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TIMD Philosophy 8

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TIMD Philosophy 8

  1. 1. Building Healthy Marriages © 2002 International Educational Foundation IEF is responsible for the content of this presentation only if it has not been altered from the original. © IEF 1
  2. 2. Build Own Character Strength A partnership is only as strong as its partners  Strengthen conscience through study and service  Cultivate good goals, interests and friendships © IEF 2
  3. 3. Focus on Own Deficiencies, Not Spouse’s Practice self-discipline © IEF 3
  4. 4. Commitment — Context for Love to Grow  Creates safety for intimacy  Allows time to discover spouse  Never ending process © IEF 4
  5. 5. Commitment = Investment in the Marriage Close “escape hatches”  Workaholism  Preoccupation with child  Excessive television  Extramarital affair Divorce not an option © IEF 5
  6. 6. Fidelity  Embodies commitment  Maintains honesty  Eases fears that block intimacy © IEF 6
  7. 7. Love — Built on Trust Trust is built on virtue  Fidelity  Commitment © IEF 7
  8. 8. “A marriage that commands loyalty…requires each partner to relinquish selfcenteredness.” Judith S. Wallerstein, The Good Marriage © IEF 8
  9. 9. True Love Is OtherCentered True Love © IEF 9
  10. 10. Love Requires Investment Investment & Involvement Bonding Power Sustains & revives affection © IEF 10
  11. 11. Deposits  Service  Kind gestures  Praise and appreciation © IEF 11
  12. 12. Invest in the Marital “Bank Account” Become friends  Build companionship  Have fun together 5 deposits for 1 withdrawal © IEF 12
  13. 13. Withdrawals 1. Criticism 2. Personal attacks 3. Defensiveness 4. Putting up © IEF 13
  14. 14. Develop Listening Skills 1. State 2. Reflect 3. Affirm & clarify © IEF 14
  15. 15. Listening from Spouse’s Perspective — Effective  With empathy  To understand © IEF 15
  16. 16. Common Areas of Marital Tension     Sex In-Laws Finances Children © IEF 16
  17. 17. Dealing with Anger  Never use physical violence  Allow time for cooling down  Get to the root emotions — Hurt & fear © IEF 17
  18. 18. Marital Phases Conflict Romance © IEF 18
  19. 19. Choices During Conflict Separati on Resignati on Renewed Commitment © IEF 19
  20. 20. Marital Phases Creativity Conflict Romance & Service Recommitment & Cooperation © IEF 20
  21. 21. Public Service Strengthens Marriage  Spouses support each other in service  Balance public and family time © IEF 21
  22. 22. “Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking together in the same direction.” Antoine De Saint-Exupery © IEF 22
  23. 23. Happiest Marriages Interdependent Interdepende nt Not too dependent Too independent © IEF 23
  24. 24. Marriage Can Be Healing and Restorative Resolves psychological issues  Childhood scars  Family history © IEF 24
  25. 25. Marriage Can Be Transformative Maturing experience of adult life  Creative journey  Expands heart and awareness © IEF 25

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