Laura Wells Show v1 003


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This speech was part of a group presentation for Read 142. It should accompany the slide show, "Laura Wells Show". The rubric did not call for a serious attempt at campaigning. Rather, it was aimed at recognizing & using various forms of rhetoric. We had fun with this project at the expense of the candidate we were assigned, as well as some local representatives of the Fullerton area. IT IS A PARODY in case anyone takes offense to it. Laura Wells, from what we read, sounds like a very nice, well-meaning person and made for a welcomed third-party candidate.

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Laura Wells Show v1 003

  1. 1. 1Louis WischnewskyVina MelaraCheryl LydayMaria ValasquezAubrey SaulsRead 142HughesDecember 8, 2010 Were not the “Brown” party, were the real Green Party Comments by Laura WellsOh, Oh, yeah! Fullerton, you make me feel like a woman! Yeeeaahh! Wow! I tell you, thiscampaign stuff can put you in … drag … mode. Its been crazy. Like the last couple of days? Ihavent even had time to shave my legs … or my face! They said I should wear a nice dress, buthere I am in a t-shirt and jeans. Im not even wearing a bra tonight! I dont know … I dont thinkits my panties all in a knot down here. My husband! I love him! He thought I should have gonecommando tonight and I think he was right.Going all natural! Thats what the Green Party is all about, right? Yes! My name is Laura Wellsand thats what Im all about, too: going all natural.Thank you, Sharon, for that wonderful introduction. I think the Aboretum is even more beautifulthan you told us it would be. Anne, this would not be possible without you. And Jane! Werespreading the Green all over the state! Senator Lou, we wont be effective in Sacramento withoutyou!In keeping with the Green Partys message of conservation, Im only going to talk about oneplank on my platform. (This uses ideological line of reasoning).I would like to remind everyone of a sad but true story. There was once a man that decided tobuild a car that would last forever. Preston Tucker managed to design an automobile that wasmore reliable than anything Detroit ever dreamed of. However, not wanting to deal withcompetition, the automakers sent lobbyists toWashington, D.C. to convince Congress to come upwith all kinds of laws Tucker could not afford to comply with. As a result, we Americans havemissed out on better cars that would have had lower emissions and better fuel economy.As reported by the Washington Examiner in July of this year, a poll by the Institue for EnergyResearch shows that 70% of Americans reject cap-and-trade.
  2. 2. 2I am an everyday person just like that 70% of you. (These comments use empirical line ofreasoning.)We all know that cap-and-trade benefits only greedy corporations that are not being fair to thelittle-guy.Im here to tell you why voting for me, Laura Wells, is a vote for Fairness and Equal Opportunity.Well look at three reasons I am against cap-and-trade:A person we all know and love opposes cap-and-tradeWhat will happen if we dont oppose Cap-and-trade?I am the only candidate like you.So let me explicate why you want someone that will stand up to the established polluters.Everyone knows who Angelina Jolie is. Her father is the very famous and loveable Jon Voight.You might know him from the Mission Impossible movies that also starred Tom Cruise. JonVoight has written several letters to President Obama opposing Cap-and-Trade. Think of Lauraand Jon Voight as being in Preston Tuckers shoes decades later. (This is the use of transferappeal.)Either everyone votes for me or California will disappear into a brown, LA haze (Either/Orfallacy). Not to make a pejorative statement, but we dont want our beautiful, rose scentedPasadena to become like the stinky Pasadena of Texas. Congress instituted CAFE standards onthe automakers and now global warming is out of control (Post hoc, ergo propter hoc fallacy).You dont want to vote for Meg Whitman because, as a former CEO, most of her friends areCEOs of the very companies causing all our pollution. We have to vote for Laura or well all feellike Preston Tucker fighting a battle that cant be won against the system that cant be fixed. (Thisparagraph uses comparative line of reasoning.) Look, I am the only candidate that really understands you. Im the only candidate that took a sixmonth vacation to drive around in one of those huge, old, vintage RVs – one of those morereliable, pre-CAFE standard RVs so I could safely get to see people in 30 different states. UnlikeJerry Brown, I have had real jobs outside of government (Ad hominen fallacy). Im the onlycandidate that, like all of you, understands we all want cleaner air. And Im the only candidatewhose entire platform is built on going Green. We all know what Preston Tucker felt likebecause, like me, you go to jobs with that same atmosphere every day (emotional appeal).Lets stop living in the two-party axiom. I just gave you a lot of reasons to vote for me. First, JonVoight also opposes unfair Cap-and-Trade policy. Second, we dont want bad things to happen toCalifornia. And finally, we need someone like the rest of us in Sacramento. Going back to thatpoll in my introduction, we know that policies like Cap-and-Trade are fallacious attempts to
  3. 3. 3trick us into benefiting only evil corporations (appeal to fear). So lets not find ourselves a bunchof Preston Tuckers. Go vote for me, Laura Wells