Language analysis exam 2011 feedback

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power point of feedback to students taken from responses to practice exam in 2011. This really is only suitable to VCE English students and teachers who have worked on the VATE 2011 trial English exam.

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  • Tell me something I don’t know! And be accurate
  • Spelling – a waffly and inappropriate description. Accuracy? What is and doing here?
  • Tell me something I don’t know! Waffle!!!
  • Relevance?
  • (the was missing in the original) spelling is poor but can be fixed – content is on task.
  • Language analysis exam 2011 feedback

    1. 1. Language analysis<br />2011 practice exam – AllAbroad<br />Ms Gilbert<br />
    2. 2. How not to start an analysis: <br />All abroad is a national website that aims it’s material and opinion towards the adult teenagers of Australia, this can be seen both visually and verbally in their company logo which has the Australian flag embedded behind the font; as well as the websites slogan: ‘The ultimate gap year for young Australians.’ <br />
    3. 3. How NOT to start and analysis <br />All Aboard web page is an intreging, fascinating and motivating way designed to grap the attention of VCE students. <br />The AllAbroad website details information on the ultimate gap year experience and programs for young Australians. <br />
    4. 4. How NOT to start and analysis <br />The AllAbroad company that specialises in the provision of gap year programs have a webpage that promotes what they are all about. <br />‘The ultimate gap year experience for young Australians’ is a website that was posted on the website AllAbroad.<br />The decision of whether to take a gap year or not can be tough for many high school leaving students. <br />
    5. 5. How NOT to start and analysis <br />Every year before VCE students reach their final exams the become a nervous wreck, wondering if their best option is to head to university straight away or take a well deserved gap year to travel and earn money. <br />The webpage that features on the All Abroad website…<br />Written language on the website gives off enthusiasm and persuades the reader that it’s a great adventure, that will give you a great experience and boosts your confidence. <br />
    6. 6. Waffle classic<br />The structure of the home page is very important for the company to address the audience and get across their contention.<br />
    7. 7. A better way to start<br />In order to promote its product the AllAbroad company makes use of a variety of numerous persuasive devices common to advertising and webpage construction. <br />(The) AllAbroad webpage invites students finishing year 12 to hope aboard to foreign countries for the ‘ultimate gap year experience’. <br />
    8. 8. How would you improve this?<br />‘The ultimate gap year experience for young Australians’ headlines the webpage article of the AllAbroad website, aimed at ‘young Australians’ who are on the verge of finishing school or have recently finished school and are users of the internet. <br />
    9. 9. Vocabulary…<br />The website or webpage? (it is NOT a newsfeed) is it an ‘article’? <br />Image, photo, graphic, logo, - the pictures on the page<br />VS<br />Imagery – language which depicts an image in your mind. <br />Pictorials? These are not ‘pictures’!<br />The author talks about <br />OR<br />The author writes about/contends/argues/illustrates/explains….<br />Bias, biased (which is the noun, which the adjective?) <br />Short story – or anecdote?<br />
    10. 10. Improve these<br />The main contention of this article is that the target audience should utilise the ‘gap year’ program that All Abroad offers. <br />
    11. 11. Improve this: <br />The webpage structured by an introduction, three main subheadings and a small conclusion features strong negative and positive connotations, for alternative options after finishing school and endeavouring on the gap year respectively. <br />
    12. 12. Classic Clichés and other nonsense<br />…allows them to stay on a path…(them refers to the company) <br />By including x it skyrockets the attitude towards the article (what is it – and what is the attitude?) <br />Adult teenagers - ??<br />You youyouyou,….the examiner does not need to be addressed!<br />The webage is continually prompting the reader to imagine…<br />Giving a positive effect to the article…<br />The continuous positive ideas…<br />As the website is a company…<br />
    13. 13. Classic Clichés and other nonsense<br />The webpage then goes on to ….<br />…uses statistics to address readers…<br />In order to do this she uses certain metalanguage techniques….<br />The writer also uses anecdotes to improve her argument…<br />It then goes on to state…<br />…this article is structured as a persuasive essay…<br />The webpage seeks to educate and enlighten the extensive advantages that result from taking a year off after completing year twelve, and commencing further study or a career. <br />(the author) generalises to readers that…<br />
    14. 14. Classic Clichés and other nonsense<br />…a sense of belonging within the issue.<br />The Author use expert and first hand testimonies throughout the article….<br />The use of expert testimony by the author is used because the reader will then believe the article to be factual and true as the expert can’t be wrong …<br />The imagery used by the reader highlights the text…<br />The page then goes on… The page then explains… The page attacks…<br />
    15. 15. NON sentences:<br />AllAbroad, a website that is dedicated to selling a service to the reader. <br />What are the key requirements of a sentence? <br />
    16. 16. About Tone<br />An ‘informal and soft tone’<br />The tone is enthusiastic and repetitive<br />A more heavier tone<br />Revise your tone words – they are words that describe emotions of the ‘voice’ of the writer – not style (formal/informal) <br />
    17. 17. You needed to discuss some of the following<br />Anecdote<br />Cliché<br />Hyperbole<br />Contrast <br />Juxtaposition<br />Inclusive language<br />Rhetorical questions<br />Photo/images<br />Logo<br />Subheadings or signposting<br />Use of experts and statistics<br />Appeals – fear, social identity and belonging, fun, patriotism, practicality<br />Weblinks<br />3’s<br />Word play (AllAbroad) <br />
    18. 18. Weblinks example: <br />The article concludes with the opportunity to ‘sign up’ or gain further information via clickable links. This enables the reader to follow the command to ‘Do it’ that concluded the text section. The final image also encourages the reader to take a click to read ‘customer testimonies’ or explore the ‘amazing array of packages’ since the image itself is not annotated like the first one. The links are clearly intended to encourage the reader to use their ‘sense of adventure’ to explore further. <br />
    19. 19. Signpostingmake this better: <br />The way this has been set out allows the reader to easily see three of the main benefits of the program before reading the whole paragraphs. Signposting is an effective way of putting the author’s key arguments across to the reader, and like what this author has done, it presents and easy to read piece of writing, what a lot of 16-18 year olds would like. <br />
    20. 20. Make this better: <br />The structure of the piece is set out in an appealing way for the target audience with use of subheadings which allow the on-the-go student to easily find the part of the gap year that will most appeal to them. <br />
    21. 21. Improve these<br />Hayley, the owner of the anecdote, addresses the reader directly and informally (guys) adding to the ease and optimism the reader is positioned to feel.<br />The websitethen goes on the flatter readers by ‘congratulating’ them and that ‘All Abroad’ will help them achieve the ‘dream of a lifetime’. <br />
    22. 22. A third paragraph – make it better<br />Anecdotal evidence of the joys a gap year brings acts as an introduction to the AllAbroad website as it grabs the audience’s attention and allows them to become embedded in the life and experiences of someone else who went through what they are experiencing now with the choices following VCE completion. Hayley's AllAbroad gap year success story emphasises to the audience what ‘an amazing experience’ they can have and positions them to want the excitement and fun she has experienced in ‘remote magical jungles’ and ‘camping under the stars by the ocean’. The anecdote closes with a promise enticing the reader to read on and discover more about such opportunities. <br />( Description vs analysis)<br />
    23. 23. Conclusions<br />No shopping lists of techniques!<br />
    24. 24. Try this<br />The author’s use of form, language and structure is all very suitable for the target audience of keen energetic year 12 students. Appeals and contrast are the main persuasive language techniques used by the author in their quest to influence young Australians to not just imagine the experience AllAbroad offer but to ‘do it’. <br />
    25. 25. What is good about this?<br />Overall,the web advertisement for All Abroad’s gap year packages is upbeat in its use of language and web based design to entice school leavers to embark on their ‘adventure’ of a ‘lifetime’ rather than ‘ponder’ over ‘critical readings’ they are ‘lumped with at university’. It persuasively invites young internet savvy school leavers who have already worked hard to achieve year 12 to reward themselves with adventure through the powerful use of informal language and appeals targeted to their desire to have fun and be socially connected in the world. <br />
    26. 26. What is good about this? <br />The AllAbroad website is carefully written to persuade the reader to purchase their services. They provide many emotional appeals to a young and impressionable audience and appeal to the hip pocket of the reader in an uncertain economic climate. This page is designed to sell. <br />

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