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effective
ways to really
annoy your
customers
TOP
10
Here are ten tried and tested
communication techniques to
really annoy your customers…
We would like to take this
opportunity to offer our
sincere apology for any
inconvenience caused by the
actions of our dri...
We have been trying to
contact you by telephone to
let you know that your
energy direct debit was
returned by your bank.
W...
I have conducted your
Direct Debit review based
on your last statement and
the following option are
available to yourself:...
Until sufficient proof of
the No Claims Discount has
been received and processed
the policy may not be fully
validated whi...
In line with changes in
consumer tastes, we have
long been committed to
reducing added salt in
recipes to meet voluntary
t...
I have added a 5 day
extension for you. Your
proof is now urgently
required by 00/00/2014. If
the document is not
received...
“Thank you for contacting
us with regard to Acme
Sauce.
This very minor change to
our famous recipe was made
in November l...
We confirm that your
premium (or the balance of
your premium if you have
paid a deposit) has been
applied retrospectively ...
Please note, for security
purposes, we will not be
able to discuss this
entitlement with you until
these documents have be...
If you are, or act on behalf
of, the above, it is
important that you make
contact with us in writing
within 28 days of the...
Fix it
1. Audit your customer comms.
2. Score them objectively.
3. Find a customer-friendly tone of
voice.
4. Help your st...
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Top ten ways to really annoy your customers

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From working with clients on improving the way they communicate with customers we've put together this list of the top 10 reasons customers get annoyed - and how to fix it.

Your advertising persuades customers through the door - but how do you make sure they stay?

Statements, bills, replies to complaints, social media posts, contracts, Ts & Cs, legal material, welcome packs, reminders, instructions, forms, support and admin e-mails, demands, reminders, policies, renewals, fund reports... it’s the content of comms like these that make or break your customer relationships.

You’ll be sending hundreds of these “hidden communications” every day - and they often end up having a negative impact on your customers, their loyalty and your bottom line.

We transform them into material that enhances your customers’ experience, simplifies and deepens their relationship with you and keeps them loyal.

Published in: Business
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Top ten ways to really annoy your customers

  1. 1. effective ways to really annoy your customers TOP 10
  2. 2. Here are ten tried and tested communication techniques to really annoy your customers…
  3. 3. We would like to take this opportunity to offer our sincere apology for any inconvenience caused by the actions of our driver… Be insincere “1It’s always good to use clichés to maximise insincerity. Top Tips!
  4. 4. We have been trying to contact you by telephone to let you know that your energy direct debit was returned by your bank. We need to remind you that the fixed price tariff requires all payments to be made by direct debit, so it's important for us to re-establish this payment method without delay to avoid penalties on your account. Sound like their mum “ 2
  5. 5. I have conducted your Direct Debit review based on your last statement and the following option are available to yourself: Leave the debit balance of £459.23 on your account and an increase in your monthly Direct Debit to £230.08. We will require, however, that you make one off payments anytime you can so the debit balance can be paid off as soon as possible… Yap, yap, yap “ 3Why think about writing a short email when you can write a long one? Top Tips!
  6. 6. Until sufficient proof of the No Claims Discount has been received and processed the policy may not be fully validated which may affect any future claims on the policy. The Passive Pass “ 4The ‘passive voice’ makes it sound like something just happened without anyone being involved. Great for blame-dodging and hiding unpleasant things. Top Tips!
  7. 7. In line with changes in consumer tastes, we have long been committed to reducing added salt in recipes to meet voluntary targets with support from consumer health campaigners and other stakeholders. Use lots of Corpspeak “ 5Why sound like a human being when you can sound like a corporate spokesbot? Top Tips!
  8. 8. I have added a 5 day extension for you. Your proof is now urgently required by 00/00/2014. If the document is not received your discount will be reduced or your policy will be cancelled. 
 
 Until this issue is fully resolved your policy may not fully validated which may affect any future claims. 
 In addition to any premium quoted we reserve the right to charge an administration fee… Bury the bad news “ 6Put the bad news at the bottom. Top Tips!
  9. 9. “Thank you for contacting us with regard to Acme Sauce. This very minor change to our famous recipe was made in November last year, and rigorous consumer tests confirmed there was no significant difference in flavour between the old and new recipes. Acme Sauce still tastes great!” Ignore the question “ 7Don’t answer the question the customer asked - it only encourages them. Top Tips!
  10. 10. We confirm that your premium (or the balance of your premium if you have paid a deposit) has been applied retrospectively to your Budget Account, and as a result your payments will be £51.91 per month over 11 months unless varied. Don’t make it easy “ 8
  11. 11. Please note, for security purposes, we will not be able to discuss this entitlement with you until these documents have been processed and we have validated your identity against our records. 9. Sound inflexible “ 9
  12. 12. If you are, or act on behalf of, the above, it is important that you make contact with us in writing within 28 days of the date of this letter providing two (2) proof of identity documents, one from each of the lists quoted on the attached Confirmation of Identity form Sound like Robocop “ 10
  13. 13. Fix it 1. Audit your customer comms. 2. Score them objectively. 3. Find a customer-friendly tone of voice. 4. Help your staff sound human

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