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Notes on negotiating & interviewing techniques How to get to YES when negotiating with difficult people
Definition of Negotiation <ul><li>The process of back-and-forth communication aimed at reaching agreement with others when...
Three Criteria to fairly judge a   negotiation <ul><li>Produce a wise agreement </li></ul><ul><li>Be efficient </li></ul><...
Definition of a Wise Agreement <ul><li>One that meets the legitimate interests of each side to the extent possible, resolv...
Negotiation takes place at two levels <ul><li>Substances </li></ul><ul><li>Implicitly - procedure for dealing with the sub...
Positional Bargaining <ul><li>Locked into positions </li></ul><ul><li>Agreement less likely </li></ul>
 
Principled Negotiations or Negotiations on the Merits
Four Basic Points <ul><li>People - separate the people from the problem </li></ul><ul><li>Interests - focus on interests, ...
People <ul><li>Recognize parties as human </li></ul><ul><li>Have strong emotions </li></ul><ul><li>Different perceptions <...
Interests <ul><li>Designed to overcome positions </li></ul><ul><li>Focus on underlying interests of the other party </li><...
Options <ul><li>Difficulty designing solutions under pressure </li></ul><ul><li>Brainstorming </li></ul>
Criteria <ul><li>Fair standards </li></ul>
Stages of Negotiations <ul><li>Analysis </li></ul><ul><li>Planning </li></ul><ul><li>Discussion </li></ul>
Analysis 1. Diagnose the situation  6. Options already presented 2. Gather information  7. Suggested criteria 3. Organize ...
Planning
Discussion
The Method of Principled Negotiations
Remember 4 Criteria <ul><li>1. Separate the people from the problem </li></ul><ul><li>2. Focus on interests-not positions ...
Separating the People from the Problem <ul><li>Recognize dealing with a person who has: </li></ul><ul><li>a. Emotions </li...
Separating the People from the Problem People see the world from their own personal vantage point, and they frequently con...
Separating the People from the Problem <ul><li>Deal directly with the people problem </li></ul><ul><li>Perception - fact/t...
<ul><li>Dealing directly with people problem con’t </li></ul><ul><li>Don’t blame them for your problem </li></ul><ul><li>G...
Exercise Time
Separating the People from the Problem <ul><li>Emotion </li></ul><ul><li>1. Recognize & understand their’s, your’s </li></...
Separating the People from the Problem <ul><li>Emotion continued </li></ul><ul><li>5. Don’t react to emotional outburst </...
  Separating the People from the Problem <ul><li>Communications </li></ul><ul><li>1. Problems to good communications </li>...
Separating the People from the Problem <ul><li>Communications </li></ul><ul><li>2. Solutions </li></ul><ul><li>a. listen a...
Focus on interests not positions <ul><li>Interests define the problem, what makes you decide on a position. </li></ul><ul>...
Focus on interests not positions <ul><li>Basic human needs in order of importance </li></ul><ul><ul><li>1. Security </li><...
Focus on interests not positions <ul><li>Be specific with your interests, give details </li></ul><ul><li>Acknowledge their...
Exercise Time
Invent options for mutual gain <ul><li>1. Obstacles preventing inventing options </li></ul><ul><li>a. Premature judgment <...
Invent options for mutual gain <ul><li>2. Inventing creative options </li></ul><ul><li>a. Separate inventing from judging ...
Brainstorming <ul><li>Before beginning </li></ul><ul><li>Define purpose </li></ul><ul><li>Chose a few participants (5-8) <...
Brainstorming <ul><li>During </li></ul><ul><li>Seating </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Side by Side </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Facin...
Brainstorming Don’t forget to record the ideas that are generated
Brainstorming <ul><li>Afterwards </li></ul><ul><li>Mark most promising ideas </li></ul><ul><li>Invent improvements for mos...
 
Invent options for mutual gain <ul><li>Expanding the pie </li></ul><ul><li>Identify shared interests </li></ul><ul><li>Dov...
Objective criteria <ul><li>Needs to be independent of each side’s will </li></ul><ul><li>Be legitimate and practical </li>...
BATNA B est  A lternative  T o  N egotiated  A greement
BATNA-Best Alternative To Negotiated Agreement <ul><li>Your worse case scenario </li></ul><ul><li>Gives you direction duri...
BATNA-Best Alternative To Negotiated Agreement <ul><li>To develop a BATNA </li></ul><ul><ul><li>1. Listing of actions you ...
FINI
Breaking Through Barriers to Cooperation Negotiating Your Way From Confrontation To Cooperation
Five Barriers to Cooperation <ul><li>1. Your Reaction </li></ul><ul><li>When attacked or encounter NO, feel like striking ...
Five Barriers to Cooperation <ul><li>2. Their Emotion </li></ul><ul><li>Behind attacks may lie anger/hostility or fear/dis...
Five Barriers to Cooperation <ul><li>3. Their Position </li></ul><ul><li>Positional Bargaining as was discussed earlier. <...
Five Barriers to Cooperation <ul><li>4. Their Dissatisfaction </li></ul><ul><li>Can’t see benefit to them, fear of losing ...
Five Barriers to Cooperation <ul><li>5. Their Power </li></ul><ul><li>See negotiation as win-lose </li></ul>
Five Barriers to Cooperation
Breakthrough Strategy <ul><li>Indirect action </li></ul><ul><li>Requires you to do opposite of what you naturally feel lik...
Five Corresponding Strategies <ul><li>Go to the Balcony </li></ul><ul><li>Step to Their Side </li></ul><ul><li>Reframe </l...
Prepare, Prepare, Prepare <ul><li>Before each interview - prepare </li></ul><ul><li>After each interview-assess your progr...
Map to Help Prepare <ul><li>Interests </li></ul><ul><li>Options </li></ul><ul><li>Standards </li></ul><ul><li>Alternatives...
 
Go To The Balcony <ul><li>Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret. </li></ul><ul><...
Go To The Balcony <ul><li>Useful image: imagine yourself standing on a balcony looking down on your negotiations.  Metapho...
Go To The Balcony <ul><li>Three Natural Reactions </li></ul><ul><li>1. Striking back </li></ul><ul><li>2. Giving in </li><...
Go To The Balcony <ul><li>Unfair Tactics </li></ul><ul><li>Stonewall (obstructive) </li></ul><ul><li>Attacks (offensive) <...
How To Go To The Balcony <ul><li>Pause and say nothing </li></ul><ul><ul><li>By saying nothing the other side has nothing ...
How To Go To The Balcony <ul><li>Repeat what the other side just said </li></ul><ul><li>Buys time to cool down </li></ul><...
How To Go To The Balcony <ul><li>Take a break </li></ul><ul><li>have a preplanned excuse for leaving </li></ul>
How To Go To The Balcony <ul><li>Summary: first thing you need to do in a negotiation is not control the person’s behavior...
Step To Their Side <ul><li>Involves three elements </li></ul><ul><li>1. Listening </li></ul><ul><li>2. Acknowledging </li>...
Step To Their Side <ul><li>Listening </li></ul><ul><ul><li>give the other side a hearing </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>paraph...
Exercise Time
Step To Their Side <ul><li>Agree wherever you can </li></ul><ul><ul><li>agree without conceding </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li...
Step To Their Side <ul><li>Show respect to get respect </li></ul>
Step To Their Side <ul><li>Express Your Views Without Provoking </li></ul><ul><ul><li>standard mind-set is either/or </li>...
Reframe <ul><li>Definition: redirecting the other side’s attention away from positions and towards the task of identifying...
Reframe <ul><li>Ask Why </li></ul><ul><ul><li>“ Why do you want that?” </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Ask why not </li></ul><ul><u...
Reframe Tactics <ul><li>Stone Walls </li></ul><ul><li>Ignore it </li></ul><ul><li>Reframe demand as an aspiration </li></u...
Reframe Tactics <ul><li>Deflect Attacks </li></ul><ul><li>Ignore it </li></ul><ul><li>Reinterpretate attack on you as atta...
Reframe Tactics <ul><li>Exposing Tricks </li></ul><ul><li>Ask clarifying questions </li></ul><ul><ul><li>play dumb, like a...
Build them a Golden Bridge <ul><li>Definition: Making it easier for the other side to surmount the four common obstacles t...
Golden Bridge <ul><li>Obstacles to Agreement </li></ul><ul><li>1. Not their idea </li></ul><ul><li>2. Unmet interest </li>...
Golden Bridge <ul><li>Involve the Other Side ( not their idea) </li></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Ask for & build on their ideas </...
Golden Bridge <ul><li>Satisfy Unmet Interests </li></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Don’t dismiss them as irrational </li></ul></ul></...
Golden Bridge <ul><li>Definition of Saving Face: Short-hand for people’s self-worth, their dignity, their sense of honor, ...
Golden Bridge <ul><li>Help them Save Face </li></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Show how circumstances have changed </li></ul></ul></u...
Golden Bridge <ul><li>Go Slow to Go Fast </li></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Guide them step-by-step </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul...
Use Power to Educate <ul><li>Last Obstacle to breakthrough - Power Plays </li></ul><ul><li>“ An eye for an eye and we all ...
<ul><li>The harder you make it for them to say no, the harder you make it for them to say yes because they may still think...
Use Power to Educate <ul><li>Inform Them of Consequences - Ask Reality Testing Questions </li></ul><ul><li>“ What do you t...
Exercise Time
Use Power to Educate <ul><li>Warn, don’t threaten </li></ul><ul><li>Threat is an announcement of your intention to inflect...
Use Power to Educate <ul><li>Use a deadline </li></ul><ul><li>Deploy your BATNA without provoking </li></ul><ul><ul><ul><u...
Use Power to Educate <ul><li>Constantly remind them of the Golden Bridge </li></ul><ul><ul><li>may feel trapped, this is t...
Turning Adversaries into Partners <ul><li>Your goal is not to win over them, but to win them over </li></ul><ul><li>Final ...
Final Exercise <ul><li>There is a man who left 17 camels to his 3 sons. He left half the camels to his eldest son, a third...
Camel Solution <ul><li>After pondering the problem, give the sons one of your camels. So the sons had eighteen camels. The...
Summary <ul><li>Go to the Balcony </li></ul><ul><ul><li>First step is not to control the other person’s behavior. It is to...
Summary <ul><li>Step to their Side </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Before you can negotiate, you need to create a favorable climate ...
Summary <ul><li>Reframe </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Next challenge is to change the game.  Don’t reject: Reframe </li></ul></ul>
Summary <ul><li>Build Them a Golden Bridge </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Draw them in the direction you would like them to go </li...
Summary <ul><li>Use Power to Educate </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Educate them about the costs of not agreeing </li></ul></ul><ul...
Bon Voyage
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Negotiations

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Negotiations

  1. 1. Notes on negotiating & interviewing techniques How to get to YES when negotiating with difficult people
  2. 2. Definition of Negotiation <ul><li>The process of back-and-forth communication aimed at reaching agreement with others when some interests are shared and some are opposed. </li></ul>
  3. 3. Three Criteria to fairly judge a negotiation <ul><li>Produce a wise agreement </li></ul><ul><li>Be efficient </li></ul><ul><li>Improve or at least not damage the relationship </li></ul>
  4. 4. Definition of a Wise Agreement <ul><li>One that meets the legitimate interests of each side to the extent possible, resolves conflicting interests fairly, is durable and takes community interests into account. </li></ul>
  5. 5. Negotiation takes place at two levels <ul><li>Substances </li></ul><ul><li>Implicitly - procedure for dealing with the substance </li></ul>
  6. 6. Positional Bargaining <ul><li>Locked into positions </li></ul><ul><li>Agreement less likely </li></ul>
  7. 8. Principled Negotiations or Negotiations on the Merits
  8. 9. Four Basic Points <ul><li>People - separate the people from the problem </li></ul><ul><li>Interests - focus on interests, not positions </li></ul><ul><li>Options - generate a variety of possibilities before deciding what to do </li></ul><ul><li>Criteria - insist that the result be based on some objective standard </li></ul>
  9. 10. People <ul><li>Recognize parties as human </li></ul><ul><li>Have strong emotions </li></ul><ul><li>Different perceptions </li></ul><ul><li>Different communication styles </li></ul>
  10. 11. Interests <ul><li>Designed to overcome positions </li></ul><ul><li>Focus on underlying interests of the other party </li></ul>
  11. 12. Options <ul><li>Difficulty designing solutions under pressure </li></ul><ul><li>Brainstorming </li></ul>
  12. 13. Criteria <ul><li>Fair standards </li></ul>
  13. 14. Stages of Negotiations <ul><li>Analysis </li></ul><ul><li>Planning </li></ul><ul><li>Discussion </li></ul>
  14. 15. Analysis 1. Diagnose the situation 6. Options already presented 2. Gather information 7. Suggested criteria 3. Organize it 4. Think about it 5. Consider the people problem a. Hostile emotions b. Unclear communications c. Your interests d. Their interests
  15. 16. Planning
  16. 17. Discussion
  17. 18. The Method of Principled Negotiations
  18. 19. Remember 4 Criteria <ul><li>1. Separate the people from the problem </li></ul><ul><li>2. Focus on interests-not positions </li></ul><ul><li>3. Invent Options for mutual gain </li></ul><ul><li>4. Use objective criteria </li></ul>
  19. 20. Separating the People from the Problem <ul><li>Recognize dealing with a person who has: </li></ul><ul><li>a. Emotions </li></ul><ul><li>b. Deeply held values </li></ul><ul><li>c. Different background & viewpoint </li></ul><ul><li>d. Unpredictable </li></ul><ul><li>e. You have the same things </li></ul><ul><li>Two kinds of interest </li></ul><ul><li>a. Substance </li></ul><ul><li>b. Relationship </li></ul><ul><li>Relationship becomes entangle with the problem </li></ul>
  20. 21. Separating the People from the Problem People see the world from their own personal vantage point, and they frequently confuse their perception with reality. Routinely, they fail to interpret what you say in the way you intend and do not mean what you understand them to say. -Getting to YES
  21. 22. Separating the People from the Problem <ul><li>Deal directly with the people problem </li></ul><ul><li>Perception - fact/truth doesn’t matter, how each side perceives the other is what matters </li></ul><ul><li>See the situation as the other side sees it. This is one of the most important skill you can possess </li></ul><ul><li>Don’t deduce their intentions from your fear. People assume that what they fear the other side will do. </li></ul>
  22. 23. <ul><li>Dealing directly with people problem con’t </li></ul><ul><li>Don’t blame them for your problem </li></ul><ul><li>Give them a stake in the outcome by making sure they participate in the process </li></ul><ul><li>a. Will be easier to accept a disagreeable conclusion </li></ul><ul><li>b. Gives them ownership in outcome </li></ul><ul><li>c. Once claim ownership will defend outcome to others </li></ul>Separating the People from the Problem
  23. 24. Exercise Time
  24. 25. Separating the People from the Problem <ul><li>Emotion </li></ul><ul><li>1. Recognize & understand their’s, your’s </li></ul><ul><li>2. Ask what is producing emotion then work to solve it </li></ul><ul><li>3. Make emotion explicit & acknowledge them </li></ul><ul><li>a. Be pro-active & discuss them </li></ul><ul><li>4. Allow the other side to let off steam </li></ul><ul><li>a. listen without responding </li></ul><ul><li>b. don’t take it personally </li></ul>
  25. 26. Separating the People from the Problem <ul><li>Emotion continued </li></ul><ul><li>5. Don’t react to emotional outburst </li></ul><ul><li>a. lose sight of negotiations </li></ul><ul><li>b. feeds their outburst more </li></ul><ul><li>c. maybe attempt to unnerve you </li></ul><ul><li>6. Use symbolic gestures </li></ul><ul><li>a. apology </li></ul><ul><li>b. thank you cards </li></ul>
  26. 27. Separating the People from the Problem <ul><li>Communications </li></ul><ul><li>1. Problems to good communications </li></ul><ul><li>a. not talking to each other </li></ul><ul><li>b. not listening to each other </li></ul><ul><li>c. misunderstanding </li></ul>
  27. 28. Separating the People from the Problem <ul><li>Communications </li></ul><ul><li>2. Solutions </li></ul><ul><li>a. listen actively & acknowledge what is being said - mirroring </li></ul><ul><li>b. speak to be understood - focus on the problem together </li></ul><ul><li>c. use “I” messages </li></ul><ul><li>d. Speak for a purpose </li></ul>
  28. 29. Focus on interests not positions <ul><li>Interests define the problem, what makes you decide on a position. </li></ul><ul><li>Identify interest </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Ask why </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Ask why not or why haven’t they asked </li></ul></ul>
  29. 30. Focus on interests not positions <ul><li>Basic human needs in order of importance </li></ul><ul><ul><li>1. Security </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>2. Economic well-being </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>3. Sense of belonging </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>4. Recognition </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>5. Control over one’s life </li></ul></ul>
  30. 31. Focus on interests not positions <ul><li>Be specific with your interests, give details </li></ul><ul><li>Acknowledge their interests </li></ul><ul><li>Put the problem before your answer </li></ul><ul><ul><li>give reasons and interests first then conclusions, proposals last. </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Be hard on the problem, soft on the people, attack the problem don’t blame the people. </li></ul>
  31. 32. Exercise Time
  32. 33. Invent options for mutual gain <ul><li>1. Obstacles preventing inventing options </li></ul><ul><li>a. Premature judgment </li></ul><ul><li>b. Searching for the single answer </li></ul><ul><li>c. Assumption of a fixed pie </li></ul><ul><li>d. Thinking, “solving their problem is their problem”. </li></ul>
  33. 34. Invent options for mutual gain <ul><li>2. Inventing creative options </li></ul><ul><li>a. Separate inventing from judging (brainstorming) </li></ul><ul><li>b. Broaden options instead of looking for single answer </li></ul><ul><li>c. Look for mutual gains </li></ul><ul><li>d. Invent ways to make their decision easy </li></ul>
  34. 35. Brainstorming <ul><li>Before beginning </li></ul><ul><li>Define purpose </li></ul><ul><li>Chose a few participants (5-8) </li></ul><ul><li>Change environment </li></ul><ul><li>Design informal atmosphere </li></ul><ul><li>Chose a facilitator </li></ul>
  35. 36. Brainstorming <ul><li>During </li></ul><ul><li>Seating </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Side by Side </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Facing the problem </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Clarify ground rules </li></ul><ul><ul><li>No criticism rule </li></ul></ul>
  36. 37. Brainstorming Don’t forget to record the ideas that are generated
  37. 38. Brainstorming <ul><li>Afterwards </li></ul><ul><li>Mark most promising ideas </li></ul><ul><li>Invent improvements for most promising ideas </li></ul><ul><li>Evaluate and chose best ideas </li></ul>
  38. 40. Invent options for mutual gain <ul><li>Expanding the pie </li></ul><ul><li>Identify shared interests </li></ul><ul><li>Dovetail different interests - orange example </li></ul><ul><li>Making their decision easy </li></ul><ul><li>Address/anticipate their fears with options/solutions they can say yes to </li></ul>
  39. 41. Objective criteria <ul><li>Needs to be independent of each side’s will </li></ul><ul><li>Be legitimate and practical </li></ul>
  40. 42. BATNA B est A lternative T o N egotiated A greement
  41. 43. BATNA-Best Alternative To Negotiated Agreement <ul><li>Your worse case scenario </li></ul><ul><li>Gives you direction during negotiations </li></ul><ul><li>Remember to consider other side’s BATNA </li></ul><ul><li>Can anticipate their actions and have response ready </li></ul>
  42. 44. BATNA-Best Alternative To Negotiated Agreement <ul><li>To develop a BATNA </li></ul><ul><ul><li>1. Listing of actions you would take if no agreement were reached </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>2. Improve most promising ones and converting them into practical alternatives </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>3. Select the best alternative </li></ul></ul>
  43. 45. FINI
  44. 46. Breaking Through Barriers to Cooperation Negotiating Your Way From Confrontation To Cooperation
  45. 47. Five Barriers to Cooperation <ul><li>1. Your Reaction </li></ul><ul><li>When attacked or encounter NO, feel like striking back </li></ul>
  46. 48. Five Barriers to Cooperation <ul><li>2. Their Emotion </li></ul><ul><li>Behind attacks may lie anger/hostility or fear/distrust. </li></ul>
  47. 49. Five Barriers to Cooperation <ul><li>3. Their Position </li></ul><ul><li>Positional Bargaining as was discussed earlier. </li></ul>
  48. 50. Five Barriers to Cooperation <ul><li>4. Their Dissatisfaction </li></ul><ul><li>Can’t see benefit to them, fear of losing face, or not their idea. </li></ul>
  49. 51. Five Barriers to Cooperation <ul><li>5. Their Power </li></ul><ul><li>See negotiation as win-lose </li></ul>
  50. 52. Five Barriers to Cooperation
  51. 53. Breakthrough Strategy <ul><li>Indirect action </li></ul><ul><li>Requires you to do opposite of what you naturally feel like doing in a difficult situation </li></ul><ul><li>Change the game </li></ul><ul><li>Instead of playing their game; let them have your way - joint problem solving </li></ul>
  52. 54. Five Corresponding Strategies <ul><li>Go to the Balcony </li></ul><ul><li>Step to Their Side </li></ul><ul><li>Reframe </li></ul><ul><li>Build Them a Golden Bridge </li></ul><ul><li>Use Power to Educate </li></ul>
  53. 55. Prepare, Prepare, Prepare <ul><li>Before each interview - prepare </li></ul><ul><li>After each interview-assess your progress/adapt your strategy-prepare again </li></ul><ul><li>secret of effective negotiations is simple: prepare, prepare, prepare. </li></ul>
  54. 56. Map to Help Prepare <ul><li>Interests </li></ul><ul><li>Options </li></ul><ul><li>Standards </li></ul><ul><li>Alternatives </li></ul><ul><li>Proposals </li></ul>
  55. 58. Go To The Balcony <ul><li>Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret. </li></ul><ul><li>-Ambrose Bierce </li></ul>
  56. 59. Go To The Balcony <ul><li>Useful image: imagine yourself standing on a balcony looking down on your negotiations. Metaphor for a mental attitude of detachment. Going to the balcony means distancing yourself from your natural impulses and emotions </li></ul>
  57. 60. Go To The Balcony <ul><li>Three Natural Reactions </li></ul><ul><li>1. Striking back </li></ul><ul><li>2. Giving in </li></ul><ul><li>3. Breaking off </li></ul>
  58. 61. Go To The Balcony <ul><li>Unfair Tactics </li></ul><ul><li>Stonewall (obstructive) </li></ul><ul><li>Attacks (offensive) </li></ul><ul><li>Tricks (deceptive) </li></ul><ul><li>Identify unfair tactics and you break the spell they cast </li></ul><ul><li>Also, know your hot buttons </li></ul>
  59. 62. How To Go To The Balcony <ul><li>Pause and say nothing </li></ul><ul><ul><li>By saying nothing the other side has nothing to push against </li></ul></ul>
  60. 63. How To Go To The Balcony <ul><li>Repeat what the other side just said </li></ul><ul><li>Buys time to cool down </li></ul><ul><li>Used to spot tricks </li></ul>
  61. 64. How To Go To The Balcony <ul><li>Take a break </li></ul><ul><li>have a preplanned excuse for leaving </li></ul>
  62. 65. How To Go To The Balcony <ul><li>Summary: first thing you need to do in a negotiation is not control the person’s behavior but to control your own. </li></ul>
  63. 66. Step To Their Side <ul><li>Involves three elements </li></ul><ul><li>1. Listening </li></ul><ul><li>2. Acknowledging </li></ul><ul><li>3. Agreeing </li></ul>
  64. 67. Step To Their Side <ul><li>Listening </li></ul><ul><ul><li>give the other side a hearing </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>paraphrase/ask for corrections </li></ul></ul>
  65. 68. Exercise Time
  66. 69. Step To Their Side <ul><li>Agree wherever you can </li></ul><ul><ul><li>agree without conceding </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>accumulate yeses </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>tune into their wavelength </li></ul></ul>
  67. 70. Step To Their Side <ul><li>Show respect to get respect </li></ul>
  68. 71. Step To Their Side <ul><li>Express Your Views Without Provoking </li></ul><ul><ul><li>standard mind-set is either/or </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>change mind-set to both/and </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>don’t say “But” say “Yes…and” </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>use “I” statements not “you” statements </li></ul></ul>
  69. 72. Reframe <ul><li>Definition: redirecting the other side’s attention away from positions and towards the task of identifying interests, inventing creative options, and discussing fair standards for selecting options. </li></ul>
  70. 73. Reframe <ul><li>Ask Why </li></ul><ul><ul><li>“ Why do you want that?” </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Ask why not </li></ul><ul><ul><li>“ Why not do it this way?” </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Ask what if </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Brainstorming </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Ask for their advice </li></ul><ul><li>Ask what Makes That Fair </li></ul><ul><li>Make questions open ended </li></ul><ul><li>Remember the power of silence - once ask a question, be silent until the other side speaks. </li></ul>
  71. 74. Reframe Tactics <ul><li>Stone Walls </li></ul><ul><li>Ignore it </li></ul><ul><li>Reframe demand as an aspiration </li></ul><ul><li>Test it </li></ul>
  72. 75. Reframe Tactics <ul><li>Deflect Attacks </li></ul><ul><li>Ignore it </li></ul><ul><li>Reinterpretate attack on you as attack on the problem </li></ul><ul><li>Reframe personal attack as friendly </li></ul><ul><li>Reframe past wrongs to future remedies </li></ul><ul><li>Reframe “you” & “me” to “we” </li></ul>
  73. 76. Reframe Tactics <ul><li>Exposing Tricks </li></ul><ul><li>Ask clarifying questions </li></ul><ul><ul><li>play dumb, like a fox </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Reasonable Request Test </li></ul><ul><ul><li>ask a reasonable request that the other side would agree to if they were genuinely cooperative </li></ul></ul>
  74. 77. Build them a Golden Bridge <ul><li>Definition: Making it easier for the other side to surmount the four common obstacles to agreement. </li></ul>
  75. 78. Golden Bridge <ul><li>Obstacles to Agreement </li></ul><ul><li>1. Not their idea </li></ul><ul><li>2. Unmet interest </li></ul><ul><li>3. Fear of losing face </li></ul><ul><li>4. Too much too fast </li></ul>
  76. 79. Golden Bridge <ul><li>Involve the Other Side ( not their idea) </li></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Ask for & build on their ideas </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Ask for constructive criticism </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Offer them a choice </li></ul></ul></ul>
  77. 80. Golden Bridge <ul><li>Satisfy Unmet Interests </li></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Don’t dismiss them as irrational </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Don’t overlook basic human needs </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Security </li></ul></ul></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Economic well-being </li></ul></ul></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Sense of belonging </li></ul></ul></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Recognition </li></ul></ul></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Control over one’s life </li></ul></ul></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Don’t assume a fixed pie </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Look for low-cost, high-benefit trades </li></ul></ul></ul></ul></ul>
  78. 81. Golden Bridge <ul><li>Definition of Saving Face: Short-hand for people’s self-worth, their dignity, their sense of honor, their wish to act consistently with their principles and past statements, plus, of course, their desire to look good to to others. </li></ul>
  79. 82. Golden Bridge <ul><li>Help them Save Face </li></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Show how circumstances have changed </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Ask for third-party recommendation </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Point to a standard of fairness </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Anticipate counterpart’s critics and present persuasive counterarguments </li></ul></ul></ul>
  80. 83. Golden Bridge <ul><li>Go Slow to Go Fast </li></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Guide them step-by-step </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Don’t ask for a final commitment until the end </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Don’t rush to the finish - summarize </li></ul></ul></ul>
  81. 84. Use Power to Educate <ul><li>Last Obstacle to breakthrough - Power Plays </li></ul><ul><li>“ An eye for an eye and we all go blind” </li></ul><ul><li>Mahatma Gandhi </li></ul>
  82. 85. <ul><li>The harder you make it for them to say no, the harder you make it for them to say yes because they may still think that they have to win. </li></ul>Use Power to Educate
  83. 86. Use Power to Educate <ul><li>Inform Them of Consequences - Ask Reality Testing Questions </li></ul><ul><li>“ What do you think will happen if we don’t agree”? </li></ul><ul><li>“ What do you think I will do”? </li></ul><ul><li>“ What will you do”? </li></ul>
  84. 87. Exercise Time
  85. 88. Use Power to Educate <ul><li>Warn, don’t threaten </li></ul><ul><li>Threat is an announcement of your intention to inflect pain, injury, or punishment on the other side. </li></ul><ul><li>Warning is an advance notice of danger. </li></ul>
  86. 89. Use Power to Educate <ul><li>Use a deadline </li></ul><ul><li>Deploy your BATNA without provoking </li></ul><ul><ul><ul><ul><ul><li>use minimum power necessary </li></ul></ul></ul></ul></ul><ul><li>Tap the Third Force </li></ul><ul><ul><ul><ul><ul><li>A peer </li></ul></ul></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Co-worker </li></ul></ul></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Supervisor </li></ul></ul></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Their spouse </li></ul></ul></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Their parent </li></ul></ul></ul></ul></ul>
  87. 90. Use Power to Educate <ul><li>Constantly remind them of the Golden Bridge </li></ul><ul><ul><li>may feel trapped, this is their escape route </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Keep implementation in mind </li></ul><ul><ul><li>design the deal to minimize your risks </li></ul></ul>
  88. 91. Turning Adversaries into Partners <ul><li>Your goal is not to win over them, but to win them over </li></ul><ul><li>Final Exercise </li></ul>
  89. 92. Final Exercise <ul><li>There is a man who left 17 camels to his 3 sons. He left half the camels to his eldest son, a third to his middle son, and a ninth to his youngest. The 3 set up to dividing up their inheritance but soon despaired of their ability to negotiate a solution-because 17 could not be divided by 2 or 3 or 9. The sons approached you to help solve their problem. So here’s your task: help the sons solve their inheritance dilemma. </li></ul>One final hint: you’re in the desert, so everyone has camels.
  90. 93. Camel Solution <ul><li>After pondering the problem, give the sons one of your camels. So the sons had eighteen camels. The eldest son took half-that was nine. The middle son took his third-that was six. And the youngest son took his ninth-that was two. 9 and 6 and 2 made 17. They had one camel left over. They gave it back to you. </li></ul>
  91. 94. Summary <ul><li>Go to the Balcony </li></ul><ul><ul><li>First step is not to control the other person’s behavior. It is to control your own </li></ul></ul>
  92. 95. Summary <ul><li>Step to their Side </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Before you can negotiate, you need to create a favorable climate </li></ul></ul>
  93. 96. Summary <ul><li>Reframe </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Next challenge is to change the game. Don’t reject: Reframe </li></ul></ul>
  94. 97. Summary <ul><li>Build Them a Golden Bridge </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Draw them in the direction you would like them to go </li></ul></ul>
  95. 98. Summary <ul><li>Use Power to Educate </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Educate them about the costs of not agreeing </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Your goal is mutual satisfaction, not victory </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Make sure they know the Golden Bridge is always open </li></ul></ul>
  96. 99. Bon Voyage

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