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Managing Conflict2[1]


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Managing Conflict2[1]

  1. 1. Managing Conflict A Process to Resolution
  2. 2. What will we learn? <ul><li>How to recognize conflict </li></ul><ul><li>Self awareness and behavior </li></ul><ul><li>Tools of communication </li></ul><ul><li>Methods of conflict management </li></ul>
  3. 3. Conflict Map Concept Define Conflict
  4. 4. Define conflict <ul><li>Textbook definition: Conflict is the interaction of interdependent people who perceive incompatible goals and interference from each other in achieving those goals. </li></ul><ul><li>Joseph Folger, Marshall Poole, Randall Stutman, “ Working Through Conflict” , 4th Ed. 2001. </li></ul>
  5. 5. Principle Causes of Conflict <ul><li>Misunderstandings/miscommunication </li></ul><ul><li>Personality differences </li></ul><ul><li>Lack of cooperation/or perceived lack of cooperation </li></ul><ul><li>Differences over work methods </li></ul><ul><li>Unclear expectations </li></ul><ul><li>Unclear responsibilities, or failed responsibilities </li></ul><ul><li>Goals and values </li></ul><ul><li>Competition </li></ul><ul><li>Non-compliance issues </li></ul>
  6. 6. Our Definition <ul><li>Natural event that all persons experience </li></ul><ul><li>A disagreement between two or more persons </li></ul><ul><li>Unmet goals, wants, and needs </li></ul><ul><li>Miscommunication </li></ul><ul><li>A confrontation </li></ul>
  7. 7. People’s Perception in Conflict <ul><li>Perceive they have incompatible goals and/or interests </li></ul><ul><li>Perceive that others are a source of interference in achieving the goal </li></ul><ul><li>Perceived wrong messages from word choices </li></ul><ul><li>May have cultural differences that cause miscommunication </li></ul>
  8. 8. Conflict Map Concept Define Conflict Physiological Behavior
  9. 9. When conflict happens, what is your first reaction? <ul><li>Get defensive </li></ul><ul><li>Get confused </li></ul><ul><li>Feel anxious, nervous, hurt, or other feelings </li></ul><ul><li>Start blaming or protecting </li></ul><ul><li>Get vocal, take verbal shots </li></ul>
  10. 10. Did you know? <ul><li>Physiological facts about conflict </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Genetic shaping drives humans to flying fists and flight – early man had to use this for survival </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Organs start the blood flow to kidneys </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Kidneys start the adrenaline to the muscles </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Muscles get the blood to flow </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>The brain reasons less </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Human behavior in conflict results in unreasonable emotions </li></ul><ul><li>Caught with surprise this leads to fight or flight </li></ul>
  11. 11. Take Charge of Your Brain <ul><li>When you stop and ask questions like: </li></ul><ul><ul><li>What do I want? </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>What is my goal? </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>What do I feel? </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Physiology is affected and the brain starts thinking again </li></ul><ul><li>Problem solving recognizes the issue is social, not physical safety </li></ul>
  12. 12. Conflict Map Concept Define Conflict Physiological Behavior Communication Tools
  13. 13. Self Awareness <ul><li>Key to conflict is to know your own behavior first </li></ul><ul><li>What are my real goals? </li></ul><ul><li>What am I really feeling? </li></ul><ul><li>How does this affect my interest? </li></ul><ul><li>What does it take to meet my “want”? </li></ul>
  14. 14. Awareness Wheel Issue Feel Think Goals Wants
  15. 15. Mehriabian Study <ul><li>Barriers to Listening: </li></ul><ul><li>Words are only 7% of the communication you have with others </li></ul><ul><li>Tone of voice sends 38% of the message in the communications you have </li></ul><ul><li>Body language sends 55% of the communication and is the highest clue on your message – physiological senses </li></ul>
  16. 16. Awareness Wheel Who did/will do what? Where? How? Who/What Did you hear See? Where? When? Who/What did you see? Hear? Where? When Issues Opportunities Unlimited @1999 Sensory Data: Feelings: How do You feel? Actions: future, past, current Wants for: Self, Us, Others Thoughts: What do you think?
  17. 17. Color Your World <ul><li>Key to conflict management </li></ul><ul><ul><li>What behaviors do I reflect? </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>What messages am I sending? </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Do I really hear what my opponent says? </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Motivational behavior takes over </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>What are my “color codes” during conflict </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>What are my normal color codes? </li></ul></ul>
  18. 18. Identify Your Style <ul><li>Avoidance style – deny there is a conflict </li></ul><ul><li>Compete style – I win you lose </li></ul><ul><li>Compromise style – give something up to win something they want – I lose you lose </li></ul><ul><li>Accommodate – give up your concern for someone else; I lose you win </li></ul><ul><li>Collaborative – mutual problem solving - the win-win </li></ul>
  19. 19. The Collaborative Style <ul><li>Choose the right time and place to discuss the conflict </li></ul><ul><li>Fully and objectively express ideas </li></ul><ul><li>Urge the other person to do the same </li></ul><ul><li>Identify areas where you both agree </li></ul><ul><li>Create a plan of action to follow up on </li></ul>
  20. 20. Communication Tools <ul><li>Key skills to resolving conflict </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Stepping stones to listening </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Invite the speaker </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Confirm what you heard </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Break the message into small thoughts </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Watch non-verbal behavior </li></ul></ul></ul>
  21. 21. Stepping Stones – ask! Attend Invite Summarize then now and Acknowledge
  22. 22. Words we use that may send wrong messages <ul><li>The importance of describing the issue. </li></ul><ul><li>What are feeling words? </li></ul><ul><li>What are thinking words? </li></ul><ul><li>How do we describe a goal? </li></ul><ul><li>How do we describe an interest or want? </li></ul>
  23. 23. Sender – Receiver Model <ul><li>From the TIC </li></ul><ul><li>“ Communicating Effectively” </li></ul>Sender -- Message Receiver Feedback --
  24. 24. Conflict Map Concept Define Conflict Share Your Stories Physiological Behavior Communication Tools
  25. 25. Think before you speak (organize your thoughts) <ul><li>To whom will you be speaking? </li></ul><ul><li>What is your message? </li></ul><ul><li>How do you want to send the message? </li></ul><ul><li>When is the best time to send it? </li></ul><ul><li>Why is it important to send? </li></ul>
  26. 26. Effective communication tactics <ul><li>Use neutral comments </li></ul><ul><li>Practice leading statements: If, Then </li></ul><ul><li>Mirror the words by active listening </li></ul><ul><li>Pause to hear </li></ul><ul><li>Ask open ended questions: Who, What, When, How, Why </li></ul><ul><li>Confirm interpretation </li></ul>
  27. 27. Conflict Map Concept Define Conflict Share Your Stories Physiological Behavior Collaborate On a Win-Win Communication Tools
  28. 28. Incentive to Resolve <ul><li>There is an incentive to cooperate when parties perceive that gains by one will promote gains by the other or losses for one part will result in corresponding losses for the other </li></ul><ul><li>There is an incentive to compete when parties believe that one’s gain will promote another’s losses </li></ul>
  29. 29. Interdependence of Parties <ul><li>The greater the interdependence among parties, the more significant the consequence of their behavior </li></ul><ul><li>When parties are interdependent they can potentially aide or interfere with each other </li></ul>
  30. 30. What are some of the important actions a conflict manager must take? <ul><li>Set aside your own agenda to allow someone to start telling their story </li></ul><ul><li>Perform good listening, active listening </li></ul><ul><li>Validate what was heard </li></ul><ul><li>Be aware at all times of your own reaction, behavior </li></ul><ul><li>Self awareness is key to starting </li></ul><ul><li>Known your own conflict motivational behavior </li></ul><ul><li>Know your own normal motivational behavior </li></ul>
  31. 31. Conflict Actions That Work <ul><li>Be aware of the difference, and how to read the behavior </li></ul><ul><li>Know how to read your opponents behavior; in conflict and normal conversation </li></ul><ul><li>Know how to confirm behavior is not assumption </li></ul><ul><li>Know how to perform active listening </li></ul><ul><li>Know necessary steps to take to provide discussion on solutions </li></ul><ul><li>By performing these few functions, you can control the flow of the conflict and manage it much quicker </li></ul>
  32. 32. What if this is a stranger you know nothing about? <ul><li>Learn and be aware of behavior cues </li></ul><ul><li>Be aware of voice tone and word use </li></ul><ul><li>Notice, and be aware of cultural differences </li></ul><ul><li>Confirm you are reading this behavior correctly by using a validating sentences </li></ul><ul><li>Always be ready and more willing to listen than to talk </li></ul><ul><li>People are defused when you let them talk </li></ul>
  33. 33. Some common errors people make are: <ul><li>Stereotyping; preconceived belief about individuals that can create attitudes, prejudices, discrimination, generalizations </li></ul><ul><li>Manipulation; flattery, sympathy, guilt, intimidation </li></ul>
  34. 34. What would the steps be? <ul><li>The first step is to deal with the emotions: confirm and clarify </li></ul><ul><li>Eliminate defensive behavior on one side, yours </li></ul><ul><li>“ Hear the other parties story” </li></ul><ul><li>Hearing the other party’s story will validate the real thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and concerns </li></ul><ul><li>Hearing the other party’s story will confirm your own real thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and concerns </li></ul>
  35. 35. Then what? <ul><li>Clarification of the issue through clear communication may defuse the conflict </li></ul><ul><li>Everybody wants to tell their story, and “feel like they have been heard” </li></ul><ul><li>In reality, they think they are being heard </li></ul><ul><li>Therefore, feel more calm, more open to discuss, more ready to collaborate </li></ul>
  36. 36. Ready to resolve? <ul><li>Feelings are sorted out </li></ul><ul><li>Thoughts are clarified </li></ul><ul><li>Goals are clear </li></ul><ul><li>Wants and interests are concise </li></ul><ul><li>Begin the dance of negotiation </li></ul><ul><li>Collaborate on a win-win </li></ul>
  37. 37. What did we learn? <ul><li>Conflict can lead to resolution </li></ul><ul><li>Communication is a key tool </li></ul><ul><li>Know your conflict style </li></ul><ul><li>Gathering information, verifying understanding, assessing reception via non-verbal behavior </li></ul><ul><li>Open the channels to communication </li></ul><ul><li>Manage your conflicts </li></ul>