EMPATHY and
ACCEPTANCE
in Design and Community

!@MOR10

One of our many challenges
as human beings
is accepting
you can’t know what it is like
to be someone else

You can’t know
what it’s like to be blind
because you can see…
just like you can’t know
what it’s like to be me
because you’re you.

Traditional Proverb (2004 - 2016)
WordPress is easy!

First-time WordPress user
I don’t understand how to do this.

Long-time WordPress user
I’m reading the instructions,
but I can’t get it to work.

Novice WordPress user
OMG! I feel so stupid!

WordPress is easy!
I don’t understand.
But I think WordPress is easy!
I’m reading the instructions, but I can’t get it to work.
When I learned WordPress, is was easy!
OMG! I feel so stupid!
Me:
User:
Me:
User:
Me:
User:

Traditional Proverb (Cherokee)
Don’t judge a man
until you have walked a mile
in his shoes.

Sometimes
the miles we walk
take different paths.

WordPress used to be easy.
I can’t tell if it still is.

empathy
The feeling that you understand and share
another person's experiences and emotions :
the ability to share someone else's feelings.

A List Apart
http://goo.gl/uurTPk

Nick Kellingley
https://goo.gl/gjPgVC

Fast Company
http://goo.gl/HxIMS1

Zocalo Public Square
http://goo.gl/D9PEVQ

Dear Tech, You Suck at Delight
https://goo.gl/MJjJFM

Slate
http://goo.gl/DIL3uR

Atlas: The Next Generation
https://goo.gl/OA7Ywd

Sympathy Empathy Compassion
Feelings of pity and
sorrow for someone
else’s misfortune.
The ability to
understand and share
the feelings of
another.
A feeling of wanting
to help someone who
is sick, hungry, in
trouble, etc.
“Oh man! That robot
is being bullied! That
sucks!”
“If I tried to pick up a
box, and someone
kept knocking it out
of my hands, I would
feel terrible.”
“If I was there, I’d
help the robot get his
box. And probably
take away that
hockey stick.”

Like everything else that matters,
empathy is complicated.

PillPack
https://goo.gl/Glh0v6

Liftware
https://goo.gl/rLUk28

The Atlantic
http://goo.gl/5s2WVr

Many of the challenges
facing the web community
can be traced back to
uncritical use of empathy.

The web connects and divides us
creating ever wider bridges
crossing ever deeper chasms
between groups.

Empathy assumes shared context

🌍👫👭👬

In our modern world
empathy needs an upgrade.

Empathy
projects our own experiences
onto other people
assuming they are the same.

blind
Unable to see; sightless.
The term “blindness” is used for
complete or nearly complete vision loss.

Cathy Browne
CathyBrowne.com

Cathy Browne
https://goo.gl/YistWJ

Washington Post
https://goo.gl/d7udrE

deaf
Lacking the power of hearing or having impaired hearing.
Profound deafness means the person cannot hear
anything at all; they are unable to detect sound,
even at the highest volume possible.

Nyle DiMarco, winner of
ABC’s Dancing with the Stars
https://goo.gl/uuJN8M

Frank and Earnest, 1982
Ginger Rogers did everything he did,
backwards, and in high heels.

empathy
The feeling that you understand and share another person's experiences and
emotions : the ability to share someone else's feelings.
The imaginative projection of a subjective state
into an object so that the object appears to be
infused with it.

Empathy is our interpretation of the world
through the distorting lens of
privilege and hidden bias.

Dave Walker
http://goo.gl/1mal7e

National Post
http://goo.gl/3hPQIM

Empathy is our interpretation of the world
through the distorting lens of
privilege and hidden bias.

Tom Magliery
https://goo.gl/rosUwU

Empathy is our interpretation of the world
through the distorting lens of
privilege and hidden bias.

“A concerned developer”
https://goo.gl/yoIHSx

Empathy is our interpretation of the world
through the distorting lens of
privilege and hidden bias.

Empathy is our interpretation of the world
through the distorting lens of
privilege and hidden bias.

Everyone has JavaScript, right?

Empathy is our interpretation of the world
through the distorting lens of
privilege and hidden bias.

Empathy projects
our own experiences
onto other people
assuming they are the same.

informed empathy
+
acceptance

Instead of walking a mile
in someone else’s shoes,
join them, and
walk that mile together.

Accept this fact:
We are all different.

Empathy, on its own,
is not a solution.
Empathy is the starting point
for further exploration.

EMPATHY and
ACCEPTANCE
in Design and Community
a “How-To” guide to

reframe | relive | remind
+
accept

Explore the current contexts of your partner
and yourself, and make sure they overlap. If
not, reframe the situation in a context you are
familiar with.
reframe

Science Magazine
http://goo.gl/TglXuh

Missing arm ≈ Sprained wrist
Dyslexia ≈ Movie with subtitles
New WordPress user ≈ Filing taxes
Hamburger icon ≈ Learning road signs

• Explore existing contexts
• Establish shared or analog context
• Imagine or recall similar experiences
• Reframe the situation in a familiar context
• Picture yourself not just standing in their shoes,
but having walked a lifetime in them
Reframe through Association

Microsoft Inclusive Design
https://goo.gl/6Jluxs

Create situations or environments where you
can recreate a similar experience to physically
walk a mile in their shoes.
relive

MIT Age Lab: AGNES
http://goo.gl/ib587b

3pregnantdads.com

Nicola Gavins
https://goo.gl/Dussis

Emil Andersson
https://goo.gl/H3hpnK

• Spend a week without a mouse or touchpad
• Unplug your monitor, use text-to-speech for a day
• Use an old smartphone, Windows, Mac, and Linux
• Read #YesAllWomen, #MaybeHeDoesntHitYou,
#BlackLivesMatter
• Get some friends together and read hateful internet
comments to each other
Relive through Immersion

Remind yourself of your privilege and bias by
documenting your experiences learning a new
skill or taking part in unfamiliar tasks,
situations, or communities.
remind

Sheryl Sandberg on
Mother’s Day 2016
https://goo.gl/iQULYx
“I will never experience
and understand all of
the challenges most
single moms face, but I
understand a lot more
than I did a year ago.”

• Learn an unfamiliar language like Python or
ASP.NET
• Begin quilting, knitting, painting, or calligraphy
• Take ballroom dancing classes
• Try your hand at teaching
• Document your successes and failures
Remind yourself of your Privilege

A Book Apart
https://goo.gl/L9XTOS

accept
To accommodate or reconcile oneself to; to regard as true; believe.
: seek out and listen to the disclosure of
other people, and treat them as true
descriptions of the world.

Michael Hoffman
https://goo.gl/ZGyIQd

Michael Hoffman
https://goo.gl/ZGyIQd
Using “she” and “her” to refer to software
engineers doesn’t come naturally to me,
which is exactly why I try to do it
whenever I can. It’s my hope that doing
so will, however slightly, increase the
chances that someday, when my three-
year-old daughter pictures a
programmer, she sees someone who looks
like her.

• Listen to other people without interruption
• Accept their disclosure as the truth
• Question your immediate response
• Seek common ground
• Expand your horizon of understanding
Accept the reality of Others

Emily McDowell Studio
http://goo.gl/t3U2uU

Emily McDowell Studio
http://goo.gl/t3U2uU

Emily McDowell Studio
http://goo.gl/t3U2uU

On the web,
and in WordPress,
We are the 1%.

reframe | relive | remind
+
accept

I am here.
I am listening.
Let’s walk this mile
together.

EMPATHY and
ACCEPTANCE
in Design and Community