Emotional intelligence & relationship management


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Emotional Intelligence is the foundation for every relationship in Life. EQ is superior to IQ.

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Emotional intelligence & relationship management

  2. 2. Learning Objectives 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 2 Scriptural Foundation Definition of Emotional Intelligence Emotional intelligence Framework Johari window The life wheel Relationship and Networking
  3. 3. John 2:23 – 25 (AMP) John 2:23 But when He was in Jerusalem during the Passover Feast, many believed in His name [identified themselves with His party] after seeing His signs (wonders, miracles) which He was doing. John 2:24 But Jesus [for His part] did not trust Himself to them, because He knew all [men]; John 2:25 And He did not need anyone to bear witness concerning man [needed no evidence from anyone about men], for He Himself knew what was in human nature. [He could read men's hearts.] [I Sam. 16:7.] 3
  4. 4. The Sticky Floor Syndrome “Being Incompetent at E-I Leads to the “Sticky Floor” Syndrome for Most Leaders
  5. 5. Importance of E-I More leaders, managers and even business owners fail due to lack of emotional intelligence competence than due to lack of the professional skills needed for the positions they hold in their organizations.
  6. 6. Importance of E-I An emotionally intelligent manager is better able to achieve own goals, lead others to achieve their own goals, and support peers in attaining their goals.
  7. 7. Definitions of E-I  “ Ability to know your natural instinctive state of mind, understand its genesis, and how you use that state of mind to make decisions and take actions in the course of your life”.  “Ability to engage in productive relationships by being better able to manage one’s emotional needs while meeting others’ needs”
  8. 8. Emotional Intelligence  Peter Salovey and John D. Mayer (1990) defined EI as “the ability to monitor one's own and others' feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them and to use this information to guide one's thinking and actions.”
  9. 9. Emotional Intelligence  Navigating the different levels of shared responsibilities and relationships at work or in church creates an environment in which a leader can succeed only with Emotional Intelligence
  10. 10. Emotional Intelligence The concept is associated particularly with the name of Daniel Goleman, an American psychologist.  Emotional Intelligence is often referred to as “EQ”, contrasting with “IQ”.  “Emotional Literacy” is used by many to refer to Emotional Intelligence skills.  Emotional intelligence (which is both intra- and interpersonal) should be acknowledged, nurtured and developed.
  11. 11. The Intentional Leader in the Organization Church Organization Department / Unit Intendi ng Leader
  12. 12. E-I Framework  Self Awareness  Awareness  Self of Others Regulation  Intentional Action
  13. 13. Self Awareness  Recognition of your personality traits depth, breadth, strengths -challenges, and their impact on one’s environment.  Awareness of the environment’s impact on your personality
  14. 14. Self Awareness Framework    Awareness of your personality (know your strengths and limits) Emotional Awareness (Know your emotions in the moment and the effects on people and circumstances in your environment) Awareness of your sense of self (knowing what motivates your self confidence)
  15. 15. Other Awareness Awareness of other’s personality strengths and limits  Awareness of other’s Emotional Being  Awareness of other’s Sense of Self 
  16. 16. Awareness Of Icebergs
  17. 17. Self &Other AwarenessCornerstones of E-I     Cornerstones of E-I Most difficult competences to obtain Developing awareness of one’s self and understanding others require the exploration of personality traits and their genesis. Everyone and Every Environment is an Iceberg.. Most of what we should be aware of is hidden beneath the surface.
  18. 18. Self and Other Awareness THE LEADER Personality Development History Private/Personal Life Spirituality Masks Ghosts of the unconscious
  19. 19. The Johari Window (Psalm 139:1;23) Known to me Known to everyone Hidden to others (Public) (Façade) Hidden to me Hidden to all others (Unknown) Known to others Hidden to me (Blind spot)
  20. 20. Dimensions to Self & Other Awareness Personality  Individual Developmental Stages  Life Wheel  Professional Skills Level 
  21. 21. MBTI- The 4 Dichotomies Extraversion Gets energy from the outer world Sensing Immediate, practical, facts, experience, life Thinking Objectivity Impersonally, Cause and effect Rational Conclusion Judgment Decisive, Planned, Structured, Orderly, Regulate, Control Events Energy Flow Introversion Gets Energy from the inner world Data Gathering Intuition Possibilities Relationships, meanings Feeling Subjectivity, personally, Decision Making weigh values of choices & values to others Life Orientation Perception Spontaneous Flexible Aim to understand Adaptable
  22. 22. Protect One’s and Other’s Sense of self - ICO ASPECT BEHAVIOUR FEAR Inclusion Control Openness Significa nce Competenc Likabili Belonging e ty ness Unlikabl Failure Ignored e Humiliati Outside Rejectio on n PERFORMANC Perceptio E n BASED ON HUMAN ELEMENT B- WILL SCHULTZ PHD Goals Satisfac tion
  23. 23. Life Wheel: Life is a Balancing Act Extended family Immediate family Social Network Career Path Me Health Physical & Mental Finance Situation Profession al Network Spirituality
  24. 24. Self Regulation Ability to respond appropriately to sensations and feelings arising from external stimuli (people and situations). Effectively manage one’s impulses and resources in light of the first two elements of the EI Framework.
  25. 25. Framework for Self Regulation Self control: keeping destructive impulses in check. Trustworthiness: reliability, honesty and integrity. Conscientiousness: taking responsibility for your own performance Adaptability: flexibility in handling change Innovation: comfort with new ideas, approaches and new information
  26. 26. Self Control is Core Control of the self is the core of self regulation. Self regulation in turn is the core of healthy emotional development. An adult with a normal levels of self regulation is able to deal with complex and challenging situations.
  27. 27. Intentional Action Presupposes That we have the appropriate levels of self and other awareness We are able to self-regulate appropriately, enabling us to be resilient in complex, often challenging and changing situations, We can take purposeful actions that will yield the result (impact) that we want or that is appropriate.
  28. 28. Intentional Action Framework Thoughts Attitudes Behaviour Results
  29. 29. Resilience Focus on the current role you occupy Clarity on performance expectations Have a good handle on the state of your hard skills Fit in with Unit and Organizational Culture
  30. 30. Tools for Resilience Deal with your expectations of your assignment, the organization, your peers, and your boss (leader) Deal with the performance boundaries Learn to use informal channels for answers Build and hold trust.. strongly Manage your stresses
  31. 31. Self Leadership Watch your attitude Check your belief about what is true Check your sense of direction Manage your priorities Watch where you point your energy Manage your personal life
  32. 32. Use Time Well 70% of the time- focus locus of core impact 15% of the time- work in learning situations 5 % of the time- Upgrade your skills through structured learning 5 % of the time- develop networks outside organisation 5 % of the time- develop networks within the organisation
  33. 33. Why The Focus On Emotional Intelligence?  Brain science has shown how strong emotional reactions can overwhelm rational responses to situations and can “hijack” a rational, calm response.  If we can control our initial impulsive response to a situation we may be able to deal more effectively with it.  Physiological factors directly influence Emotional Intelligence  Emotionally healthy people are happier, more cooperative and learn and contribute more effectively
  34. 34. How to Increase Your EI or EQ           Conduct a “personal inventory.” Analyze the setting and identify skills needed. Enlist trusted friends. Focus on a few competencies. Practice, practice, practice. Be observant and reflective. Don’t make excuses for non performance Don’t expect immediate results. Learn from your mistakes. Acknowledge your successes.
  35. 35. In Conclusion Know strengths and weaknesses, habits of thought and biases, likes and dislikes Manage time, focus of attention, and Emotions Monitor and manage your feelings and their effect on others Respond to people and events in an authentic, appropriate, and genuine manner Achieve intended results
  36. 36. Personal Development Plan Area Self Awarenes s Other Awarenes s Self Regulati on Intentio nal Action Start Doing Stop Doing
  37. 37. Note that…  Research has suggested that; – EQ may be a better indication of success in life than IQ. – no more than 25% of an individual’s success in his/her career is attributable to IQ. – almost 90% of success in leadership is attributable to EQ. – in every field, your EQ (emotional quotient) is 2 times as important as your cognitive abilities.
  39. 39. Introduction Relationship Management • • Every leadership position would bring along change in relationships. The management of this change will determine the peace we will enjoy in that leadership position.
  40. 40. Family Relationship Management • • • Change also happens in family relationships based on different scenarios. Take each change in good stride and realize that you will be appreciated only if you are useful to people’s dreams and aspirations. Sharing your perspective with key dependants in advance will enhance family relationships.
  41. 41. SELF MANAGEMENT  Proper self management will involve: ROLE SETTING  Define your new role including some which you ought to have been playing but you neglected  Identify and list them GOALS SETTING – Set specific, accomplishable goals in the areas you have identified.
  42. 42. HOW TO NETWORK LIKE A PRO • Interact with people with an open mind – – – – Circulate - Networking is a numbers game Always communicate and clearly share your expectations with your team members Shake hands, look people in the eye, be enthusiastic Call or send notes immediately after each interaction.... Never take people for granted.
  43. 43. Human Relations/Interpersonal skills Human relations/interpersonal skills deal with the way and manner a person relates with people at church, work, home and everywhere he goes..
  44. 44. Personal relationship skills contribute 85 percent to a person’s success on the job Professional competence contributes only 15 percent
  45. 45. Areas of interpersonal skills Facial expression–smiles or frowns
  46. 46. Handshake Chat/discussion Concern for others/ Assistance to others, etc.
  47. 47. Greetings Warm Cold
  48. 48. People are not the same, they are usually different.
  49. 49. A nice service provider eh? Oh my G od!!! Some are nice and jovial, others are difficult and quarrelsome.
  50. 50. Some are highly placed, but you may not notice that from their looks.  Some are militant and dangerous.   Some people are well-educated while others are not.  Some are always happy and relate well wherever they go. Others are troubled and they transfer aggression.  Some are married while others are single  Some are sincere Christians, others are NOT.
  51. 51. Strategies for improving your interpersonal skills        Get close to people who have good relationship skills Listen to audio tapes on relationship skills Always wear a smile Be willing to assist people Learn to throw some jokes Appreciate little assistance and favour Be willing to easily forgive people
  52. 52.  Be ready to apologize if you are wrong. It does not reduce you.  Try and talk at meetings and be audible enough to be heard.  Always control your temper. If your temper controls you, you are not likely to be successful in your department and in other personal endeavours.  If you always look moody, you will send away or discourage people who may help you. And no one can succeed without people.
  53. 53. Human Relations Questions                Do you greet people? Do you greet people warmly? Do you share jokes with your colleagues and neighbors? Do you offer someone a lunch once in a while? Do you give gifts? Do you know your colleagues’ birthdays? Do you visit people? Would you go the extra mile for somebody’s sake? Do you easily get annoyed? Do you easily forgive? Do you appreciate little assistance? Do you reply text messages? Do you write appreciation or congratulatory letters? Do you find it difficult to apologize when at fault? Do you know the names of people in your church?
  54. 54. Always remember these three powerful statements if you want to have a good rapport with people: 1. 2. 3. Thank you I’m sorry Please, could you or may I ……?
  55. 55. Thanks for listening Kick me out; Game is over