Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 1
The Land of Lost Stories
By Kevin “Nalts” Nalty
Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 2
Royalty-Free Note
This approximately one-hour musical production was written for
commun...
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SET
Except for the intro and ending (performed in front of the
curtain, the play takes ...
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CHARACTERS
The grandchildren of Mother Goose (Aspen and Bree as young kids,
and later t...
Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 5
SONGS
We found instrumental versions of these songs online, and some lyrics
are adapted...
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TABLE OF CONTENTS
Scene 1: Story Time at Grandmas.........................................
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Scene 1: Story Time at Grandmas
(Front of curtain. A grandmother is sitting on a rocker...
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Hey grandma.
MOTHER GOOSE
Rest your bags, dear. I have some lemonade, lemon drops, and ...
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coins spill down slide, and he scrambles to get them all
and tuck them back into his po...
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Once his teeth were
bared,
Though, I really
got scared-
Well, excited and
scared-
But ...
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(Stanley is scared. He screams and runs to stage right
while holding his hands up in t...
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I don’t know. I’m not even sure how we got here.
DOROTHY
I don’t see any flying monkey...
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Our side..
Both
Our side--
Both:
Maybe we forgot:
they are not alone.
No one is alone....
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My little girl.... Good witches are bad witches who haven’t reached
their maximum pote...
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Have no fear, madam. It is I, Prince Charming. And I shall protect
you.
PRINCESS
Nice ...
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(The Little guys are enchanted and they sit to watch. Jack
sneaks around and steals th...
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It’s me. Arial. Little Mermaid? Oh nobody knows who I am anymore since
I gave up my lu...
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RED
I used to trust humanity.
Song intro starts here
GOLDILOCKS
I used to have parents...
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To torture us with your fossil breath?
BOPEEP
Wait, I know why they called a meeting, ...
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Statler
Oo, oo, oooh!
Waldorf
They’d rather Snapchat or
Facebook
Than read your dumb b...
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Scene 8: Change Your Story
Prince Charming and Dorothy are on stage
PRINCE CHARMING
So...
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PRINCESS
Put a lid on it, Charming. That doesn’t work here.
(To Peter)
These guys seem...
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Nothing will change.
GOLDILOCKS
Even if you're little, you can
do a lot, you
Mustn't l...
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GLINDA
Home is where your heart is, Dorothy
DOROTHY
Then I wish my heart were somewher...
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S11: LITTLE PEOPLE (GLINDA, BOPEEP, MERMAID, DOROTHY
WITH STANLEY, HUMPTY, FOZZIE, HAR...
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(pause for laughter)
Oh Humpty is fried. (Pause) What? Don’t crack up.... not a yolk.
...
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To be left out
And you don't know how it feels
To be your own best friend on
the outsi...
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Scene 12.5: Little Guys Stand Strong
(Jack is rooting through his collection of stolen...
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(The little guys hug)
FOZZIE
Listen. DO you hear that? And look- the door is opening!
...
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Oh please. You’ve got to come to my town and the first thing we’re
going to do is buy ...
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(Dorothy walks in from stage right. Charming rushes in from
stage left).
CHARMING
Doro...
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JACK
If she wants it back, she can buy it back on eBay.
ANDAPEE
Jack, does it look lik...
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BOPEEP
Because you’re full of sheep!
ANDAPEE
The doors. Jack they’ve opened for you.
J...
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(Removes his suit and reveals stripes. Pulls out a tale.
Covers his head with his ears...
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the sea. So they both grew tails and plunged into the sea one sunset.
Meanwhile, Tigge...
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You’re Winnie the Pooh!
(He is choked up. He removes his suit, and we see his
orange f...
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asked Pooh. Piglet replied, “It’s the first time he’s gone a whole
week without playin...
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And that story may be the best one ever told.
The End.
Curtain Call
S15: DON’T YOU FOR...
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Royalty free childrens play (Land of the Lost Stories)

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This is a script for a one-hour comedy and musical (called "Land of Lost Stories") that I wrote for children's community theater (ages 8-15). It's about today's technology (apps, phones, youtube) distracting kids from reading childhood stories. The songs are adaptations of existing music, and the instrumentals/karaoke versions can be found online. The plot is designed to give each actor in the cast a chance to play a well-known characters like: Goldilocks, Little Mermaid, Peter Pan, Humpty Dumpty, Flat Stanley, Mother Goose, Princess and Pea, Harold and the Purple Crayon, Fozzie Bear, Tinkerbell, Dorothy and Glinda (Wizard of Oz), Jack and the Beanstalk, Prince Charming, Pinocchio, Little Bo Peep. In the story, these characters simply want to return to the "hearts and minds" of children everywhere, but they can't escape the island until they overcome a weakness or change in a meaningful way. There's a twist at the end, where we discover that the jailers of the island are actually Winnie the Pooh and Tiger in disguise. This script and production (NOT the characters or music) is being shared by the author under the Creative Commons "Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International" and it's free to use, royalty free for schools and non-profits. Contact author if you have questions (kevinnalty at gee-mail). Note: the author does not have rights to the songs here, which are protected under separate copyrights. Some of the characters are public domain since the copyrights have expired. Let me know if you perform it!

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Royalty free childrens play (Land of the Lost Stories)

  1. 1. Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 1 The Land of Lost Stories By Kevin “Nalts” Nalty
  2. 2. Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 2 Royalty-Free Note This approximately one-hour musical production was written for community theater to be performed by children ages 11-15. It includes characters and songs that are not owned or licensed by the writer. The author is sharing only the derivative storyline under the Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International license. The writer/owner of this story does not have rights for characters or songs that are suggested here, so if you perform this play you assume risk. Many of the characters are public domain because their copyrights have expired (original Wizard of Oz, Pinocchio, Peter Pam and other Fairy Tales). But producers or directors should recognize that using the songs and select characters can infringe on rights. For the debut performance of this play, children selected their own characters and completed a worksheet on the character with such questions as: what was the original source of the character, what is their motivation, what scares them, what lesson do they need to learn? These worksheets were incorporated into the script, so the actors and actresses shaped the story and their character arcs. Send me a note if you plan to perform this – I’d love to see it! kevinnalty@gmail.com. Plot Summary Distracted by technology and pop culture, children today are beginning to forget the most timeless story characters. When the stories of these classic characters are no longer told, they are discarded to the “Land of Lost Stories.” For the first time, these beloved characters meet and interact with each other, and some bottle while others bond. There is hope for returning to the “hearts and minds” of children, as long as the characters can overcome their weaknesses, face their fears, and help each other. But now, the island’s evil captors threaten to drag all the beloved characters to the island’s hills, where they will be forgotten entirely.
  3. 3. Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 3 SET Except for the intro and ending (performed in front of the curtain, the play takes place on an island. It’s a vibrant set that includes a door for escape and an entrance that characters enter via a slide. The slide is obscured by rocks (which we made of paper machete and wire mesh). You can include a fog machine and lights to create drama around the character exits as they’re freed from island (and we played majestic music through the entire sequence of departure).
  4. 4. Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 4 CHARACTERS The grandchildren of Mother Goose (Aspen and Bree as young kids, and later teens) can be double cast. That means there are 20 cast members, although you could add or subtract “Littles” (which are written to include Harold, Fozzie, Flat Stanley and Humpty Dumpty). In our version, adults played Mother Goose and Humpty Dumpty. 1. Mother Goose 2. Aspen (as young child and then teen) 3. Bree (as young child and then teen) 4. Tinkerbell 5. Jack (Jack & Beanstalk) 6. Red (Little Red Riding Hood) 7. Dorothy 8. Glinda 9. Humpty Dumpty 10. Flat Stanley 11. Fozzie Bear 12. Harold (Harold & Crayon) 13. Waldorf 14. Statler 15. Pinocchio 16. Princess Andapee (Princess & the Pea) 17. Prince Charming 18. Goldilocks 19. Little Mermaid 20. Little Bo Peep (played ala “Dori” in Finding Nemo) 21. Peter Pan 22. Pinocchio
  5. 5. Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 5 SONGS We found instrumental versions of these songs online, and some lyrics are adapted. Be careful to ensure that you decide whether you’ll use the Broadway or film versions of these songs. Almost all of the songs have been truncated. Again, the rights to these songs are not owned by the author of this play. 1. I Know Things Now (Into the Woods) 2. Watch Me Whip (or use a currently popular song) 3. No One is Alone (Into the Woods) 4. Happiest Home in these Hills (Pete’s Dragon). 5. Call Me a Princess (written for Aladdin but not used) 6. Stressed Out (21 Pilots) 7. Forget You (Cee Lo Green) 8. Change Your Story (Matilda) 9. Imagine (John Lennon) 10. Little People (Les Miserables) 11. Outside Looking In (Jordan Pruitt) 12. I Will Remember You (Sarah Mclachlan) 13. Alone in the Universe (Seussical) 14. Don’t You Forget About Me (Simple Minds) PROP LIST Basket for Red Riding Hood Small cot and sheets for Aspen/Bree Backpacks for teens Jack: box, keys, gold coins Stanley: blanket Harold: large crayon Fozzy: horn Humpty: boom box, yellow ball as yolk Bopeep: Staff
  6. 6. Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 6 TABLE OF CONTENTS Scene 1: Story Time at Grandmas.............................................................................................................................7 Scene 2: Eleven Years Later.........................................................................................................................................7 Scene 3: Welcome to the Island.................................................................................................................................8 S2: I Know Things Now (Red) instrumental .........................................................................................................9 S3: Watch Me Whip (Little Guys)...........................................................................................................................10 Scene 4: Not Kansas.......................................................................................................................................................11 S4: No One is Alone, Into Woods (Dorothy & Glinda)...................................................................................12 S5: Happiest home in these Hills (Waldorf/Statler)......................................................................................14 Scene 5: Prince and Princess....................................................................................................................................14 S6: Call Me a Princess (Princess Andapee) .........................................................................................................15 Scene 6: StressedGirls.................................................................................................................................................16 S7: Stressed Out (Goldilocks, red, bopeep, mermaid)...................................................................................18 Scene 7:Town Hall Meeting (ALLCAST)............................................................................................................18 S8: Forget You (Waldorf/Statler) ..........................................................................................................................19 Scene 8: Change Your Story.......................................................................................................................................21 S9: Change Your Story (Peter Pan, with goldilock, Charming and Pinnocchio) instrumental .....22 Scene 9: Homeor Not....................................................................................................................................................23 S10: Imagine (Dorothy & Glinda)............................................................................................................................24 Scene 10: What Little People CanDo...................................................................................................................24 S11: Little People (Glinda, Bopeep, Mermaid, Dorothy with Stanley, HUMPTY,Fozzie,Harold) ................................................................................................................................................................................................25 Scene 11: In Our Own Bubbles................................................................................................................................26 S12: Outside Looking In (Andapee/Glinda, Bopeep) .....................................................................................26 Scene 12: Pinocchio andTinkerbell.....................................................................................................................27 Scene 12.5: Little GuysStand Strong....................................................................................................................28 Scene 13: Discovering Secrets.................................................................................................................................33 S13: I Will Remember You (Bopeep and Mermaid, Tigger) ........................................................................34 Scene 14: And Then There Were Two.................................................................................................................35 S14: Alone in the Universe (Red, Pooh) ...............................................................................................................36 Scene 15: Back to theCabin.......................................................................................................................................37 CurtainCall.........................................................................................................................................................................38 S15: Don’t You forget about me (All Cast).......................................................................................................38 S16: Watch Me Whip (CAST).....................................................................................................................................38
  7. 7. Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 7 Scene 1: Story Time at Grandmas (Front of curtain. A grandmother is sitting on a rocker, reading a story to two small children in their bed on stage left). MOTHER GOOSE “And sometimes, if you stand on the bottom rail of a bridge and lean over to watch the river slipping slowly away beneath you,” said Pooh to Tigger. “You will suddenly know everything there is to be known.“ ASPEN You tell bestest stories of anyone I know, grandma. BREE Yes. One more story, please! MOTHER GOOSE Tomorrow, Aspen and Bree. It’s past your bedtime and there’s only one more night until your parents return. ASPEN So our last story this summer is tomorrow night? BREE Then it had better be a very good one. MOTHER GOOSE It will. I promise. It will be the second best story ever told. Yes, the second best story ever told, my little goslings. ASPEN What’s a gosling? MOTHER GOOSE A gosling is a child of a goose. BREE Then you’re a mother goose! Kids laugh as the Mother Goose tucks them in, and lights drop. MOTHER GOOSE (sings in lullaby) Day is done, gone the sun, From the lake, from the hills, from the sky; All is well, safely rest, God is nigh. Scene 2: Eleven Years Later (Front of curtain. Bree and Aspen are teenagers. They enter from stage right with luggage.) MOTHER GOOSE Well there are my goslings! Hello, Bree. Hello Aspen. Look how you two have grown. BREE Hi Mother Goose! ASPEN
  8. 8. Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 8 Hey grandma. MOTHER GOOSE Rest your bags, dear. I have some lemonade, lemon drops, and new stories to share with you when you get settled. BREE (Looking at phone) Oh tonight? Well that’s nice, but... ASPEN (Laughing at text on phone, and shows it to Bree. Then realizes Mother Goose is standing there). Oh right. Bree and I are meeting some friends at the mall. BREE We’ll be back maybe at ten o’clock, but that’s past your bedtime, right? ASPEN (Reads text). Hey, Mason is outside. We’ll see you in the morning, okay? Scene 3: Welcome to the Island (Curtain opens to reveal a strange island. On the back of stage left is a hole with a green slide poking out. On the back of stage right is a small, closed door. Jack, from Jack & The Beanstalk, falls down green slide onto stage. JACK Ouch! Holy cow that hurt worse than falling down my beanstalk. Where the heck am I? TINKERBELL (She’s weak and leaning against something for support) How should I know? I’ve only been here for a few hours. Actually it has maybe been a few days. JACK I first thought you were a talking harp. But you’re Tinkerbell, aren’t you? Wow you’ve really let yourself go. TINKERBELL Up your beanstalk, Jack. I can barely stand, and this place is draining me. I can’t even remember how I got here. JACK Well it looks like you need some help. (She reaches for him, but he walks away oblivious) TINKERBELL Still stealing from giants, Jack? JACK What gave it away? TINKERBELL The gold in your pocket. JACK Gold? I don’t have any gold. Well I gotta split. Tell Peter Pan hi. (Jack first tries doorknob, shaking it vigorously. Then he tries climbing back up green slide, but he can’t. His gold
  9. 9. Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 9 coins spill down slide, and he scrambles to get them all and tuck them back into his pockets, hoping Tinkerbell doesn’t notice). TINKERBELL That gold! (Little Red Riding Hood slides in, and is startled by Jack and Tinkerbell. She jumps back and fiercely protects her basket. She eyes them suspiciously). RED Who are you and what do you want with me?! JACK Easy, Eloise. TINKERBELL She’s not Eloise. She’s Pippi Longstocking. RED Hood. Red. Riding Hood. JACK Oh I remember her. I dated her grandmother. She’s an animal. RED Back off, Jack. It is, Jack, isn’t it? The kid who murders lonely giants and steals their well earned gold? TINKERBELL Fess up, Red. What’s in the basket? JACK Looks heavy. Can I hold it for you? RED Step back. I’m not the innocent little girl you think. I know things now. JACK Do you? S2: I KNOW THINGS NOW (RED) INSTRUMENTAL Note: In the “In the Woods” song and traditional story, Red learns a to be careful and safe. But in this play, she took a different lesson from her experience with the wolf. She trusts nobody, suspects people are innately bad, and keeps everyone away (but she’ll eventually learn to see the good in people again). Mother said, "Straight ahead," Not to delay or be misled. I should have heeded Her advice... But he seemed so nice. And he showed me things Many beautiful things, That I hadn't thought to explore. They were off my path, So I never had dared. I had been so careful, I never had cared. And he made me feel excited- Well, excited and scared. When he said, "Come in!" With that sickening grin, How could I know what was in store?
  10. 10. Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 10 Once his teeth were bared, Though, I really got scared- Well, excited and scared- But he drew me close And he swallowed me down, Down a dark slimy path Where lie secrets that I never want to know, And when everything familiar Seemed to disappear forever, At the end of the path Was Granny once again. So we wait in the dark Until someone sets us free, And we're brought into the light, And we're back at the start. And I know things now, Many valuable things, That I hadn't known before: Do not put your faith In a cape and a hood, They will not protect you The way that they should. And take extra care with strangers, Even flowers have their dangers. And though scary is exciting, Nice is different than good. “People inside. Are full’a disgust When in doubt, You cannot trust Keep away I’m on my own And a little... a- lone” After applause, immediately into next song S3: WATCH ME WHIP (LITTLE GUYS) The “little guys” are looking cool as they “whip and nae nae” from the back of the auditorium. They are Humpty, Flat Stanley, Fozzie Bear and Harold (from Harold & The Purple Crayon). They make their way onto stage left, not even realizing anyone new has arrived. Now watch me whip (Kill it!) Now watch me nae nae (Okay!) Now watch me whip, whip Watch me nae nae (Watch me do it) Now watch me whip (Kill it!) Now watch me nae nae (Okay!) Now watch me whip, whip Watch me nae nae (Can you do it?) Now watch me, ooh watch me, watch me Ooh watch me, watch me HUMPTY (Wait until song ends) Everyone stop! Look here, Flat Stanley. New friends! FLAT STANLEY Ahhhhh!
  11. 11. Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 11 (Stanley is scared. He screams and runs to stage right while holding his hands up in the air like the Flat Stanley cutout) TINKERBELL Jack- these are the Littles JACK It’s a pleasure to meet you little guys. Do you know how I can get through that door or up that slide? I’d like to get as far away from you as humanly possible? STANLEY Sorry. You can’t get out. Only in. TINKERBELL Stanley is right. Nobody has ever left. HAROLD People don’t tell “Jack and the Beanstalk” stories anymore. So you’ve been forgotten and tossed here. JACK That’s insane. You’re insane. FOZZIE We’ve all been forgotten. The Muppets used to be big. But the franchise has been on a steady decline since the 1980s. JACK Okay he’s Harold and the crayon. That must be Humpty Dumpty. You’re clearly Flat Stanley. So who are you? Yogi Bear? FOZZIE Close. Fozzie bear. I’m not from Jellystone I’m from California. HAROLD What part? FOZZIE All of me. Wocka, wocka? Scene 4: Not Kansas (Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz tumbles down green slide) DOROTHY Okay this definitely isn’t Kansas either. Oh, nooooo. (She looks around the empty island and is terrified). (Glinda flips down slide. Looks flustered. Wipes dress. Sees Dorothy and snaps into cheerful disposition). GLINDA Well, Dorothy Gale, you are a sight for sore eyes! DOROTHY Oh, Glinda. Thank goodness. What is this place? GLINDA
  12. 12. Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 12 I don’t know. I’m not even sure how we got here. DOROTHY I don’t see any flying monkeys. But look way over there (points past audience). Is that a bear or a tiger? GLINDA Oh Dorothy, you look terrified. DOROTHY I am, Glinda. I’m scared. I want my Auntie Emm. S4: NO ONE IS ALONE, INTO WOODS (DOROTHY & GLINDA) Glinda: Aunt Emm cannot guide you. Now you're on your own. Only me beside you. Still, you're not alone. No one is alone. Truly. No one is alone. DIALOGUE from 40 seconds to 48 Glinda: Mother isn't here now Dorothy: Wrong things, right things Glinda: Who knows what she'd say? Dorothy: Who can say what's true? Glinda: Nothings quite so clear now. Dorothy: Do things, fight things, Glinda: Feel you've lost your way? Dorothy: You decide, but Both: You are not alone Glinda: Believe me, No one is alone Dorothy: No one is alone. Believe me. Glinda: Truly Both: You move just a finger, Say the slightest word, Somethings bound to linger Be heard Dorothy: No one acts alone. Careful. No one is alone. Both: People make mistakes. Dorothy: Fathers, Glinda: Mothers, Both: People make mistakes, Holding to their own, Thinking they're alone. Glinda: Honor their mistakes Glinda: Everybody makes Dorothy: Fight for their mistakes Both: One another's terrible mistakes. Witches can be right, Giants can be good. You decide what's right you decide what's good Glinda: Just remember: Dorothy: [Echo] Just remember: Both: Someone is on your side Jack, Dorothy: OUR side Both: Our side-- Someone else is not While we're seeing our side Jack, Dorothy:
  13. 13. Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 13 Our side.. Both Our side-- Both: Maybe we forgot: they are not alone. No one is alone. Glinda: Hard to see the light now. Dorothy: Just don't let it go Both: Things will come out right now. We can make it so. Someone is on your side No one is alone. No change to lights after song! (Jack, Tinkerbell and Little Guys enter). GLINDA Oh hello, sweet little children. (Startled by HUMPTY, Dorothy screams). FLAT STANLEY (When he hears Dorothy scream, he screams and runs with his arms flailing) GLINDA It’s all right dear. We’re not going to hurt you. HUMPTY Say, I know you guys. You’re Glinda the Good Witch and you’re Dorothy. You were in Wizard of Oz. FOZZIE (To Stanley) Come back over here, Stanley. Dorothy won’t hurt you. She’s one of the best actresses from Wizard of Oz. DOROTHY What? FOZZIE She brought the house down. Wocka wocka. HAROLD You know, I auditioned to be a munchkin on the Wizard of Oz. DOROTHY I don’t remember seeing you. FOZZIE He didn’t get the part. But he did make the short list. Wocka wocka. (Waldorf and Statler enter from stage left... ominous music) STATLER Look at this, Waldorf. More forgotten story characters. Wizard of Oz and some munchkins. WALDORF But Statler, I don’t think people forgot about Dorothy’s story. I think they decided it was too pitiful to tell. A girl on the adventure of her lifetime and all she wants to do is go back to a barn. DOROTHY Why, are you a good witch or a bad witch? WALDORF
  14. 14. Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 14 My little girl.... Good witches are bad witches who haven’t reached their maximum potential. STATLER And we make wicked witches look like Bambi and Flipper. GLINDA Oh rubbish you have no power here. DOROTHY Why, who are you two? S5: HAPPIEST HOME IN THESE HILLS (WALDORF/STATLER) (During song, Flat Stanley enters and sees villains and screams. Others can enter stage as they’re mentioned in the song) WALDORF You all are lost and forgotten You’ll never leave so grab a chair STATLER Down here the air is rotten Feel free to cry cuz, no one cares WALDORF But wait. There’s more to hear STATLER You’ve got. Something else to fear. BOTH A banishment deep in the hills. In the hills! WALDORF In hills you stay forever Your stories never are told again STATLER Who wants to borrow books When they can download Clash of Clans WALDORF Minecraft Geometry dash Make books Expensive trash BOTH So you’re banished deep into the hills. In the hills... Scene 5: Prince and Princess (Princess Andapee from “Princess & the Pea” slides down stairs. She looks around, and then sniffs the air). PRINCESS It smells like a wet Chihuahua farted Camembert cheese. PRINCE CHARMING (Slides half way down slide on stomach, and tries desperately to stop himself or climb back up). No, no, no, no, noooooo. (Loses grip, slides the rest of the way, flops to ground, staring up at Princess).
  15. 15. Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 15 Have no fear, madam. It is I, Prince Charming. And I shall protect you. PRINCESS Nice to see you, Charming. I heard Cinderella dumped you. PRINCE CHARMING It was a mutual agreement. Mostly. And I’ll have you know that I’ve been, um, happily ever after, kind of. (Jack walks in with Tinkerbell) PRINCESS Jack? Get your greedy beanstalk away from me. JACK I'm not going to steal your little jewels, Princess. I have my own. TINKERBELL Look it’s (air quotes) “insert generic Disney princess here.” PRINCESS Tinkerbell? You still exist? I saw Peter Pan Live. I believe a flashlight was playing your part. TINKERBELL You’re gonna feel that pea really well where I stick it. PRINCE CHARMING Ladies, ladies. Let’s just take a deep breath! (Little guys enter stage) PRINCESS Ewww. Tiny dwarves? Go back to Snow White! Wait – is this a surprise party? HUMPTY No. You’re on an island. HAROLD Because you’ve been forgotten. FLAT STANLEY Nobody tells the Princess and the Pea story anymore. PRINCESS (Disinterested with the island or her fate, she stares at Fozzie Bear). Who are you? Little Bear or Lotso Bear? FOZZIE Close. Fozzie bear. LITTLE GUYS ALL together: Who are you? S6: CALL ME A PRINCESS (PRINCESS ANDAPEE)
  16. 16. Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 16 (The Little guys are enchanted and they sit to watch. Jack sneaks around and steals their belongings: Harold’s crayon, Humpty’s boom box, Fozzie’s horn and Flat Stanley’s blanket). Call me a princess, I don't care Call me obsessed with nails and hair Only concerned with what to wear Shallow and so blasé Other girls study, why do they bother? I study how to grease up my father Fathers were born to pay And princesses get their way Believe it Princesses get their way Princesses get their way Scene 6: Stressed Girls (Red is yanking at door. Then she sits down by the slide and peeks into her basket. Suddenly, Little Mermaid slips down the slide, followed by Goldilicks). GOLDILOCKS (After landing with her face on the ground) This ground is too hard. (She flops over onto Mermaid) And this is too soft. (Slides onto Red’s lap) Oof. And this... this is just not right. RED Get off of me. (Looks suspiciously). Goldilocks? Is that you? GOLDILOCKS (To Red) Hiya, Red Riding Hood. (To Mermaid) Hiya... other unfamiliar character who is not Red Riding Hood. MERMAID Hello girls. RED (Even more suspiciously) Who are you?! MERMAID
  17. 17. Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 17 It’s me. Arial. Little Mermaid? Oh nobody knows who I am anymore since I gave up my luxurious tail (annoyed) for Prince Eric. BOPEEP (Slides down slide) Weeeeee! (All the girls stare at her, then each other). Hello gentleman. Has anyone seen my sheep around here? RED Bopeep, you can’t trust sheep. They’re wolves in sheep’s clothing. MERMAID Yeah like men. Take Prince Eric... please take Prince Eric. RED (To Goldilocks) I think Princess Arial is bitter. She’s gone from Arial to Arial bold. (To Mermaid) Did you ditch your prince? MERMAID We were inseparable until one day I went back to see my treasure trove. Prince Eric was so jealous that he evidently stole all of my whozits and whatzits. GOLDILOCKS Please tell me you still have the thingamabobs. MERMAID No, there were 10 thingamabobs left (pause). But I used to have 20! GOLDILOCKS Well at least you have a world to go back to. RED Goldilocks did you runaway again? GOLDILOCKS No MERMAID You’re a runaway? GOLDILOCKS Yes RED Well which one. Yes or no? GOLDILOCKS I don’t know. Something in between. RED Sorry to hear that, Goldi. GOLDILOCKS Sorry? I’m not. My parents won’t let me do anything anymore. “Stay off the computer, Goldilocks. Lay off the Grande lattes, Goldilocks. No more breaking & entering bear houses, Goldilocks.” BOPEEP (To Goldilocks): Excuse me, Alice in Wonderland. Have you seen any sheep around here? MERMAID Oh hush, Little Bopeep. Hush all of you. I used to have a gorgeous tail and a Prince I could trust.
  18. 18. Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 18 RED I used to trust humanity. Song intro starts here GOLDILOCKS I used to have parents who didn’t annoy and embarrass me. BOPEEP I used to have a lamb whose fleece was white as snow. S7: STRESSED OUT (GOLDILOCKS, RED, BOPEEP, MERMAID) Goldilocks Wish we could turn back time, to the good ol’ days, When our momma sang us to sleep but now we’re stressed out. ALL Wish we could turn back time, to the good ol’ days, When our momma sang us to sleep but now we’re stressed out. (Dialogue potentially) BoPeep Sometimes a certain smell will take me back to when I was young, How come I’m never able to identify where it’s coming from, Mermaid Things were simple with my sisters In the deep blue sea Me and Flounder and a sea witch Always scaring me Red It’d trust my old grandma, ‘cause we have the same nose, Same clothes homegrown a stone’s throw from a creek we used to roam, Goldilicks But it would remind us of when nothing really mattered, Out of student loans and treehouse homes we all would take the latter. BoPeep My name’s Little Bo Peep and I care what you think My name’s Little Bo Peep and I care what you think ALL Wish we could turn back time, to the good ol’ days, When our momma sang us to sleep but now we’re stressed out! Scene 7: Town Hall Meeting (ALL CAST) (The entire cast now on the island are talking and panicking) WALDORF Your attention please. Quiet! Does anyone know why we called this town hall meeting? DOROTHY To send us all to the hills? CHARMING
  19. 19. Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 19 To torture us with your fossil breath? BOPEEP Wait, I know why they called a meeting, everyone. They’re going to send us all to the hills! DOROTHY Didn’t I just... GLINDA Maybe you summoned us to tell us why you’re stealing things from the little guys? HAROLD, STANLEY, HUMPTY and FOZZIE Yeah! You stole my (boom box/yolk, blanket, crayon, horn) STATLER That’s Ridick-orous. WALDORF The only thing we’re stealing is you. From the hearts and minds of children everywhere. Statler. The status, stat! STATLER We are ahead of plan, sir. Technology is winning. YouTube views rose 45% among 5-10 year olds. Dragon Quest and Fallout Shelter downloads are going through the roof. Nobody has the time or attention for stories. WALDORF Ah, the sweet triumph of vapid technology over tales of yore. By my estimation, we are just 36 hours from dumping you all to the hills, where you’ll be forgotten forever. STATLER/WALDORF (They cackle, each topping the other... Statler gives Waldorf a playful punch. Waldorf punches back hard, and Statler stumbles). S8: FORGET YOU (WALDORF/STATLER) Walford (four count) You see your stories are dead To the boys and girls they all Forget You Statler Oo, oo, oooh! Waldorf They’d rather Snapchat or Facebook Than read your dumb books s o they Forget You Both And forget her too Statler Yeah I'm sorry. No I’m not sorry, We think this fate is rather fair Stop your chatter. Your tales don't matter. The kids and parents just don’t care Walford You see your stories are dead To the boys and girls they all Forget You
  20. 20. Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 20 Statler Oo, oo, oooh! Waldorf They’d rather Snapchat or Facebook Than read your dumb books so they Forget You Both And forget her too Oooh ooooh oooh
  21. 21. Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 21 Scene 8: Change Your Story Prince Charming and Dorothy are on stage PRINCE CHARMING So I says to him, “I don’t know. Why can't you give Elsa a balloon?” And Kristoff says, “Because she will let it go.” (Dorothy’s face turns from worried to a smile, and she covers her mouth timidly to quietly laugh). (WALDORF AND STATLER enter, chasing Bopeep and Tinkerbell. Physical comedy ensues) (Peter Pan slides onto stage, and the chasing stops abruptly... Peter appears not to notice the four others, but then turns swiftly swinging his sword). PETER PAN Step away or I’ll make a hook of your hand. STATLER Hoo, hoo, hoooo. Try it, man. I’ll bounce all over you and your little green tights. BOPEEP (Pointing to Statler) That man is a bouncer. TINKERBELL Peter! (Runs to him and protects him from Statler). Backoff, grampa grizzle... this is Peter Pan. WALDFORF Oh bother. I’m feeling a rumbly in my tumbly. Let’s go have lunch, Statler. Wait there was something else. Think, think, think. Oh, I heard there’s a library closing in Doylestown. STATLER Let’s go burn some books! Tata for now. (Waldorf and Statler exit) (She starts to get dizzy. Faints into Peter’s arms). PETER PAN What’s the matter Tink? DOROTHY Her light is fading. Yours will too. You’re here because your story is being forgotten. Those two old men are using iPhones and computers to distract kids from storytelling. PRINCE CHARMING Don’t worry. They won’t prevail. I will save you, Tinkerbell. (To audience): Everyone just clap your hands together and...
  22. 22. Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 22 PRINCESS Put a lid on it, Charming. That doesn’t work here. (To Peter) These guys seem quite happy, and I don’t want to offend them. But I don’t like it here one bit. PRINCE CHARMING Don’t you realize you’re not the only one who doesn’t like it here. You are as self-centered as Cinderella! BOPEEP Well my sheep like it just fine. (Leans over to imaginary sheep and pets them). (Pinocchio shoots down slide) PINOCCHIO I’m sorry. Did I get your slide dirty? PETER PAN Pinocchio, stop apologizing. PINOCCHIO Yes sir. Sorry. PETER PAN Nobody’s going to turn you into a wooden puppet again. FOZZIE Pokes on stage He knows (points to nose). Get it? Nose!? Wocka wocka! PETER PAN What’s the matter with you people? Tink get up. You can’t sit around and worry about some plot twist or tragic ending. It’s time to write your own stories. S9: CHANGE YOUR STORY (PETER PAN, WITH GOLDILOCK, CHARMING AND PINNOCCHIO) INSTRUMENTAL PETER Jack and Jill, went up the hill To fetch a pail of water, so they say Their subsequent fall was inevitable They never stood a chance, they were written that way Innocent victims of their story Like Romeo and Juliet T'was written in the stars before they even met That love and fate, and a touch of stupidity Would rob them of their hope of living happily The endings are often a little bit gory BORING I wonder why they didn't just change their story? We're told we have to do what we're told but surely Sometimes you have to be a little bit naughty. CHARMING Just because you find that life's not fair It doesn't mean that you just have to grin and bear it If you always take it on the chin and wear it
  23. 23. Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 23 Nothing will change. GOLDILOCKS Even if you're little, you can do a lot, you Mustn't let a little thing like, 'little' stop you If you sit around and let them get on top, you might as well be saying You think that it's okay And that's not right! PETER And if it’s not right... you have to put it right... PINNOCHIO Just because you find that life's not fair It doesn't mean that you just have to grin and bear it If you always take it on the chin and wear it Nothing will change. PETER Even if you're little, you can do a lot, you Mustn't let a little thing like, 'little' stop you If you sit around and let them get on top, you might as well be saying You think that it's okay And that's not right! And if it's not right! You have to put it right! But nobody else is gonna put it right for me nobody but me is gonna change my story sometimes you have to be a little bit naughty Lights out Scene 9: Home or Not (Dorothy and Glinda sit on stage, initially). GLINDA Dorothy, maybe Peter Pan was right about what he said. DOROTHY About me always running back home? GLINDA Look at your heels. They’re worn to a pulp. (Gets up and walks to stage right) DOROTHY Apparently clicking three times doesn't work here. GLINDA I counted 312 clicks. DOROTHY I know I’m a bit obsessed about home. But it’s hard to stop looking back. (Glinda follows Dorothy to her mark) GLINDA Dorothy, it can be hard to see the road when you’re staring into the rearview mirror. DOROTHY I know. But sometimes I don’t want to look ahead when I see these bad places like a witches castle or this scary island. I want to go back home.
  24. 24. Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 24 GLINDA Home is where your heart is, Dorothy DOROTHY Then I wish my heart were somewhere safe and kind. Somewhere without witches, evil trees, or strange old codgers keeping me prisoner. GLINDA I know, Dorothy. And I’m sure there are new and wonderful places where you can feel just as safe as home. (The walk to center stage) DOROTHY Better places? What do you suppose they’re like? S10: IMAGINE (DOROTHY & GLINDA) Dorothy Imagine there's no heaven It's easy if you try No hell below us Above us only sky Imagine all the people Living for today... Glinda Imagine there's no countries It isn't hard to do Nothing to kill or die for And no religion too Imagine all the people Living life in peace... TOGETHER You may say I'm a dreamer But I'm not the only one I hope someday you'll join us And the world will be as one Scene 10: What Little People Can Do (Immediately after song, Glinda and Dorothy are joined by Bopeep and Mermaid. They hear Stanley scream from the back of the auditorium, then the little guys run up to stage). STANLEY Screams GLINDA What’s the matter little guys? HUMPTY We found out who stole our stuff. HAROLD Jack stole everything! FOZZIE So we tried to get our things back. GLINDA What did Jack do? STANLEY He told us we were little runts. HUMPTY Man, we little people get no respect. GLINDA My dear children, you underestimate yourselves.
  25. 25. Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 25 S11: LITTLE PEOPLE (GLINDA, BOPEEP, MERMAID, DOROTHY WITH STANLEY, HUMPTY, FOZZIE, HAROLD) GLINDA Humpty you’ve got courage Fozzie you are a bear BOPEEP You don’t need to run And hide when you are scared MERMAID Draw some courage Harold Stanley don’t scream DOROTHY Jack has no chance If you act like a team HAROLD And little people know When little people fight We may look easy pickings But we’ve got some bite So never kick a dog Because he's just a pup GIRLS You’ll fight like twenty armies And you won't give up So you'd better run for cover When the pup grows up! GLINDA A worm can roll a stone A bee can sting a bear BOPEEP A fly can fly around Versailles 'Cos flies don't care! MERMAID A sparrow in a hut Can make a happy home DOROTHY A flea can bite the bottom Of the Pope in Rome! LITTLES And little people know When little people fight We may look easy pickings but we got some bite! So never kick a dog because he's just a pup You better run for cover when the pup grows up! GIRLS AND LITTLES And we'll fight like twenty armies And we won't give up No break HAROLD (Wait for song to end and audience applause) I bet we can take on those old men if we work together! FOZZIE Let’s do it fellas. STANLEY I’m tired of screaming and running away. I’m no doormap! HUMPTY And I’ve had it. People have been pushing me around my whole life because I’m little. STANLEY We’ve got your back! (Pats Humpty, who falls off stage) FOZZIE
  26. 26. Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 26 (pause for laughter) Oh Humpty is fried. (Pause) What? Don’t crack up.... not a yolk. Scene 11: In Our Own Bubbles ANDAPEE Everyone else is having a blast here on this depressing island, but I’m quite ready to go back to my castle and sleep on a feathered mattress. GLINDA Princess Andapee. Do you need a hug? ANDAPEE Get away from me, you crazy... Glinda hugs Andapee. They both smile. Bopeep walks on. ANDAPEE Thanks. Nobody’s hugged me since I was about ten. Bopeep hugs Andapee. Then Glinda. Then Andapee. ANDAPEE Bopeep, we already did our hug about 4 seconds ago, but thanks. GLINDA I don't normally hug. Usually when I start to get close to someone, I end up floating away. It’s safe that way. I don’t get my heart broken. ANDAPEE I don’t have any real friends either. Most people just want to be my friend because I have money. GLINDA Sounds isolating. Like when I float away, seeing the world from above. Never quite... ANDAPEE AND GLINDA Fitting in. BOPEEP (late on cue). Fitting in. Wait do it again, I missed the cue. S12: OUTSIDE LOOKING IN (ANDAPEE/GLINDA, BOPEEP) You don't know my name you don't know anything about me I try to play nice I want to be in your game The things that you say You may think I never hear about them But word travels fast I'm telling you to your face I'm standing here behind your back [Chorus:] You don't know how it feels To be outside the crowd You don't know what it's like
  27. 27. Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 27 To be left out And you don't know how it feels To be your own best friend on the outside looking in If you could read my mind You might see more of me than meets the eye And you've been all wrong Not who you think I am You've never given me a chance [Chorus:] You don't know how it feels To be outside the crowd You don't know what it's like To be left out And you don't know how it feels To be your own best friend on the outside looking in Scene 12: Pinocchio and Tinkerbell Pinocchio: Learning courage Tinkerbell enters from stage right (back entrance) and drops her satchel of ferry dust. Pinocchio walks on behind her and notices it. PINOCCHIO Miss, Bell. You dropped this, mam. TINKERBELL Thanks. Did you just call me Miss Bell? Say, what’s the matter with you, Pinocchio? PINOCCHIO Nothing. Why? TINKERBELL You walk around like you’re scared of your own shadow. PINOCCHIO I guess I’m afraid someone’s going to turn me back into a puppet. Or a donkey. Or toss me into a whale (pause). I’ve had a traumatic childhood, okay? TINKERBELL Weren’t you listening to anything Peter Pan said? The things that happened to you aren’t your story. They’re your his-story. PINOCCHIO His-tory? Well I suppose you’re right (pauses, smiles). So is Peter your boyfriend? TINKERBELL Hah! No Peter Pan is a permanent bachelor. He’s like a big brother. PINOCCHIO (He’s beginning to get interested in Tink) Well where’s your story going, Miss Bell? TINKERBELL Call me Tink. Common, I’ll tell you all about it. You want some Ferry Dust? PINOCCHIO No thanks, Tink. I’m trying to quit.
  28. 28. Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 28 Scene 12.5: Little Guys Stand Strong (Jack is rooting through his collection of stolen goods. He lifts out Red’s basket, but tucks it away when he hears the little guys approaching. Little Guys, minus Humpty, enter). JACK Oh look, the Lollipop Guild is back. HAROLD Hi Jack. You’re giving us our stuff back! JACK Harold. Why don’t you draw yourself back to your beddy bye? FOZZIE Hey. You mess with Harold and you mess with me. JACK What? FOZZIE Say what again. Say what again! HAROLD Jack, you can’t keep pushing us around because we’re small. JACK Says who? STANLEY (screaming) Says us! Now open that bag, take out our things, and SCRAM! (Jack looks at each of the children. And returns their things. He leaves. The kids celebrate with high fives). FOZZIE Oh no. HAROLD What’s the matter Fozzie? FOZZIE I can’t believe I missed a really good one-liner. HAROLD What? FOZZIE Before Jack left. I could have said, “Hit the road, Jack.” Wocka wocka. (Nobody laughs) FOZZIE What’s Peter Pan’s favorite fast food restaurant? Wendys! Wocka!? HAROLD Fozzie, you don’t have to be funny for us to be your friend. STANLEY Yeah, Fozzie. Be yourself. We like you just the way you are.
  29. 29. Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 29 (The little guys hug) FOZZIE Listen. DO you hear that? And look- the door is opening! Humpty rap begins HUMPTY Wait for me guys! HAROLD Humpty! You’re okay? HUMPTY Humpty raps (pick a song) FOZZIE Well you landed sunny side up! Waka, waka, waka, wakaaaa! (The Littles cheer as they exit) Lights down, exit music). MOTHER GOOSE (On stage right, where she appears during each exit from the island) And at that moment, the four little guys overcame the fear that had restrained them. Parents began to tell their story as a lesson in the strength and unity. Lights back (Goldilocks and Glinda enter) GLINDA Are you okay, Goldilocks? GOLDILOCKS Yes, I’m fine. I just... GLINDA You miss your family. GOLDILOCKS Of course I don’t, I, well... GLINDA It’s okay, Goldilocks. Everyone misses home from time to time. GOLDILOCKS It’s that time now, Glinda. I miss my brother and my parents. Sure they cramp my style and embarrass me sometimes, but they love me. GLINDA Look Goldilocks! The door has opened because you’re ready. GOLDILOCKS Glinda it’s open for you too. Won’t you come with me? I’ll take you to get pizza with my friends from school. You’ll love them! GLINDA Oh, no... My bubble is boarding in a few... GOLDILOCKS
  30. 30. Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 30 Oh please. You’ve got to come to my town and the first thing we’re going to do is buy you a dress that doesn’t make you look 90 years old. GLINDA I look 90? What a compliment. I’m 110 years old! (The two rush through the door, laughing). Lights down, exit music). MOTHER GOOSE Goldilocks’ family embraced her again with open arms. Soon, moms and dads began telling her story again. Goldilock learned that you can always go home again. But it was Glinda who had never before felt so “at home.” Lights back (Peter Pan, enters stage right. Tinkerbell & Pinocchio enter stage left, holding hands). PINOCCHIO Thanks for everything, Peter. You were right about us needing to sometimes choose our own ending. TINKERBELL And my new chapter has already started! (She does a dance) PETER PAN So what’s next for you two? PINOCCHIO I’ve got a weekend getaway with an adorably little flying friend. PETER PAN Who? Jiminy Cricket? PINOCCHIO No that guy always makes me feel guilty. I’m going with Tinkerbell. PETER PAN Tinkerbell! That’s great! Where are you guys going? PINOCCHIO To a 5-star Bed and Breakfast in the Black Forest in Germany. TINKERBELL You can take the wood out of the boy, but can’t take the boy out of the woods. PETER PAN Common I’ll give you two a lift! Lights down, exit music plays. MOTHER GOOSE A year later, Peter Pan visited the home of Pinocchio and Tinkerbell. He let out a crow when he met their new baby boy. “Did you name it Peter,” he asked? “No,” they said. We named him Glow Stick.” Lights back
  31. 31. Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 31 (Dorothy walks in from stage right. Charming rushes in from stage left). CHARMING Dorothy, haven’t you heard? We’re being remembered again? Everyone is leaving. DOROTHY Not me. I’m finally adjusting. Home is where your heart is, and my heart happens to be right here. (She points to her heart). CHARMING I know it’s still a bit broken from my breakup with Cinderella. But my heart is right here (points to his heart), and it would be honored to get to know yours. DOROTHY But where are you going? CHARMING I’m starting a new chapter of my story. Come with? DOROTHY Well... yes. I’d like to see what lies ahead. They rush through doors, hand in hand. Lights down, exit music plays. MOTHER GOOSE A year later, Prince Charming’s second marriage was to a beautiful bride from Kansas. They knew that “happy ever after” was impossible, but that their choice to love would get them through difficult times. Except for some munchkins, the rest of wedding had never seen a bride escorted down the isle by a kind-hearted tin man, a brave lion and very wise scarecrow. Lights back (Jack enters and is staring greedily at Red’s basket). JACK I can finally find out what’s in this thing. Whatever it is, Red Riding Hood has been guarding it carefully so it must be... (Andapee walks onto set, catching Jack) ANDAPEE Go ahead. Keep it. I won’t tell. But before you look inside, have you thought about what that might do to Red Riding Hood? JACK What do you mean? ANDAPEE She’s wounded Jack. She doesn’t trust anyone. You’ll just make it easier for her to decide the entire human race is corrupt.
  32. 32. Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 32 JACK If she wants it back, she can buy it back on eBay. ANDAPEE Jack, does it look like money has made me happy? JACK No. ANDAPEE That’s because it doesn't. You know what does make people happy? JACK No. ANDAPEE Helping others. It’s been proven in research. (Mermaid, Bopeep and Red walk on stage) MERMAID Hi Princess and Jack. Has anyone seen Red’s basket? ANDAPEE I... I don’t know its exact location. BOPEEP Seems I’m not the only one around here who loses things. MERMAID I don’t think the basket was lost. I think someone stole it. Like Jack! RED No, it’s my fault. I must have misplaced it. Don’t blame him. JACK Yes, Red. You should blame me. Here. (Jack hands the basket to Red). RED Oh thank you! I can’t tell you what this means to me. (She hugs Jack) JACK (to Andapee) Okay you’re right. That felt uncomfortably good. ANDAPEE Why not come clean to the other two? JACK Wait, how did you know about them? MERMAID Princess, what do you mean ‘come clean to the other two’? JACK Princess Arial, Eric didn’t steal the things from your cove. Please come back to my castle and I’ll return your whozits, whatzits and even the 10 thingamabobs. MERMAID Wow! Thanks for your honesty. And I guess I’ve got some apologizing I need to do to Eric! JACK And you, Bopeep. BOPEEP You stole my sheep, didn’t you? JACK How did you know?
  33. 33. Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 33 BOPEEP Because you’re full of sheep! ANDAPEE The doors. Jack they’ve opened for you. JACK Here (hands keys to Mermaid and Bopeep). Come to my castle whenever you’d like, and everything will be returned. ANDAPEE Hurry Jack. The door. JACK It’s open for you, too, Princess Andapee. You’ve reminded me that there’s more to life than gold. We both have more than we need, and there are a lot of people who need some help. Join me? Lights down- exit music MOTHER GOOSE In the years that followed, Jack and Princess Andapee started a scholarship for youth who were low-income and excelled at writing stories. And that was a story just waiting to be told. Scene 13: Discovering Secrets (Mermaid is sitting with Bopeep and they’re playing with their keys) MERMAID I guess I owe Eric an apology. BOPEEP I’m sure he’ll forgive you. He loves you, Arial. STATLER You two. Where has everyone gone! Waldorf is furious. He sent me to escort you two to the hills. Hoo hoo hooo! BOPEEP Wait a second. You just said “hoo hoo hooo.” That reminds me of someone from a story I read with my mom. MERMAID Bopeep, did you just say “remember”? BOPEEP Oh my. I did, Arial. I don’t remember ever saying that. Anyway, Statler earlier said “ridick-orous.” And “tata for now.” STATLER Quiet! I don’t know what you’re talking about. BOPEEP You’re not a mean old man. You’re Tigger from “Winnie the Pooh.” STATLER
  34. 34. Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 34 (Removes his suit and reveals stripes. Pulls out a tale. Covers his head with his ears and places a red nose on his face) MERMAID Tigger, you were tossed to this island just like us. And then you decided that misery likes company. STATLER/TIGGER I’m sorry. I just wanted to stay in the “hearts and minds” of children everywhere. But they didn’t care about me... (Door signals it’s opening. Music plays) STATLER/TIGGER Come on, girls! I’ll help you fetch your things at Prince Charming’s castle, and I’ll be back to the 100-acre woods north of Doylestown before supper. Fun, fun, fun, fun, funnnn! BOPEEP After that, I’m taking my sheep to a safer place. Wouldn’t ewe? TIGGER What? BOPEEP You “hurd” me. MERMAID And I’m going back to Eric. I miss him dearly. TIGGER Well I’ll miss you and all of these Lost Story characters. But you’ll be in my Tigger heart, and a Tigger heart is a wonderful place to live because there’s room for everyone. S13: I WILL REMEMBER YOU (BOPEEP AND MERMAID, TIGGER) BOPEEP I will remember you Will you remember me? Don't let your life pass you by Weep not for the memories (Pause here) Bopeep/Mermaid I'm so tired but I can't sleep Standin' on the edge of something much too deep It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard I will remember you Will you remember me? Don't let your life pass you by Weep not for the memories ALL I will remember you Will you remember me? Don't let your life pass you by Weep not for the memories (Tigger, Bopeep and Mermaid exits... Lights down, exit music). MOTHER GOOSE Bopeep was reunited with her sheep. The little Mermaid was reunited with Eric, and he suggested they spend the summer with his inlaws in
  35. 35. Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 35 the sea. So they both grew tails and plunged into the sea one sunset. Meanwhile, Tigger was greeted by Kanga, who wasn’t the least bit annoyed by him. Even Eyor gave Tigger a big hug, and for the first time anyone recalled, he revealed a great big smile. Scene 14: And Then There Were Two (Waldorf is sitting on the slide looking miserable. Maybe humming “Cellophane.” Red walks in from stage right). WALDORF The door is right there. Why don’t you split? Everyone else has. (Red jiggles door... it’s locked) WALDORF No luck? Didn’t open for me either. RED Well I shouldn’t be surprised. WALDORF What do you mean? RED Don’t you see? We’re not just freed because people remember us. We’re remembered because we’re freed... free of something that’s holding us back. Free of something that makes us a bad example to kids. WALDORF What’s holding you back? RED What’s holding me back? I don’t know. I guess ever since a mean wolf manipulated me, I’ve had some trust issues. Who wouldn’t? WALDORF Well think it over. And think it under. (Red approaches Waldorf and holds his face, staring into his eyes). RED I can’t believe I didn’t see it earlier. WALDORF See what? RED You’re a mean old man on the outside. But there’s more to you. I know it. WALDORF (Getting nervous) Oh, bother. There’s nothing more to me than what you see. RED There’s something kind and simple and pure about you. (Waldorf looks hopeful... waiting to come clean). RED
  36. 36. Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 36 You’re Winnie the Pooh! (He is choked up. He removes his suit, and we see his orange fir. He slips on his ears). RED And I believe you’re ready to leave behind this scary island. I’ll bet there’s a stuttering little pig who needs you right now. POOH Red Riding Hood. I’m sorry. Tigger and I were two of the first characters to be banished here. It made us embarrassed, and then we got angry. So we hid our identity (song starts) and started telling people we were the ones responsible for keeping you here. Now I’m discovering there’s a way out. And I’m ready to fly right out of here and back to my forest. How about you? S14: ALONE IN THE UNIVERSE (RED, POOH) Winnie: I'm alone in the universe. So alone in the universe. I've found magic but they don't see it They all call me a lunatic. Ok, call me a lunatic. If I stand on my own, so be it. Both 'Cause I have wings. Yes, I can fly Around the moon And far beyond the sky And one day soon I know there you'll be One small voice in the universe One true friend in the universe Who believes in me... Red I'm alone in the universe. So alone in the universe. My own planets and stars Are glowing. Winnie Alone in the universe Red No one notices anything. Not one person is listening. They don't have any way of knowing. Winnie Nobody knows that Both I have wings I have wings. Yes, I can fly I can fly Around the moon And far Beyond the sky Beyond the sky Well someday soon You will hear my plea Winnie One small voice in the universe Red One true friend in the universe Both Please believe in me ... Lights down, exit music... MOTHER GOOSE Piglet was the first to see Pooh entering the forest. “P-p-p-p-Pooh Bear it’s you,” he shouted, then continued. “Pooh, Tigger just returned, and he smells good for once.” “And why is that, Piglet,”
  37. 37. Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 37 asked Pooh. Piglet replied, “It’s the first time he’s gone a whole week without playing with Pooh.” And Pooh laughed and put his arm around his nervous little friend. Meanwhile, parents across the globe began again telling the story of Little Red Riding Hood. She was once naïve, but when her trust was violated, her heart closed. But like most characters of our favorite stories, she grew and taught us something. Red still keeps here eyes wide open, but now so to is her heart. Lights out, scene change Scene 15: Back to the Cabin MOTHER GOOSE (reading story) “And then Pooh joined Tigger sitting on their favorite log by their favorite river in the 100-acre woods just north of Doylestown. After a few quiet moments passed by, Tigger said to Pooh, “If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live a day without you.” Pooh reflected on this for a moment. Then he said back, “If there ever comes a day when we can’t be together keep me in your heart, and I’ll stay there forever.“ ASPEN That was a great story grandmother! BREE I knew the whole time that those mean old men were Winnie-the-Pooh and Tigger. ASPEN You did not! BREE I liked the whole story except for one part. MOTHER GOOSE And what was that, dear Bree? BREE When you made Aspen and me teenagers who didn’t want to hear your stories. ASPEN Yes. We’ll always love your stories, Grandmother Goose. MOTHER GOOSE I bet you will. But if you do outgrow them for a short time, be sure first to pass them along to your children. ASPEN I do have a question, Mother Goose. What was in Red’s basket? BREE And I have a question. You told us that would be the 2nd best story ever. So what’s the best story ever? MOTHER GOOSE Well those are very good questions. Are there any parents out there? Raise your hands. So, what was in Red’s basket? Shhhh. Don’t tell us right now. Your children will want to know, and I’ll bet you can imagine and tell a fascinating tale that has the answer.
  38. 38. Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 38 And that story may be the best one ever told. The End. Curtain Call S15: DON’T YOU FORGET ABOUT ME (ALL CAST) S16: WATCH ME WHIP (CAST)

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