Emotional Intelligence is the foundation for every relationship in Life. EQ is superior to IQ.

1. EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE (EI),
AND NETWORKING
RELATIONSHIPS
HIBC
SECOND SEMESTER, 2011
By
Pastor JOHN IBEBUNJO

2. Learning Objectives
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
2
Scriptural Foundation
Definition of Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence Framework
Johari window
The life wheel
Relationship and Networking

3. John 2:23 – 25 (AMP)
John 2:23 But when He was in Jerusalem during the
Passover Feast, many believed in His name
[identified themselves with His party] after seeing His
signs (wonders, miracles) which He was doing.
John 2:24 But Jesus [for His part] did not trust Himself
to them, because He knew all [men];
John 2:25 And He did not need anyone to bear witness
concerning man [needed no evidence from anyone about
men], for He Himself knew what was in human nature.
[He could read men's hearts.] [I Sam. 16:7.]
3

4. The Sticky Floor Syndrome
“Being Incompetent at E-I Leads to the
“Sticky Floor” Syndrome for Most
Leaders

5. Importance of E-I
More leaders, managers and even
business owners fail due to lack of
emotional intelligence competence than
due to lack of the professional skills
needed for the positions they hold in
their organizations.

6. Importance of E-I
An emotionally intelligent manager is
better able to achieve own goals, lead
others to achieve their own goals, and
support peers in attaining their goals.

7. Definitions of E-I

“ Ability to know your natural instinctive state
of mind, understand its genesis, and how
you use that state of mind to make decisions
and take actions in the course of your life”.

“Ability to engage in productive relationships
by being better able to manage one’s
emotional needs while meeting others’
needs”

8. Emotional
Intelligence

Peter Salovey and John D. Mayer (1990)
defined EI as “the ability to monitor one's
own and others' feelings and emotions, to
discriminate among them and to use this
information to guide one's thinking and
actions.”

9. Emotional Intelligence

Navigating the different levels of shared
responsibilities and relationships at
work or in church creates an
environment in which a leader can
succeed only with Emotional
Intelligence

10. Emotional Intelligence
The concept is associated particularly with the name of
Daniel Goleman, an American psychologist.
 Emotional Intelligence is often referred to as “EQ”,
contrasting with “IQ”.
 “Emotional Literacy” is used by many to refer to
Emotional Intelligence skills.
 Emotional intelligence (which is both intra- and interpersonal) should be acknowledged, nurtured and
developed.

11. The Intentional Leader in the
Organization
Church
Organization
Department
/ Unit
Intendi
ng
Leader

12. E-I Framework
 Self
Awareness
 Awareness
 Self
of Others
Regulation
 Intentional
Action

13. Self Awareness

Recognition of your personality traits depth, breadth, strengths -challenges,
and their impact on one’s environment.

Awareness of the environment’s impact
on your personality

14. Self Awareness Framework



Awareness of your personality (know your
strengths and limits)
Emotional Awareness (Know your
emotions in the moment and the effects
on people and circumstances in your
environment)
Awareness of your sense of self (knowing
what motivates your self confidence)

15. Other Awareness
Awareness of other’s
personality strengths
and limits
 Awareness of other’s
Emotional Being
 Awareness of other’s
Sense of Self


16. Awareness Of Icebergs

17. Self &Other AwarenessCornerstones of E-I




Cornerstones of E-I
Most difficult competences to obtain
Developing awareness of one’s self and
understanding others require the exploration
of personality traits and their genesis.
Everyone and Every Environment is an
Iceberg.. Most of what we should be aware
of is hidden beneath the surface.

18. Self and Other Awareness
THE
LEADER
Personality
Development History
Private/Personal Life
Spirituality
Masks
Ghosts of the unconscious

19. The Johari Window (Psalm 139:1;23)
Known to me
Known to everyone
Hidden
to others
(Public)
(Façade)
Hidden to me
Hidden to all others
(Unknown)
Known to others
Hidden to me
(Blind spot)

20. Dimensions to Self & Other
Awareness
Personality
 Individual
Developmental Stages
 Life Wheel
 Professional Skills Level


21. MBTI- The 4 Dichotomies
Extraversion
Gets energy from
the outer world
Sensing
Immediate, practical,
facts, experience, life
Thinking
Objectivity
Impersonally,
Cause and effect
Rational Conclusion
Judgment
Decisive, Planned,
Structured,
Orderly, Regulate,
Control Events
Energy Flow
Introversion
Gets Energy from
the inner world
Data Gathering
Intuition
Possibilities
Relationships, meanings
Feeling
Subjectivity, personally,
Decision Making weigh values of choices
& values to others
Life Orientation
Perception
Spontaneous
Flexible
Aim to understand
Adaptable

22. Protect One’s and Other’s
Sense of self - ICO
ASPECT
BEHAVIOUR
FEAR
Inclusion
Control
Openness
Significa
nce
Competenc Likabili
Belonging
e
ty
ness
Unlikabl
Failure
Ignored
e
Humiliati
Outside
Rejectio
on
n
PERFORMANC Perceptio
E
n
BASED ON HUMAN ELEMENT B- WILL SCHULTZ PHD
Goals
Satisfac
tion

23. Life Wheel:
Life is a Balancing Act
Extended
family
Immediate
family
Social
Network
Career
Path
Me
Health
Physical
& Mental
Finance
Situation
Profession
al
Network
Spirituality

24. Self Regulation
Ability to respond appropriately to sensations
and feelings arising from external stimuli
(people and situations).
Effectively manage one’s impulses and
resources in light of the first two elements of
the EI Framework.

25. Framework for Self
Regulation
Self control: keeping destructive impulses in
check.
Trustworthiness: reliability, honesty and integrity.
Conscientiousness: taking responsibility for your
own performance
Adaptability: flexibility in handling change
Innovation: comfort with new ideas, approaches
and new information

26. Self Control is Core
Control of the self is the core of self
regulation.
Self regulation in turn is the core of
healthy emotional development.
An adult with a normal levels of self
regulation is able to deal with complex
and challenging situations.

27. Intentional Action Presupposes
That we have the appropriate levels of self
and other awareness
We are able to self-regulate appropriately,
enabling us to be resilient in complex, often
challenging and changing situations,
We can take purposeful actions that will
yield the result (impact) that we want or that
is appropriate.

28. Intentional Action Framework
Thoughts
Attitudes
Behaviour
Results

29. Resilience
Focus on the current role you occupy
Clarity on performance expectations
Have a good handle on the state of your
hard skills
Fit in with Unit and Organizational Culture

30. Tools for Resilience
Deal with your expectations of your
assignment, the organization, your peers,
and your boss (leader)
Deal with the performance boundaries
Learn to use informal channels for answers
Build and hold trust.. strongly
Manage your stresses

31. Self Leadership
Watch your attitude
Check your belief about what is true
Check your sense of direction
Manage your priorities
Watch where you point your energy
Manage your personal life

32. Use Time Well
70% of the time- focus locus of core impact
15% of the time- work in learning situations
5 % of the time- Upgrade your skills through
structured learning
5 % of the time- develop networks outside
organisation
5 % of the time- develop networks within the
organisation

33. Why The Focus On
Emotional Intelligence?

Brain science has shown how strong emotional reactions
can overwhelm rational responses to situations and can
“hijack” a rational, calm response.

If we can control our initial impulsive response to a
situation we may be able to deal more effectively with it.

Physiological factors directly influence Emotional
Intelligence

Emotionally healthy people are happier, more cooperative
and learn and contribute more effectively

34. How to Increase Your EI or EQ










Conduct a “personal inventory.”
Analyze the setting and identify skills needed.
Enlist trusted friends.
Focus on a few competencies.
Practice, practice, practice.
Be observant and reflective.
Don’t make excuses for non performance
Don’t expect immediate results.
Learn from your mistakes.
Acknowledge your successes.

35. In Conclusion
Know strengths and weaknesses, habits of
thought and biases, likes and dislikes
Manage time, focus of attention, and
Emotions
Monitor and manage your feelings and their
effect on others
Respond to people and events in an
authentic, appropriate, and genuine manner
Achieve intended results

36. Personal Development Plan
Area
Self
Awarenes
s
Other
Awarenes
s
Self
Regulati
on
Intentio
nal
Action
Start Doing
Stop Doing

37. Note that…

Research has suggested that;
–
EQ may be a better indication of success in life than IQ.
–
no more than 25% of an individual’s success in his/her
career is attributable to IQ.
–
almost 90% of success in leadership is attributable to EQ.
–
in every field, your EQ (emotional quotient) is 2 times as
important as your cognitive abilities.

38. NETWORKING
RELATIONSHIPS

39. Introduction
Relationship Management
•
•
Every leadership position would bring
along change in relationships.
The management of this change will
determine the peace we will enjoy in
that leadership position.

40. Family Relationship Management
•
•
•
Change also happens in family relationships
based on different scenarios.
Take each change in good stride and realize
that you will be appreciated only if you are
useful to people’s dreams and aspirations.
Sharing your perspective with key dependants
in advance will enhance family relationships.

41. SELF MANAGEMENT

Proper self management will involve:
ROLE SETTING
 Define your new role including some which you ought to
have been playing but you neglected
 Identify and list them
GOALS SETTING
– Set specific, accomplishable goals in the areas you have
identified.

42. HOW TO NETWORK LIKE A PRO
•
Interact with people with an open mind
–
–
–
–
Circulate - Networking is a numbers
game
Always communicate and clearly share
your expectations with your team
members
Shake hands, look people in the eye, be
enthusiastic
Call or send notes immediately after
each interaction.... Never take people for
granted.

43. Human Relations/Interpersonal
skills
Human
relations/interpersonal
skills deal with the way
and manner a person
relates with people at
church, work, home
and everywhere he
goes..

44. Personal relationship skills
contribute 85 percent to a person’s
success on the job
Professional competence
contributes only 15 percent

45. Areas of interpersonal skills
Facial expression–smiles
or frowns

46. Handshake
Chat/discussion
Concern for others/ Assistance
to others, etc.

47. Greetings
Warm
Cold

48. People are not the same, they
are usually different.

49. A nice service provider eh?
Oh my
G od!!!
Some are nice and jovial,
others are difficult and
quarrelsome.

50. Some are highly placed, but you may not notice
that from their looks.
 Some are militant and dangerous.

 Some
people are well-educated while others are
not.
 Some are always happy and relate well
wherever they go. Others are troubled and they
transfer aggression.

Some are married while others are single

Some are sincere Christians, others are NOT.

51. Strategies for improving your
interpersonal skills







Get close to people who have good
relationship skills
Listen to audio tapes on relationship
skills
Always wear a smile
Be willing to assist people
Learn to throw some jokes
Appreciate little assistance and favour
Be willing to easily forgive people

52. 
Be ready to apologize if you are wrong. It does
not reduce you.

Try and talk at meetings and be audible enough
to be heard.

Always control your temper. If your temper
controls you, you are not likely to be successful
in your department and in other personal
endeavours.

If you always look moody, you will send away or
discourage people who may help you. And no one
can succeed without people.

53. Human Relations Questions















Do you greet people?
Do you greet people warmly?
Do you share jokes with your colleagues and neighbors?
Do you offer someone a lunch once in a while?
Do you give gifts?
Do you know your colleagues’ birthdays?
Do you visit people?
Would you go the extra mile for somebody’s sake?
Do you easily get annoyed?
Do you easily forgive?
Do you appreciate little assistance?
Do you reply text messages?
Do you write appreciation or congratulatory letters?
Do you find it difficult to apologize when at fault?
Do you know the names of people in your church?

54. Always remember these three powerful statements if
you want to have a good rapport with people:
1.
2.
3.
Thank you
I’m sorry
Please, could you or may I
……?

55. Thanks for listening
Kick me out;
Game is over