Fractured FairytalesCharacters:Damsel in distress:- Mummy bearVillain:- GoldilocksHero:- Troll from billy goats gruff.Story:Have you ever been locked in a small confined space before, 20 storieshigh? Not a closet or trunk type of small, but a small meaning a damp,dark, with mushrooms growing in the corner kind of room? If you have,reader, you will know exactly how I feel, if you haven’t, settle down andlisten to my story.“Great Prince, I thank you from the deepest of my heart! From this day on,I hope we will never leave each other’s side. Our hearts will be lockedtogether until that of the day we die,”No no, I can’t say that to him, that’s WAY too corny. Ugh, I’ve read far toomany romance novels.In case you haven’t worked it out yet, that’s me. I’m trying to work outwhat to say when my saviour, I’m hoping like mad it will be a prince,comes to my rescue. This must all sound quite confusing to you, so I’llstart from the very beginning.I was a happy bear. I had a lovely house and a beautiful garden. I had ahusband, named Alfred, a cub and the best recipe for porridge ever madefor bear kind.But, five years after the birth of my dear cub Frankie, everything wentdownhill.One early morning, and I mean EARLY, I went for a run as I needed totrain for the upcoming Iron Bear. I asked my dear husband if he wouldmind getting Frankie ready for school as well as cooking some porridge,timed for my arrival.
Have you ever smelt trouble, I mean, literally smelt it? Like smoke kind oftrouble? As I rounded the corner of our bending driveway after my runaround town, I noticed that our beautiful white, pristine house (apart fromFrankie’s room) was the colour of soot. It was up in flames, actually onFIRE. I couldn’t believe it, I trusted my husband to do something as simpleas getting our child ready for school and to make breakfast and he goesand burns the house down.By now I was angry, fuming in fact. So angry, I didn’t know what to dowith myself. In my frustrated and extremely depressed state, I turnedaround and stormed off. I could only think of running, so that is exactlywhat I did. In fact, anyone passing by would have thought I wasSERIOUSLY emotionally challenged. But, if you look on the bright side, atleast I was doing some training for the Iron Bear Tryathlon.2 months later...By now I had been staying with my dear Mother in Porridge Ville for twomonths. Alfred and I had confirmed a divorce and Frankie decided that hewanted to live with Alfred instead of me. Grrr. Alfred then remarried toGoldilocks Miller (boy that made me angry) and everyone lived happily everafter. Well not exactly. Everyone except ME.Anyway, one day I was doing the grocery shopping for mother and I. Ibought some lovely bright red apples that were being sold by Goldilocks.Not wanting to be rude, I congratulated her on her marriage to Alfred andwished them the best for their future together. Under my duress, I boughta couple of the apples just to please her. I bit into one, regardless of thefact that Goldilock’s eyes were twinkling menacingly.I woke up in a small room. It was rather plain with a door on one wall, justa little bed in the corner, a desk in the other, withered flowers on thewindow ledge and a bucket to replace a toilet. The one thing I noticed themost as I tried to get up from the ground, was that my claws wereexceptionally long, so long, I couldn’t see the end of them, because they
were trailing out the window. I wonder what happened to my weeklymanicure appointments?Once I finally got my feet underneath myself, I positioned my toes so mylong claws were stretched out across the room.I heard a sudden knock on the door, keys turning in a rusty lock and an oldwoman, slightly crippled appeared in front of me. I recognised her at once,yes, she was Goldilocks, but how did she manage to get so old all of asudden?“Ahh, hello dearie, I see you have awoken. 50 years you have been asleep.Oh my, look at those talons of yours, probably long enough to reach atleast 20 stories down! Now, let me have your 1st prize porridge recipe oryou’ll never get out of this tower!” Goldilocks cackled, my ears piercing.20 stories down! WHAT? I shuffled over to the window with my long nailsand looked down. Sure enough, I was high in the air, just like Rapunzel inthe fairytale. Except with long claws, not hair. And the reason I was here inthe first place was because Goldilocks wanted my porridge recipe. What Icouldn’t understand was why she didn’t make me go to sleep for only 25years, why 50? I mean, by now I’d be at least 70! What a waste of life! Icouldn’t help wondering if I had yet got wrinkles. Pity their wasn’t a mirrorhandy.So there you go. Now you know how and why I got locked up in thisdreaded place, how I divorced my husband over a porridge disaster andleft my only child. If you were me, let me tell you that you would feel thesame way. But the thing is, you’re not me, you’re not a depressed old bearand you’re not a complete wreck. Most of all ,your life isn’t drawing to abitter end. Oh and sorry about the last bit, it’s just I needed it to sound a littledramatic.So, now I’m here, just sitting at the little desk counting all the mushroomsgrowing from the corners of the room, trying to think of something to sayto my prince when he comes to rescue me that isn’t corny. I feel a suddentug from the end of my nails which made me crane my neck to see if Icould see through the window. Could it be? Could it be my prince? There, I
could just make out the shape of a figure trying to climb up my nails, whichmade me wince in pain. As the shape got closer, I started to see the formmore clearly. I could see a mass of hair on the head, long leg musclesworking hard to scale up the wall, and the rather dirty shirt, ( probablyfrom sweat, ew), drenching the man’s arms and forehead. Perfect, helooked muscly and victorious. Just my type.At last, my prince had come to save me from this dreadful place. I thenremembered the speech I had made up just before. It was the only thing Ihad thought of, corny or not, that’s all I had to say. I ran it through in mymind and then I tried my hardest to pose myself on the bed, finding it hardas my nails were getting pulled out the window. I raked my hands throughmy straggly of hair (remember it hadn’t been cut for at least 50 years) andtried to look even just the slightest bit presentable.I heard my prince use his last effort to heave himself into the room, thatwas my cue to start the speech... ‘Great Prince, I thank you from thedeepest of my heart! From this day on, I hope... AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!’I had hoped that this moment in the tower would be the best day of life,but it turned out to be the worst.What I hadn’t realised as I was peering out the window was that the princewas not my idea of a prince. He was uglier than Alfred even, and that’ssaying something! Instead of gorgeous locks of blonde, silky hair, theywere more like chunks of oily, dirty hay. His legs were not muscular but infact flabby, and the worst of all was his ghastly smell. He smelt like someone had put rotten fish heads, huge piles of horse dung and bad case ofB.O into a big pot of rubbish and boiled it up. It even smelt worse thanchanging Freddie’s nappies when he was little. Yech.The troll leapt across the room and planted a great big, smelly, wet kiss onmy cheek. He picked me up and swirled me around the room happily. Icouldn’t help but laugh, my misfortune or not. Even though this troll(looking suspiciously like the one from under the bridge in the billy goatsgruff) was not what I had hoped, he was the one for me, I could feel it inmy claws. I loved him, despite his smell.
During the next week we escaped the tower, bought my true love (He’scalled Bobby) new clothes, purchased some pimple cream for his face, Itold him how to shower and he clipped my nails. We purchased a lovelyhouse with a lovely garden. Freddie moved in with Bobby and I and we alllived happily ever after. Except for Goldilocks, we locked her in the tower soshe could have a taste of her own medicine. So I’ll change the last bit.SOME of us lived happily ever after! Oh and in case you were wondering, Ifinished presenting my corny speech to Bobby and he liked it very much.The EndBy Rosie and Ella.