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The Agile Qtopia by Rahul Verma

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Agile is not what you see in the books or talks on Agile. This presentation is a critical analysis of the real Agile in India – the Agile in the wild.

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The Agile Qtopia by Rahul Verma

  1. 1. TMRahul Verma A Fellow agile Software Tester. (The lower case ‘a’ is intentional) www.RahulVerma.net Do People Cry in Heaven? The Agile ***topia
  2. 2. Before This Happens… © 2017 - Rahul Verma www.RahulVerma.net
  3. 3. Thank You. © 2017 - Rahul Verma www.RahulVerma.net
  4. 4. DISCLAIMER Agile is perfect. God created Agile in His own image. Rahul Verma is a big fan of Agile. Something bites him every time he gets on stage. Some random unimportant insect named TRUTH. Blame Truth. Forgive Rahul. For Rahul doesn’t know what he’s speaking today. © 2017 - Rahul Verma www.RahulVerma.net Industry Wisdom: People don’t read Disclaimers and EULAs.
  5. 5. DISCLAIMER 2 If you have got Agile right, this presentation is not for you. You are Gods. Agile is truly meant for Gods and perfectionists. © 2017 - Rahul Verma www.RahulVerma.net Industry Wisdom: Ironies are like jokes. Can’t be explained.
  6. 6. Dedicated To George Orwell Who Wrote Animal Farm And Got Away With It. © 2017 - Rahul Verma www.RahulVerma.net Industry Wisdom: Just because somebody got away with it, doesn’t mean you would.
  7. 7. In Loving Memory of My Childhood When I had the honesty To Call a Fart a Fart. And It was not considered a Revolutionary thought. © 2017 - Rahul Verma www.RahulVerma.net
  8. 8. You Silence About What wrongs Agile is doing to you. Is more dangerous Than the Noises about Agile. © 2017 - Rahul Verma www.RahulVerma.net Industry Wisdom:
  9. 9. © 2017 - Rahul Verma www.RahulVerma.net Half Full? Half Empty? The Eternal Cliché
  10. 10. © 2017 - Rahul Verma www.RahulVerma.net I Am Here For The Half Empty Story Industry Wisdom: “You will do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm.”, Colette said. But wait… would people forgive foolishness just because of the enthusiasm? Not a chance!
  11. 11. Agile is often projected In its Utopian view. The perfect place to be. The heaven. Then why is it that you still cry? Do people cry in heaven? © 2017 - Rahul Verma www.RahulVerma.net
  12. 12. Wait… Did I say heaven? That reminds me about a Joke on Hell. © 2017 - Rahul Verma www.RahulVerma.net
  13. 13. A Hell of a Story © 2017 - Rahul Verma www.RahulVerma.net
  14. 14. Hell has always been so unpopular. Reason is obvious. Who would like to imagine his/her soul in an eternal deep frying pan? © 2017 - Rahul Verma www.RahulVerma.net
  15. 15. While standing in the queue for Heaven and Hell People used to run away the Moment they heard They are going to hell. It was becoming a problem. © 2017 - Rahul Verma www.RahulVerma.net
  16. 16. So, the Hell guys called for a Scrum Meeting with Sales and Marketing guys in Hell And took their advice. © 2017 - Rahul Verma www.RahulVerma.net Industry Wisdom: They were lucky to find some Sales & Marketing people in Hell. Because of their extreme level of ethics and morality, they are usually found in Heaven.
  17. 17. © 2016 - Rahul Verma www.RahulVerma.net A Scrum in Hell
  18. 18. They concluded This is what Heaven meant to People: • Beautiful looking girls*. • Lavish clothes. • Great Food. * They realized it’s mostly men who go to hell, as women had their fair share of hell on earth. © 2017 - Rahul Verma www.RahulVerma.net
  19. 19. They signed contracts with the best of *ollyWood heroines from heaven Who would dress in their best with food and wine at the gate of the Hell and woo people. © 2017 - Rahul Verma www.RahulVerma.net
  20. 20. Those who were chosen for heaven Looked at these good looking girls And Chose Hell over Heaven. © 2017 - Rahul Verma www.RahulVerma.net
  21. 21. Once they entered the Hell, They would slip directly into a frying pan. “What! This is not what was promised at the entrance”, they would ask. “No. You imagined the promise. You never asked what’s inside.” © 2017 - Rahul Verma www.RahulVerma.net
  22. 22. “Do you want 1 day frying relaxed?” “Yes!!!” “Here’s your suit and make-up kit. Stand on the entrance once a week and advertise hell.” “But that would be wrong.” “For whom? You are already in Hell.” © 2017 - Rahul Verma www.RahulVerma.net
  23. 23. Back to the Real World © 2017 - Rahul Verma www.RahulVerma.net
  24. 24. Now, ofcourse you are not Thinking I’m comparing Hell With Agile. Are you? © 2017 - Rahul Verma www.RahulVerma.net Industry Wisdom: “You might very well think that; I couldn't possibly comment.” .
  25. 25. However, when I see that People boast about being Agile in public And almost always cry about it in private I begin to re-think. Do People Cry in Heaven? © 2017 - Rahul Verma www.RahulVerma.net
  26. 26. Let’s Look At Agile As Promised Vs Agile in the Wild © 2017 - Rahul Verma www.RahulVerma.net
  27. 27. Promised vs In the Wild Individuals and interactions Over processes and tools Assumptions You get the Avengers Team © 2017 - Rahul Verma www.RahulVerma.net Reality: You get the usual team. Interactions + Processes + Tools All Too Many
  28. 28. Promised vs In the Wild Working software over comprehensive documentation Assumptions A Team of Mind Readers or Photogenic Memory © 2017 - Rahul Verma www.RahulVerma.net Reality: We are poor mortals. Software as buggy as has been. One of the reasons is zero to little documentation.
  29. 29. Promised vs In the Wild Customer collaboration over Contract Negotiation Assumptions Customers want to pay what is deserved. Vendors want to earn what is deserved. Reality: Customers quote Agile and want FIXED bid contracts That can accommodate change Without providing documentation. Vendors are vendors. © 2017 - Rahul Verma www.RahulVerma.net
  30. 30. Promised vs In the Wild Responding to change over following a plan Assumptions There is a Plan. (I don’t know what they assumed about change) Reality: Mood Based Development. Everything is in the plan. Nothing is in the plan. © 2017 - Rahul Verma www.RahulVerma.net
  31. 31. Some More “Small” Realities Overlooked • Cavemen run our education system. • No fresher wants to be a tester. • Developers don’t want to test. • Degree of independence • Generalization vs Specialization • Everybody’s responsbility is nobody’s responsbility. • The value system of Agile needs a cultural and skill change. It’s not a process problem. © 2017 - Rahul Verma www.RahulVerma.net
  32. 32. Results • Unhappiness • Overworked employees. Now you run a marathon but you are sprinting. Where’s common sense? • Software as buggy as it has been • Profiles full of jargons, more than ever • Over-paid Agile Consultants who teach processes. “Skinny Agile! Skinny Agile! The Leanest of All Agiles! Anybody?” • A jack-of-all trades population • A false sense of being fast and furious © 2017 - Rahul Verma www.RahulVerma.net
  33. 33. Agile’s goodness is quoted based on its value system. (Which IS valuable IMO) But in an implemented form, Agile faces the harsh realities which Agilists promptly blame on anything but Agile. !!!Irony Alert!!! © 2017 - Rahul Verma www.RahulVerma.net
  34. 34. When you enter a room and Smell a fart. Whatever people call it, It’s still a fart. © 2017 - Rahul Verma www.RahulVerma.net
  35. 35. Question. © 2017 - Rahul Verma www.RahulVerma.net Who Would Bell the Cat?
  36. 36. He who fights BAD processes Must take care Lest he creates a process WORSE than what he was fighting. - Fredrich Nietzsche When Did He Say This? Wasn’t it about killing monsters?. Thank You! © 2017 - Rahul Verma www.RahulVerma.net
  37. 37. © 2016 - Rahul Verma www.RahulVerma.net Picture Credits https://www.tufing.com/img-inline-share/childhood-memories-366494.jpg https://s3.amazonaws.com/lowres.cartoonstock.com/politics-march-rally-rallys-protests-protest_marches-pha0282_low.jpg https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_Orwell#/media/File:George_Orwell_press_photo.jpg http://youthopia.in/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/Animal-Farm-A-landmark-in-political-literature.jpg http://www.headlinepolitics.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/Hell.jpg http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_2YAWR0ytbQo/TBw5b6fiaOI/AAAAAAAAGIc/rkXzZ9tEqR4/s1600/Running_Away.gif https://brooksar.wordpress.com/2012/09/14/blog-post-1-skeleton-dance-walt-disney-1920s/ http://clipart-library.com/images/6cyXKMqdi.png https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/c/c6/Conseil_Tenu_par_les_Rats.jpg http://www.funnyjunk.com/funny_pictures/69045/Fart/ http://static.oprah.com/images/o2/201208-omag-quiz-half-empty-glass-949x534.jpg http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-8yjq-6R3puo/VYBCoUQyT3I/AAAAAAAAC74/1d3UM8RMao0/s1600/600px- No_Political_Correctness.svg.png I’ve tried to keep a track of all images used. Please let me know if your link reference is not there, so that I can include the same.

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