Squeaky Clean Legacy, 16.3: Romanes Ite Domum
“People called Romans, they go the house?”
“Well, yeah. Since we got to Weintnasaelp, you haven’t shown us. In
fact, you haven’t played us. And I sCll say it was the ﬂux capacitor. You’d
think there weren’t any Romans here anymore.”
I don’t know what you’re complaining about.
AJer all, you got your Roman megavilla.
There’s an enCre Roman secCon of town now, in fact.
There are lots of simselves who have married Roman boys. . . .
Penguingirl, Penguino Legacy, as an elder.
. . . All busily adding their portraits to the Roman legacy house. . .
Orikes, Pseudo Legacy.
Living in a very Roman house indeed.
“Nasty to play, though.”
Of course it is. I designed it in my own special phailball way.
And it has tons of mosaics by RM Schoon. It’s as Roman as you want to
My foundress Rosie was even welcomed to the neighborhood by a
conCngent of Romans, which she certainly wasn’t last Cme.
SCll, there were a certain number of SNAFUs, not the least of which was
that my son Cassius ended up as a teenager, and his son as a toddler,
which puts a crimp in things.
Especially for a certain simself.
“Get it ﬁxed, Prof, and I mean NOW.”
De/Fireﬂower314, Morgan Legacy, who has been happily (?) married to
Cassius since 2007.
Meanwhile, Cassius has big plans, which he’s conﬁding to Andrea Hogan.
All the Pleasantview female townies are now male, and vice versa. Don’t
But Flavius is right, and it’s Cme to focus on the Romans for a huge Roman
weddingpalooza. In fact, it’s so huge that I had to cut it into two parts.
Obviously, the ﬁrst place to start is with a major simself wedding. Purple
Bunny, Pira1cal Legacy, is the most recent simself to agree to marry a Marius
boy. This is a dubious undertaking but puts her in good company.
It’s also a nice chance to showcase some new wedding CC from Eris3000
at MTS2. When you throw as many weddings as I do, you want to break
up the monotony a bit.
And so Purple Bunny Sarah marries Sextus Marius, Orikes’ son and
Penguingirl’s grandson. That’s Decimus, Pen’s husband and another
dimwiced Marius Pop Sim.
You’ll also noCce a fair number of simselves in the mix, including some
new ones and some who haven’t been heard from in a while.
Marcus: Hey. No seats?
I have to admit that Marcus is one of my favorite grandkids. As a
grownup, he’s a gay Pop sim, married to the redheaded guy from Sim
State’s secret society. As a child, he’s squeeze‐his‐cheeks adorable. But
he’s obviously a Marius: future Pop and dimwiced.
WriterTina: I noCce YOU didn’t make it out there, either. Don’t give me
any lip, Cassius, I’ve never been one of your fans.
Well, well, well. Look who showed up extremely late: Flavius, followed
by Eddie Buccaneer, my spiritual advisor and the High Priest of Cat.
Flavius: No seats?
EnCre congregaCon: SUCH a dork.
This doesn’t stop general simself socializing.
Penguingirl: Are you secling in well?
Dicreasy: Yes, but does being a simself here mean you have to get old?
Only if you marry in, and not always then.
DocNerd: Huh, Sextus just got married. Probably can’t ﬂirt with him, then.
Dicreasy writes the Victorian Legacy; Doc Nerd writes the Ve1nari Dualegacy.
Candi: Eddie, long Cme no see, LOVE the dress.
Well, at least I’m not going to have to hear whatever she’s saying about balls.
Candi is the author of the Uglacy and the Precacy and is currently wriCng the Chili
Meanwhile, Other PB has made her way towards the cake, like a sensible
Simself. And why not? You don’t know how I suﬀered for that cake,
Stacilee: Mm. Looks good.
De: I want a closeup.
No way, De. This is where I learned about what happens when you mix Lyran skins with
certain All‐About‐Style meshes.
Cassius: Aw, Ma, you’re no fun.
Stacilee writes the Whedonberry Legacy.
Decimus: So you’re not married because he’s sCll a teenager? Is that why
you’re running around with the goodies almost on display? Aren’t you worried
about where that cake might wind up?
De: (jabs at cake)
Candi: Hmm. Flavius s1ll as big of a dork as ever. Eddie looking
scrumlicious in a grass skirt. Maybe I can. . .
Since you’re both townies, no you can’t. And Eddie is immortal. Being a
High Priest of Cat ought to be worth something.
Cassius: Psst. De. DE. Turn around.
Stacilee: Geez, Cassius, could you BE any more immature?
Cassius: I’m a teenage boy and a Romance Sim with it; whaddya want?
I’m going to stand right in front of you, De. Believe me, I’m doing
everyone a favor, including you.
AFTER the wedding. I started Sextus as a teenager and I actually forgot to
get them their ﬁrst kiss unCl aJer they were married. Oops.
TerCus: That’s a licle puritanical even for you, I‐don’t‐remember‐how‐many‐
I SAID Oops!
The Almighty Robinoli, of It’s a Legacy Darling! fame, stops by, once again
proving that when you don’t play the game, it plays you.
Sextus: Yeah, we secled in precy well. Otherwise, no, nothing’s new. Why?
I told you something else was going on. Looks like the next Marian heir is
on his way. Unless he is a girl.
The good thing about this new open plan is that it leaves lots of room for
everyone to panic, though perhaps the trés modern stove hood doesn’t
ﬁt with the decor.
Got it in one, Other PB! One Roman boy. One Roman boy with Penguingirl’s
custom Sparkling Blue eyes.
We’re running short on number names, so let’s call him Duodecimus (Number
Twelve.) There’s no parCcular logic to the numbers anymore, as I reCre
previously used numbers, much like football jerseys. So since there has already
been a Secundus, a TerCus, a Quintus, a Sextus, a SepCmus, an Octavius, and a
Decimus, I ﬁgured we might as well jump to twelve.
Duodecimus: Great‐Grandpa is a Popularity Sim.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Sextus: Well, Cme to take out the trash.
Robinoli: Isn’t anyone going to thank me for arranging this?
Not unCl you explain what you’re doing in a bathing suit, no.
Regrecably, you will see a good deal of this. I am playing so slowly that if I do
not start doing some age cheats with the kids, I will never, ever, reach
GeneraCon Ten. Besides, I’m sure you want to see what he looks like.
Mommy’s nose, perhaps, and Sextus’ Mirror Blue eyes, plus a reasonable
personality: Aries, 5/10/8/8/4. If he winds up being another Marius Pop
Sim, at least he has the personality to be a good Pop Sim.
Other PB: I’m exhausted. Seriously, I’m asleep on my feet here.
Just one Cckle for the cameras?
Orikes: Nice work.
Purple Bunny: You COULD oﬀer to take the baby, Grandma. I’m not selﬁsh.
I’m willing to share.
Pleasure Simselves: you have to admire their focus.
Luckily, Sextus is more than willing to be the good daddy, as he doesn’t
have a job, and Other PB wasn’t kidding when she said she was asleep on
D’aw, isn’t he cute? Remember, this family tree started with Cassius. I think
with all the Simselves, including De, Denise, Pen, Orikes, and Purple Bunny,
they’re gepng cuter all the Cme.
Why, what is this mysterious community lot? Let us visit it again in the
It appears to be some sort of wedding emporium.
Mysterious proprietor: Alors, you have rendered me unidenCﬁable, non?
MP: Always I am the owner of this Shuﬄe Oﬀ Wedding Palazzo. I do not
know why is this.
De and Rubyblue: Because it’s fuuuuunnn!
Rubyblue, I thought you’d be at home with Lycon. Strictly speaking, you’re not a Roman.
Rubyblue: But I’m a Simself. And I wanted to dance!
RubyBlue is the author of Goldilocks and the Nine Heirs, but she also married a very
important GeneraCon Six spare. Since he’s the oﬃcial historian, they are likely to be around
This was not solving the diﬃculCes of Cassius and De’s age warp. In fact, there were quite a
lot of Roman boys who were teenagers. And so there was only one thing to do.
Send them to college.
Now you know one reason this update has taken two months. I had to play
several Roman boys at least partway through college.
First order of business was to get them enrolled, with a decent GPA. Then. . .
Second item on the agenda was to get Cassius together with De. The following
pictures are for your disbelieving pleasure.
1) De is actually Cassius’ First Kiss. Since he started as a teen, there is no Mystery Sim
stuﬀ here. Come to think of it, this is how they started oﬀ in the Cassius Marius BC.
De: Now which ﬁnger does it go on again?
Cassius: Ah, just put the dang thing on already.
Catch that? He actually *rolled the want* to Get Engaged. This wasn’t
about upping the relaConship score, as they were already at 100/100, or
close. I am so glad I wasn’t drinking anything at the Cme, or my keyboard
would have shorted out from the spit‐take.
De: Aw, Cassius. You mother just isn’t very romanCc, is she?
Cassius: Got that right.
Anyway, De seems pleased about the way things worked out, so now it’s
Cme to secle the other boys.
There are a few other Romans here: the lone Caesar is Titus, while Algernon
and Cassidy are another branch of the Marius family.
Cassidy was originally a VeCnari, but owing to Cypress VeCnari’s legendary
abusive parenCng skills, Cass was taken away by the Social Worker and
adopted by Algernon’s father Earnest.
In my original neighborhood, Titus wound up with Meadow Thayer and
Algernon with a red‐headed dormie named Madeleine, but I thought it would
be interesCng to try the Matchmaker and see what everybody got.
Matchmaker: You like?
Titus: I, um. . .
No you do not like, because Doc Nerd seems to have dibsies on half the
Knowledge Sims in this town. We are not adding Family Sims to the mix.
Cassidy’s ﬁrst Matchmaker Drop was Knut Alioto from Takemizu. I hate
gepng BV NPCs. You can only invite them over for three days at a Cme.
It’s like some horrible internet meetup: “Gosh, you sure are balder than
your picture!” and then they won’t go home. Second Cme lucky, Cassidy.
Second Cme VERY lucky.
Yes, I succumbed to the virus known to fans of Doc Nerd’s VeCnari Legacy as
“Cassbert”: hooking up Cassidy VeCnari with Gilbert Jacquet. Which is
curious, as that is not VeCnari canon, or at least it isn’t yet.
It didn’t take long for Algernon to track down the Madeleine‐equivalent,
and since they’re both Family and have three bolts, and she’s precy
much the same girl, they got along like a villa on ﬁre.
Titus was trickier. I menConed that he was originally with Meadow Thayer, but
of course there is no Meadow Thayer in Weivtnasaelp. There is, sort of, but
she’s a teenaged boy named Medwyn. So I had to create an extracted adult
Meadow for him.
They’re also both Family Sims. Premature commitment ahoy!
What followed was a disgusCngly sweet Family Sim courtship in parallel.
Couldn’t have been easier with Algernon and Madeleine. They rolled all
the same wants, simultaneously, like clockwork, just the way they did the
Meadow—maybe not so much. She’s Family, kind of, but she rolls oddly
Romance or Pop type wants, like “Meet Someone New.” I like Other PB’s
revised, more interesCng Meadow, but I see where Closet Romance
Skank Meadow writers get it from.
Anyway, Titus rolled the want, and she was happy enough, even if she
didn’t, so she’s the next Mrs. Caesar.
De: If I leave a lot of expensive Classical‐looking date giJs, will that speed up the wedding?
OK, OK, sheesh. Roman weddingpalooza in Romanes Ite Domum, Part II, coming soon!