43. “They have a greater
number of dollars exposed
to stock risk – exactly when
they’re at the age at which
they’re least able to recover
from a wipe-out.”
27 words = $54
44. “They have more dollars
exposed to stock risk –
exactly when they’re least
able to recover from a
wipe-out.”
18 words = $36
50. When you read the Sunday
paper look for coupons that you
can cut out.
The weekly store circular has
sales listed. It is near the door.
To see what’s on sale this
week, look at the store’s
website.
51. Buy the Sunday paper
Read the weekly store circular
Clip coupons
Purchase generic brands
Check the store’s website
Look for “double coupon” days
Stack manufacturer and store
coupons
52. To fill out the
application, it's
good to sit in a
quiet room.
53. Sit in a quiet room
when you fill out
the application.
54. Take care to close the
door as soon as you
are finished up
taking things in/out
of the refrigerator.
56. If you are unable to bring in
nature into your home due
to crowded living
conditions, the next best
thing you can do is to invest
in appliances that
efficiently use energy.
57. Can’t open the drapes?
Invest in energy-efficient
appliances.
77. I hope this talk
gets the active
voice to be used
by you.
78. I hope this talk
gets you to use
the active voice.
79. •“Rock thestage.”
•Josh Shipp
•“Sell your crap.”
• Adam Baker
•“Write epic shit.”
• Corbett Barr
80. • Start with a verb.
• Three words.
• Active voice.
• Present tense.
Editor's Notes
Grammar permeates everything
Stocks tumbled Monday. (when) Stocks tumbled dramatically. Stocks tumbled, in spite of the good economic news.
This is the skeleton of your sentence – always identify that subject-verb skeleton and then dress it up. Investors feel crushed, despite today’s stock rebound. Investors feel crushed, even though signs point to a bull market.
“it” is a pronoun, “cat’s litter box” – antecedent it modifies, why have the antecedent come after the pronoun?“that would be” – weak
(Deep breathe)
8 words, 8 words, 6 words. Sentence two is NOT subject-verb, but that’s because the clause “midway through” modifies “documentary,”
Father’s hair is combed. The phrase sectioned off by commas is a participial phrase, a verb form (streaked, receding) used as an adjective to modify a noun (hair).
Grammatically correct, but loses panache. We all intuitively know this – when we look at the difference between the two sentences, our gut tells us the first is better. But why? In part, these two sentences are weaker because the participial phrase is pulled further away from the noun it modifies. Look at the distance between “hair” and “streaked with grey” – 7 words in between. “It’s” has an unclear antecedent.
Better because now the descriptor is closer to what it modifies, collar.
“tight copy”
“tight copy”
Professional publications pay by the word – often as much as $2-$3 per word
Experience is the default assumption, so there’s no need to specify it.
If you’re inexperienced, that’s default assumption. That’s different, unique, remarkable – it’s able to be remarked upon. Go ahead and say you’re an “inexperienced” lawyer, just don’t tell me you’re “experienced.”
This makes is sort of a weak statement.This is a good example of why you shouldn’t write the way you speak. It’s insincere.
This IS a pain
Do you jointly believe it? Do you communally believe it? Of course not, even if you did jointly/communally believe it, you’d say “we” instead of “I.”
You’ve already said “about.” “Or so” is redundant.
Weakens the sentence, which takes away from the sincerity.
Subject-verb. I conclude.
12 words
4 words – cut the sentence by 66 percent
12 words
12 words
4 words – cut the sentence by 66 percent
Not always a matter of cutting words – sometimes you have to restructure a sentence
Save 14%!
If they need micromanagement, they’re not going to be good at writing personal essays or first-person narratives. Most likely you’ll have them writing instructions.
“Finished up” – as opposed to what? Finished down? Finished sideways? That word serves no purpose.“Take care to” – what does that mean?“Close the door” – not until end of the sentence that I know what door you’re referencing. – 13 words separate “door” from “fridge”
“Finished up” – as opposed to what? Finished down? Finished sideways? That word serves no purpose.“Take care to” – what does that mean?“Close the door” – not until end of the sentence that I know what door you’re referencing. – 13 words separate “door” from “fridge”
“bring in” – as opposed to what? Bring out? Look at how redundant that is – “bring IN nature INTO your home”
I’m not sure these two ideas go together, but that’s what he’s trying to say …
(buy and distribute) – keep the same parts of speech together. In this case, you keep two verbs together.
I
You don’t need adverbs, you need killer verbs.
Speaking of killer verbs – (this has nothing to do with adverbs anymore)No one (other than the people in this room) are excited about contributing money. It’s a weak verb.
When in doubt, go back to subject-verb
Passive is good if you’re a politician – “mistakes were made,” “taxes were raised,” “mistruths were spoken”
