1. IS NOT THE SAME AS AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR.2. AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR ENHANCES SELF AT THE EXPENSE OF OTHERS.3. ASSERTIVENESS PRODUCES POSITIVE OUTCOMES FOR ALL; AGGRESSIVE ACTS RESULT IN NEGATIVE OUTCOMES.
Passive Assertive AggressiveStyle Not expressing needs Honest, open, direct Domineering, insisting Self-devaluing Recognises own rights Win / lose Waiting to be led Listens to others’ needs Not listeningNon- Small posture Upright, balanced pose Interruptingverbal Quiet, hesitant voice Firm, clear voice Loud Little eye contact Steady eye contact Staring, pointingbehaviourLanguage Sorry to bother you … I believe/need/I’d like That won’t work I can’t seem to … No (when appropriate) You can’t be serious It’s only my opinion Open questions Your problem / fault
I’m OK AGGRESSIVE ASSERTIVEYou’re not OK You’re OK PASSIVE / PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE I’m not OK
1. HELPS YOU BECOME SELF-CONFIDENT2. INCREASES SELF- ESTEEM3. GAIN RESPECT OF OTHERS4. IMPROVE COMMUNICATION SKILLS5. IMPROVE DECISION- MAKING ABILITY
Assertiveness and self-confidence methods3. Know your facts and have them to hand.4. Anticipate other peoples behaviour and prepare your responses.5. Prepare and use good open questions.6. Re-condition and practice your own new reactions to aggression - display positive writings where you will read them often - its a proven successful technique. www.businessballs.com
Barriers (FEAR) “I won’t be able to handle it.” Others’ decisions Others’ attitudes Patterns: - not wanting to upset - not wanting to put out - acquiescing Lack of self-belief Lack of clear intentions
1. BE HONEST AND DIRECT ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS, NEEDS, BELIEFS.2. EXPRESS YOURSELF FIRMLY AND DIRECTLY TO SPECIFIC INDIVIDUALS.3. BE REASONABLE IN YOUR REQUESTS
1. STATE YOUR VIEWPOINT WITHOUT BEING HESITANT OR APOLOGETIC.2. BE HONEST WHEN GIVING OR RECEIVING FEEDBACK.3. LEARN TO SAY “NO” TO UNREASONABLE EXPECTATIONS.4. PARAPHRASE WHAT OTHERS HAVE STATED TO YOU.
1. REGOGNIZE AND RESPECT THE RIGHTS OF THOSE AROUND YOU.2. USE APPROPRIATE TONE OF VOICE.3. BE AWARE OF BODY POSTURE/LANGUAGE4. MAINTAIN EYE CONTACT.5. USE “I” STATEMENTS TO EXPRESS SELF
1. DON’T LET OTHERS IMPOSE THEIR VALUES/IDEAS ON YOU2. ENCOURAGE OTHERS TO BE CLEAR AND DIRECT3. TAKE OWNERSHIP
1. Prepare and use good open questions. Questions that bullies dislike most are deep, constructive, incisive and probing, especially if the question exposes a lack of thought, preparation, consideration, consultation on their part. For example:• What is your evidence for what you’ve said ?• Who have you consulted about this?• How did you go about looking for other solutions?• How have you measured the problem ?• How will you measure the true effectiveness of your solution if you implement it? www.businessballs.com
Potential scripts: ”When you ……… I feel ……… because ……… and I would like / need ……….”
Actions (LOVE) Only you can know what’s important for you. (So the same’s true for others) Focus on that Stick to that Show / demonstrate the positive …. …. imagine getting positive back Value yourself …. and continue to
‘Don’t believe yourself and don’t believe anybody else.’The Four Agreements: Be impeccable with your word Don’t take anything personally Don’t make assumptions Always do your best Ruiz, M. (2004) The Voice of Knowledge
Inquiry: The Four Questions and Turnaround Is it true ? Can you absolutely know that it’s true ? How do you react when you think that thought ? Who would you be without that thought ? Turn it around Mitchell, B.K. (2002) Loving What Is
1. The right to respect myself because of who I am.2. How to lead my life…pursuing goals, dreams, etc.3. Have my own values, beliefs, etc.4. To tell others how I wish to be treated.5. To change my mind and make mistakes without being ridiculed.
1. TO HAVE POSITIVE, HEALTHY, SATISFYING RELATIONSHIPS IN WHICH I AM SAFE AND RESPECTED.2. TO CHANGE AND DEVELOP MY LIFE HOW I DETERMINE.3. TO BE HAPPY AND AT PEACE.
1. DOESN’T JUST HAPPEN.2. DOES NOT GUARANTEE YOU HAPPINESS OR FAIR TREATMENT.3. WILL NOT SOLVE ALL YOUR PROBLEMS4. DOES NOT GUARANTEEE YOU WILL GET WHAT YOU WANT.