Squeaky Clean Legacy 16.5B: Elaine the Loveable, Part Two
Whoops. I know Elaine wanted to get straight back to HER, but instead
we’re back to the Legacy House.
Penelope got the ice cream store to Level Ten, but we sBll have to get the
toy store there. Because while the heiress has to have a business, the toy
store is tradiBonal for our Legacy, so we’re stuck with it.
Florence Delarosa makes a good customer. I keep hoping Killick will get
her as a date drop, but he never does.
A prime example of “when you don’t play the game, the game plays you”:
the Almighty Robinoli hasn’t updated It’s a Legacy Darling! since long
before the rebuild, and I haven’t even heard from her in ages, but she’s
sBll married to my science nerd spare MorBmer.
Because without her, my neighborhood would be sad.
Killick: Which you is gonna buy somethin’ acos I *&*(&in’ wants to go
home an’ hose down the scuppers, see?
Sophia: Fine. I’ll be happy to buy anything as long as you stop being
(Did you know Killick is actually Sophia’s grandmother’s second husband?
Strange but true!)
See? Elaine’s sBll in bed. She doesn’t even know we leU.
Her bedroom really is in a turret with pink fairies on the walls. It’s just
hard to get pictures of it.
Gawaine: See, Princess? Even your dollhouse has a turret on it!
Elaine: “I wuv you!” “No, I wuv you!” “Mwah!” “Mwah!”
Gawaine: Here comes the brave knight on his horsie! Oh, look! He’s
saying “CUT THAT OUT.”
Palomides: I don’t mind babysing you and helping you learn Logic. I’m
mean, being Legacy Heiress is a big responsibility. It’s like being the most
important person in our li]le world. But hey, no pressure.
Palomides: May I have a nice date, please? Because I’ve really earned it.
Palomides got Aileen Futa, who really is much cuter as a girl.
Palomides was also way too sneaky to let me get a picture of the swirly
hearts, but he got his ﬁrst kiss on the ﬁrst date, plus a huge load of
He also hid underneath the ceiling ﬁxture so I couldn’t get a picture of
the crush hearts, either, but Aileen’s almost cute enough with him to
send her to University.
I think Achilles really regrets that this Sim is Merlin Fancey, instead of
Melissa Fancey, here, but that’s what happens with gender‐reversing.
Telemachus: So, Daddy, does being Squeaky Clean mean you never go on
Nausicaa: I don’t think you should ask Daddy quesBons like that at dinner.
Telemachus: ‘Cause Uncle Achilles always has girls over to the house and
he tells me to go play and there’s honking noises and I’m wondering how
come he does and you never do and you have us and he doesn’t.
Clearly, something must be done.
Ulysses: So maybe you’d like to go on an oﬃcial date someBme before
my kids are both in high school? Because you can say no. I’d really
understand that, that would be ok. . . What?
Ulysses has never asked anyone on a date before. The only date he’s ever
had was Carmilla’s idea, so he really wanted to be all romanBc and suave
with Doc Nerd. And everything was going very well. You noBce how you
can’t see Count Blah back there?
Ulysses: You really give other vampires a bad name, you know that?
Yeah, talk about ruining the mood. Did you know that if a vampire BLEHs
your date and they lose bladder control, the date instantly goes in the
Emergency acBon must be taken or Doc Nerd will be back with a ﬂaming
bag of poo.
RomanBc ﬁrst kiss, for one thing, and I’m sure no one will even noBce the
mysterious puddle back there, which was probably caused by a Prank.
But that sBll isn’t enough to save the date, and Ulysses is forced to take
Doc Nerd: I’ve always thought your cousin Titus was waaaay cute.
1. Ulysses is out of the house now, and
2. While I’m sure he would have waited unBl he was married, he’s not
going to get married if he doesn’t.
3. Doesn’t what? Never mind.
Aw, go on, Doc. Make an honest vampire of him.
Told you so. He’s had that want cemented in his Want Panel for ages.
Ulysses: And it turned out to be a perfect date aUer all! Hey, what’s that
Somebody having a ﬁght inside?
Cassius and Kennedy Cox. Don’t ask me, I don’t know. I was busy
tending Ulysses and Doc Nerd and there was a cutaway to a ﬁght, but I
didn’t have Bme to look.
DG was busy talking to Eddie Legacy about smooches and Doc Nerd—
Doc Nerd: ‘Scuse me, boys.
Um—you don’t want to go home and take a shower, maybe change your
AUer that, it was clearly Bme for a celebratory jam session.
Not too much goes on at Ulysses’ and Achilles’ house. Ulysses sleeps
during the day, Achilles dates and goes to work at night‐‐
‐‐and the kids skill. So there’s not a lot to show except for how cute they
That’s not strictly true. When Ulysses is awake, he enjoys playing chess
with Telemachus and helping him to build Logic.
The Legacy kids are invited over a lot, and Elaine makes friends with
Nausicaa: And I bought a cell phone! How exciBng! And everything you
say is interesBng! Clappy clap!
Nausicaa also Falls In Love with Leo, but I’m sBll not sold on the idea of
his going to college. Sorry.
Though I was impressed by his leaving a nice telescope‐‐
Which is much be]er than what one of Achilles’ dates leU; a Mr.
Bearlybu]s, which has to be the strangest date giU I’ve ever seen.
Telemachus also had a large birthday party, with plenty of guests. Not, of
course, other children; his daddy Ulysses can’t be up before seven and
kids go home at six.
Telemachus: Yay yay yay! I Grew Up Well!
Just Grow Up InteresBng.
He rolled Family, EducaBon Minister. Incidentally, I erroneously reported
that Palomides wanted to be EducaBon Minister. He doesn’t. He wants
to Graduate Three Children From College, but then, Dinadan wants Six
Grandchildren, so no problem there.
What do you think, Doc Nerd? InteresBng stepson?
Doc Nerd: I guess. I thought I’d ask Max how his research is coming
Achilles: I missed the party?
Only some of the party, and you made your second LTW, so it was worth
it, I hope.
Nausicaa: So you rolled Family? You’re sure?
Telemachus: Yes, I’m sure. Are you sure about Pleasure? Because you
don’t seem like the type.
With 10 Nice Points and Zero Outgoing, no, she doesn’t. She should have been
“But you do want diversity, right?”
Sigh. Right. And besides, you can have diﬀerent sorts of personaliBes with the
I mean, hey, look at Zane and Lenore. He’s much too Nice and she’s
much too Mean and they’re both Family and. . .
. . .Hey. Cut that out.
It must have been the smell of the garbage.
Lenore: Hey, Zane, you fell in love with me without geng permission!
Lenore: No fear of retribuBon? No overcompensaBon, maybe?
Zane: Um . . .what?
They deﬁnitely did not ask my permission to do this, and I was very cross
with Zane for going in for a RomanBc Hug the second he was on the lot.
This next bit wasn’t to make Zane happy. It was to make Lenore
happy. . . .
Brody: Huh. Not bad. I’m really annoyed with you now, but I think I’ll invite
myself to dinner ﬁrst.
Zane, have you taken a good look at this house? I mean a good, hard look?
Zane: Um . . . Um. . . .GOSH, Mrs. Midlock, this sure is good turkey.
Some people are glu]ons for punishment.
Max: Hello, grandpapa. You and Mama arrived safely?
Max: And Mama? Is she well? You know I thought this journey very
Cecil: She is extremely well and fully aware of her surroundings.
Max: Hm. I graduated with a medical degree Summa Cum Laude, and
yet, Grandpapa, I have no idea what it means when you say that.
Cecil: I always say precisely what I mean, Maximilian. You have never
heard me u]er a deliberate untruth.
Max: No doubt that’s true. Where was it this Bme, Grandpapa? Back to
Cecil: Do not speak of that.
Cecil: In fact, I took your mother for a medical consultaBon.
Max: Really. I’m sure that went swimmingly.
Cecil: AdmiJedly, Cecilia was slightly disconcerted by the doctor’s iniBal
Cecil: I have every conﬁdence that you will be able to provide a complete
recovery for my daughter Cecilia.
Indigenous physician: Oh, really. Is that because you have conﬁdence in
me, or in my culture’s medical system, or in your ability to buy anything
you want, or in your own imperial arrogance to arrange the universe to
Cecil: I would prefer the terms “self‐discipline and clarity of objecBve,”
but on the whole, mostly the la]er.
Indigenous Physician: I am sorry. Perhaps the climate and our diet of
fruits and vegetables may be of some slight help, but there is nothing I
can do for her. And I would, in spite of you, for her sake, but I cannot.
Indigenous Physician: If it is any consolaBon to you, she seldom feels
pain. She is both a child and an old, old woman. It is very sad.
Cecil: This is, no doubt, why you were juggling during your consultaBon.
Indigenous Physician: I am sorry. There is nothing I can do for her here.
You will have to seek my brother of Takemizu.
Indigenous Physician. I can, however, send you on your way with this.
Cecil: Ah. This would be a form of herbal medicaBon, would it?
Indigenous Physician: No. It’s a doll.
Cecil: A doll. Would you credit it? He absolutely refused to be of any
Max: Or is it possible that there is nothing he could do? Nothing that
anyone can do, perhaps, including you?
Max: Or is it possible that I, as a trained medical professional, would
have been able to ask him about remedies that would have been of some
use to someone other than Mama, perhaps? Perhaps even of use to her?
‐‐but you did not know what quesBons to put to him?
No, that is not possible.
I do not, however, know whom he meant by “my brother of Takemizu.”
Max: He must have meant the Wise Old Man of Takemizu Village. That is
the only equal he would have there: in that sense, he would be a
Max: But you will not take Mama there? Not directly from the island,
surely? Surely you would not recklessly endanger her and yourself to‐‐
Cecil: Thank you, Maximilian. You have been most helpful. I regret to
tell you that my cell phone is breaking up.
Max: The Wise Old Man of Takemizu? What could he do for Mama?
There is nothing anyone can do.
At the Legacy House, life is proceeding much more normally, with Killick
training the cats.
Killick: Which ye will Roll Over, Taﬀy, an’ do it right sharp‐like or I’ll keel‐
Cats know an empty threat when they hear one.
Palomides: Hi there, Mrs. Orikes Marius. I’m helping Dad out and we’re
trying to get the store to Level 10, so would you buy something and give
us some loyalty stars?
Orikes: Of course.
Palomides: Great! And can you recommend us to some friends of yours?
Ian: Hmmm. Maybe a pinball machine.
Palomides: Oh. We don’t have one.
Ian: I don’t buy just anything. I’m picky.
Palomides: Oh, geez. How about an ornamental reindeer?
Ian: Well. . . . All right.
Dinadan: RubyBlue, would you please buy a teddy bear?
Dinadan: Just one? And decide to like it? Just one more loyalty star and
I can get back to my wife and family, which I’m really glad to have
because you never got around to giving me one, not that I’m
RubyBlue: Well, how can I say no to that? You really are one of my
Dinadan: Thanks; you’re a pal!
And RubyBlue does indeed give us the magic last star—I believe it’s the
122nd—which brings Tyke’s Tower Toys to Level Ten. Dinadan quickly
made Morris Bende] the manager and he hasn’t been back since.
Gawaine: And the good thing about that, Palomides, is that you earned a
Silver Sales Badge, which with the mods in this game, gives you an
Palomides: Really? Wow!
Gawaine: That will come in handy, since we’re going to college in a few
Elaine: Have lots of things been happening without me?
Yes, but we weren’t going to take you to the businesses just yet.
Elaine: Why not? I would have given the customers a nice smile. See?
Elaine: And I would have worked hard. I’m not too princessy to make my
own bed; look!
OK. Maybe we’ll take you to the ice cream store when you’re older.
Elaine: And I could have earned all my points the old‐fashioned way, too! I’m
not spoiled! I’m not!
OK, we get it. There’s nothing wrong with drinking eggplant juice. That’s how
your Uncle Ulysses earned skill points.
Ah, and here’s Kai. One extra boy.
Penelope: He’s not extra to me. Are you, sweeBe? Give Mommy one
Kai actually isn’t treated as an extra. His uncle Ulysses grew up in
clothing like this, and his friend Telemachus came over for a nice party.
Kai: Pssst! Wanna know a secret?
Elaine: Yeah! What?
Kai: Palomides said we were out of medieval custom content! And he
said I’d have to wear the dragon costume, but I found this raggy peasant
ouqit instead! Sure fooled him! *snerk*
Elaine: Yes—I’m glad that makes you happy.
Elaine: Dear Diary: Today is my birthday, and I’m happy, but I’m a li]le
scared. Everyone says I have to succeed, and I’m not sure I can. What if I
But I’m going to be a teenager and that will be a big adventure. There’s
something I’ve always wanted, and maybe now I’ll know what it is.
It is a big event, with Elaine’s grandma there, and also Regina, who is the
placeholder at Goodygirls.
You rolled . . .Romance. You’re the ﬁrst Squeaky Clean heiress ever to roll
Elaine: It’s nothing bad. I just want to be love and be loved.
Elaine: Is that a problem? Haven’t you had a Romance Sim at Goodygirls
Regina: Well, yes—but not a Romance heiress. That’s a li]le bit
Elaine: You mean. . . . You don’t think we can have parBes?
Regina: Oh. OH. ParBes. WHEW.
Telemachus: OK, I get it, you want everyone to love you, but why
couldn’t you have rolled Family, like me? We want love.
Elaine: It’s not exactly the same. I want RomanBc Love.
Telemachus: Or maybe Pop? They want to be liked by lots and lots of
people. You could talk to Gawaine about it.
‐‐on second thought, DON’T talk to Gawaine about it. He’ll hit the ceiling
when he ﬁnds out.
Gawaine, luckily, is oblivious.
Gawaine: Pack your bags, Percy! It’s Bme to take the quest to University!
We’ve delayed this much too long.
Parsifal: I was willing to accede to your request that we remain for our
sister’s birthday. I have already packed, thus demonstraBng both
courtesy and promptness, the politeness of princes. But even my natural
sense of charity is strained and I wonder if you will conBnue your
barbaric behavior well into college.
Let’s have one last family photo, which sadly demonstrates my inability to
Elaine: And with Love, I can do it. And without it, what am I?
Elaine the pure, Elaine the loveable,
Elaine, the lily maid of Astolat,
High in her chamber up a tower to the east
Guarded the sacred shield of Lancelot. . .
. . . Day by day,
Leaving her household and good father, climb’d
That eastern tower, and entering barr’d her door. . .
(Elaine of Astolat—Louis Rhead.)
Thanks to all those whose Sims and Simselves made appearances:
RubyBlue, her simself, Dinadan Locks, Goldilocks and the Nine Heirs;
Purple Bunny, her simself, Jack Buccaneer, PiraBcal Legacy;
Doc Nerd, her simself, VeBnari Dualegacy;
Peasant 007, Zane (Devereaux) Jacquet, Devereaux Legacy;
Orikes, her simself, Ian and Brody Legacina, Pseudo Legacy.