Max: There is liCle I can to heal the heart or the spirit. I know nothing of
those. I am the worst person in the world when it comes to understanding the
Penelope: I just don’t believe that.
Max: I stand corrected.
Max: I am the SECOND worst person in the world when it comes to
understanding the emo?ons.
Max: But her physical health, her general consDtuDon—I may be of some
Max: I have been working with plant compounds for years.
Max: The plants thrive beEer when tended at night, so that is when I
Max: I created my own dis?lla?on apparatus. . . .
Max: . . . experimented with every possible combina?on of plant, added,
of course, to the tea I ﬁnally persuaded Grandpapa to send me from
Takemizu . .
Max: And experimented with dis?lla?on, concentra?on, and propor?on
un?l I was sa?sﬁed.
The result is a speciﬁc that soothes and strengthens the ?ssues. It will not
heal a broken heart or soothe the wounded spirit, but it can delay the
bodily breakdown. It gives the pa?ent a ﬁgh?ng chance. That is all.
Penelope: It does sound exactly like what Elaine needs, but . . .
Penelope: Are you sure it’s safe? Has it been tested?
Max: It was the only way I could assure myself that it was harmless.
There was no one to do it but me. And in any case, I am not valuable.
Max: The formula as it stands is gentle and enDrely harmless. I would
not hesitate to prescribe it to my own mother.
Elaine’s friend is correct. She must take ﬂuids, or she will become
dangerously dehydrated. You should also persuade her to sleep and to
eat something, if possible.
Max: Persuade, not coerce. That will do more harm than good. Allow
her to eat what she likes. If all she wishes to eat is ice cream, encourage
her to eat ice cream. A diet of ice cream for a day or two will not hurt
Penelope: Ice cream, hmm? Well, we certainly have a lot of it. Is there
anything else we should do?
Touristy lady: So do you prefer hunDng or ﬁshing or hiking or what?
‘Cause you kind of look like you’d like hunDng or hey, no, horseback riding
or something . . .
Touristy lady: So is he your husband or your brother or what? I bet he’s
your brother ‘cause you look kind of similar, only he’s way grouchier. I
never saw such a Gloomy Gus. He doesn’t even talk at all.
Touristy lady: Guess you don’t either. I was just trying to be friendly.
Lenore: She’s coming back next week. It was the worst thing I’ve ever
I mean, what a WUSS. He can’t just say “I want to break up with you” or
whatever? Don’t dance around. That’s what burns me up. You should
just say what you mean.
Zane: I wanted to ﬁnd out who I really was. . .
Zane: And so I looked on the Internet.
Lenore: Zane, I don’t know what’s coming next, but we’re not having this
conversaDon in a crowded restaurant.
Zane: There’s just too much Death around me. It’s not just my father.
It’s my mother, and well. . . me. I’m a monster, and I can’t ask that of
you. And I won’t ask it of you.
Lenore: What the heck are you talking about? First of all, say you’re right
and your father is the Grim Reaper. Big deal. You’re not the only one.
Second of all, I doubt you could possibly be a monster. Anywhere, in any
universe, at all. And ﬁnally, I don’t care who you are somewhere else.
Here, you’re my boyfriend.
Lenore: Look. I know it’s a shock to look yourself up on Boolprop. You
clearly need a cuddle.
Zane: Thank you.
Lenore: You’re welcome.
Zane: This isn’t going to change my mind, though.
Lenore: I can’t BELIEVE this. What’s next? “It’s not you, it’s me?”
Zane: But it is.
Lenore: “I’m doing this for your own good?”
Zane: But I am.
Lenore: “You’ll be beCer oﬀ without me?”
Zane: But you will.
Lenore: What kind of total moron says stuﬀ like that?
Lenore: And ARGH. Why are you SMILING at me?
Zane: Because I love you.
Zane: I can’t believe you’re yelling at me.
Lenore: I can’t believe I have to!
Zane: Goodbye. I’m so sorry.
Lenore: GROW UP, ZANE!
Bigfoot: You must be really, really sad and lonely, lady.
Cecilia: What makes you say that?
Bigfoot: Because mentally balanced people with acDve social lives do not
go looking for Bigfoot.
Cecilia: WELL! I . . .
. . . You may be right.
Bigfoot: Between you and me . . . Bigfoot gets preCy sad and lonely too.
Penelope was right, by the way. KiCens do help.
Thanks to so many people, especially Orikes (Pseudo Legacy), who loaned
me Ian and sent me his photographs. Thanks also to Peasant007
(Devereaux Legacy), for loaning me Zane, to RubyBlue (Goldilocks and
the Nine Heirs) for Dinadan Locks, and to Marhis for reversed gender
CC: All‐About‐Style, Sims Design Avenue, etc.; “ripping from the guzzle to
the zatch,” James Thurber.