Changes in thought about bullying over the years History and goals of Stopbully.com and NSTAAB The suicide epidemic Skill based solutions vs. emotional solutions Not Tell. Show and Tell 5 Signs, 5 Tools
Changing the language changes the perspective. If a problem is defined incorrectly we will be forever creating solutions that are ineffective. Currently we are creating a culture of labeling, bullies and victims. This method absolves the bystander of responsibility and it encourages children to develop personalities around the labels they are given.There is no difference in the skills needed by all children/students. All people need to develop the same skill set of communication skills, thinking skills and problem solving skills in order to bring out positive behaviors.The problem:We are living in a culture that engages in negativity and power struggles. We haven’t had the opportunity to learn strong balanced thinking, confidence, and communication skills that keep us from using bully actions and victim responses.
When I do a presentation, I ask the group “Who in here is a bully?” Usually no one answers. And then I ask the other questions that are listed, or add more, until everyone has raised their hands. This is used to show that ALL of us use a bully action sometimes. – all of us also use a victim response sometimes. Everyone needs to look at their own actions, and stand up for others, in order to solve this problem.
Awareness of our own actions will allow us not to use bully actions and victim responses…we can break patterns of behavior that have been created. Being a strong bystander takes practice, and I suggest role playing with friends so that we are ready. Even adults, confronted by aggressive behavior, don’t know what to do. Picture an adult seeing domestic violence on a street…how many stop, how many do something? Not many, because we don’t have the practice or the confidence. This dateline program shows really well how we can get carried away AND how bystander behavior affects bully actions. http://insidedateline.nbcnews.com/_news/2011/02/28/6155462-march-6-2011-my-kid-would-never-bully?lite
Handouts – TIPS page aBeanstalk ad Tables of contents
10 things youth coaches can do
Dr. Ron Graham
(to give kids a positive experience)
Shred the label, save a child
Because we will all lose at some point
Because I said “ACCEPT,” not “ASSUME”
And that means no blame, no finger-pointing
Spread the Experience!
Of COURSE you want to favor the experienced
and the talented
But even THEY have made mistakes on the
And others need to have that chance too
Protect the kids!
From both physical and emotional injury
Make them glad to play, win or lose
Avoid any injury that can be avoided
Sell the game!
Give reasons for the kids to play, and for the
fans to show up...
Even when it's not going well...
And even when there's other stuff going on
Maintain your own enthusiasm
Respect the game!
Submit to the authority of the officials
Don't let the kids hear you complaining
Don't get into disturbances with fans
Be an example!
For the kids, for the parents, for the league
No cursing, no smoking, no alcohol, no
ranting, no bringing personal problems to the
And NO venting on players in public!
Teach the care of the sport!
Remind the kids to keep their uniforms clean
and their equipment in repair
Let them know what others do to make the
field or the venue ready for them to play
Teach them how to treat visiting fans,
cheerleaders, custodians and the media
Teach and practice unity!
Never single out players to criticize
Always praise more than one at a time
Remind them that they're responsible to one
another, both on and off the field
Remember, they're watching!
Be gracious, in victory and defeat
Smile, offer firm handshakes and eye contact
Be someone others want to imitate!
Have a good time!
It IS fun, right?
What you do with the kids today will be a
memory that could last a lifetime!
...and we can help!
No Such Thing as a Bully
has a sports component!
Join us now and take advantage
and even contribute to it!