A Severa, Real Life Dominatrix Interview By John Bowe
<ul><li>I'm twenty-six. I've been a dominatrix for a couple of years now. I got into it for a variety of reasons. I studied criminology, sociology and women's studies, and had some pretty leftist professors, and they influenced me in that I realized, hey, if society is gonna make things like drugs and prostitution and gambling illegal, and create false scarcities and make the prices go up, why not take advantage of it if you can?
When I first came to New York, I showed up with just a backpack to be on the Maury Povitch show, some episode about how opposites attract. I lied and said I was really attracted to short men just as an excuse to get flown in. And I loved it here and so I looked in the help wanted section for social workers and it was retarded--like $17,000 a year. It's absolutely retarded the number of people who do stuff they hate. Two weeks paid vacation and all. It's a joke. </li></ul>
<ul><li>So I looked in the Yellow Pages under "domination" or something like that. I contacted Ava Norman, who's very big. She loved me right away. So I got work through her. And then I started working for another dungeon as well.
There's lots of vocational training for this. They don't just send you in not knowing anything. There's practical training--learning the things to do. They're very interesting, the things that you can do, things you wouldn't think of. You have to learn how to do them. It's just like any other job: you have to know how to do it. It would be insane not to know how to do it. </li></ul>
<ul><li>You also have to read books on the psychology of it. That's actually the most important thing. The psychological training is ninety percent of it--and it's the part that interests me most. It's not like you just come in and get beaten. The psychological part of it is about reaching into someone's mind to do something that they may feel ashamed or nervous about. Finding out what they really want but aren't able to say. It's about why a person wants something. You have to be empathetic.
The two dungeons where I work are private places in business offices. On the outside, they'd probably look the same to you as any corporate office. And on the inside, I'm making about the same per hour as a good attorney. The house takes a good portion of the money, but they also handle the collection. Money never passes our hands, because if it's an undercover police officer, we can't have our fingerprints on the bills. </li></ul>
<ul><li>The dungeons have decorated rooms. Very private and fully equipped. Both places have the typical hard-core rooms, all done up in black, and then the other Martha Stewart-ish rooms. They're both about equally popular.
It's not a sex service. They're perfectly free to release themselves, but I'm not there for their direct sexual satisfaction.
All my customers are men. Women can be naturally dominated by men at any time. They just have to go to a bar and they can find a guy who will dominate them. I see a lot of men. I call them clients. Or patients. Like we're the therapists. Sometimes I definitely feel like I'm a counselor. </li></ul>
<ul><li>My favorite thing about the job is seeing people who put themselves on the line. I feel they do themselves a credit to come forth and say what it is that they really want, even though such a thing might seem ridiculous, might be something which society considers a taboo, or disgusting.
A lot of submissives in my world are dominant in the outside world. They have high-paying positions, importance and decision-making. They're looking for balance. And vice versa, if someone doesn't have a lot of power in society, they can come in and dominate the submissive. </li></ul>
<ul><li>I certainly never let go and lose control myself. A person who loses control of themselves shouldn't be in a controlling situation. That would be dangerous. You can't start whipping someone and lose control.
I am constantly learning new techniques, new things. I can't lie and say it's always exciting, because sometimes it is dull. You know, like cross-dressers who want to be dressed up and transformed and called a slut and taken advantage of. That's gotten kind of old. </li></ul>
<ul><li>Some are good. One guy wanted me to take Polaroids of him in cross-dressing outfits, and I was supposed to extort him for money and get him to admit it was him. That was fun. Then there's a wrestling guy who comes in once a week--he's a plumber, which is surprising. And he always has pretty amusing scenarios.
I'm weird. I'm a freak by society's normal standards. And I don't care. Anyone who's involved with me has to be into the scene themselves. It's not important to me to be normal. I run away from normality. Mediocrity sucks. But, you know, you need support. It's important to have friends. It's important to have people understand. And a lot of people don't. A lot of people think I'm a whore. Or that it's weird. </li></ul>
<ul><li>In my better client relationships, I absolutely feel like I do something that's important. I help people grow. I help them develop by helping them understand themselves better, by helping them learn to communicate better, and most importantly, by helping them learn what they desire, sexually, emotionally--and then I help them have the courage to ask for it.
I am a lifestyle mistress, which means I am someone who incorporates S&M into their life, whose own sexuality lends itself to this kind of lifestyle. Someone who thinks she needs this for her own sexual life. It isn't something I just do on weekends. It is me. I mean, I was this way before the job. </li></ul>
<ul><li>Truly good mistresses are lifestyle mistresses. Because if it's just someone who does it for money, they won't be as interested in the dynamics of it, the psychology of it, the technique. It'll just be something to do.
I want to become a very well-known real dominatrix . Then I can specialize. That should be everyone's goal: eliminating things you don't particularly like to do and focusing on what you like to do. I wouldn't want my own dungeon. It's way too expensive. I'd just like a bunch of sugar daddies. Who wouldn't? </li></ul>