to restore relationship </li></ul><ul><li>Typically non violent </li></ul>
  115. 121. Unrequited love <ul><li>93% of people have experienced unrequited love. </li></ul><ul><li>Bad for both parties involved </li></ul><ul><li>Targets feel guilt, confusion and annoyance </li></ul><ul><li>Would be lovers–damage self esteem, feel led on </li></ul>
  116. 122. Why So Hard to Let Go? <ul><li>Movies and books : win in the end </li></ul><ul><li>Target not always clear </li></ul><ul><li>Self preservation—won’t admit to self unacceptable as a lover </li></ul>
  117. 123. Jealousy <ul><li>Common problem in relationships </li></ul><ul><li>Usually over same sex competitor </li></ul><ul><li>Looked at differently by men and women </li></ul>
  118. 124. <ul><li>Imagine that you discover the person with whom you are in a relationship with has become interested in someone else. Which would cause you more distress? </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Your partner falling in love with someone else </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Your partner having sex with someone else </li></ul></ul>
  119. 125. <ul><li>Men more distress in sexual infidelity </li></ul><ul><li>Women more distress in emotional infidelity </li></ul><ul><li>Why the difference? </li></ul>
  120. 126. <ul><li>Evolutionary theory </li></ul><ul><li>Men don’t want to raise children that are not their own </li></ul><ul><li>Women lose resources if man falls in love with another women and leaves her </li></ul>
  121. 127. Marriage Dissatisfaction <ul><li>½ of marriages end in divorce </li></ul><ul><li>More at risk </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Lower SES </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Younger when married </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Living together before marriage </li></ul></ul>