Nonviolent Communication - NVC


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A brief and plain introduction to NVC based on the works of Marshall B. Rosenberg and others.
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Nonviolent Communication - NVC

  1. 1. Beyond our ideas of right-doing and wrong-doing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about. Ideas, language, even the phrase "each other" don’t make sense any more. - Jalal al-Din Muhammad Rumi
  2. 2. Nonviolent Communication (NVC) or Compassionate Communication or Giraffe Language. Nonviolent Communication is a process that involves language, thought, communication, and a commitment to a certain use of power. It was created by Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D., author of Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Compassion (Puddledancer Press, 2003) and founder of the Center for Nonviolent Communication ( Nonviolent Communication emphasizes the motivation of others through genuine compassion rather than through fear, blame, guilt, shame, obligation, duty, reward, punishment, manipulation, force, or threats.
  3. 3. Assumption • Human beings are compassionate by nature. Most people enjoy giving to others.
  4. 4. Benefits NVC strengthens our ability to: • Build relationships based on trust and mutuality • Accurately hear what other people feel and need, even when they express themselves in a hostile manner • Make assertive requests that increase the likelihood of getting what we really want • Prevent and resolve conflicts in ways that work for everyone • Break patterns of thinking that lead to anger and depression
  5. 5. Intention THE INTENTION OR PURPOSE OF NONVIOLENT COMMUNICATION is to establish and maintain the quality of connection that enables everyone’s needs to get met through natural giving.
  6. 6. “What I want in my life is compassion, a flow between myself and others based on a mutual giving from the heart.” —Marshall B. Rosenberg
  7. 7. Purpose of NVC • To evoke compassionate, heartfelt connection so that all needs may be met • To consider and to connect to the life in ourselves and others • To be inspired and to inspire others to give with the natural joy of giving Doro Kiley, Professional Life Coach
  8. 8. The primary purpose of Nonviolent Communication is to connect with other people in a way that enables compas- sionate (from the heart) giving. We are giving service to others and ourselves--not out of duty or obligation, not out of fear of punishment or hope for a reward, not out of guilt or shame, but for the natural joy of giving to one another. “Nothing is more enjoyable than using our efforts in the service of life.”
  9. 9. “NVC is an ongoing reminder to keep our attention focused on a place where we are more likely to get what we are seeking.” - Marshall B. Rosenberg
  10. 10. Attention THE NONVIOLENT COMMUNICATION MODEL helps us keep our attention on four components: 1. Observations 2. Feelings 3. Needs 4. Requests in the pursuit of the question, What would make life more wonderful for us?
  11. 11. Observations • NVC discourages static generalizations and encourages observations specific to time and context. • Observations are clear descriptions of what happened at a particular time. • Observation is pure awareness of thoughts and events occurring in consciousness • Observations are not evaluation, judgement (right/wrong or good/bad), diagnosis, analysis, or interpretation.
  12. 12. Feelings • Feelings are emotions or bodily sensations that provide feedback about our needs. • Feelings are not thoughts, beliefs, opinions, or images. e.g. “I feel unimportant to my co-workers” describes thoughts of other’s evaluations. The feeling might be sad or discouraged. • Feeling words do not require the word “feel” before them. e.g. I am worried/upset/happy… • Two basic categories of feelings relate to met and unmet needs.
  13. 13. Needs • Needs are universal life energy, and they are independent of any person taking a specific action. • Needs are not our strategies or the actions we take to meet needs. • “Everything we do is in service of our needs.” • Some basic categories of needs include: Autonomy, Celebration, Integrity, Interdependence, Physical Nurturance, Play, and Spiritual Communion.
  14. 14. Requests • NVC requests are clear, specific, expressed in positive-action language (do this, not avoid that), and present (in this moment one can only agree to do something in the future). • Requests are for action from free choice, not demands involving punishment, reward, coercion, or obligation. Example requests for: • Reflection – “Would you tell me what you heard me say?” • Response – “How do you fee hearing what I said?” • Solution – “Would you be willing to …(strategy)?”
  15. 15. NVC focuses attention on Two Questions • What's alive in us? • What can be done to make life more wonderful?
  16. 16. Two Elements • The consciousness — Understanding others with compassion and without judgment • The model — A vehicle to the consciousness
  17. 17. Outline of Nonviolent Communication Honesty Clearly expressing how I am without blaming or criticizing: 1. The concrete actions I am observing (or remembering, imagining) that are contributing (or not contributing) to my well-being. 2. How I am feeling in relation to these actions. 3. The life energy in the form of needs, desires, wishes, values, or thoughts leading to my feelings. Clearly requesting that which would enrich my life without making a demand: 4. The concrete actions I would like you to take.
  18. 18. “Honesty” might sound like this: When you do (or did) (observation) I feel (or felt) (feeling) because I need (or needed) (need) and would you be willing to (request)
  19. 19. Empathy Empathetically receiving how you are without hearing blame or criticism: 1. The concrete actions you are observing (or remembering, imagining) that are contributing (or not contributing) to your well-being. 2. How you are feeling in relation to these actions. 3. The life energy in the form of needs, desires, wishes, values, or thoughts leading to your feelings. Empathetically receiving that which would enrich your life without hearing any demand: 4. The concrete actions you would like me to take.
  20. 20. “Empathy” might sound like this: When I do (or did) (observation) do you feel (or felt) (feeling) because you need (or needed) (need) and would you like me to (request)
  21. 21. NVC DANCE FLOORS These are spatial maps made up of large cards that place the NVC processes on the floor in various layouts called ‘dances’. Each card represents a step in the dance of communication. People learning NVC stand up and ‘dance’ through the steps in role play, often with coaching from a trainer, or support from another participant. Each dance is designed to help people develop awareness and skills in a particular area of NVC.
  22. 22. Practice: NVC Dance Floors From The NVC Dance Floors © Bridget Belgrave & Gina Lawrie 2003
  23. 23. Further Reading The Center for Nonviolent Communication The Alliance for Nonviolent Communication NVC Academy – online learning BayNVC - Bay Area Nonviolent Communication
  24. 24. This presentation may be downloaded from: The next Midwest opportunity to learn NVC from Marshall B. Rosenberg will be in Madison WI Tuesday, May 01, 2007 - Wednesday, May 02, 2007 "Speaking Peace in a World of Conflict: Conversational Judo with a Heart Connection“
  25. 25. Acknowledgement Most of the material in these slides that are not attributed directly to another author was taken from Marshall B. Rosenberg’s books: Nonviolent Communication: A language of Life, and Speak Peace in a World of Conflict: What You Say Next Will Change Your World.