Juiced Computers Presentation


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Probably the best business plan I have ever written and fuck you Professor Richards.

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Juiced Computers Presentation

  1. 1. Juiced Computers<br />Putting Your Everyday Juice To Shame<br />
  2. 2. Not Juicy Juice Mother Fuckers<br />
  3. 3. So What The Fuck Is Juiced?<br />Ask about it at work…ok don’t…fuck Geico and their 10 year old ad campaign. <br />Can you hear me now? No fuck you Verizon no one wants your damn RIM job blackberries, long live the iphone….ifizzle bitches! <br />
  4. 4. Juiced Products<br />We sell dope ass computers that will fuck your current computer’s shit up!<br />Your shit sucks get over it.<br />Basically we are like Chuck Norris, our computers do not have a control button because we are always in control.<br />
  5. 5. SWOT<br />If you don’t know what SWOT is get the fuck out of here, you are worthless and thank your parents for pissing away 20 grand.<br />
  6. 6. The Computer Industry<br /><ul><li>Yeah…It's my life…My own words I guess…Have you ever loved someone so much, you'd give an arm for? Not the expression, no, literally give an arm for?
  7. 7. Opps left Eminem on…
  8. 8. To stupefy the definition for this class, the computer industry is simply a whole shit load of computers connected by some wire thingy plugged into some socket hole thingy. </li></li></ul><li>Competition<br />FIRST OFF WE ARE NOT TRYING TO OVERTAKE HPOR DELL.<br />Our business plan is actually realistic not like half the other groups in the class. Ummm…cough…cough…Streaming video group…cough cough<br />
  9. 9. Marketing Strategy<br />This should be the only thing we should be presenting but that would require our professor to have half a brain.<br />Our marketing strategy was developed over a fifth of vodka…shit I mean on the fifth on the month…shit that was when my credit card bill was due…aww fuck I can’t remember what it was…some other group said just SELL SHIT so I’ll go with that.<br />
  10. 10. Messaging<br />Our computers kick your computer’s ass.<br />We look better in jeans, our collar is popped, our shit don’t stink and Apple pays US 99 cents when we download a song from itunes.<br />
  11. 11. Marketing Mix<br />How much do Juiced Computers cost?<br />How much do you have? <br />It ain’t black Friday anymore..our shit isn’t free. This isn’t craigslist cock sucker.<br />
  12. 12. Sales and Web Plan<br /><ul><li>O we are going to spend 5 grand on a website…fuck no…we are a fucking small business…wake up and smell your shitty ass java city latte…matt will make that shit and it will look badass cause he is a badass…he created this slideshow and fucked your mom last night so yes he can have his cake and eat it to. Cause your mom made that shit for him with sprinkles bitch, suck on that one.</li></li></ul><li>Sales Forecast<br />We are going to sell 1 million computers<br />Ya maybe in the first 5 years….this ain’t the simsfucktards!<br />
  13. 13. Budgets<br />What budgets…we are gangstas…gangstas don’t have budgets. <br />We just spend and don’t care what on….wait that’s AIG…uhh I mean GM ….no its Hummer owners…yeah its for sure Hummer owners. Cause you really needed off-road vehicles with 30 inch rims for driving on pavement. <br />
  14. 14. Conclusion<br />I hope you learned something here today because if you did you just double the number of things you learned all semester in this class. Congratulations, don’t you feel better you paid $400 for this class. <br />Ya you probably didn’t realize you paid $400 for this horseshit but hey now you can tell everyone you know how to fill out excel worksheets.<br />Guns are available on the way out to shoot yourself cause you just wasted one semester of your life.<br />