Ix Chel’s Cure-All Moon Pills
The Goddess of Medicine herself will cure you!
Are those around you sick and in need of help? Do you not know
what sin angered the Gods? Then try Ix Chel’s Cure-All Moon Pills!
These pills are made of the most medicinal herbs that grow in the
jungle around our Mayan civilization. Simply take a single pill once a
day from the convenient small box and grind it with your cornmeal. In
no time, the evil spirits will flee and you will regain your health!
These pills from our Lady Rainbow come in a variety of colors. May Ix
Chel bless you with many children!
The Balam Bug Zapper
The Jaguar Spirit Balam
will never fail to protect your village
with the new Balam Bug Zapper! No
bug will dare enter a milpa protected
by this great guardian. Place one at
each corner of your house, and bugs
and evil spirits will flee from the
presence of the feared Balamob!
MAYA Cuts – The Maize God Haircut
It’s the latest
coolest look! Get the Maize
Show your forehead and your scalp with the new
Maize God Haircut! MAYA Cuts will partly shave
your head and eyebrows leaving only patches of
hair, so you can look like the Maize God today! You
will be the envy of all your neighbors and friends
when you leave looking like a ripened ear of corn!
Children under the age of 3 will receive 2 free
boards to flatten the front and back of their heads.
You’re never too young to look like the Maize God!
The Jaguar Rollercoaster
You will rise to the skies and you will plummet to the ground as you
trace the path of the sun like the Jaguar Sun God! This rollercoaster
will make your stomach churn as you are lifted into the air and fly like
Kinich Ahua, the sun. Your heart will stop when you dive into the
Underworld through the West Door and become the fearsome Jaguar
King! This will be the most incredible experience of your life!
Pom Bubble Gum
It tastes good, it smells good,
and it makes you look good
Your favorite chewing gum can now last
all day with new Pom Bubble Gum! The
scent leaves your breath fragrant and
your mouth copal-minty fresh! The fresh
resin taste will blow you away. “Watch
the bubbles!” and watch your cross-eyed
Come out and chew today!
The five dreaded Uayeb days of our
Mayan Haab calendar will harm you no
more with the Anti-Uayeb Charm
Bracelet! This fine jade bracelet will
protect you with the power of the Gods!
The Ix Chel Moon Charm will chase
away the evil spirits that cause illness.
The Itzam-Yeh Celestial Bird will ensure
your safety from the four corners of the
world. The Hero Twins beads will help
you and your family overcome the forces
of death! The Jaguar Sun God pendant
will make good fortune shine on you!
You will enjoy all 365 Haab days of good
health and good luck with the Anti-Uayeb
The Chac Showerhead
Experience a shower like never before!
Enjoy thunderbolts of water pounding your
body from four Chac Showerheads placed in
the corners of the world you shower in! Our
Rain God will shed his blood to make sure
each drop of water feels like a stone axe!
This cosmic shower was originally available
only to Chac Maya elders before they
performed ceremonies and sacrifices. Now, it
is available to one and all!
The Haab Gym
Do you want the body of a Mayan warrior?
Then follow our daily workout at the Haab Gym,
open 365 days of the year! Develop your
muscles and increase your tolerance for pain
and get ready for the blood – letting ceremony!
Develop a strong chest for the heavy copper
breastplates you will soon be wearing when you
set out to war!
Try the new Haab workout today!