» Men experience difficulties in interpreting women’s body- language and have a tendency to mistake friendly behavior for sexual flirting.» Men are inclined to overestimate their attractiveness. Self-confidence and charm are important.» Women are often more attractive than they think. 80% of women think that they are too fat.» Women favor men that are taller and older than them, with higher status and earning potential. Men favor younger and prettier women.
» Humor is necessary for successful flirting. But inappropriate use can kill a promising flirtation stone dead in a matter of seconds.» Disclosure of almost any personal information is a move towards intimacy.» The key to successful flirting is to escalate the level of intimacy gradually and in a balanced way.
» Playful teasing allows to increase the personal content of the ex- change, while keeping the tone light-hearted and non-serious, thus escalating the level of disclosure and intimacy in a non- threatening manner.
Light hearted flirting= flirting for fun= harmless, enjoyableFlirting with intent= essential element ofthe mate-selectionprocess
» Flirt with people who are likely to return your interest
» Flirt with People with roughly the same level of attractive- ness as yourself
» Show liking, interest» Show admiration» Compliment – smile !!» Ask for advice – smile !!!» Do not try to impress» Be yourself» Make her/him laugh !» Tease, but with care» Never lie . Be real» Make her/him feel good» Be attentive» Offer a good time» Keep her/him happy» Make her/him talk» Listen more, speak less
» Mind your body language - In the initial stages, how you say things is more important than what you say. Pay attention to: Appearance, tone of voice, energy, joyful behavior …» Eyes are very powerful ! - If, after making eye contact and briefly holding someones gaze, the other looks away and then looks back, you know (s)he is interested !
» 1st short contact» Look away, then look back» Make contact again to start conversation» Look while listening» Look away while talking» DO NOT OVERDO EYE CONTACT
Positive Negative˃Body towards you – Body turned away˃Leaning forward – Feet turned away˃Open posture – Leaning backward˃Head tilted to side – Folded arms or legs˃Mirroring posture – Looking around˃Smiling – Looking bored˃Looking happy˃Looking at mouth
+++ Gestures Give good face Nod in agreement Open palm hand movements Synchronisation Hair flipping Head tossing Eyebrow flashing Parting lips Preening (touching clothes, face or hair)--- Gestures ˃ Palm rubbing ˃ Display of anxiety or nervousness ˃ Blank, unexpres sive face ˃ Closed, near-to body movements
» Enhance feminity» Knees towards body when seated (look smaller)» Stroke neck, thigh, face, arms, hair, …» Arch back (showing breasts !)» Cross and recross legs» Display body» Whisper» Lick lips
» Enhancing masculine appearance» Hands in pockets , elbows out (Bigger chest)» Leaning against wall with one hand placed above shoulder height (appearing taller)» Stand tall» Move hands to belt
» It does not matter WHAT you say It’s HOW you say it that is important!» your opening lines are not about starting a flirtation, but about starting a conversation!» Make a general comment on some aspect of the event or surroundings, with a rising intonation or isnt it? type of ending
» Good Opening Lines ˃ Nice day, isn’t it ? ˃ Bit crowded, isn’t it ? ˃ Not very lively here tonight, isn’t it ?» Compliments Are Okay ˃ That’s a nice jacket ! ˃ Wow, You look lovely ! ˃ “You’ve lost weight!” is a compliment that is likely to please almost any woman.» Use Open Ends; What, when, when, why, how» Paraphrase; “So you were stranded at the station … How did you get home?”
» Conversation Turn Offs OVER-SERIOUSNESS NEGATIVITY PASSIVITY SELF-PREOCCUPATION BANALITY LACK OF ENTHUSIASM OVER-EXCITEMENT RUDE BEHAVIOUR» Active Listening ˃ Good listening is not just about shutting up and letting the other person talk. Good listening is about giving good feedback‘. ˃ This involves giving both verbal and non-verbal signals to show that you are paying attention, and that you are interested.
» ++Non-Verbal Feedback ˃Effective signals: nodding, smiling, responsive facial expressions, leaning forwards … ˃And general positive body language such as open posture and posture/gesture echo..» ++ Verbal Feedback ˃Use expressions like "mm-hmm", "yeah", "mmm", "ah", “great”, … ˃They show interest or agreement and encourage the other to continue
» Move closer only if you receive a positive signal.» Moving into the intimate zone less than 50 cm (2’6”) may cause discomfort.» Sometimes a reduced distance is tolerated when you are side by side with someone in crowdy places or with people you know and trust
» Touching is a subtle, powerful and complex form of communication. Correct touching helps to advance the relationship, but inappropriate use of touching could ruin your chances for ever!» Some degree of intimacy is required before proceeding to a brief touch.
» Start with a light brief touch on the arm to draw attention or express support produces a negative reaction, you might as well give up now!» Perform each touch at least twice before progressing to the next level. This tells your companion the touch was not accidental and is a non verbal way for asking for permission.» Advance in the following order; HAND SQUEEZE, HOLDING HANDS, BRIEF KNEE TOUCH, ARM OVER SHOULDER,