15 favorite humor bits

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15 bits of jokes and humor for young and old.

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15 favorite humor bits

  1. 1. Free Powerpoint Templates 15 Favorite Humor Bits
  2. 2. Free Powerpoint Templates #1 I never married because I have three pets at home that answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late at night. — Marie Coreiii
  3. 3. #2 When you’re right, no one remembers. When you’re wrong, no one forgets.
  4. 4. #3 Women have a passion for mathematics. They divide their age in half, double the price of their clothes, and always add at least five years to the age of their best friend. Marcel Achard
  5. 5. Powerpoint Templates #4 Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much. Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
  6. 6. #5 Wealthy man making his will: "To my cousin, Osgood, I leave my stock portfolio and properties on the Outer Cape... . To my faithful cook, Minnie, I leave my Palm Beach estate. . . To my nephew, Brutus, who always argued that health is more important than wealth, I leave my sweat socks and jogging shoes." — Art Swanson, Newspaper Enterprise Association
  7. 7. Powerpoint Templates #6 An archeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her. — Agatha Christie
  8. 8. Free Powerpoint Templates # 7 In his book How to Use Humor for Business Success, Malcolm Kushner reports that there are three ways to get things done: • do it yourself • ask someone else to do it • ask your kids NOT to do it
  9. 9. Free Powerpoint Templates #8 A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says 'You've been brought here for drinking.' The drunk says 'Okay, let's get started.' Henny Youngman
  10. 10. #9 When the fellow called a motel and asked how much they charged for a room, the clerk told him that the rates depended on room size and number of people. "Do you take children?" the man asked. "No, sir," replied the clerk. "Only cash and credit cards." — Successful Meetings Magazine
  11. 11. #10 Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers. - Homer Simpson
  12. 12. Free Powerpoint Templates #11 A woman testified to the transformation in her life that had resulted through her experience in conversion. She declared, "I'm so glad I got religion. I have an uncle I used to hate so much, I vowed I'd never go to his funeral. But now, why, I'd be happy to go to it any time.“ — Norton Mockridge
  13. 13. Powerpoint Templates #12 When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
  14. 14. Powerpoint Templates # 13 Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards; if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book. -- Ronald Reagan
  15. 15. Powerpoint Templates #14 The woman cries before the wedding and the man after. Polish Proverb Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering. Anonymous
  16. 16. Free Powerpoint Templates #15 The only way to comprehend what mathematicians mean by Infinity is to contemplate the extent of human stupidity. Voltaire
  17. 17. The End May Laughter make your day and keep you healthy in every way! With Metta, Bro. Oh Teik Bin

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