•WHAT IS IT?  •HOW CAN IT HELP ME?•WHAT DO I NEED TO DO?
   Assertiveness is    the ability to    communicate your    needs, feelings,    opinions, and    beliefs in an open    a...
Passive   Assertive   Aggressive
1.   IS NOT THE SAME AS AGGRESSIVE     BEHAVIOR.2.   AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR ENHANCES SELF AT     THE EXPENSE OF OTHERS.3.   A...
Passive                 Assertive                 AggressiveStyle       Not expressing needs    Honest, open, direct     D...
I’m OKYou’re not OK                You’re OK                I’m not OK
I’m OK        AGGRESSIVE             ASSERTIVEYou’re not OK                             You’re OK          PASSIVE /      ...
1.   HELPS YOU BECOME     SELF-CONFIDENT2.   INCREASES SELF-     ESTEEM3.   GAIN RESPECT OF     OTHERS4.   IMPROVE     COM...
Assertiveness and self-confidence   methods3. Know your facts and have them to hand.4. Anticipate other peoples behaviour ...
Barriers (FEAR)   “I won’t be able to handle it.”   Others’ decisions   Others’ attitudes   Patterns:      -  not want...
1.   BE HONEST AND DIRECT ABOUT YOUR     FEELINGS, NEEDS, BELIEFS.2.   EXPRESS YOURSELF FIRMLY AND DIRECTLY     TO SPECIFI...
1.   STATE YOUR VIEWPOINT WITHOUT BEING     HESITANT OR APOLOGETIC.2.   BE HONEST WHEN GIVING OR RECEIVING     FEEDBACK.3....
1.   REGOGNIZE AND RESPECT THE RIGHTS OF     THOSE AROUND YOU.2.   USE APPROPRIATE TONE OF VOICE.3.   BE AWARE OF BODY POS...
1.   DON’T LET OTHERS     IMPOSE THEIR     VALUES/IDEAS ON YOU2.   ENCOURAGE OTHERS TO     BE CLEAR AND DIRECT3.   TAKE OW...
1. Prepare and use good open questions.    Questions that bullies dislike most are deep,    constructive, incisive and pro...
Potential scripts:  ”When you ………  I feel ………    because ………    and I would like / need ……….”
Actions (LOVE)   Only you can know what’s important for you.    (So the same’s true for others)   Focus on that   Stick...
‘Don’t believe yourself and don’t believe anybody else.’The Four Agreements:   Be impeccable with your word   Don’t take...
Inquiry: The Four Questions and Turnaround   Is it true ?   Can you absolutely know that it’s true ?   How do you react...
1.   The right to respect myself because of who I     am.2.   How to lead my life…pursuing goals,     dreams, etc.3.   Hav...
1.   TO HAVE POSITIVE, HEALTHY, SATISFYING     RELATIONSHIPS IN WHICH I AM SAFE AND     RESPECTED.2.   TO CHANGE AND DEVEL...
1.   DOESN’T JUST     HAPPEN.2.   DOES NOT     GUARANTEE YOU     HAPPINESS OR FAIR     TREATMENT.3.   WILL NOT SOLVE ALL  ...
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Assertiveness

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How to be assertive in life

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Assertiveness

  1. 1. •WHAT IS IT? •HOW CAN IT HELP ME?•WHAT DO I NEED TO DO?
  2. 2.  Assertiveness is the ability to communicate your needs, feelings, opinions, and beliefs in an open and honest manner without violating the rights of others
  3. 3. Passive Assertive Aggressive
  4. 4. 1. IS NOT THE SAME AS AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR.2. AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR ENHANCES SELF AT THE EXPENSE OF OTHERS.3. ASSERTIVENESS PRODUCES POSITIVE OUTCOMES FOR ALL; AGGRESSIVE ACTS RESULT IN NEGATIVE OUTCOMES.
  5. 5. Passive Assertive AggressiveStyle Not expressing needs Honest, open, direct Domineering, insisting Self-devaluing Recognises own rights Win / lose Waiting to be led Listens to others’ needs Not listeningNon- Small posture Upright, balanced pose Interruptingverbal Quiet, hesitant voice Firm, clear voice Loud Little eye contact Steady eye contact Staring, pointingbehaviourLanguage Sorry to bother you … I believe/need/I’d like That won’t work I can’t seem to … No (when appropriate) You can’t be serious It’s only my opinion Open questions Your problem / fault
  6. 6. I’m OKYou’re not OK You’re OK I’m not OK
  7. 7. I’m OK AGGRESSIVE ASSERTIVEYou’re not OK You’re OK PASSIVE / PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE I’m not OK
  8. 8. 1. HELPS YOU BECOME SELF-CONFIDENT2. INCREASES SELF- ESTEEM3. GAIN RESPECT OF OTHERS4. IMPROVE COMMUNICATION SKILLS5. IMPROVE DECISION- MAKING ABILITY
  9. 9. Assertiveness and self-confidence methods3. Know your facts and have them to hand.4. Anticipate other peoples behaviour and prepare your responses.5. Prepare and use good open questions.6. Re-condition and practice your own new reactions to aggression - display positive writings where you will read them often - its a proven successful technique. www.businessballs.com
  10. 10. Barriers (FEAR) “I won’t be able to handle it.” Others’ decisions Others’ attitudes Patterns: -  not wanting to upset -  not wanting to put out -  acquiescing Lack of self-belief Lack of clear intentions 
  11. 11. 1. BE HONEST AND DIRECT ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS, NEEDS, BELIEFS.2. EXPRESS YOURSELF FIRMLY AND DIRECTLY TO SPECIFIC INDIVIDUALS.3. BE REASONABLE IN YOUR REQUESTS
  12. 12. 1. STATE YOUR VIEWPOINT WITHOUT BEING HESITANT OR APOLOGETIC.2. BE HONEST WHEN GIVING OR RECEIVING FEEDBACK.3. LEARN TO SAY “NO” TO UNREASONABLE EXPECTATIONS.4. PARAPHRASE WHAT OTHERS HAVE STATED TO YOU.
  13. 13. 1. REGOGNIZE AND RESPECT THE RIGHTS OF THOSE AROUND YOU.2. USE APPROPRIATE TONE OF VOICE.3. BE AWARE OF BODY POSTURE/LANGUAGE4. MAINTAIN EYE CONTACT.5. USE “I” STATEMENTS TO EXPRESS SELF
  14. 14. 1. DON’T LET OTHERS IMPOSE THEIR VALUES/IDEAS ON YOU2. ENCOURAGE OTHERS TO BE CLEAR AND DIRECT3. TAKE OWNERSHIP
  15. 15. 1. Prepare and use good open questions. Questions that bullies dislike most are deep, constructive, incisive and probing, especially if the question exposes a lack of thought, preparation, consideration, consultation on their part. For example:• What is your evidence for what you’ve said ?• Who have you consulted about this?• How did you go about looking for other solutions?• How have you measured the problem ?• How will you measure the true effectiveness of your solution if you implement it? www.businessballs.com
  16. 16. Potential scripts:  ”When you ………  I feel ………   because ………   and I would like / need ……….”
  17. 17. Actions (LOVE) Only you can know what’s important for you. (So the same’s true for others) Focus on that Stick to that Show / demonstrate the positive …. …. imagine getting positive back Value yourself …. and continue to
  18. 18. ‘Don’t believe yourself and don’t believe anybody else.’The Four Agreements: Be impeccable with your word Don’t take anything personally Don’t make assumptions Always do your best Ruiz, M. (2004) The Voice of Knowledge
  19. 19. Inquiry: The Four Questions and Turnaround Is it true ? Can you absolutely know that it’s true ? How do you react when you think that thought ? Who would you be without that thought ? Turn it around Mitchell, B.K. (2002) Loving What Is
  20. 20. 1. The right to respect myself because of who I am.2. How to lead my life…pursuing goals, dreams, etc.3. Have my own values, beliefs, etc.4. To tell others how I wish to be treated.5. To change my mind and make mistakes without being ridiculed.
  21. 21. 1. TO HAVE POSITIVE, HEALTHY, SATISFYING RELATIONSHIPS IN WHICH I AM SAFE AND RESPECTED.2. TO CHANGE AND DEVELOP MY LIFE HOW I DETERMINE.3. TO BE HAPPY AND AT PEACE.
  22. 22. 1. DOESN’T JUST HAPPEN.2. DOES NOT GUARANTEE YOU HAPPINESS OR FAIR TREATMENT.3. WILL NOT SOLVE ALL YOUR PROBLEMS4. DOES NOT GUARANTEEE YOU WILL GET WHAT YOU WANT.

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