Coaching Parents on Believing & Letting Go Webinar - June 5, 2013


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Education professionals Cyndy McDonald, Ferah Aziz and P. Carol Jones share their many years of combined experience in coaching parents and families from high school to college.

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Coaching Parents on Believing & Letting Go Webinar - June 5, 2013

  1. 1. Webinar #1Coaching Parents onBelieving & Letting GoJune 5, Webinar SeriesJune 5th - July 9thCoaching College Freshmen
  2. 2. Expert PresentersFerah AzizP. Carol JonesCyndy McDonald
  3. 3. PresentersP. Carol Jones: Toward CollegeSuccess§  Ferah Aziz:launchphase2
  4. 4. Toward CollegeSuccess:Is Your TeenagerReady, Willing,and Able?P. Carol Jones andPatricia Wilkins-Wells
  5. 5. •  ¼ of all college freshmen flunk out, dropout or mysteriously disappear off theiruniversity campus.•  What can you do as an IEC to preventyour students from contributing to thisstatistic?Why is this important?
  6. 6. Parent Voice“I remember when my own son graduated from high school.Everything was, ‘this will be the last time we get to do…,’whatever it was. So I had to gradually let go of the reins,knowing there would be no curfew when he got to college. Ialso realized that this would be the last really carefree summerhe would ever have, even though he had summer jobscoaching and also training for a fall college sport.”
  7. 7. Prepare Parents for the COLLEGE Roller Coaster RideParents§  Terrified to havechildren on their own§  Elated they made itthis far!§  Will miss dailyinteraction§  Worried aboutstudying§  Will it be too hard?Students§  Elated to be on own§  Terrified to be on own§  Worried about makingnew friends§  Worried about living witha stranger§  Miss room/mom’scooking§  How to find ways to havefun?What’s the Difference?
  8. 8. College = A new mobile”Your family mobilemay be woefullylopsided, until timerestores thebalance.”-Virignia Satir, Family Therapist
  9. 9. Coaching Parents§  Accept. Despite your feelings oftrepidation, accept and celebrate the naturalprocess of your child’s separation anddevelopment as he moves into adulthood.§  Trust. It is important to trust your child’sdecision-making abilities and acknowledgethat it is time to hand over control to them.§  Prepare. Prepare yourself mentally forthe changes and adjustments you willundergo personally and at home.
  10. 10. Next Chapter: Parents§  Parent role changes“Adulthood is what parents raised their children for. Finishthe job by encouraging them to fly and letting them go.”Parent’s role as a coach.§  Setting boundariesHave parents repeat after you: “ I will commit to…” and helpthem set boundaries for themselves and their children.§  Finding their placeHelp students help themselves; emotionally, physically,academically and more.
  11. 11. Coaching the ParentOne consultant reported:I tell parents “You can only say TWO things whentalking to your child:•  Option 1: Your child has done something positive: “Good job,John!”•  Option 2: your child has a complaint: “Gosh, John, it soundsas if you are having a tough time with ….(paraphrasecomplaint). How are you going to handle that?”
  12. 12. Coaching the Parent§  The Dreaded Phone Call:Around week 6-7 of freshman year, students oftencall home in a panic wanting to transfer or sayingthey are unhappy.§  How to handle this?•  Be calm and avoid urge to rescue.•  Too often students transfer (30% transfer) withouteven giving it one year.•  It often takes a couple of years to fully settle in.
  13. 13. Setting Boundaries: Communication§  Communication Suggestion: One call perweek. Sunday evening is ideal, because parentcan ensure their child survived all the partyingof the weekend, and is safely tucked in theirdorm room.§  Discourage daily cell phone calls•  Why is daily phone calls a bad idea?
  14. 14. Finding Their Place: Students•  Encourage Responsibility÷ Offer advice WHEN ASKED!÷  Listen & talk through aspects of a situation they may not have thought of,and then encourage them to make decisions!÷  How many decisions do colleges students make where the wrong decisionwill truly cripple them?Most important for parents to grasp: It’s notabout you. If they understand that, most thingswill fall in line.
  15. 15. Financial Coaching§  Credit Card v. Debit Card§  Emergency money – setting boundaries onwhat is a true emergency!§  Financial expectations•  Parents pay v. students pay
  16. 16. Communicating ExpectationsExpectations play a bigrole in college success.Unfortunately, many parentshave not made clear whatthey are expecting fromtheir son or daughter oncethey land on a collegecampus.
  17. 17. Communicating Expectations§ The MONEY talk.§ The GRADES talk.
  18. 18. Communicating Expectations§  The “Keep me informed” talk•  What do you mean I don’t get copied oneverything?•  What the $##!*@ is FERPA?§  The “IF you are in TROUBLEtalk”
  19. 19. Follow through§  Set a date.§  Be open to input.§  Write out agreements.§  Commit mutually by signatures.
  20. 20. Using MyCCA§  Find My Spark- refer back to the personalitydescriptions- they are still true and give tips to use incollege transition process§  Broadcast email- targeted messages to seniors§  Text students- keep connected; be their coach§  Document sharing- resource list- other
  21. 21. Toward CollegeSuccess:Is Your TeenagerReady, Willing,and Able?P. Carol Jones andPatricia Wilkins-Wells
  22. 22. College can be…§  Loneliness and/or homesickness is normal§  Transitioning takes time•  Each child has a different rhythm§  Expectations play a role in shaping thetransitioning experience§  The role parent needs to be one of supportand listening, not rescue.
  23. 23. A New Era§  Mixed emotions for you and your child§  Trust in yourself as a parent§  Trust in your child as an emerging adult
  24. 24. Perspective•  “Parenthood is a sometime job, not lifetime job. That doesnt meanadult children shouldnt ask for advice or that you should not give it.•  But there comes a moment when basically they should take theirown risks and live with their own consequences.•  If you dont offer gratuitous advice or interfere under the guise of"helping," your adult kids will tell you about their lives and tap yourwell of experience.•  And together you will forge an adult relationship that will nourishthem and you for a lifetime. If you meddle, they are likely to stayaway as long and as often as they can.
  25. 25. Next webinarsVisit to register!
  26. 26. Resources to share§  And One More Thing Before You Go. by Maria Shriver§  Professors Guide to Getting Good Grades in College by Jacobs and Hyman§  The Naked Roommate: And 107 Other Issues You Might Run Into in College by HarlenCohen§  The Happiest Kid on Campus: A Parents Guide to the Very Best College Experienceby Harlen Cohen§  Ill Miss You Too by Margo E. Bane Woodacre, MSW and Steffany Bane§  How To Survive Your Freshmen Year edited by Bernstein and Kaufmann§  Confessions of a College Freshman by Zach Arrington§  Toward College Success: Is Your Teenager Ready, Willing and Able? by P. Carol Jonesand Patricia Wilkins-Wells
  27. 27. Resources to Share§  How To Survive Your Freshmen Year edited by Bernstein and KaufmannConfessions of a College Freshman by Zach Arrington§  Prepared Parents Operational Manuel by Maria Carr§  The Launching Years by Laura Kastner, Jennifer Wyatt§  Making the Most of College by Richard Light§  Letting Go: A Parent’s Guide to Understanding the College Years by KarenCoburn & Madge Treeger§  What Now by Paul Case§  Almost Grown: Launching Your Child from High School to College by PatriciaPasick§  Parent’s Guide to College Life by Robin Raskin