Chapter 2 – The Lady and The Pirate Originally Published January 7, 2007Welcome back to the Buccaneer Legacy, founded by none other than the infamous Captain Jack ... Buccaneer ... himself.Id like to introduce myself. Im PurpleBunnySarah, or PurpleBunny, or just Sarah. As you can see, its hard work being the neighborhood deity. I thought it might besomewhat easier for Jack if he got to meet me. However, I was a bit unprepared for his visit when he showed up. After greeting him I quickly dashed off to getdressed.
Suitably attired, I made lunch for Jack, my husband, and myself and we all sat down to discuss with Jack just how the legacy was progressing."So, you have one baby already and another on the way, right?""Sure thing, love. In fact, I cant be staying long as I left Elise in a rather delicate state, savvy?""Right, shes in labour. But that can wait for a minute - she wont even miss you. Trust me."
"Anyway, whats the hardest part so far of being in this legacy?""Well, mate, its the fact that I have to be landlocked for the rest o me life, savvy? Captain Jack is meant to sail the high seas, not settle down to a life o domesticbliss."
"You dont find trying to date fifty women without your wifes knowledge on the difficult side as well?"
"Truth be told, Im not too keen on the cheating, love. I keeps the dates as short as possible so me wife and daughter wont find out. So far Ive been lucky.""What will you do if Elise should catch you cheating.""Your guess is as good as mine, love."
"Well Jack, thanks for stopping by and Im glad that I finally had a chance to meet you in person, as it were.""Not a problem, love. By the way, you are aware that you are blue, eh?""Its one of the perks of being a deity, Jack.""I see. Well, mate, me wifes having a baby at the moment so Id best be heading home, aye?""Ill send you right on your way - she wont have missed you in the slightest!"
This is where we left you. Elise had just gone into labour with her and Jacks second child.
At the sound of Elises swearing, Jack came running."Elise, love, maybe you shouldnt be using such foul language when Elisabeth might hear you, savvy?""Jacques, Elisabeth ees sleeping and zis baby ees coming now! And zis ees all your fault and I am going to kill you when zee baby ees born! Ow!"
Despite Elises threats, though, she did not in fact kill Jack when their second daughter was born. They named her Mary after Mary Read, one of the few knownfemale pirates in history.Mary Read was born to a sea captains widow in London. When her older, legitimate, brother died, Marys mother began dressing her as a boy. This continued intoMarys teen years when she found employment aboard a ship.Mary then joined the British military. She proved herself through battle, fell in love, and married a fellow sailor. They lived happily on land until Marys husband died,at which point she again disguised herself as a man and rejoined the military.Marys ship was captured by the notorious pirate "Calico" Jack Rackham and his companion, female pirate Anne Bonny. Mary, still disguised as a man, was recruitedto Rackhams crew and she and Anne Bonny became quite close, especially after Anne learned her secret. Rackham also found out and allowed Mary to remain onboard, even revealing her gender to the crew!
"...and very bad eggs...""Daddy, zat is not ze birtday song!" Elisabeth scolded. Her birthday was right after Marys birth."Sorry, sweets," Jack said, and launched into the appropriate birthday song this time."Zat ees better," Elisabeth said primly."When did you start talking with your mothers accent, sweets?" Jack asked warily."When I decided that I want to be a French lady when I grow up," Elisabeth replied, and blew out the candles.
"Oh, I am beautiful!""Yes indeed you are, sweets."
With both Elisabeth and Mary safely tucked in bed, and Elise still at work, Jack continued in his quest for fifty 1st dates."So what do you say, love? Five seconds in heaven sound good to you?"
Date #10: Ivy Copur"Is that it? A handshake and goodbye?""I was honest with you, love. Five seconds, I says, and I means it!"
The guests gone, Jack again proves that hes a good father for a dirty Pleasure sim. Hes always tucking his little girls in once theyre asleep.Everyone say it with me. "Awwww...."
Jack and Elise have as spicy a relationship as ever since Elise knows nothing of Jacks 50 dates want. And you cant get much spicier than red hands."Which ever of us loses has to clean Bootstraps cage, savvy?""Jacques, you are so funny sometimes. Eet ees your job to clean zee parrots cage. I told you zat when you brought it ome.""Eh, it was worth a try, love."
"Monsieur Bootstrap, you are such ze refined animal. A lady often as a pet birdie. I ope you live long enough to be my birdie when I am a proper lady."
"Ow can I learn to be zee proper lady when we ave zee cockroaches in zee ouse?!? Papa! Kill zem all!""In a moment, sweets. Your sister needs her daily bottle of special milk, savvy?"
"So heres the deal, doll. Your sister Elisabeth gets to be the fancy lady and you get to be a pirate just like me, savvy?""Goo!"
"Why Jacques cant just ire a repairman ees beyond me!"
Elise rolled up the want to enrol Elisabeth in private school so dutifully she called up the headmaster. Then she set to work cooking dinner since shes got four times asmany cooking points as Jack while the Captain gave the tour."So this is the lawn, mate. I used to live out here, savvy? But then I married me wife and she wanted a proper house, mate. And thats how it is around here, aye?"
Elisabeth took it upon herself to regale the headmaster, Korey Jitmakusol, with all the gory details of her little sisters birth. Fortunately, the headmaster wasnt scaredtoo badly and Elisabeth was rubber-stamped right into private school.
Looking for something, Jack?"Captain Jack."Captain Jack."I lost me keys, mate. Never play hide the keys with an eight year old and a parrot, savvy?"
With both Jack and Elise working during the day, they had to hire the nanny to watch Mary. Fortunately, the nanny was mostly harmless. She changed Marys diaper,fed her a bottle, and spent the rest of the day playing pinball.
Ahh, time. It passes so quickly. Before long it was Marys birthday. Come on everyone, sing along with Elise!"Appy birtday to you!Appy birtday to you!Appy birtday chere Marie!Appy birtday to you!"
"Arr!""I sink you ave been spending too much time wif your father, Marie.""Arr! Eggs!"
"Listen, sweets, I dont know much about doing homework and all since I never went to school meself, but I never knew that you could get school credit for drawingpictures of princesses on your math homework, savvy?""Eet ees decoration, Papa! For my essay about French istory! See zee nice guillotine I drew beside zee princess?"You have a very, very strange daughter, Jack."Tell me about it, mate."
"Mithter bunny head, were going to be pirateth! Grr! Arrrrr!""The sheep says, Baaaaaaa!""No do the pirate noitheth mithter bunny head!""The parrot says, Wind in the sails! Awk! Wind in the sails!""Thatth better, mithter bunny head."
"Dyou think you could give me some privacy while I use the necessary, mate?""Ill just turn my head.""Youre a very strange man, mate."
Once again on the quest for fifty first dates, Jack ventured back down the hill to the card shack. Unfortunately, he was intercepted by date #5 on his way in with hiscompanion."I dont think I deserved that."
Date # 11: Goopy GilsCarbo"Yo ho! yo ho! a pirates life for me!""Goopy, mate, did anyone ever tell you that youre a really bad singer?""Gee, Cheef Captin Jack, nobody ever said that to me before.""Ah. Well then, let me be the first, mate.""Gee, thanks Cheef Captin Jack!"
Date #12: Gordon Gothier"Listen, mate, now that weve gone out once will you please stop following me to the washroom?"
Assuming Elisabeth to be a lost cause in the piratical department, Jack spent most of his time indoctrinating Mary instead."Say it with me now, doll. Rum.""Wum!""Thats my girl.""But daddy, what ith rum?""Its pirate juice, doll.""I want thome rum, daddy!""Grown-up pirate juice!""Aww ratth."
Date #13: Andrea Hogan"You mean I got all dressed up and its over already?""Dates with the Captain are like a shot of the finest rum, love. One sip and its gone, savvy?""What a rip-off."
Date #14: Marylena Hamilton the Second"Can we hurry this up, Chief Captain Jack? Im kind of in the middle of a grocery run and my next stop is Gage Uglacys house. Im kind of in a hurry to get there!"
Date #15: Viola Harris"This is the most boring date Ive ever had, Chief Captain Jack.""What? It hasnt even started yet, love.""Exactly. If its this bad before it starts, its only going to get worse. Im out of here!"
Date #16: Cassidy Shahan"Can we just skip this one, love? I have a dentist appointment, savvy?""Okay, but I want a raincheck! You havent seen the last of me, Chief Captain Jack!"
Date #17: Carmen Patch"You smell like squashed roaches, love.""Why, thank you! Youre not so bad yourself, Chief Captain Jack!""That, ah, wasnt a compliment, savvy?"
Date #18: Jessica Ebadi"I thought I told you, mate, no coworkers!"That does still count as a date, though, Jack."Well, thats a relief mate. At least this wasnt a total waste of time."
"Daddy! I need a huuuuuuug!""What seems to be the problem then, doll?""Mommy thaid I have to be a lady when I grow up and I dont wanna! I wanna be a pirate like you daddy!""Thats me girl, aye."
Alas, poor Bootstrap. You will be missed, and replaced, and completely forgotten by the rest of the family.
"I do not know why my silly usband demanded we name you Mr Cottons Parrot but zat is your name for now.""*Rawk* Wind in the sails! Wind in the sails!"
"Hooray! I look just like a pirate!"For some reason, Mary stopped lisping."Mama said that lisping isnt something young ladies do, and I kept lisping because I dont want to be a young lady. But then daddy said that pirates dont lisp eitherbecause pirates are fierce not cute so I stopped."
Jack has mastered the talent of making a cake disappear in five seconds or less.5...4...
Date #19: Arcadia Bradshaw"About time, but I expect a refund... savvy?"
Date #20..."Thats it mate, you owe me that feather back."
Sadly, Jack had to stop dating for the day because Elise got a promotion and came home early."Just missed getting caught, mate. And that wouldnt have been pretty. Elise has quite the temper, aye?"
"Dont tell Jacques but Im drinking the last rum."
"Wanna be a pirate with me, Marsha?"Dun-dun-dunnnnnnn...
"Zee eadmaster is ere and we ave ardly a sing to eat in zee ole ouse! I am going to kill Jacques when I see im! E was supposed to buy groceries!"
"Marie, can I play ze game with you and your friend?""No! Pirates only."
"Allo Monsieur Eadmaster.""Hellew little gehl.""Let me give you a tour of our ome while Mama finishes making supper.""Thet would be lovehly."
"Zis ees zee yard. Please ignore zee crazy lady kicking over zee trash can."Editor’s Note: At some point this picture got corrupted. I assume it was Marylena Hamilton kicking over the trash can whilst Elisabeth attempted to show theHeadmaster around the house.
"Im serious, mate. You really need to deal with that nutter, aye?"
Jack had a little problem. He really had to potty, but he was being growled at by a strange dog.
Geez, Jack, youre not quite an elder YET!The next time I remodel your place, I think Ill build an extra bathroom.
"Mmm... smell that sweet, sweet aroma, mate."*Hurl*
Jack, the shower is behind you."Im not wearing my hat, savvy? The dreads, remember, mate?"Right.
"Your turkeh is quite delicious, Madame Buccaneer. I should be dee-lighted to offer Mareh a place at our fehne instehtution.""Oh, thank you Monsieur Eadmaster!"
"Mama, do I really have to be a lady instead of a pirate?""You can be whatever you want to be, Marie.""Can I drink lots of rum?""Only eef you go to college, cherie."
The little lady.Elisabeths room is decorated entirely in shades of pink and red.
The little pirate.Marys room, on the other hand, could best be described as an aquarium diorama.
"Eef you are pirates when you grow big, or ladies, either way you will be rich! You will always be happy eef you are rich."
"Does that mean that if were rich well have lots of friends, mama?""Everyone will want to be your friend eef you are rich, Marie."
"Elisabeth, ma petite cherie, ladies do not eat zere food wit zere fingers. Zhey use forks.""Oui, mama."
"Mama, why does that lady with the crystal ball visit daddy every day?"
"Marie, you are a very silly girl. Zhere ees no lady wit zee crystal ball on zis island."
Mary is definitely daddys girl."Daddy, when Im grown up can I be your first mate on your ship?""I lost me ship some time ago, doll. When me crew left me on this forsaken isle, savvy?""Oh... right. Well, Ill find it again for you!"
"Jacques! Get in here! Zis stupid piece de poisson salle de bain needs fixing and eet ees your job to fix eet!"*sigh* "Yes, dear."Can it be? Is Jack whipped?"I heard that, mate."Well?
"Marsha, I dont know why you need to call me every five minutes. Of course were best friends! But teacher is going to get mad if you keep using your cellphone tocall my house in class, especially since I sit next to you."
"Haha! Youre eet!""How come you get to pick all the games we get to play, Elisabeth?""Because eet ees my birtday, Chandler!""Oh. Well, your partys boring! I dont wanna play tag!""Too bad, Chandler. Eet ees my birtday so I get to pick zee games.""Blah."
And yet, despite his complaints, Chandler joins in anyway."She said shed beat me up if I didnt play!"
"Everyone, eet ees time for me to blow out zee candles! Come and sing to me!"
There were actual children at Elisabeths birthday party! Wow! That pretty well never happens when I play this game, but both Elisabeth and Mary had one friendeach so Chandler and Marsha came over to help celebrate. Marylena Hamilton happened to be walking past on another newspaper-stealing or trashcan-kickingexpedition and also stopped to join in the birthday celebration.Jack was sleeping."When youre sneaking around all night with the matchmaker trying to have dates, see if you have any energy during the day, mate."Ah, so thats what you were doing. Any interesting dates?"Just that wretched Cassidy Shahan. Again. I think the Gypsy Matchmaker is mocking me, mate."
"I am beautiful!"Yes, Elisabeth grows up very pretty despite inheriting some of her fathers odder facial genetics. She rolled Fortune and as a LTW to be a hall-of-famer. So veryladylike, yes?"I will be in zee hall of fame for croquet!"Sure you will.
Elisabeth was very happy with her birthday present, a fancy vanity table with mirror. Her mother also found her a fashionable dress straight from the boutiques ofParis.
"Now, Elisabeth, you must really improve your manners eef you want zee noblemen in France to take you seriously.""I am all ears, mama.""Zat means no eating wit your fingers, Elisabeth. And your air must always be properly coiffed. I like zat airstyle you ave now, by the way.""Thank you, mama.""In a few years your papa and I will send you to ze Acadamie le Tour in Marseilles. Zat is where my frere went to university. I ear zey ave a womens studies program suitable for ayoung girl such as yourself.""Do zey have an athletics program, mama?""Ahh... I do not know, Elisabeth. Why do you ask?""No reason, mama."
"Sails to starboard, Captain Jack! There be booty ripe for the picking! Should we pull up alongside the scurvy dogs and board their ship and take the booty andeverything?""What are you doing in the bathtub, doll?""Playing pirates, daddy!""Thats my girl!"
"I do everysing around ere. Jacques, e just jumps on zee couch or swims in zee pool or blows zee bubbles all day and I do all zee work."Its a tough life, living in luxury on a tropical island, isnt it?
"Five clams, two turtleshells, and a bottle opener.""Deal."
Date #20: Calista Despret"Sorry about the speed dating, love, but you did a great job with the hedges! Id give you a tip, but me advisor says Im not allowed, savvy?"
Date #21: Sheila Lam"Ive had a lovely time, mate. Well have to do this again, savvy?""But I only just got here!""Well, times a-wasting and Im sure you have plenty of other things to do, love! So glad you could spare a moment, aye?"
"Come on, Commodore Bear, we have to get Mr Cottons Parrot and head out! Time and tide wait for no one!"By the way, Im loving the fact that I actually get to use the nautical stuff from Family Fun Stuff. I use the princess stuff all the time but this is my first time using thenautical stuff to any extent! Nothing like getting your moneys worth...
Ahh... family discusssions over breakfast. Jack is always conspicuously absent because he doesnt get home from work until after the girls leave for school."Make sure zat zee man you marry ees a good cook, and you will be appy for zee rest of your life.""Mama, are you trying to tell us something? We both know zat papa cannot cook.""I am just saying, girls. Zat ees all."
Elisabeth is making some progress in eating with her fork and not her fingers. Sadly, Mary appears to be regressing instead of progressing.
"Allo, Derek paper-boy! May I practice zee flirting wit you?""Uh, I guess."
"My, you are zee andsomest paper-boy on zee ole island, Derek!""Thank you, Chiefs-Daughter Elisabeth. But, uh, Im also the only paper-boy on the island. The others are girls...""No, zere ees also Alon. But e ees not as andsome as you are, Derek."Shame on you, Elisabeth. Taking advantage of that poor paperboy when you have no intention of dating him."e ees just a servant."Still.
Some things... never change."I found the rum, mate!"Thats great, Captain. Ahh... where did you find it?"In the couch, aye! Ahh...."Another evening spend lamenting.
Deciding that she needed someone more interesting to practice flirting with, Elisabeth headed down the hill to a local park. There, she soon spotted someone worth herattention - Randy London."Zat Randy, e is very andsome!"
A date quickly ensued. (Two lightning bolts! Scary!)"Randy, you wouldnt appen to be a French nobleman in disguise, would you?""Sorry, Miss Elisabeth. Im an islander, through and through.""Cest dommage..."
Ohhh.. so thats what Jack was doing! Its his birthday!"Happy birfday, Cheef Captin Jack!""Goopy, mate, youre a strange bloke, aye?"
And there Ill leave you, with this lovely picture of Jack growing old in his swim trunks.I should have another update pretty soon!--------------------------------------Custom content on my self-sim includes a skin by Enayla (Pixie Royal). I think the clothing is from All About Style but I could be mistaken.